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Help w/ DXM damage to my mind
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Help w/ DXM damage to my mind

Can anyone who has abused DXM tell me how they dealt with life after they quit? because im still dealing with the long term effects and i would like to know if anyone can relate and what theyve done to cope with it. any suggestions on my resulting mental state would be appreciated. sorry but this post is very long and thourough. i dont blame you if you dont read it.

howdy. on average i took 24 pills a day to get high. 16 during school and 8 more after when i started coming back to reality again. this went on for 3 or 4 months i think.

first ask yourself why you first started doing it. i first tried it right before i turned 16. i was grounded, but allowed to go hang out at my girlfriends house. i was out of weed so i looked up "easy ways to get high" i found dxm and so i tried a little bit maybe a third of a bottle. when i went to see my girl, everythin was different, the mood, the way we talked, i really liked it.

i didnt keep doing it after that cause id rather spend money on weed. but i knew i found a new drug that i really enjoyed.

but now ask yourself what happened. i mean what was going on in your life or what were you thinking when you started really taking dxm a lot? were you just bored and it was your favorite or using it to escape something? whatever.

my girlfriend ****** one of my best friends and she was my first and i was really attached to her. for several reasons, i was only mad at me, no one else, but i chose to cut everyone i knew off. i was already anti social, but now i was anti social to the extreme where i tried at all costs to avoid people. but now i was anti-social, and depressed. i had never felt this much sadness or self pity or low self confidence ever. i felt like i was doing something wrong, i didnt talk to ANYONE about any of this. i would lie and tell people who asked that i was fine and not upset over the break-up.

So now im stealing and buying bottles and boxes of pills of DXM everyday and stocking up and taking it like candy all the time. it felt good to escape the reality i was in. i wanted to forget so i used dxm because it helped me do that. i wanted to forget the person i was. i had low self image. i didnt like myself or my situation in life in general. i hated everything. And the DXM fed me power i wanted. it fed me happy feelings of well being, self confidence, it made me social, friendly, i really cared about everything more but mostly cared about me being ****** up.

i was so happy to be tripping, the feeling i used to explain to people was this. right as i began to the trips, i described the long arm of dxm reaching down and placing its palm under my brain softly, then lifting it up way into the air forever. it feels like u go up an up and it never stop pulling you up and its great.

one day i was looking up stuff about dxm and its plateaus and ways to get the pure form. and i stumbled on an article about long term effect studys on dxm abusers brains. these effects last even after you quit. the studys were conducted on average users which means people who take 400-1000mg once a week. something called olneys lesions form. microscopic potholes all over your brain. that scared me to death. it also talked about it can ruin your short term memory. it really messes with the part of your brain that functions when your learning something. (yeah, when your trying to learn something, anything, new.) it burns out certain receptors in ur brain and neurons dont fire like they used to. dxm basically puts your mind through a blender if you use it even moderately in higher doses than the label recommends.

anyways i was relieved to find out the damage is mostly reversible. its not entirely permanent. depending on how much you took dxm, it can take 1-4 years after you stop to come back to normal for the most part. during these years youll experience withdrawals. psychosis that can last 1 day up to a month. after i read that article, i quit completely.

my experience has been horible. it took me  months to get over sleepless nights, random cold sweats, muscle twitches all over my body, my depression came back even worse, accompanied with the knowledge that i probably ruined my mental capacity for life. during all this time ive found new things to be depressed or mad at in my life. so much i cant remember everything that contributes to my depression anymore. i believed i would be stuck in this state of mind forever. my outlook on life, my friends, was very bad. i was paranoid that everyone i knew and people at school were constantly plotting against me or talking bad behind my back. i was making up elaborate plans in my head that i thought people had against me. it was crazy. this was all fake.

slowly but surely i realized this isnt the end of the world, id force my self to go be with friends and parents, hoping theyd notice my bad mood and ask whats wrong or just force me to say something at all. and i started talking about what was stuck in my head. i told my parents and several friends about the damage dxm had on me, how i thought i was retarded now, how i quit and what im goin through.

Now that im 19, its 3 years later and i still dont have the greatest memory. i almost didnt graduate highschool because id give up on learning the subject because of how frustrated i got. i simply could not learn in school like i used to. i couldnt remember the lesson from the day before. i used to be 4.0 gpa and get everything in on time or early. dxm abuse has hindered my academic abilities. im glad i graduated though.

my entire personality is different. i used to be real critical and picky and angry towards my friends for the smallest things. now im very laid back and open to most all ideas. im very lazy now, i cant focus like i used to.
i used to try and remember all the reasons for my depression, but i dont stress myself worrying about the reasons anymore. i just forget those problems alltogether. not much bothers me anymore. on the other hand i dont really care about much either. i still get depressed almost all the time for no reason it seems like. it just wont go away. im not dying inside but im not making progress either. i feel like im stuck like this the rest of my life. im just depressed, at times im really sad, and maybe a couple days out of a month im in kind of a good mood. but i just have this haze over my head that follows me everywhere its like i cant think straight ever.

when i talk to people, i dont speak my thoughts right. it takes me a quite some time to figure out the words to say to anyone. ill say something to somebody, and 2 or 3 days later ill realize that i gave them the completely wrong idea or i made it all up, but i didnt mean to do that. im getting very confused just writing this post but im doing my best.

i cant figure out how to move forward. but i tell myself to not get upset about this because thats more stress i dont need. i cant focus, the loss of interest is huge, i cant get out of bed to do anything, even if i dont have work.

nothing positive has come from dxm. i dont know what to do i feel like my mind keeps falling into these holes that take me for ever to dig out of. i cant find my groove you know. i cant be myself entirely, i cant catch that drift i gotta catch ya know. somethings missing, a big part of me isnt familiar anymore. i dont know.
its like im normal one day and i feel like myself is back in its prime and everythings how it should actually be. and then i go back to bein in this daze for weeks.
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15 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm sorry man, that is terrible. I mean, really terrible. Make that 3 drugs I haven't taken. I don't know to much about DXM, other than what I read it does.

It's good you stopped, dang man, you almost have me to tears (and that ain't easy).

Just please stay on this site, you can get help, sometimes especially on fridays, people are not all on. Someone here will have information.

Please, stay here, you will get help.
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1543547_tn?1298436960
I just wanted to say I read your story and I am sorry for all you have gone through. Just wanted to offer any support I may be able to give. I am glad you found this site, as it is a great way to vent or just voice your thoughts. Stick around and keep posting!
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948349_tn?1294383837
Sorry DXM is actually a dissociative drug... and is actually in the same realm of drug classification as Ketamine and PCP.  For the reason that it works so well as a cough suppressant at low doses is the reason why it is made a legal over the counter drug.  But the intent is certainly not to get high off of.  

So it's actually way way up there in terms of permanent damage.  And yes it really does cause as much damage at high doses as PCP and Ketamine do.

Best thing I can say to help you recover... stay clean!  Your mind will get better.  Over time, you might not get to where you could have been had you never done drugs.  But keep on your road to recovery.  That's why addiction is a disease... it's chronic and it progresses.  The only way to stop the progression is to stop the delivery of the drug that is causing it.  

Get yourself on the right path... Exercise and nutrition are huge in a healthy recovery from drug addiction.
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Avatar_m_tn
thankyou i didnt expect any answers really. i didnt expect to find a website to be helpful like this one. i just look up dealing with damage from cough medicine abuse and im grateful i stumbled on this website.

im away from home for close to 3 or 4 months straight now on business working for a company. ive been thinking about diet and exercise but until i get home i have to deal with fast food, junk food, and constant work, not much time for exercise. but for when i get home finally, now im planning on doing diet, trying to find ambition for exercise, and i found a promising nutrient vitamin supplement online. heaven sent nature essentials i think, its a lots of amino acids, hundreds of vitamins and minerals and natural organic stuff, and its all in a liquid. might not taste good but you just take a shot of it in a day. im hoping some of the things i found in the label (theres so much) will aid in helping my memory resurface and giving some energy back to me in general.

staying clean from the stuff will be so easy for me, im sick lately cus i work and its been chilly out and i forget my jacket im so busy sometimes. and i think of the things to do for my cold, when cough syrup crosses my mind right away i wanna gag. i will pass on the stuff unless absolutely necessary.

ill try the diet and exercise. i dont really know where to start but i can start buying good food again when i get home.  ill go back to normal hours for work then, and i have more time to focus on me and get on here more .
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495284_tn?1333897642
I agree with Pin, exercise and nutrition is huge........
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Avatar_m_tn
HI DXM to your generation was like LSD was to mine......except from people I know that have done both say its a dirty trip...never the less I have a son and him and his friends learned how to get the dxm out of the cough surip then the stuff started getting dangerous my son had a couple of really bad trips on it and quit using it....he broke up with his girlfriend became a recluse anti social everything he wasn't he blew a yr in college but finely snapped out of it he has finished school got his degree and is moving into upper management where he works
there is life after DXM ....with time and God you will heal good nutrition plays a big roll
look up the amino acid protacal on the lower right hand side of this screen pick up some of the smino acids at the health food staor and give your brain the food it needs to heal keep posting to let us know how this goes for you good luck and God bless......Gnarly  
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599071_tn?1300072302
Fish oil; fish oil; fish oil.  The omega 3 fatty acid DHA  is the primary structural component of brain tissue. 6 grams of fish oil per day was found to be as effective as prescription anti-psychotics in treating schizophrenia.

Acetyl-l-carnitine, (ALCAR) taken with alpha linoleic acid (ALA), (both are available at GNC) can assist the growth of new neurons.

Our brains are plastic & given the right environment, new growth continues all your life.  New neuronal paths can route around damaged tissue.

Exercise your brain, learn a new skill; do puzzles; there are software  & online programs that are fun to use.  I use Lumosity & you can track your progress & see that you will improve.

Best wishes.
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Avatar_m_tn
I remember when I used to do DXM a lot and use it every day to every other day for a couple months and I used it every 5 days for 3 months prior with lots of weed and bong ripping tobacco because I was alone and going through a traumatic event. I became hooked because it cured my depression and it felt almost like MDMA. I then had a bad stimulant crash at the end of my last DXM trip when I used DXM with a ton of intranasal MDMA and the next day I mixed my newly prescribed Vyvanse with some good *** coke.......the high was un real. It was 10x better than coke alone. The crash f*cked me up and I had to re-learn to live life while dealing with full blown coke cravings that I gave into by using my Vyvanse. I took supplements and exercised and took Piracetam and my cognition has vastly improved and I am off all drugs except Vyvanse which I actually need. I don't feel any addictive feelings for DXM or MDMA anymore. Life is amazing now and all my depression is gone and my social anxiety is cured. The coke/vyvanse combo woke me up from DXM LaLa land. DXM made me so anti-socail. Thank goodness I crashed and established new neural pathways and have completely forgotten about DXM because the vyvanse/coke hijacked my thinking. All I want now is some acid and shrooms for musical euphoria which I love. I love acid because it is a test of your emotions. One time I had a bad trip on a high dose of acid and experienced psychosis and freaked out (probably from my dxm f*cked up mind). Basically, cops showed up at my dorm complex and I was convinced they were in my room (they were not) and everything I became unreal paranoid. I mean, there was coke in my dorm room and a razor laying out (It wasn't mine so I was kinda pissed lol). I then thought about everything at 1100 mph and I had a body high of fear and when I got back into my room, I literally was convinced the police were going to come in. DXM can cause wierd **** in acid trips when u take it on a regular basis! I've done more LSD than that (before I used DXM) and didn't experience as nearly as a crazy mind f*ck trip even though the visuals were unreal at 1200 micrograms. Thank goodness I realized I was creating my reality and the police were not going to come in. I am glad I wasn't one of the people that went past 300mg daily. I was always comfortable with every trip and every one felt the same and never lost its magic for euphoria. DXM has a cross tolerance to Ketamine. I tried Ketamine and it was a little more dissociative than 300mg of DXM but it was a lot less euphoric. DXM is honestly one of the best drugs ever just due to the fact its legal and feels awesome and it makes life seem like a trip. Thank goodness I quit. IDK if I had a withdraw from DXM because the vyvanse/coke crash probably hid it lol. ONE THING I FORGOT TO ADD, I was depressed because I used to be a swimmer and I was used to working out REALLY F*CKING HARD and I pretty much went from that to not exercising at all. Once I ran for the first time in a year, my weed consumption plummeted because I didn't feel the need to smoke it anymore even tho I still do just for sh*ts and giggles. It seems as if I was substituting exercise for drugs hahahaha. I have 100% recovered from DXM and all drug use. I quit conveniently before the city I live in stopped selling the robo gels lol. I am glad that I feel 100% with no drugs.......except Vyvanse because it makes me normal and I have problem with dopamine because my elementary school made me physically dependent on stimulants because I was hyperactive as a kid and emotionally unstable from switching schools. Basically the school made me take Adderall (adderrall) and that made me A LOT more hyper and bad behaving and the stupid teachers thought that more medication would make me better. I cry just thinking about all the horrible things my 7-11 year old brain went through. I mean 7 year olds shouldn't be given speed under any circumstance......even if the teacher is too much of a fatass loser ***** to deal with me. And then I got on Ritalin and then Concerta and that actually helped because it turned me into a slave. I developed severe social anxiety from all the trauma and bullying in elementary school. I couldn't make one friend in high school because I was so unreal anxious and high on Concerta (I wasn't even aware I was high but everyone else was! LOL). I remember my senior year I was taking 2 54mg pills.........I had no idea at the time it was a bad stimulant. I currently can get REALLY high from 2 54mg pills. I used to need 2 54mg pills just to be normal. I remember one time I had to take one during a trip because I was losing motor control and going thru a withdrawal and a guy I was tripping with got mad because he said I was doing too many drugs and being abusive but at the time I had the messed up perception that the Concerta was me and that without it I wasn't me. Basically, I thought the withdrawal was the real me for a long time. My childhood was really messed up....I about to take a rip. Talking about my drug history has made me angry but its a relief just getting things out lol.


So, for DXM recovery, use Alpha Lipoic Acid, Acetyl L-Carnatine, Piracetam, and other neurohealthy stuff because it worked for me.
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Avatar_m_tn
Also work out because IMO it helps heal ur brain.
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Avatar_m_tn
look up my post dude. anyways youll be just fine. I understand how you are "stuck" ive been there because of dxm. first of all i said this before on here (your brain is a jigsaw puzzle all put together, DXM does the nice job of scrambling all the pieces up) considering it's your brain,YOU have to put the pieces back together.
I know this sounds radical but really search for the good that came out of this experience and dont regret it, its gonna build you into the person you were supposed to be.
Your personality will come back with time trust me, i kept thinking ill never be the kid i remembered being but thats bull ****, wait and see.
Next step DONT take any meds, even if the doctor perscribes them, like anti-depressants or anything unless its NECESSARY for your survival because legal or not they are ALL drugs.
Next you must exercise and eat right, i promise this will work wonders for you. plenty of water, water IS life.
Next, you should find a friend in jesus, dont be a jesus freak but be content and know who he is, he is the key to everything. With him, everything you thought to be lost, will be found again.
Next, do NOT be negative, you have to see the positive in everyday life, it rubs off onto others

all the bad choices we make as humans turn to experiences, all the experiences turn to knowledge. Knowledge is Power

now as far as permanent damage? I dont agree one bit, the human brain is definitely a masterpiece.
What you did damage was your soul.

You dont have to "cope" with anything you dont like.
all you did was scramble your brain up, now to pay the price and put it back together.

If you are really struggling, listen to what ive said.
You'll find yourself again and your soul.






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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am going to print your post and read it every day...I'm bipolar, and always looking for ways to self-medicate.  This abuse has reduced me to stealing, and that alone scares me.  I see my doctors, but I have to stop.  I have before, for a few weeks, but my depression hits me hard, then.  Deep, deep hole.  I already exercise and try to always eat healthily (thankfully, my psych doctors have always told me to keep it up despite the fact that my bipolar depression is very treatment-resistant, because I could be in even WORSE shape if I didn't).
Maybe I'll always be depressed, but abusing meds are definitely not keeping me sane, either.
Thank you again - I see a future, maybe.
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Avatar_f_tn
You sound a lot like me.. Though I am a little older, and did much more dxm in pill form than most could ever imagine...

I started doing CCC at 15, my evil ex gf gave me ten of those at first (if I knew, I would have at least started with 3 of 4) I began to drink Tussin and take more of CCC regularly. I had a friend who grew the most potent mushrooms in the world, out of his closest... I'd even chase my depressed shroom come-downs with dxm. I too was very depressed, and I too loved how its a dissociative... That it makes you forget. Soon I started to get my closest friends into it. When I was 17 my boyfriend who was 14 yrs older than me even started to do it. At 18, I was so out there, I became an exotic go-go dancer (not a stripper). One day as I'm strolling through my local dollar store, I notice they have the generic CCC on the shelf... for a dollar a piece?! So being that I definitely had money, I'll try to buy everything on the shelf. Success! And sense I was such an attractive, social charmer at that time, I even was able to order a CASE of 500.....ON SERVERAL OCCASIONS. My closet was stocked, I soon didn't have enough space.. so I had my boyfriend and girlfriends help me take them out of the package. I filled candy bowls and tin lunchboxes full of CCC pills. I'm sure without much explanation, you get the idea of the ammount of dxm I had taken. I would run out of my cases. I would have CCC parties and handfuls a plenty.. Not only was I taking DXM, I was taking the other sh*t they put in CCC too. That stuff is supposed to be even worse.

This whole time ^^ , mind you.. I did NOT go to school. I switched schools, skipped, would go in after lunch time.. and finally made it to 16 for my guardian to sign me out. You really can't see eye to eye with people who don't trip.. and you really can't learn on that sh*t.

Other drugs I did excessively was cocaine and mushrooms. Then a little E, K and LSD..

Before I took CCC, I dressed very "freaky" (multi-colored hair, black lipstick, crazy outfits).. so I can't say CCC made me weird, but it definitely took it to a whole other level. Clothes to offend, little girls clothes.. I would even use markers for makeup :/

I was a very nice girl became possessed by they red devil pills, who was misunderstood, always saying things that didn't make sense to other people, always with that crazy blank stare, but in full on conversation you probably couldn't comprehend. I liked knives and psychotic things and people. People couldn't talk to me if I had a knife in my hand, because they seriously thought I wanted to stab them. (I didn't, at all)

My mom and family tried to get me institutionalized or seen by a doctor on multiple occasions. I fooled everyone that I was a completely normal teenager, and I was on my way.. or I fled the scene at just the right time..

When I was 20 I became homeless and could not buy any CCC. I have relapsed, but never stuck to it... Just the clank of any pills makes my stomach turn to knots and nausea sets in. The thought of cherry flavor makes me cringe..

I'm 26 and just in the past couple yrs lost my 2 old besties. From what they get out of it is that they think I am crazy, and are resentful because they are or were once addicted to CCC... they blame me. But they also thought everyone was out to get them, including me, making up plots, being way more paranoid than I ever got..

My short term memory is shot. I have psychotic out bursts, then forget them. I feel like I have multiple personalities. Sometimes I feel like I'm posessed by a demon, who makes me say the most terrible things to my loved ones. Who constantly tells me how terrible and disgusting I am. Makes me eat. My depression is deep. My anxiety runs wild in the "real" world. I won't leave my house for days on end... I live in the shadows. Nothing shocks me. I'm lazy. I can't keep motivation, stay organized. I too have lost all interest, feel stuck.. and even realize still I say the wrong thing and give the wrong impression. My mind still feels a little scrambled.

I'm going for my GED 3/1 and I'm very nervous. Everyone says I can do it.. but I just don't think they know what I did to my brain. I am far from stupid, have confidence I will get out of this lazy, hazey slump after winter... And I'm starting with my GED.

After reading your story, I do believe this is the last effects of my DXM nightmare. I do believe now if I stay off it forever, I will start going back to a more stable thought pattern..

Though my depression is much deeper, my life is starting on the right path. I have the best people in my life and will be meeting more and more every year. I love my life and my lifes goals and plans. I am excited for a dxm-free existence...

Thank you. Peace and love.
-Rain
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Avatar_f_tn
WOW Rain, What a journey you've been on with this med. It sounds like you are really ready to turn your life around and be drug free.Are you currently free of DXM? As you know it does take awhile for the brain to heal and each day off the drugs is a day your mind and body are getting back to normal. Do you have the support of a Dr. or family that is helping? You may want to post your  story on a new thread as this is an old one and may get overlooked. Life drug free is amazing, takes work but soooooo well worth it. Keep posting.
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Avatar_m_tn
I want to say , that i have just quit doing DXM after doing it for over 3 years, every day..at VERY high dosages...i had multiple seizures from overdosing ...If  you need someone to talk to about it that can help, im your man...Email me if you want to talk about it...I just happened to stumble upon this post and saw this!..my email is ***@****
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Avatar_m_tn
I've been an addict for over two years now and am finally serious about getting sober and getting my life back. The original poster's story and the subsequent comments are really giving me hope. If any of you can post updates about your recovery it would be incredibly helpful.
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