Here I go again....

[devisatedandscared]

I had a horrible experience with hydro....had to go cold turkey by myself in the midst of losing my longterm job my home everything. I was clean for along time and then well I lost control. My dr is happy to fill my script every month for 120 tabs...and that's not enough. I've spent thousands of dollars.....Im trying desperately to stop this cycle, I reached out for help with a program ran thru the county and it was ridiculous. I'm not going to have to pee in front of someone and have them evaluate the stream for counseling. That's just too much for me. I just don't know what to do.
I just began a new job...and I'm tapering fast, feeling terrible. Wd is so scary. As some if you know what I went thru last time. I literally looked up how long it would take to die in the garage with the car on. I need some advice/ support from my old friends....

[devisatedandscared]

I guess this is day 5. I feel alot better, still weak and sluggish. I sent my bf to get the lthrosine..I've taken it 2 times. Should I take 4 tabs? I've only taken 2. Thank you guys for all your support!! I feel like I'm really going to do this...the clarity is a but scary for me, as I've pushed many feeling away in that pill vile. But I'm determined to get real help once and for all!!!! I can do this!!!

[gnarly_1]

Hi...well I remember you  good to see you although I wish it where on better terms....well how much are you taking now??? we can help you do a home detox..  as always we still do them every day around here  so pick up the epsom salt  a case of gatoraid  some ez meals for 5 days and some funny movies to watch will up all night  pick up some amodium for the bathroom issues and some highland restfull legs for the rls......now the big question is how did this happen????  for most it boils down to aftercare....for this addict N/A has been the magic bullet it is free the meetings are only a hour long and will give you some place to share that is safe and the people will understand.....they wont ask you to **** in a glass ether  if your honest with yourself the progam will work for all these that work it....I been clean a wile now and still hit 3 to 4 meetings a week   it is still less effort the using 24/7...just know where still here for you we dont shoot our wounded keep posting for support
...................................Gnarly.......................................

[Dee1956]

Gnarly, so nice of you. "We don't shoot our wounded"  That is so nice.  (this post came up in related posts in CL)

[gnarly_1]

Hi...well congrats on day 3 your doing great  just hang in there in a couple of days the phyical part will be over....as for the meetings there all different times just google a N/A meeting near you...what your doing is going to impact your whole life....you will have clarity and your mind will get sharp again....just know recovery comes in baby steps... how are you sleeping ????   that part was really hard for me...  that and the ''energy crash'' ...it will get better with time....the meetings are the single best thing you can do for your recovery most people feel right at home for the first time in there life....my wife was a great supporter wile going threw this however she still had that deer in the headlight stare that ''normies'' get...no mater how hard they try to understand only another addict can....I feel we open up parts of our brain that God never intended we open...you have been a real trooper threw this and with  a progam of recovery you can have a amazing life....there is life after the drugs stop and we will be here to guild you there the process....well it is suday morning so im off to church I will check back with you later  we have one of our grandchildren coming over today  it is great to enjoy them with clarity   as always keep posting for support
..........................................Gnarly.......................................

[dominosarah]

Google meetings in your area.  We have some around here that start at 8.  Try to get up and move around today.  Limit caffeine as that can affect the anxiety.  Ltyrosine is a good supplement to have around.  Thanks Dee for reminding me of that one!

Congrats on 3 days clean!!  This is a huge accomplishment so keep it going~

[Dee1956]

Thanks Sarah, I still take the l'tyrosine and have added an acetyl n l'tyrosine.  It is supposed to help more.  I wasn't sure so I am taking one of each every morning :)

[devisatedandscared]

Thank you all so much, I had a terrible night, but today is day 3 so I know it's the worst and I'll start to at least feel better physically anyways. I'm going to definitely look into a meeting. When I went to the other place that was so not helpful. They said I could go for a one on one counseling if I pass certain criteria..with a drug counselor and a trauma counseler. I think that is the best path if I can work it into my schedule. I don't even get home till 730..anyone know how late meetings are?

[dominosarah]

This part is only temporary.  Monday you will be feeling better.  Stay close to the forum as we have your back~

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl.....your doing great even if it dont feel like it....you really need to dig deep down inside to do this.....keep telling yourself that it is only temporary.....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!! we have all been there and every hour is a victory...just know this is going to be the best gift you can give your kids.....I prayed a lot for God to give me the strength to get threw it and feel it helped.... just know it will be so so worth it and the first victory will be in a few more days...we will help you help yourself....keep posting for support where all here for you
........................................Gnarly.................................................

[jifmoc]

Hey girl, listen. You KNOW the drill. You've been here before. You can get through this. But, you'll be back here again if you don't do it differently this time. Are you willing to go right into meetings?

[devisatedandscared]

This is intolerable at this point. It just goes to show you how much these little pills do to your body. If not taking one for two days makes you want to jump off the golden gate bridge. I'm shaking, the anxiety is a as bad as it can get, sweating..can barely get up to use the bathroom. I feel like I can't do this. But I want to break free again so bad, for me, for my kids, for my career and my future. I live in such a numb state all the time telling myself I'm happy. When I know the root of all this is trauma and abuse that I'm trying to avoid dealing with. Please help me get thru these days of terror.

[devisatedandscared]

Domino...ugh I don't know...I have to go to work Monday. I was really hoping the Wd wouldn't be as bad as the last time, as I'm ready and willing, and don't have the stress factors that I did. But here is to day 2. Still alive.

[dominosarah]

I know you feel bad and it suks.  Try to take some deep cleansing breaths.  Go outside if you can and walk around the house or sit in the sun if it is shining.  You are going to have to force yourself to move but it will help.  You are doing a really good thing here by cleaning up.  The wd's are only temporary~

[devisatedandscared]

I'm really trying. I feel so bad. The anxiety is making me believe I'm actually having a heart attack...no energy at all.

[dominosarah]

Wd's affect the whole entire body.  There wasnt one thing on me that didnt hurt.  I found soaking in the tub helpful.  You will get thru this.  Stay strong, you can do this~

[devisatedandscared]

Yes, I'm definitely ready to do anything. I'm so tired of these pills running and ruining my life. It all began in July I tore my acl, and broke a bone in my leg (ouch) and of course was prescribed wonder drugs that made me feel wonderful...the amounts I wanted to take slowly crept up, even against my better knowledge I knew this road very well. But I did have to get thru the day...as I have a full time job. And story over...got back to my old ways in a hurry...thank god I have no access to rx pads at my new job..not that calling one in didn't cross my mind. Omg after all I went thru. Well friends addiction is no joke. I feel like absolute hell right now, but I'm thankful my situation is not as dire as the last. The worst is I feel something is buzzing and crawling in my shoulders...anyone know what that is? It's like restless leg in my arm. Oh its so bad I wish I could just chop my arm off.

[Dee1956]

Hi I am so sorry to hear how bad you are feeling.  The others on here are experts however I wonder, is there a way to wean down?  Or is that frowned upon?  After I treated with chemo I felt awful.  I found that L'Tyrosine helped me with the blues.  It is supposed to boost your dopamine levels which are the feel good chemicals in your brain.  Good luck to you, Dee

[dominosarah]

You need to get real honest with yourself and then tell your doctor about your addiction.  Set yourself up for success.  You are worth fighting for~

[jifmoc]

Oh girl, this is exhausting isn't it? Glad you are still w/ us, though. I'm sure you KNOW what the peeps here are going to say. Are you done? Are you so sick and tired of this life that you are willing to do anything? Are you ready and willing to get into aftercare asap and do what they say?