Aa
Here I go again
I'm back again...don't know if any of you remember me, but here I am, still struggling with this stupid addiction. It's been 24 hours since I took my last pill...I feel like I'm dying already, though I know I'm not and I know it's only going to get worse. All I want to do is go find something...but I'm trying so hard to be committed this time.
My body is cold and sweaty at the same time...my mind won't stop spinning. This so *****! I just keep thinking that if I had done this in the past (which was April) my life would be ok right now. But no, I had to go back and even harder this time.
My life is a flipping mess. I have spent all our money on these stupid drugs. What is wrong with me? We will have no place to live at the end of the month, my phone is off (which might be a good thing) I have no way of paying any of my bills. I have borrowed so much money, it's flipping pathetic. All for what? To get high! I hate this so much!!!! I just want to die right now.
My husband says he is supporting me, but I'm wondering. It isn't like this is the first time we have been down this road.
I have no energy, no feelings...yet I want to cry...I HATE THIS!
I have been reading what people have been saying for a few weeks now..I knew this time was coming. Maybe it's a good thing that I have no money. The last time I made it to day 4...how stupid was I? Someone, please please help me!
My body is cold and sweaty at the same time...my mind won't stop spinning. This so *****! I just keep thinking that if I had done this in the past (which was April) my life would be ok right now. But no, I had to go back and even harder this time.
My life is a flipping mess. I have spent all our money on these stupid drugs. What is wrong with me? We will have no place to live at the end of the month, my phone is off (which might be a good thing) I have no way of paying any of my bills. I have borrowed so much money, it's flipping pathetic. All for what? To get high! I hate this so much!!!! I just want to die right now.
My husband says he is supporting me, but I'm wondering. It isn't like this is the first time we have been down this road.
I have no energy, no feelings...yet I want to cry...I HATE THIS!
I have been reading what people have been saying for a few weeks now..I knew this time was coming. Maybe it's a good thing that I have no money. The last time I made it to day 4...how stupid was I? Someone, please please help me!
hi there, I don't know how I worked...but I did on day 4 and today day 5 and then tomorrow on day 6. I did it, I REALLY do feel better today so there is definitely hope, I know its hard..I wonder why the seroquel didn't make you sleep? I've heard tylenol pm and stuff like that helps too. Stay strong and get past these few days and you'll feel well enough soon to get up and do things. take a walk if you have to, I know it may sound like the hardest thing on earth, but it really will make you better. take multi-vitamins, they may not feel like they're helping you YET, but me here at day 5, they've obviously done me some good! :) STAY strong, you can do this!!! oh and eat lots of bananas if you can. I HATE bananas, but I've managed to stomach them every day and my legs aren't doing too bad at night. ttys!
I do believe I am ready. I'm ready to live life again...scared to death, but ready.
I will be on here a lot....this is my safe place from the world outside. I just want my life back. I'm soooo tired of worrying about stupid pills. I was on 12-15 10/660 vics and then went to oxys, my stupid mistake there. The kind of good thing about this is....about 2 weeks ago I went crazy when it came to taking pills. One day I know I did at least 20-30 vics...so since then, I have really tried to calm down some. Before Sunday, I never did more than 40mg of oxys....so maybe that will help some.
Against the better wishes of most on here, I did take a seraqual (spelling) it really has done nothing for me...maybe calmed my nerves down a little...but still no sleep.
i just want to be free!!!!!!!!! There are so many things I have missed out on because of this stupid addiction. So many places I have no went because I knew I didn't have enough to last me. Such a sick cycle, for sure!
I'm offially in day 2....it's been 48hours to the hour that I took my last pill. I wish it were a week already. I look forward to writing to you all about my first week. Thanks for all the kind words.
I will be on here a lot....this is my safe place from the world outside. I just want my life back. I'm soooo tired of worrying about stupid pills. I was on 12-15 10/660 vics and then went to oxys, my stupid mistake there. The kind of good thing about this is....about 2 weeks ago I went crazy when it came to taking pills. One day I know I did at least 20-30 vics...so since then, I have really tried to calm down some. Before Sunday, I never did more than 40mg of oxys....so maybe that will help some.
Against the better wishes of most on here, I did take a seraqual (spelling) it really has done nothing for me...maybe calmed my nerves down a little...but still no sleep.
i just want to be free!!!!!!!!! There are so many things I have missed out on because of this stupid addiction. So many places I have no went because I knew I didn't have enough to last me. Such a sick cycle, for sure!
I'm offially in day 2....it's been 48hours to the hour that I took my last pill. I wish it were a week already. I look forward to writing to you all about my first week. Thanks for all the kind words.
Kristin, listen to what Gizzy has said, you will never succeed in quitting unless you are doing it for the right reasons.
Exmple..the first time I quit for longer then 2-3 days, was back in May of 07. And i lasted almost 3 months. But I relapsed. And I relapsed because my head wasn't in it. I didn't want to quit then, I only did it because my dealer was out and said he would be out for a couple weeks. But once the physical w.d was over and I saw how good I started to feel, and the fact that I could wake up and go and not rely on pills to function. I had money again, it was great. But as soon as I ran into him, I caved in.
Now the second, I was done..both in my head and my heart. I was ready to give it. So much that I threw 3 80's in the toilet..I had my pills at my fingertips but I wanted this part of my life to be done. So when you are truly ready, you will quit. But we are here for you ..
Exmple..the first time I quit for longer then 2-3 days, was back in May of 07. And i lasted almost 3 months. But I relapsed. And I relapsed because my head wasn't in it. I didn't want to quit then, I only did it because my dealer was out and said he would be out for a couple weeks. But once the physical w.d was over and I saw how good I started to feel, and the fact that I could wake up and go and not rely on pills to function. I had money again, it was great. But as soon as I ran into him, I caved in.
Now the second, I was done..both in my head and my heart. I was ready to give it. So much that I threw 3 80's in the toilet..I had my pills at my fingertips but I wanted this part of my life to be done. So when you are truly ready, you will quit. But we are here for you ..
I actually do remember you. There are only a few members here that were here a year ago. And I mean a few.
Anyway....I am so sorry you are back under these circumstances. But I am glad you are back. Stick with the forum this time. You need help sweetie, and it seems you won't get it unless you see it through. I know its hard. YOu are exactly where I was when I considered it to finally be my rock bottom. SO many times I would quit and give in within a few days. I never would care. I spent all my money, my mortgage is still now 9 months past due. And i had no choice but to put it on the market to be sold because even though I am clean I can't possibly pay all that I owe. I almost ruined my life because of those pills. But I found a way out and if I can do it you can.,
I forget, weren't you taking Oxy's?
\
Lisa
Anyway....I am so sorry you are back under these circumstances. But I am glad you are back. Stick with the forum this time. You need help sweetie, and it seems you won't get it unless you see it through. I know its hard. YOu are exactly where I was when I considered it to finally be my rock bottom. SO many times I would quit and give in within a few days. I never would care. I spent all my money, my mortgage is still now 9 months past due. And i had no choice but to put it on the market to be sold because even though I am clean I can't possibly pay all that I owe. I almost ruined my life because of those pills. But I found a way out and if I can do it you can.,
I forget, weren't you taking Oxy's?
\
Lisa
Oh my gosh, I couldn't even imagine working like this. I can barely walk, or so my brain tells me that.
How many days do you have? I'm on my second now and already feel like death. I can NOT wait until 1 week. i just have to keep going on I guess...no matter how bad it gets for me. :-(
How many days do you have? I'm on my second now and already feel like death. I can NOT wait until 1 week. i just have to keep going on I guess...no matter how bad it gets for me. :-(
I KNOW exercising has helped me. I have to greet the cars at my job (BUSY drive-thru coffee bar) and I was literally running today for 3 hours and I feel way better today than the last 4 days!! I probably wouldn't have been able to force myself to exercise if it weren't for having to work! :) tty'all soon!
sleeping thru it...have heard some mange to do it..sleep thru most of it til like day 5....different ways for different people...main thing is to get it done..hang in there...nenver ever cave...hang strong...no pills anywhere near u..all pills have to go down the toilet and then read the thomas recipe...exercise if u decide to stay awake most of the time (:
I'll be sure not to let it get to me and keep that in mind, the surgeon says I'm fine, with another MRI to prove it. I believe him, hes a good surgeon. lol, ttys. have a good night too, wish me luck sleeping :)
Good for your brother.
Manda, if you experience really bad pain in the near future, please don't let it scare you. It's suppose to be that way.....I mean, detox brings it on x100. As I said, my worst days were 7 & 8 then 16 & 17. That's way past withdrawals! But for some reason, that's the was it was. I repeat.........WAS!
Manda, if you experience really bad pain in the near future, please don't let it scare you. It's suppose to be that way.....I mean, detox brings it on x100. As I said, my worst days were 7 & 8 then 16 & 17. That's way past withdrawals! But for some reason, that's the was it was. I repeat.........WAS!
thanks for validating some of that. here my fiance and I were thinking that it was nuts, that now my shoulder doesn't hurt. I also recently told my brother that opiates supposedly can make TMJ worse, and he actually agreed that he thought it did too, and then admitted that he just likes the way they make him feel. thank GOD I got him to stop taking pills early. He agreed that seeing the h3ll I've gone through with pills was enough reason for him. ttys!
MandaPanda said a lot of what I was going to say. Thanks Manda for saving me some typing!
Anyway, a few years back a RN told me that when on pills, they trick you into thinking that you have more pain then you really do.
Then when my ex husband detoxed a year and a half ago, he said that he no longer has pain for what he started taking pills for.
A lot of people will agree with me here on this forum. But you absolutely have to give it time. This is not true for all people, but you'll be surprised at how little pain you really do have.
I've had a back surgery and one that failed, so I'm back to square one looking into surgeons.
I have the fibro-friend too.
I've had a fibroid as big as a baseball.
Tennis elbow.
Carpoltunnel and more.
We usually get started w/an injury or surgery. Then we like the way it makes us feel, not to mention the ENERGY! As time goes on and we continue to take pills, and the pain seems to only worsen, and we build a tolerance, so take way more then some people could imagine.
It was hard for me to believe that I really didn't have as much pain as what the pills brought on. My successful detox was holy hell. I remember my most painful days were days 7 & 8, then again 16 & 17 for some reason. As for now, I'm totally ashamed at how many pills I took for this little ole ache.
Now, I do have a lot of pain from time. But nothing like what I thought I did. Opiates and the brain work well together when it comes to playing tricks on the body.
Are you willing to give it at least 3 weeks before you determine your level of pain?
Seems as though at times I welcomed the pain so that I could get more and more pills. Now that's really sick, huh?
What do you think?
Anyway, a few years back a RN told me that when on pills, they trick you into thinking that you have more pain then you really do.
Then when my ex husband detoxed a year and a half ago, he said that he no longer has pain for what he started taking pills for.
A lot of people will agree with me here on this forum. But you absolutely have to give it time. This is not true for all people, but you'll be surprised at how little pain you really do have.
I've had a back surgery and one that failed, so I'm back to square one looking into surgeons.
I have the fibro-friend too.
I've had a fibroid as big as a baseball.
Tennis elbow.
Carpoltunnel and more.
We usually get started w/an injury or surgery. Then we like the way it makes us feel, not to mention the ENERGY! As time goes on and we continue to take pills, and the pain seems to only worsen, and we build a tolerance, so take way more then some people could imagine.
It was hard for me to believe that I really didn't have as much pain as what the pills brought on. My successful detox was holy hell. I remember my most painful days were days 7 & 8, then again 16 & 17 for some reason. As for now, I'm totally ashamed at how many pills I took for this little ole ache.
Now, I do have a lot of pain from time. But nothing like what I thought I did. Opiates and the brain work well together when it comes to playing tricks on the body.
Are you willing to give it at least 3 weeks before you determine your level of pain?
Seems as though at times I welcomed the pain so that I could get more and more pills. Now that's really sick, huh?
What do you think?
I have some of input on my pain, I had two shoulder surgeries, took pills for 4 years. shoulder hurt EVERY DAY. extreme burning pain in the back of my shoulder. since I've been going thru w/d's, AND I went to work today, which is normally a HUGE trigger for my awful burning in the back of my shoulder...guess what?! NO shoulder pain today. Now, I'm feeling lots of other pains, like the middle and lower back, but those are w/d pains for sure. bizarre how this works....I'm not saying at all that you don't have legitimate pain, but for me PERSONALLY I think the pills were actually causing me to still be in pain. maybe bcuz I was so stressed out all the time? weird I know. first time in 4 years that my shoulder doesn't hurt one bit. I do wish you the best and stay strong!
I have lupus and fibromalgia. And now, I have some strange ovary pain and servere back pain from it. I went to the hospital 5 times last month, they thought it was kidney stones, but it wasn't. Cyst on my ovaries they think. Very painful at times.
I have something to speak w/you about pain.
First, tell me about the kind of pain you have.
First, tell me about the kind of pain you have.
I have about 8 ambien left..hoping they will last. I"ll try tylenol PM after I run out. That's all I have....because I took everything else, like clonsopan (spelling) even when I was using. I'm really stupid at times.
My husband is making me drink whey protein, he says he thinks it will help, I hope it does. I'm also taking some vitamins, I know I need certain things in my body to heal right.
As for anything else, I'm broke as broke can be...so I can't even go out and buy anything I need right now, which really stinks, but is my own stupid fault.
Probably my biggest problem is...I do have pain, servere pain. That's what always gets me to go back. THe pain is so bad at times and I have found nothing else that helps. I wish I could just take what my Dr. gives me and that's all. But as we all know, addicts can't do that. :-(
My husband is making me drink whey protein, he says he thinks it will help, I hope it does. I'm also taking some vitamins, I know I need certain things in my body to heal right.
As for anything else, I'm broke as broke can be...so I can't even go out and buy anything I need right now, which really stinks, but is my own stupid fault.
Probably my biggest problem is...I do have pain, servere pain. That's what always gets me to go back. THe pain is so bad at times and I have found nothing else that helps. I wish I could just take what my Dr. gives me and that's all. But as we all know, addicts can't do that. :-(
I understand. I wanted to fall into a deep sleep and wake up a week later totally cleansed. Uh huh.......not! Especially when one of the most awful withdrawal symptoms is insomnia!
So you didn't mention whether or not you had any OTC help, or sleep meds & immodium. Hope you do.
So you didn't mention whether or not you had any OTC help, or sleep meds & immodium. Hope you do.
No, my husband is not an addict...though sometimes I would give/buy him some pills just so he wouldn't get mad at me for spending all our money. Sick, I know!
He is bipolar and has enough problems of his own...he is clean from pot for over 5 months now. I'm so proud of him!
WE have gone through the w/ds before. I know he loves me, but I'm so afraid he can't take much more of it....though I have stood by him through all his stuff. He's not as strong as I am when it comes to just doing it.
And yes, I'm probably quitting because I have none and have no money...BUT, to my defense in that, I have been wanting to quit for the past few weeks and have been on this site daily... reading what people are saying.
I'm scared to death! I just want this to go away and never return...though I know that is not possible.
He is bipolar and has enough problems of his own...he is clean from pot for over 5 months now. I'm so proud of him!
WE have gone through the w/ds before. I know he loves me, but I'm so afraid he can't take much more of it....though I have stood by him through all his stuff. He's not as strong as I am when it comes to just doing it.
And yes, I'm probably quitting because I have none and have no money...BUT, to my defense in that, I have been wanting to quit for the past few weeks and have been on this site daily... reading what people are saying.
I'm scared to death! I just want this to go away and never return...though I know that is not possible.
i understand exactly what your saying, it's scary to think of life without using and i was terrified to quit, but i promise you that you wont' regret this. it's very difficult at first but those glimpses you have can be reality if your willing to do some work. getting clean ***** and i wanted to crawl in a hole at first, but now i have more energy, more happiness and a much better life clean, as do all of us here. you can do this.
Hi Kristen~
Okay, you made it to day 4 in your past and the w/d's were just so dreadful that you went back to the pills right? Sounds just like me!
Before my last detox, I had several failed attempts. But I realized that I was only trying because I was out and had no way of getting any for a while. So I just figured, oh well, this must be a good time to quit.
But it's not, unless it's what you really want. You will accept the horrible withdrawals because you know life will get better because you want it to.
Now I need to ask you something. You said that your husband is supporting you and that it isn't the first time you have down this road. Does that mean that he does pills too? Or that he's been through withdrawals with you before?
You didn't mention if you had anything to aid you with sleep, anxiety etc. Did you get some of the ingredients from the Thomas recipe, or other kinds of OTC help?
Okay, you made it to day 4 in your past and the w/d's were just so dreadful that you went back to the pills right? Sounds just like me!
Before my last detox, I had several failed attempts. But I realized that I was only trying because I was out and had no way of getting any for a while. So I just figured, oh well, this must be a good time to quit.
But it's not, unless it's what you really want. You will accept the horrible withdrawals because you know life will get better because you want it to.
Now I need to ask you something. You said that your husband is supporting you and that it isn't the first time you have down this road. Does that mean that he does pills too? Or that he's been through withdrawals with you before?
You didn't mention if you had anything to aid you with sleep, anxiety etc. Did you get some of the ingredients from the Thomas recipe, or other kinds of OTC help?
keep the happy thoughts going. I know you may not believe me (or anyone else here?!) but I STRONGLY believe that the mind is very powerful when it comes to quitting. if you want it bad enough, you'll do it!! try to make the moments last longer and keep posting. I didn't even think I'd be able to post on my first 4 days, I've been here EVERY day :) Stay strong you can do this!!!!
After 4 days last time, I think just the w/d sent me back...they were horrible! (as I'm sure you all know).
I do want to quit...I"m tied of this life, sooo tired of it. I know in my heart that this addiction will one day take my life if I don't stop soon. I just hate this so much!
I do have small, and I mean small, glimpses of my future without drugs..and I get really hatppy for a split second. I wish those moments lasted longer. :-(
I do want to quit...I"m tied of this life, sooo tired of it. I know in my heart that this addiction will one day take my life if I don't stop soon. I just hate this so much!
I do have small, and I mean small, glimpses of my future without drugs..and I get really hatppy for a split second. I wish those moments lasted longer. :-(
Kristen I am new here and have not even gone 24 hours yet. I was clean for a good 10 years and then went right back to it and now I want to stop. I am afraid and feeling alone, like you. We are in the fight of our life right now. Addiction is something that never ever goes away - we just have to find ways to live with it. I don't know the answers. I do know the first time I went thru it I was staying clean a minute at a time. I would tell myself OK go a minute and then you can take a pill. When the minute was over I would try to go another minute. Eventurally minutes turned to hours and hours turned to days and then weeks and then months and then years. I am praying for you and for myself and for everyone on this list who is going thru this hell.
I'm at day 4. day 4 isn't too fun. I went to work this morning...and then I have to work on day 5 and 6 too. not fun!! you're not alone, I know quite a few of us are early on in detox right now. you can do this!!! I know if I can do this, anyone can! :) If you wanna chat PM me! Stay Strong!
if you want to be clean it has to be more than just not having money that you can't use. it sounds like you have reached a point that your ready to quit for good and in order to do that it will take a lot of strength and determination, not just saying i wanna quit. what caused you to use after 4 days last time? getting support is essential in staying clean and learning why you use. i too failed over and over until i realized that i needed some help and some changes had to be made. im glad you have come back and i know you can do this if you really want it. what do you need to do to stay clean? i wish you the best of luck, believe in yourself first. stick around, there is so much to be learned here.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
