Help!

I have detoxed to almost nothing by tapering but try to to a valium to help me sleep, well it never works.  Last night, I had the worst, worst, worst jitters in my whole body that I was in tortue. I couldn't breathe. It was restless legs all over my body.  I could not bear it so I took a 10 oxy at 3 am and just woke up at 9 am with small jitters again. What the hell is going on?  I checked for symptoms of diabetes and other things and I am ok plus my checkups at the dr.s show  I am healthy but seriously, what can I do.  Hot baths only help temporarily.  Actually if I sit versus lay down it is a little better. I have been walking 2 hours a day to try to tire my body. I guess today I will try walking for 3 hours, but I am scared. anybody ever go through this.  Does it ever end?

[texaslady68]

Hi.  yes, I had to deal with that, but I fought through it.  It ***** and you will go about 4 or 5 days without much sleep.  You need to go get bananas which have protein that will help with the restlessness.  They also sell drinks and food bars that are high in protein,  These will help you.  Every time you take a pill, it kind of resets your withdrawal clock.  You should decide when you are going to just jump off and go for it.

Good luck!

[shilohpeace]

thank you.  today was ok, but i am starting the same kind of seizing feelings again already for the nighttime only? So strange.

[ricart70]

It will end when you quit taking oxies and stay quit for a while

[IwillDoThis]

I'm detoxing off hydro and experencing the same thing, nights are worse.  The Bananas have potassium which helps with the restless leg thing or a potassium supplement.  I tried a homeopathic restless leg remedy I got at Walgreens last night which seemed to make it worse.  You just gotta kick your legs and get through it.  The first two days I spent most of the day in the shower which helps - if you have to take a shower once an hour to get relief, do it.  Remember every time you take a pill, 1/2 a pill to ease your symptoms you are prolonging this horrible feeling.  Just stop and suffer through it and it will stop - my legs are starting already tonight.  Hang in there and tough it out, it will be worth it.  I don't ever want to feel this way again.

[shilohpeace]

I feel so weak because it is such torture.  I couldn't bear it again last night. It got to the point where I was hitting my legs with a rubber hammer, keeping them propped up.. but can't feel comfortable. don't like the feeling of any sheet or blanket, even high count cotton = freeze one minute, sweating the next.  feel so much better when I take a little bit of oxycodone. I am not taking any oxys at all.  I'm scared. It is torture. I made pancakes filled with protein powder and crushed bananas so I could microwave them and eat them. I take potassium supplements.  I try deep breating exercises.  I was wondering - do any of you have anybody to hold you when going through this and does that help.  I am almost thinking of asking a friend of mine if he will come and hold me through the night, nothing sexual.  I am so scared I am not going to make it through this last hurdle.  I read about benzos and I am stopping with the klonopin. the valium does nothing so i am stopping with that too. I read that benzos destroy all chances of real sleep, i.e. REM. so right now, the only drug I am taking is a litle bit of percocet throughout the day and also during the night. It would seem I am so close.  Maybe I should drive to warm mineral springs in florida and stay in the springs. maybe that will help me. how do people in rehab get through this - oh that is right, they give you suboxone and other drugs and such. I want to be drug free. It was so bad the night before last that I thought, with the chronic pain disease and going through the effort to get off the drugs the doctor prescribed to me to help with that.. that I would rather die.  I won't do anything stupid because I have read a lot about the afterlife and I don't think we escape our problems if we check out. But I was that miserable.  thank you for listening.

[IwillDoThis]

shilo - you are prolonging your suffering EVERY time you take an oxy, percocet anything.  You are resetting the clock on your torture - no matter how bad it gets you've got to remember that (depending on how heavy your use) it's going to only be a couple days of real hell once you jump off.  For the legs I take showers, I started rubbing aspercreme on mine at night which has seemed to help, potassium but they still kick.  My bf would roll over and just hold me when it got bad.  It sounds like you need to get your pills out of the house so you can force yourself through this.  I got started with all of this due to a chronic pain issue as well so I know how scary this is but my pain meds no longer worked for me and I was still in pain, my life was being ruled by making sure I took my meds, had my meds only to still have pain - I didn't want to live that way.  Thats a little of where I'm coming from.  I feel the pain in your posts - just know you are resetting the clock on yourself each time you take something.  Please get some support to help you thorugh this, don't do it alone.  Hang in there.

[shilohpeace]

thanks. it is good advice.  I don't want to do it alone but I am single so Ican't exactly go on the internet dating site and say will someone please come hold me while I go through detox torture.  (lol)...

I am taking like 1/4 of a 10-325 percocet when it becomes unbearable so I am resetting the clock like you said, but not nearly as much as I was taking before.  I just have to prepare myself mentally for the jumping off part.

It is hard for me to believe that it will only be 2 or 3 days... I so want to believe that but even the thought of that torture of 2 days is a lot but I am pretty determined. I am still on prescribed meds and have a whole bottle of oxycontins and I have not touched them for over a month so that is good.

[lulu747]

Shiloh...
Hold yourself...Hang on girl.  The others are right-you are prolonging the misery.  It will only be this bad for a couple of days and the only way out is through it.  Listen to music, pray, wail, do whatever you need to do but don't use.  Get rid of those pills-your addicted brain is so powerful...It amplifies the physical suffering, will do anything to make you think you need them.  You have to really want your life back.  You are worth it.
Lu

[IwillDoThis]

I love that you still have a sense of humor through this - you mentioned a friend you could call that's why I suggested it, it helps not to feel alone, even if it is just this board you are reaching out so that's good, keep doing it. But you are right, I guess you cannot go on withdrawmatch.com. THINKING about jumping off is just adding more torture to the mix, I seriously didn't know I was jumping off until I did it - I got mad that I had allowed myself to take these meds for so long, I was in pain and scared for so long and then got mad that I felt like they were ruling my life, the schedule of taking them, had I taken them?, OMG I left the house without them - I swear I panicked a few weeks ago and then I knew I was probably in trouble.  Whenever you jump off, just have the strength not to resist taking them cuz I KNEW I would feel better, with just 1/2 a little pill thats all but I also knew it was just gonna prolong was I was going through.  Hang in there Shiloh.  You can do it, you are worth it.

[justme1119]

I remember a post about someone saying they wrapped themselves up in a blanket, kind of like swaddling a baby.  You might could do that to your legs.  I dunno, it might work.  I didn't have the bad restless legs, or diharia, ( can never spell that word, or alcohol) ( wait, I must have learned to spell alcohol, cause I just spelled it!)  And yes, do it now.  I have no idea what your situation is, if you get it from doctor or other.  Eventually something will run out...your money, your doctor's patience, your life, your husband, your wife.  Like someone said, it only ends badly.  Do it while you are still in control!

[howlingshadow]

for RLS try wrapping your legs with ace bandages. Also take epsome salt baths, for cold n flu symptoms I took over the counter meds w/night time ingredients. Also take 5 hour energy I have no idea how it helped but it did. Forget sleep I was only on ultram and I did not sleep for almost two weeks. losing yourself in a good movie helps some, nothing will help completely. YELL scream and cry but dont go back to it. I found that 5htp and meletonin made the rls worse, so wait for that a couple days.

[shilohpeace]

Lord, thank you so much everyone for writing back to me.  I need this support so badly.  I need to be told directly that I just have to frickin get through it and that there is life on the other side that is bearable and it won't last forever.  I think my fear is holding me back more than anything.   I am prescribed the drugs legitimately because I have an almost titanium arm and my hand doesn't function but like you understand above... I panick if I have left the house without the pills. It turns you into an addict.. My doctor calls it dependent but it is the same thing.  The drugs have ruined my relationships and life.. Sometimes I don't even remember what I did or what i ordered online and my tolerance with people like authority figures at work was non existent.  But that probably won't change when I get off these things.   I don't like fake people which the corporate world seems filled with...thank you again. Please don't leave me.  I will keep you posted. I think my jumping off will start next week.  by the way, I did try the ace bandages and that really does help. thank you. love and peace. Shiloh

[lulu747]

Shiloh...
I was thinking about you, and am glad you posted.  You are right about the fear.  The fear of the process is much worst than the process itself.  It's good that you are being honest with yourself about your addiction.  I was prescribed my meds for chronic pain and illness and it took me a long time to realize I was an addict and not just dependent.  It was only when I had this realization and jumped off the meds that my life began to change.

Recovery is a process and definitely hard work...But so worth it.  The pills are a dead end.  It is important to have an alternative pain management plan in place.  Please speak with your doctor about this.  I can suggest a variety of holistic options that have truly worked for me.
Life on the other side is much more than just bearable.  Once you are free from the pills you will find yourself again...And the more clean time you have behind you, the better and brighter your future will be.  Trust me.  You are worth it, Shiloh, your life is worth it....
Keep posting...
Lu

[kyle505]

Shiloh:
You should realize, if you haven't already, that you are doing something that is important for you, something that you should be proud of, and something that most people never experience. My doc told me this, and it applies to you, "very few individuals will admit that they have a problem, and fewer still will ever do anything about it".  Lulu's point about fearing the process being worse than the detox itself is spot on. You will discover that your head will talk to you because it wants the drug...especially in the early days of withdrawal. Ride it out, get through about three or four days and you'll start feeling better. And it gets better every day - that is a promise. If someone had told me (and actually several people on this forum did) during my day 3 of ct detox that I'd be as happy and feel as good as I do now, I would have called them a lier.   Keep posing - we're here for you.

[IwillDoThis]

Shiloh - glad to see you posting and staying with this.  Just know once you get past the worst of it, it gets a little better every day.  I'm not having any luck helping my restless legs either, will try the ace bandage thing and like howlingshadow said, at least for me melatonin and other stuff have made it worse.  Hunker down, dig in and you CAN do this, you WILL do this.  Sending you big hugs.  Life with pills is no real life.

[IwillDoThis]

How you doin hon?  Just checking on you.

[shilohpeace]

I am doing ok right now.  But I am preparing myself for the jumping off part next weekend.  I have to tell the people I am working for that I am taking at least a week off and plan things... it is going to be the hardest thing I have ever been through because I have already had a taste of the torture and I couldn't bear it.  The torture for me was really the worst during the night when I was trying to sleep and couldn't and didn't know what to do with myself but like someone here pointed out, I just need to scream, take another hot shower or bubble bath, wrap my legs, do what I have to.  Gosh... maybe I should order a blow up doll to hold onto??  Or a big teddy bear or something like that.  Blessings. I will keep you posted.

[shilohpeace]

All I can do when I am like that is watch tv.  I have a bunch of movies on vhs that I got for 50.00 on ebay.  some really good movies.  But that is all I have. I know depression is expected.. I have some prozac ready just in case but I dont' like the feeling prozac gives me either so I may just have to start digging deep and trying to cry out any emotional pain.  Once when I was in my 20s, I cried for about 24 hours (with my boyfriend holding me) because I had had such a horrible childhood and it just came out.... and guess what.. the next day after I released it like that, the world was so beautiful to me.  I have never experienced a more beautiful aware day since.. so I need to cry out the emotional pain and hold onto a teddy bear? Thank you guys so much!  Anybody watching the Super Bowl. I can't wait to see what Madonna does - there has been so much build up.  I love you guys.

[IwillDoThis]

I have a feeling we will both be "feeling" things we haven't felt in a long time complete with all those unpleasant memories that we tuck away because they are too painful to deal with.  Cry and then cry a little more, get it out.  My yoga breathing has helped a lot when I thought I would go crazy at night and I agree with you nights are the worse - some I sleep, some I don't.  Alright forcing myself out to take a quick walk around the block - ugh.  Keeping walking hon, one foot in front of the other.

[shilohpeace]

Just saw on television by two doctors that it takes at least 1 year and up to 2 years for your brain to heal after being on opiates for years.  Wow - they should ban these drugs (truly) from prescription, etc.

[ricart70]

THat is probably true but just give it thirty days and you will feel 100% better.Give it 60 days and you will think those docs are lying because you will feel and function at near 100%    You just have to do it.Then you will know.You can do it!

[ImDONENoMore]

It almost seems like that applies more to benzos than opiates.  I know the recovery for my benzo abuse lasted much longer than the opiate withdrawal.  Both were bad, don't get me wrong, but the benzos were trickier, definitely, at least for me and lasted so much longer.

[LostNoMore]

Shilo. I was on Oxys/hydros/percs for almost a year. 60 to 70 mg every day, sometimes more, NEVER less. I'm at 25 days today and I feel WAY better than I did at 10 days, and I felt pretty good at 10 days!!  We all have our own W/D and detox experiences. For me the fear of the W/D ended up being worse than the symptoms. No matter how it goes for you, don't give in.
Stay clean and each day will get better. Good luck.

[shilohpeace]

thank you. God thank you for anything positive right now. Aftter I heard that, I gave up. Of course, I had gone to see my pain doctor who is on the up and up according to all certifieds, his practice, etc. And he looked and me and said what do you want? Anything you want and I will tell you when someone is "dependent' or "addicted" and someone says that to you, you don't think straight... and so I am still on prescribed medicine.  Dear God, please help me.  I'm sorry to be a downer.  I just have to get myself on track again and everytime I do this I am so sick I can't bear it and the thought of it taking 1 or 2 years to heal is just unbearable. So I am going to take your advice and count on at least 30 or 60 days.  Blessings and thank you all for any positive input.

[Star318]

I am on day 4 of Detox, I went 2 days cold Turkey and then went to a clinic and was prescribed Suboxone. I am feeling much better. I am doing this with my husband. We are both opiate addicts. We have a plan and are going to stick with it. Each minute, each day is a struggle and a success at the same time. Aftercare is very important as well. Just have a plan, write it down and stick with it.

[Star318]

Benadryl helped us to sleep through the RLS.

[bama88]

shiloh..i just read your thread...are you back on rhe meds again? what did you get yesterday? are you really ready to stop...or do you want to take the meds as prescribed? im defiantly not judging...just trying to help bu asking....tell me what YOU to do? please.

[ricart70]

shiloh,It only took me 20 days and I was on a very high dose of oxy  upwards of 200 mgs a day so don't make this any harder in your mind than it is.Don't try to convince yourself you can't because if you were stranded on an island and had no access you would quit and be fine in less than 30 days.Maybe not fine but good enough not to want to go back.Don't give up.

[shilohpeace]

Hi everyone who posted. Yes, for the past 2 weeks, I went back on the meds again.  I want to stop.  I feel so weak minded.  When I go back on the meds, I feel decent and can accomplish things like taking care of myself and exercising..and taking care of my yard and house and working.  When I detox, I can't hardly even think.  I do believe it is my fear that is holding me back.  I have tried at least 4 times in the past and I can't bear being sick for weeks.  I need to get my brain in the right place that there is some sort of relief on the other side.  I'm sorry if i let anyone down, including myself. I want my old life back where I am not dependent on any prescribed meds. I have a legitimate disease according to my doctor. he told me he had never seen a worse bone break in his career.  It knocked my hand off and the titanium plate goes into the bottom part of my hand.  so my doctor thinks this is all well and good to have this pain medicine although I do think he was starting to back down at one point with all the bad press coming out about oxycontin prescriptions. It was so weird when the surgeon after he installed my titanium plate and I went for a six week follow up and the surgeon looked at my hand which was frozen in a salute and the surgeon turned white. The surgeon later told me he was so upset he went out drinking that night.  The surgeon told me I had RSD and I had no idea what it was. I ended up going for 1.5 years of physical therapy to get some range of motion in my wrist and I still can't move my fingers well (but I can type). I think the cause of it was that they wrapped my wrist so tight after surgery that I could not move my fingers and immobility of any limb is horrible.  Anyway, I had no idea what RSD was, I didn't ask for it, and they sent me to the RSD specialist who turns out to be a pain clinic doctor and he started prescribing all this pain medicine. I never asked for it and I thought I was doing the right thing by taking the medicine because the doctor told me too. He even had me on both neurontin and oxys and percocet all at once and I was a zombie for a long time.

I have to shut down again and try again. It seems I have ended all my friendships because I can't participate with them. So this is kind of my life line if I want to get through it.  Thanks for listening. I will log on again tomorrow if I can.

[shilohpeace]

Thanks Ricart. Yes, that is a very high dosage of oxys. I am now on 30 mgs. a day with percocet as a breakthrough (10-325s 3 times a day).  The doctor gave me ambien last time to sleep and also clonidine to help with blood pressure. I am glad to have the clonidine.  I have been successful in the past of going off the oxys so I think I will be successful going off the oxys but I have never been able to go off the percocets.  I am going to try, try, try.  If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again.  I wish I had a doctor who said to me, I want to do everything I can to help you get off these drugs, but the thing is I know it is up to me. It is up to me. It is up to me. We all need some kind of love in our lives to help us think we are worthy, however.