Aa
Here again Tramadol/Adderall/Kratom/Depression
So, as a lot of you, I have been battling a pill addiction for far longer than I ever imagined.
To start, go back to last July, a oxy addict was telling me about Tramadol and how it actually gets you a decent opiate high and is legal to get on the internet. I researched it and saw it wasnt a scheduled drug and honestly didnt think it could possibly feel like a real opiate but ordered some. So I pick it up at FedEx the next day and WOW, I couldnt believe how easy it was to get something so potent. It was great! I started doing more reasearch and even found kratom and ordered it, it wasnt the same high but I still couldnt believe how something legal could work so well.
Anyways, I used the tram pretty regularly for the next 3-4 months, getting up to 11-15 50mg a night. At this time, I only took it at night when I was off work and home from the gym. I was an avid weight/bodybuilder, had been for 10 years or so. It was the one thing that gave me confidence and made me felt good.
So I recognized I had a problem and quit, I quit for 3 weeks. It sucked, I missed two days of work. The depression and anxiety engulfed me. I have a problem with depression and anxiety anyways, so that just made it even worse.
So like many others, I still had the tramadol around through the whole withdrawals and never took it, it was kinda nice to know its there just in case. So I never threw it out after I had been clean for three weeks. I hated how I went from being really productive to completely lazy and bored. It seemed like the smallest tasks were such a pain.
So I got on a project at work that required me to do some work at night, I gave in and took some to make it more exciting I guess...... and well I never quit since.....at least not everything.
The bad thing about tramadol with me is, I end up making stupid choices and wasting money. I was offered a job overseas, and I actually accepted it. Granted it took 2 weeks to say yes but I did say yes. At this point I was always either high on Kratom or Tramadol. I had a great job, a house, a GF, but I think deep down I took the job to get away from my out of control life. I have worked overseas in the past, so its not a shocker that I chose to take the position. But I really had it made, and I didnt even realize it.
So I go overseas, and it hits me how bad of a mistake I made. How could I do this!!?? There was no way to return, and I had just left everything I knew, put my home on the market and everything. Somehow is my tramadol enduced brain this all made sense... AND to top it off I somehow got my doc to write me scripts for Adderall. Its so embarrassing to even write this. The first two weeks were hell, I cant believe I didnt have a mental breakdown. I took kratom, adderall, and tram with me. I tried to stop it all because of what I had already done. But the depression was overwhelming, this time I actually had something to be depressed about.
So 5-6 months goes by, I am taking adderall everyday, but I have to take Kratom with it otherwise I cant eat, and remember how I was this big athlete weightlifter, well you HAVE to eat in order to get results. I was hit and miss in the gym, it was just so hard to get back on a routine. I was constantly thinking about how I was going to get my life back. However, when I took the tram I felt things werent so bad, maybe it was a good choice. I found a way to get all my pills out there, there were days were I ran out of the kratom and tram, and I couldnt stand taking adderall by itself while detoxing off the others, it just makes you a jittery mess.
I should of warned you how long this would be. Well, I got another job offer is a much more dangerous place in the world, the money was very good. I have worked in that environment before so I knew what to expect. Once again, I thought maybe that place is going to force me to get off this crap. At least there I was making up some of the money I lost by buying all this stuff.
I had a 2 week vacation back in the US before I left for the new job. I didnt want to use that time to quit taking everything, I hadnt seen my family or GF in 5-6 months. The last thing I want to do is be incredibly depressed while I am there and knowing that in 2 weeks I am going to one of the most dangerous areas of the world. So I was taking tram everyday, morning through night. I was easily taking up to 20 a day. No one knew....
So now here I am out in the middle of the sh1thole of the world. I brought tram/kratom/adderall with me. I went through the tram, ever since I started taking them in the morning I just continued. So I went probably 2 months straight taking them everyday, maybe 20 a day. I ran out of those 3 days ago, so I have been taking a butt load of kratom and my regular adderall. It does keep the tram withdrawals away, but you eventually have to deal with it once the kratom runs out.
Right now is a low low point. Sure I do have a job that is making me money, I felt I had to take this job to make moving away somewhat worthwhile, at least I will have some money in the bank. But I lost my GF, a great job, and I dont even workout anymore. I get depressed just looking in the mirror and seeing how much I have deteriorated because of all these chemicals, the depression, etc. I know how bad the depression is when you go through withdrawals, and I am just terrified to go through it when I am out here and have to deal with everything I let my addiction do to my life. I have to find a way to come off everything, including the adderall. And I have to do all this while trying not to be too obvious in the workplace. I work on a small team, I cant just hide away.
I know I wrote a lot, I dont even want to go back and proofread it all. Im not really asking for anything, I just needed to let it all out.
To start, go back to last July, a oxy addict was telling me about Tramadol and how it actually gets you a decent opiate high and is legal to get on the internet. I researched it and saw it wasnt a scheduled drug and honestly didnt think it could possibly feel like a real opiate but ordered some. So I pick it up at FedEx the next day and WOW, I couldnt believe how easy it was to get something so potent. It was great! I started doing more reasearch and even found kratom and ordered it, it wasnt the same high but I still couldnt believe how something legal could work so well.
Anyways, I used the tram pretty regularly for the next 3-4 months, getting up to 11-15 50mg a night. At this time, I only took it at night when I was off work and home from the gym. I was an avid weight/bodybuilder, had been for 10 years or so. It was the one thing that gave me confidence and made me felt good.
So I recognized I had a problem and quit, I quit for 3 weeks. It sucked, I missed two days of work. The depression and anxiety engulfed me. I have a problem with depression and anxiety anyways, so that just made it even worse.
So like many others, I still had the tramadol around through the whole withdrawals and never took it, it was kinda nice to know its there just in case. So I never threw it out after I had been clean for three weeks. I hated how I went from being really productive to completely lazy and bored. It seemed like the smallest tasks were such a pain.
So I got on a project at work that required me to do some work at night, I gave in and took some to make it more exciting I guess...... and well I never quit since.....at least not everything.
The bad thing about tramadol with me is, I end up making stupid choices and wasting money. I was offered a job overseas, and I actually accepted it. Granted it took 2 weeks to say yes but I did say yes. At this point I was always either high on Kratom or Tramadol. I had a great job, a house, a GF, but I think deep down I took the job to get away from my out of control life. I have worked overseas in the past, so its not a shocker that I chose to take the position. But I really had it made, and I didnt even realize it.
So I go overseas, and it hits me how bad of a mistake I made. How could I do this!!?? There was no way to return, and I had just left everything I knew, put my home on the market and everything. Somehow is my tramadol enduced brain this all made sense... AND to top it off I somehow got my doc to write me scripts for Adderall. Its so embarrassing to even write this. The first two weeks were hell, I cant believe I didnt have a mental breakdown. I took kratom, adderall, and tram with me. I tried to stop it all because of what I had already done. But the depression was overwhelming, this time I actually had something to be depressed about.
So 5-6 months goes by, I am taking adderall everyday, but I have to take Kratom with it otherwise I cant eat, and remember how I was this big athlete weightlifter, well you HAVE to eat in order to get results. I was hit and miss in the gym, it was just so hard to get back on a routine. I was constantly thinking about how I was going to get my life back. However, when I took the tram I felt things werent so bad, maybe it was a good choice. I found a way to get all my pills out there, there were days were I ran out of the kratom and tram, and I couldnt stand taking adderall by itself while detoxing off the others, it just makes you a jittery mess.
I should of warned you how long this would be. Well, I got another job offer is a much more dangerous place in the world, the money was very good. I have worked in that environment before so I knew what to expect. Once again, I thought maybe that place is going to force me to get off this crap. At least there I was making up some of the money I lost by buying all this stuff.
I had a 2 week vacation back in the US before I left for the new job. I didnt want to use that time to quit taking everything, I hadnt seen my family or GF in 5-6 months. The last thing I want to do is be incredibly depressed while I am there and knowing that in 2 weeks I am going to one of the most dangerous areas of the world. So I was taking tram everyday, morning through night. I was easily taking up to 20 a day. No one knew....
So now here I am out in the middle of the sh1thole of the world. I brought tram/kratom/adderall with me. I went through the tram, ever since I started taking them in the morning I just continued. So I went probably 2 months straight taking them everyday, maybe 20 a day. I ran out of those 3 days ago, so I have been taking a butt load of kratom and my regular adderall. It does keep the tram withdrawals away, but you eventually have to deal with it once the kratom runs out.
Right now is a low low point. Sure I do have a job that is making me money, I felt I had to take this job to make moving away somewhat worthwhile, at least I will have some money in the bank. But I lost my GF, a great job, and I dont even workout anymore. I get depressed just looking in the mirror and seeing how much I have deteriorated because of all these chemicals, the depression, etc. I know how bad the depression is when you go through withdrawals, and I am just terrified to go through it when I am out here and have to deal with everything I let my addiction do to my life. I have to find a way to come off everything, including the adderall. And I have to do all this while trying not to be too obvious in the workplace. I work on a small team, I cant just hide away.
I know I wrote a lot, I dont even want to go back and proofread it all. Im not really asking for anything, I just needed to let it all out.
I found this post and I'm in a similar situation as the OP. I'm a bike racer by hobby but I'm a VP at a bank in my professional life. I have ADD and I used to take adderal to.control it. I didn't want to take a stimulant and race my bike. I was concerned with having a heart attack. Enter Tramadol. Very easy to get and works even better. The problem is that I've gone up to 18 pills a day, although back into the single digits now. I've become addicted to other things thanks to the tramadol and its ruining my marriage. Also I am screwing up a bit at work. People give me some strange looks and tell me I always look tired. I even had my boss question me about how I'm doing and he said he was concerned. I'm trying to get off this stuff before I really screw myself big time. My brother is dealing with bipolar and the family is focused on him so I havent brought up my issues. I'm just hoping you've found some resolution to your problem so maybe it can help me find some for mine.
1 Comments
I agree I was using tramadol for depression instead of pain. It worked way better than the adderal.but it was pure he'll to come off of when they made it a controlled substance. So I used Meth and adderal to detox my body. With amphetamines being a dieretic. Plus it gave me the energy to get up and at em during my withdrawal. After a week or two taking amphetamines.I started using kratom to kick the amphetamines. I've been clean for 2 years now. I just take kratom everyday.which is a lot better on the body and a lot cheaper through my vendor. Kratom saved my life
Hi -
As a third-party and with only my own experiences (and the *stated* experiences of others, however accurate those descriptions are), it sounds like you need to see another professional.
I struggled with issues in the "bad decisions" department for years and it never really bothered me because: (a) I was quite successful financially (at least based on my extremely modest background), (b) people didn't speak up to tell me that I was screwing them around with my behavior (if you're getting laid by attractive women, sometimes it's hard to realize how stupid you're acting), and (c) I refused to consider that there were any underlying issues for my abuse of substances and the bad behaviors...
I had been diagnosed as hypo-manic in my early 20s but when the doctor prescribed lithium I thought, "that's for crazy people." I never saw him again. Finally at 40, having gone through more six figure jobs (in the states, the kinds where you don't have to work hard if you're lucky enough to know something in demand) -- I finally got treatment. I'm on a fairly large dose of depakote ER and my doctor has been working me through various ADHD meds with a close eye (3 to 4 weeks between visits) because of my previous substance abuse history.
It's fairly obvious looking back that much of my behavior fits the classic definitions and criteria of someone with bi-polar disorder. Sadly, I am engulfed in regret many days if I think about the people I disrespected and let down. Even more important, I'm frustrated that my particular talents were valuable enough to my employers that they'd look the other way when my bad behaviors became obvious, simply because even at my worst, I was still a top performer and (gasp) a leader for the businesses and their clients.
All this being said (sorry so long, hope it didn't annoy everyone reading) - I'm not feeling almost "normal" and in spite of that, I have not lost my ability to perform. Instead, I'm more optimistic about things than I have been in years.
Go to a pro, and if you don't notice a difference in 6 weeks - go back. If 3 months pass and you're still living this way, find another pro.
WHATEVER YOU DO -> tell the truth to the professionals you see. It sounds like you've got great gifts in spite of your challenges and the black dog of depression doesn't have to be your only constant companion.
Much love & respect to you !
As a third-party and with only my own experiences (and the *stated* experiences of others, however accurate those descriptions are), it sounds like you need to see another professional.
I struggled with issues in the "bad decisions" department for years and it never really bothered me because: (a) I was quite successful financially (at least based on my extremely modest background), (b) people didn't speak up to tell me that I was screwing them around with my behavior (if you're getting laid by attractive women, sometimes it's hard to realize how stupid you're acting), and (c) I refused to consider that there were any underlying issues for my abuse of substances and the bad behaviors...
I had been diagnosed as hypo-manic in my early 20s but when the doctor prescribed lithium I thought, "that's for crazy people." I never saw him again. Finally at 40, having gone through more six figure jobs (in the states, the kinds where you don't have to work hard if you're lucky enough to know something in demand) -- I finally got treatment. I'm on a fairly large dose of depakote ER and my doctor has been working me through various ADHD meds with a close eye (3 to 4 weeks between visits) because of my previous substance abuse history.
It's fairly obvious looking back that much of my behavior fits the classic definitions and criteria of someone with bi-polar disorder. Sadly, I am engulfed in regret many days if I think about the people I disrespected and let down. Even more important, I'm frustrated that my particular talents were valuable enough to my employers that they'd look the other way when my bad behaviors became obvious, simply because even at my worst, I was still a top performer and (gasp) a leader for the businesses and their clients.
All this being said (sorry so long, hope it didn't annoy everyone reading) - I'm not feeling almost "normal" and in spite of that, I have not lost my ability to perform. Instead, I'm more optimistic about things than I have been in years.
Go to a pro, and if you don't notice a difference in 6 weeks - go back. If 3 months pass and you're still living this way, find another pro.
WHATEVER YOU DO -> tell the truth to the professionals you see. It sounds like you've got great gifts in spite of your challenges and the black dog of depression doesn't have to be your only constant companion.
Much love & respect to you !
Don't take this the wrong way but it kinda sounds like you know everything about this drug - yet you're here? Help me understand.
HI you arec on quit a cocktail one brings you up the other brings you down then we add an anfedamine to crank you back up again.....your not high your sideways you dont know weather your coming or going on this combo and I might add you need to be on your A game where your at or your going to get your head shot off or blown up you dont need to be walking around in a drug induces state of mind......you already know the tram needs to be tapered so does the aderil or you will experience side effects I know nothing about Kratom other then it is a bush from south east asia and it is addictive you on your own with that one but dude look at your soundings do you really want to walk around high there you need to get strait the tram is a can of worms some people need antidepressants to get off of it will you have that available to you??I feel for you on one hand but on the other you did this to yourself and only you can fix it we will be here to support you along the way I woulds start with the tram then the aderall your going to feel like s h it for a wile hope you can perform your job safely good luck and God bless....Gnarly
2 Comments
The best meds to help with detoxing unfortunately is amphetamines. First of all they are a diaretic. And they give you that push, especially in the morning when it's hard to deal with your withdrawal.. I came off oxy,heroin, trams, and benzos with Meth and adderal.(in small doses) for a good week or two. Then I used kratom to come off the amphetamines. I have been clean for two years now except for kratom. I buy 1 kilo a month for 127$ for a very reputable vendor. And I tell you kratom saved my life. My family, my well being..... sure I'm on kratom everyday but it beats all those crazy chemicals...... by the way. The two worst drugs for me to kick was tramadol and suboxone.. it was pure hell.. but the amphetamines saved my life. Then the kratom
The best meds to help with detoxing unfortunately is amphetamines. First of all they are a diaretic. And they give you that push, especially in the morning when it's hard to deal with your withdrawal.. I came off oxy,heroin, trams, and benzos with Meth and adderal.(in small doses) for a good week or two. Then I used kratom to come off the amphetamines. I have been clean for two years now except for kratom. I buy 1 kilo a month for 127$ for a very reputable vendor. And I tell you kratom saved my life. My family, my well being..... sure I'm on kratom everyday but it beats all those crazy chemicals...... by the way. The two worst drugs for me to kick was tramadol and suboxone.. it was pure hell.. but the amphetamines saved my life. Then the kratom
Well, I cant look up a local NA meeting in the middle of a war zone in the middle east. I am working in a place most of you are well aware of in the news. Thats what I meant by not being somewhere to get professional help. This is my job right for the next 6-12 months. Im not in the military, but I work closely with them.
I probably know more about tramadol than the makers of the drug. I am sure most people on here google and google tapers, withdrawals, what other drugs can I take to help, etc etc etc.
When I quit before it was hard, but my life was in the same place as it was before I started taking. I have been in this drug fog for the last year so its tough to 'wake up' and just wonder if I would of made the same choices if I wasnt taking the drug.
I probably know more about tramadol than the makers of the drug. I am sure most people on here google and google tapers, withdrawals, what other drugs can I take to help, etc etc etc.
When I quit before it was hard, but my life was in the same place as it was before I started taking. I have been in this drug fog for the last year so its tough to 'wake up' and just wonder if I would of made the same choices if I wasnt taking the drug.
vicki had a good question - do you know what it's in the tramadol.
I never knew this until I came HERE there was an anti-depressant quality to this drug. And that explained so much about my experience with it and subsequent withdrawal/recovery. It seriously messes with your serotonin levels and that in turn messes BIG time with your mood.
I'm not sure I understand when you say there's nowhere to turn for professional help? That seems confusing to me. (oh sorry, just a brief history on me - I took tramadol for over six years and quit cold turkey last July - now I'm over a year clean - so let me tell you life DOES go on without this poison). And a much better one at that! :)
I never knew this until I came HERE there was an anti-depressant quality to this drug. And that explained so much about my experience with it and subsequent withdrawal/recovery. It seriously messes with your serotonin levels and that in turn messes BIG time with your mood.
I'm not sure I understand when you say there's nowhere to turn for professional help? That seems confusing to me. (oh sorry, just a brief history on me - I took tramadol for over six years and quit cold turkey last July - now I'm over a year clean - so let me tell you life DOES go on without this poison). And a much better one at that! :)
1 Comments
Like I said tramadol and soboxone are the devil.. pure hell to come off of. .I was noticing the tramadol didn't even kill my pain. It just was a wonder drug for my deppression.they just now made it a schedule drug..C4
@ Vicki - Yea, any kind of treatment is not available to me now. It sounds like an excuse but it really isnt not an option. I am at a place where your lucky to get a good meal, let alone any type of therapy. This job is not forever, and when I return I will start seeking help.
I keep trying to think of different combinations to get off it all, and I think the adderall will be easy if I just have kratom to take during work hours. I take a low dose, and I literally hate taking it alone. Its kinda strange, but if you take adderall with kratom or any opiate I assume you actually can eat and it doesnt affect your appetite so bad.
My goal right now is just trying to get back into the gym and work on my confidence, this leads to a better overall mood. Which is then going to make the final withdrawals a little easier, at least mentally. I cant let this take away all I have worked for over the years.
The worst is the mornings, its so hard just to get out of bed to start the day. I think that is by far is the hardest time for me.
I keep trying to think of different combinations to get off it all, and I think the adderall will be easy if I just have kratom to take during work hours. I take a low dose, and I literally hate taking it alone. Its kinda strange, but if you take adderall with kratom or any opiate I assume you actually can eat and it doesnt affect your appetite so bad.
My goal right now is just trying to get back into the gym and work on my confidence, this leads to a better overall mood. Which is then going to make the final withdrawals a little easier, at least mentally. I cant let this take away all I have worked for over the years.
The worst is the mornings, its so hard just to get out of bed to start the day. I think that is by far is the hardest time for me.
Just wanted you to know I'm listening. I am in the midst of w/d. I can feel your pain. I wish I had answers for you. I have been tapering with benzo/opiates...this is day 5. Adderol update was very helpful to me. I haven't been taking them, but my Dr. wrote a script for me, in my addled mind it didnt even occur to me that this could cause addiction. Thankfully, I don't like the jitters. I wish you well. Keep close to this forum. It has been a God send to me.
Well...it's sounds like you're punishing yourself! Only you know why but, I think, if you could get to the root of THAT you may be more able to get clean. You just have to!
I'm thinking about this pill combination and you may be able to drop the kratom and adderall then slowly (!!) taper off the Tramadol. But,it will take more than that to get over this chronic addiction. You need someone or something professional to help you. You may also be clinically depressed.
If the company you work for found out you were sick, would they fire you?
I'm thinking about this pill combination and you may be able to drop the kratom and adderall then slowly (!!) taper off the Tramadol. But,it will take more than that to get over this chronic addiction. You need someone or something professional to help you. You may also be clinically depressed.
If the company you work for found out you were sick, would they fire you?
1 Comments
Read my comment. From drummergod
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