Hey Lynn here!

So I'm allowed my phone due to me having a daughter and the fact that I had a nervous breakdown leaving her. Only they get to check all my history and have went thru and deleted all contacts. Fine by me I need y'all to help me thru. Getting by on photos alone of my daughter is killing me. I need her snuggles. I'm so glad I get to talk to my hubby whenever I want and to go in this board. I'm feeling like death and anything to keep my mind occupied would be great. The place I'm at is way nice. Thanks to my wonderful husband. I couldn't be luckier. But I miss my girl so much it hurts. I cry myself to sleep at night. I just wat her kisses all day every day. This is so hard. And maybe a good thing. Cause I swear to god I will never do anything ever again to get me taken from her. I'm done with it. And y'all have heard it time and time again but I will prove it. I miss her soooo much. How could I have done this. I am missing a month of her life due to my stupidity. I'll just die if she starts waking or something like that. I need someone to talk to. Methadone has ruined alot for me and I have such hate for myself and the drug right now. I could puke. I want to go home.

[gnarly_1]

HET Lynn good to here from you im glad your at a rehab how are they bringing you off are they going to taper the methadone or use short acting like lortabs to come down??? I know they do it both ways in rehabs you in good hands your hubby and his mom will take care of your baby girl we needto focus on getting you well hang in there keep posting where all here for you.....did they ever figure out what mad you seze?? your friend and fellow addict Mark

[ducky406]

As much as you miss your baby munchkin this month will help you return to her a better healthier mother. So as selfish as it may feel -you need to get better and take care of yourself, which will then allow you to take better care of her. That's not selfish at all.

Can you get visitations, have your hubby bring her up? Or maybe get a teddy bear from her. My sister took my niece's spongebob pillow to rehab as a teddy bear. Perhaps you can have something of your daughter's to cuddle with?

[atthebeach]

hi lynn, it is great to hear from you. hun i know it is very hard to be away from your daughter. the time away and the healing you will receive will be beneficial for you and your family. your are in my thoughts and prayers.
you are going to be ok. keep the faith. trust,hope,pray. dont be to hard on yourself. your hubby is a  wonderful part of your support system. you are blessed. please try to be patient.
sending hope,hugs,prayers,encouragement
debbie

[ready2bfree49]

Hi....I'm getting ready to go into a medical detox soon...I have to be on 20 mgs a day for a week to get in...I start 20 next friday...I have a 6 yr old daughter and I worry about what to tell her? she's going to notice mommy is gone for 7+ days...where did you tell your daughter you were going? her daddy and I are seperated and we have her split time so that will help a little cause half the week she is with him....I will be a better everything when I get off this stuff I have been on it for 6 yrs. most of that time on 90 mgs and I pd. 100.00 a week......

[bmdad]

I know it has to be so hard to be away from your daughter. Look at it this way though. If you didn't get the help you needed you may have only had a month left to spend with your daughter. Addiction can take us to places we never thought we would be. So many have been arrested and had to serve time. Some have had their children taken away due to their use. Others have even overdosed and lost their life. All of these are a very real possibility if we don't get the help we need. When using it's amazing how numb we are and how much of our kiddos lives we actually miss even though they are right there in front of us. A month may feel like a long time but what's 30 measly days to get your life back and be 100% aware of your surroundings. I'm not saying you weren't a wonderful mother because I know that you were and that you are but we missed out on so much without even realizing it. You sticking this out just proves how much love you have for your daughter, yourself and your husband. You're doing a great thing here and will be worth every second of the time you have to spend away from home.

If you put forth the effort you can make this the last time you ever have to go through this. A sober life is the only life to live and we have to do everything we can and give it our all to get there.

Hang in there Lynn. It's such a short amount of time and you'll be home in the loving arms of your family in no time.

We are proud of you!




Brian

[dominosarah]

Nice to hear from you!  Lynn, you need to be right where you are at.  I know a month sounds like a lifetime to you right now but in reality it isnt.  You stay there and work your butt off.  Focus on you and your recovery.  You will be a much better person by doing this.  I know this is hard being away from your daughter but you need to get better.  This is your chance now, take it and run~~sara

[rnangel]

Hey lynn, I'm glad you are in a safe place and on the road to wellness. I know how heartbreaking it is to leave your kids. I spent Christmas 2010 away from my sons, aged 5 and 13 at the time. I was over 3000 miles away from them and went over 6 weeks without seeing them. The only thought that kept me going was that they were going to get a better Mom. I will pray that your heartache does not distract you from the emotional work you are there to accomplish. Of course you miss her terribly but you have to find the strength and courage to not lose sight of why you are there. My counsellor told me, "don't try using your kids as an excuse to avoid the other painful emotions that have led you to using". That really hit home to me. Before rehab I was using substances to avoid dealing with feelings and when I got there I was displacing my deep seeded emotional pain with longing for my children. Of course mothers miss their children. But giving ourselves permission to become emotionally crippled without them is like giving in to our addiction. Our addiction does not want us to get to the heart of why we embrace it so tightly. It wants to mask our reality time and time again.

I just want to give you another perspective. You WILL get through this! Your daughter is blessed to have two parents who are willing to work so hard to provide her with security and comfort she needs to be a resilient young woman. I'm sending you hugs from my heart xox

[all_alone1]

i am sooo glad to see you posting...but am so sad to hear the pain in your words concerning your daughter....i know being away from her is very hard on you...i am also glad your husband is so supportive of you..

just know all of us are here for you..and wish you the best

[lynnalb15]

Gnarly they are giving me the Watson 500 (Vicodin) but only for the first week then I'm going cold turkey. I only have a month here but the groups help a lot. I getti get out all my feelings. I missed this. I've been thru rehab once before and it helped so much. But this is my last chance. I will get it right.

[lynnalb15]

And my seizure was a combo of low blood pressure and blood sugar. Not fun.

[lynnalb15]

Thank yu all very much. I miss her buy know I have to do this. And to readytobefree my baby is only 6 mo so she Dosent understand what's going in thank god

[gnarly_1]

hi lynn how you feeling??? thats a typical way of bringing someone off methadone but a week is a fast taper at lest you will have a doctor on board to watch your b/p it usually spikes
keep us posted on how it goes good luck and youre in my prayers.......Gnarly

[dominosarah]

Just know we are all here cheering you on!!

[lynnalb15]

Thank you all