Here it goes....

[Lotsatrout]

Like I said in the subject line....  Here it goes...

A little personal history.  I am a 38 year old male and have a wonderful marriage, a beautiful wife and 4 children.  3 who live at home with us and our youngest who lives in heaven.  We lost him a few years ago in a terrible drowning tragedy.  We miss him greatly but because of our faith in Christ we know we will see him again.  I don't know how anyone who has lost a child can cope without a faith in the almighty as it has been the only thing that has kept us sane.  I have a great job and am an excellent employee who contributes to the company in many ways.  I am financially stable and am a pretty good dad.  However, there are a couple of areas I could improve in.  Cant we all!  :)

A little drug and alcohol history...  I started drinking (mostly beer) when I was around 20 years old.  I was mostly a binge drinker until I was 25 or so then it became a regular thing.  My Grandfather and my Mother both died from alcohol related diseases but it was only a few years ago that I realized that it was continuing in my family line with the next victim being myself.  I would go for weeks or months without drinking then would start again.  For the last 4 years or so it has gotten worse but I am in the beginning of quitting.  In addition to the alcohol, marijuana has also been a big part of my life.  

Current history...  In the last 4 years I have had 2 rotator cuff surgeries and acromioplasties on both of my shoulders.  I have also recently had a discectomy on my L5 disk towards the first part of this year.  Needless to say that over the last 4 years I have had an ample supply of pain medication.  Not a constant supply but just enought to keep the taste in my mouth and keep that craving alive.  I am familiar with recovery programs and have been involved in AA and was also in a 12 day in-care program for marijuana use at one point.  I tell you this so you know that I am familiar with the "program".  

Over the last 6 months as a result of my back surgery, I have been on 5 mg oxycodone (10 - 12 a day), Hydrocodone 5/500 (approximately 10 per day), and 10/325 hydrocodone (last drug used).  I haven't been taking all of these drugs during the same span of time but at one point or another over the last 6 months.  

I quit the hydrocodone.  This is day 3 of what is to be my future and I can honestly tell you that I have changed as a person just by making this step.  I have the opportunity to change and that is very exciting.  My withdrawls have not been "severe" like some have posted but have certainly been unpleasant.  I tapered from 80mg-100mg a day to 50mg a day for 2 days then went cold turkey.  Most of the withdrawls have subsided and I now just feel a little lathargic and sleeping is still difficult.  

I have also started an alcohol weening process.  For those of you who are not alcoholics you should know that alcohol withdrawl can be just as nasty as opiate withdrawl.  My mom for example when first going into rehab had violent seizures and hallucinations.  Fortunately for me I have not been that dependant on alcohol to be exposed to such horrible consequences.  I do however suffer from withdrawls.  I can't sleep, sweat at night, hot, cold, etc...  I am now drinking 2 beers about 2 hours before bed and that's it.  I will stick to the 2 a night plan for a week and then go to 1 per evening.  After that there will be no more alcohol for this person who is destined to die from it.  

I am committed at beating all of these demons (if you think about it that REALLY is what they are).  With the grace of God I will not go back to these lifestyles.  I have quit before but never stuck with it but being 38 and only getting older I already wonder how many precious years I have trimmed off of my life and I can't imagine my kids loosing their daddy the same way I lost my mommy.  

Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts because as most all of you already know, this is going to be tough.  Really tough.  I have lurked around here for a couple of months and to be honest I got a lot of inspiration from you guys and gals and it really helped me make the decision to change some very controlling factors in my life.  I already feel the release of knowing that I have a real future ahead of me.  One that does not include any substances.  

I know this was long-winded but I couldn't say what I needed to in just a few sentences.  I'm sure you understand.  Thanks for listening (reading).  I'll be around for awhile!

-Trout  

[FLaddict]

Welcome... and good luck to you... Great job on the 3 days.. yeah I alcohol thing shouldn't be taken lightly.. detox from it can be dangerous.. please be careful..

I hope you find the support here you need to beat this thing... no matter what keep fighting..

[Gypsygirl66]

Thank you for sharing you history with us and welcome. You'll find all kinds of help and differnt ppl here, but we will all be here for you. Do be careful with the alcohol, maybe even talk to your Dr to make sure this is the best taper for you.
Stay strong & keep fighting! You're doing great for day 3
Peace,
Gypsy

[kyjobr]

amazing!  My father died of alcoholism at 46 years old and it was a horrible, disgusting way to die.  Very long and painful for him and me.  It's always bitter sweet for me to see people getting off alcohol because I find it so encouraging and motivating but yet it's hard for me to see that it's possible but yet my dad didn't do it.  Sorry, just a moment of self pitty.  Anyway, as a child of an alcoholic I would say that what you are doing is the greatest gift you can ever give to them.  Even if you are a "happy" drunk it's still sooo hard to have an alcoholic for a parent.  More than most people can imagine.

[Lotsatrout]

kyjobr...  I can really understand where you're coming from.  That's about the age my mother died.  I am only 8 years from that point of my life and to be quite frank.  I hope that I haven't already dug my grave.  It's comments like these that really enforce my commitment to this road of reovery.  To be honest with all of you, the hydrocodone really isn't a problem.  The drinking is my biggest struggle.  I need to quit NOW.  I think I have a good plan in place.  This will be a great place to be while I go through this.  Thanks a bunch for your replies and your kind words.  

[kyjobr]

I feel for those with drinking problems.  Alcohol is so available and glamorized.  Plus I would think it would be harder to hide the problem and maintain a "normal" life than it is with pills.  I've heard of meds out there that are supposed to help with alcohol addiction.  Don't know much about them but I saw something about it on the HBO addiction website.