Help scared of re-lapse

Well I found out last night that my husband has been off the morphine for 10 days (11 days today)  but was taking suboxone in small doses until 2 days ago. Should I be upset that he didn't tell me about the suboxone? He had the hot/cold sweats and twitched all night. He woke up this morning and barely had the energy to leave the house.

I'm terrified that he will re-lapse. Should I call him today and check on him and encourage him or should I back off and let him make his own decisions/actions? Does anyone have any recommendations on what you would want your loved ones to do for you in this stage of getting clean?

[liscamdave]

No, I don't think you should be mad at him, he is trying to get clean right?? Suboxone is used to help get off your current DOC. Its typically not used to get high..so I am sure he was just trying to reduce his w.d from the morphine. How much sub was he taking. Sub has a long half life, 24-36 hours, so he may have some withdrawal today and tomorrow. Good luck..and keep us posted..

Lisa

[Cupp78]

Personally, anything my wife said didn't help much.  Except that she loved me, believed in me and would be there if I wanted to talk.  I knew that no matter how much she wanted me to get clean, I had to do it for myself or it would never work.  I tried in the past to do it for my marriage, my son, my mom, etc.  It never worked until I decided that I wanted something better for myself.

[sna103079]

I'm not positive how much suboxone he was taking. I think he said he had 3 pills and he made them last till 2 days ago. I'm not upset that he took them, I'm proud that he is trying to get clean. I have just heard SO MANY lies that when he told me he stopped taking the drugs and I should take him back, he said he hadn't taken anything... he never mentioned the suboxone. So that just makes me wonder what else is he currently lying about. I have seen him go through this so many times and he always re-lapses. But in the past I always looked at it as, it's his decision to make, and I didn't want to know anything about the drugs. But this time I'm really trying to take a different approach and help him rather than resent him. I just want to be a good wife and support him.... I can't sit back again and watch him re-lapse AGAIN, there's just too much at stake this time.

[ochooked]

I am so happy that he didn't stay on the Suboxone --- It is a very addictive drug if taking for very long.  I used it for 21 days and had such horrible W/D's from it.  If he only used it for two or three days, I think he will be alright.  Yes, he is still going to have some problems but please just reassure him of your love and allow him to be very tired and lethargic for a few weeks.  If he is in a pressure situation at home it may lead to his relapse.   He is doing awesome --- I hope you can get him to come on this site and read others posts and share his story.  It will help.  All the best.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

It can be a problem to try and do this as an amateur...He is trying to do just that. One of you needs to be informed about the stuff. This isnt some game of chance. Need to get some learning in the equation. Before he gets a sub habit on top of the MS. I dont think much of sub myself. Way too much like the methadone merry go round. Better than still yielding to an addiction, but not premium. If you call him - just keep it real. No ultimatums and no harrassing. We all want to be loved by those that we are close to. But we dont like nags, regardless. Watch that thin line. Support is different from harrassment. I would welcome a call from the wife out of concern. But sometimes that escalates under the stress of the situation and becomes counter productive. Its not an easy situation. But it is one that can be resolved with some determination. Good luck to you...............

[wannabefree330]

Give him the chance to prove he is making progress.  It is not your place to "prevent' him from relapse.  You have no way of doing that.  Think about the things in this situation you CAN control, and the things you cannot.  Work on what you can, and leave the others alone-they will be worked out by who is responsible for them.  You can change the way you react to situations, people, actions, your boundaries/rules  - what you are willing to tolerate etc.  Give him a few days to recover, and then sit down together and talk about things.  Make him aware of your boundaries, and if you are willing, offer to go to AA/NA or HA meetings with him.  You can both learn at these, and he will see that you support him in recovery, but not in addiction.
We are always here for you, and I commend you for reaching out to those of us who are like him.  He doesn't mean to hurt or frustrate you. When he is using or detoxing, its really out of his control.

[sna103079]

Thanks again everyone, I can't thank you enough and really don't know if I could handle this if I hadn't found this forum! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!

Here's an update (seems sooo much happens in just 24 hours)

I did contact him yesterday mid morning but only sent a text that said "I love u, stay strong" Then around 4:30 I think I had a bit of a re-lapse!

I tried to call him to see if he was home yet, my mom does daycare and she wanted to run errands so I wanted to see if he would pick up the kids so my mom could leave. Well he didn't answer. So of course I start to think the worst. I tried to keep a positive attitude but when an hour had passed and he still wasn't answering the phone or texts I definitely started thinking "here we go again". Around 6:00 when I still heard nothing, and he was in my car, I decided to get someone to watch the kids and get a friend of mine to take me to his normal hangout, not to confront him but to get my car. Well before I left I went home to put the kids to bed and wait for babysitter, around 6:45, my car was in the driveway and I felt like an awful wife because as it turned out he got off work and went to GNC to get the vitamins that I printed for him off this site and he forgot his phone in his work truck and that is why he didn't answer the phone. He had been home and was really sick. I FELT LIKE AN ***HOLE!  

So I apologized for jumping to conclusions and he, even though he didn't need to, apologized to me for worrying me.

He is really sick. The withdraws are terrible. I fixed him a hot bath and sat with him for an hour. He admitted more details to me about his addiction and I just let him talk and didn't respond much. I think he may be able to beat this addiction this time.

He is having a really hard time with the anxiety. I told him about the Thomas Recipe and he said he wants to try it. I'm not sure how I'm going to get valium though. I was really hoping that the vitamins would work with out him having to take another prescription though. Anyone have an advise on this, should he keep trying the vitamins for a while before we try the Thomas Recipe? Or will the anxiety soon fade? He is on day 3 without suboxone and day 14 without morphine.

[Clamity2]

I hope you encourage him to post on this forum. I got clean posting here and with Gods help.
Have you gone to a meeting?  Alanon or narcanon  help familys of alcoholics or addicts.

[sna103079]

We haven't gone to any meetings together. He did attend some meeting several months ago but they don't have any NA meeting around us, we only have AA which is what he attended and he said that he just didn't relate to them. I am looking into alternatives in our area.

Unfortunately we don't have the internet at our house (bills are tight) so he can't get on to post, but I have kept him in the loop on everything that I have learned and I do occasionally print out some of the discussions for him to read. Of course I don't force him to but have them there in case he wants to read them.

[Cupp78]

He is still in the early stages of withdrawl (withdrawal).  The anxiety will be a part of that for a while  I used the amino acid protocol and found that the L-Theanine really helped with the anxiety.  That along with the other aminos and supps helped me get through the physical part a little quicker than normal.  I still struggle today (43 days clean) with anxiety, but it is MUCH less often and is manageable.  I just take a deep breat, pray, and let it pass.  it always passes and rarely last more than 10 minutes.  One thing that was very important for me was to not think about tomorrow.  I had to stop thinking about "Am I going to feel better tomorrow" and "Will this last forever".  I just focused on one minute, one hour, and then one day at a time.  That was the only way I got through the first few weeks.  He can do it and it is awesome your are supporting him through this.  He has every chance to change, but now it is up to him to make that choice for himself.

Good luck and God bless.