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Heroin Addiction

I watched this show last night called "Drugged" not sure what channel it was on. But the guy was 21 and addicted to heroin. He would get high in his moms house with his friends. He was going to be flown to Dallas for a series of tests to see what kind of damage the drug had done to his body. He would also get a chance to go into rehab.
I was watching how he "chased" his high constantly. I was watching it alone cuz everyone was alseep. But while watching I cried because of how embarassed I was that I would let myself get to that point also. You will do anything and everything to get high. Nothing or no one can get in your way. Its craziness. Pure craziness.
It feels so good to wake up each morning knowing Im going to have the energy to get through the day and not have to worry about withdrawls. I think about using everyday, but I know how far I have come and I will never return to that life. My husband gave me $200 to put in the bank on Saturday. I put it in the bank. If I was still addicted I wouldve stayed up half of the night thinking about how I could get away with buying drugs and telling him I "lost" the money.
I went and got my nails done yesterday,and I took my daughter with me (got her nails painted). Something I havent done in months. She looks at me and says "Mom I love these days when its a girls day with you" I wanted to cry. I know how lost I was and the joys of having MY life back are amazing!! 2 MONTHS AND 2 DAYS...AND COUNTING!!!!
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Avatar universal
LEAVEYOURDEARSBEHIND...On the weekends Im with my kids and my hubby so I dont want to be on the laptop all day the way I do during the week lol. Trust me the weekends are the only time I wouldnt have a chance in the world to slip up. My hubby is by my side Friday night until Monday morning when he leaves for work at 7am lol. So I have them to keep my bottom busy:) And they were off of school on Monday so I was a busy bee.
But I will never forget where my addiction took me. It was a really dark place. Sad and scary. I dont know how someone can let this go on for years and years. I got exhausted over 6 months! Its great to be clear headed about things. I love it. And now I might have a job taking care of my father-in law's bosses mom. 3 days a week. So something else to keep me busy.
Thank you so much for all of your support. I come here to vent and truly feel accepted without anyone trying to "baby me". Thanks to all!!
Helpful - 0
4204073 tn?1361831476
I like that... "play the tape all the way through".   We addicts tend to focus on the good parts of the tape playing in our head and forget the bad scenes.   Yikes!  
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Avatar universal
That is so awesome that you are pushing forward to not ony give yourself a better life but for your husband and children too! 2 months is huge! Even after 7 years clean I still think about getting high I will for the rest of my life. The thing is I must play the tape all the way through! I don't ever want to forget where my addiction took me! I am not proud of things I have done but I don't EVER want to forget! I believe that if I do forget then I won't have a fighting chance of staying clean! I want to remember all of the pain so that I can remember why I DON"T want to go back! Keep up the great work!
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Avatar universal
Congrats on 2 months and 2 days! For me the best thing about being clean is, waking up and being at peace with myself. Knowing that I'm not going to spend every hour worrying about getting my fix. Like others have said " unless you've been there you have no ideal". Good to see you back on here mamaof4! I was getting worried about you! Lol
Helpful - 0
900459 tn?1304993259
Damn auto correct I swear I hate it. It makes me sound STUPID "I seen it two" haha that is not what I typed before it corrected me
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900459 tn?1304993259
That show is on discovery channel I have seen it two and I know how y feel and I'm sure many other do to when we watch shows like that. That's what I mean when I try and explain to ppl about addiction when I tell them you will never fully understand addiction and how powerful it is unless you have lived with it. Because still to this day watching shows like that and sometimes just thinking about it and I still cannot fully understand the things I did for drugs and I'm the one that did it so if I can't fully understand why I did what I did how can someone else that has never been an addict and the answer is they can't and hopefully never will because the things me and many other did are absolutely crazy which is why it makes no sense and never will. But after watching many shows and all these others struggling and seeing my friends do the same is what has got me to the point of taking this bad thing and making something out of it which is why I am going to school to get a degree so I can become an addiction councilor because I feel like talking to someone who has actually been there can do more for an addict than any MD or any med because they can get any and everything off of their chest without being judged by a doctor who thinks he knows it all
Helpful - 0
4149717 tn?1389503561
I think I saw that exact episode and athough Heroin was not my DOC, I remember thinking "wow, My life was so sad when all I did was chase pills" I would relovolve every waking hour to counting my pills so I knew when I would be out, thinking of when I could get my next refill or if I would be buying them off the streets! It was a horrible cycle. Oh and the money, forget about it! hahaha

I think this new Life being clean and sober is an amazing gift that you have gotten and being able to spend those precious moments with your daughter is priceless and those memories will last in her mind! I promise that!

HUGE Congrats on 2 months (and 2 days) clean!!! You should be incredibly proud! Dont ever look back :)
Helpful - 0
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