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Hey....Im still here....day 10-11...
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Hey....Im still here....day 10-11...

Hi........well I sure hope I emotionally feel better soon.  Good news is....Im physically coming around.  It is a bit much better,  not completely gone yet.  but better.  Mentally....I feel like Im just sitting on the fence in between good and bad.  If that makes sense to anyone.  In other words...just blank.  But most importantly...Im not using and im glad I quit.  I guess I feel okay enough to get to a few meetings now....& reach out for certified counselor.....Also start back up with my church, and what they also offer.  Well....I gotta keep moving.  so I will push my heavy body to get dressed & run a few errands,  then hit the track.  Im trying.....I just know I cannot go back.    I wish strength to us all.  Ill check back later.  Thank you all for checking on me.  
10 Comments Post a Comment
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3197167 tn?1348972206
Sounds like you're pushing yourself through this...that's all we can do.  To get to the other side, we have to go "through" it.  Exercise and Meetings and Church will ALL help with that "blah" feeling in your head.  It takes time to heal.....keep on truckin girl☺
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Avatar m tn
You sound great congrats on day 11. You are doing all the right things and I'm very proud ofyou. Asi said in your other post I think everytime we go back to being active its harder each time we try and detox. And you are right I think the physical side of things are over quicker than the mental side of things. Soim very happy that you are pushing on with your detox and I'm sure this will be the last time you have to do this. It took me 20 years to get clean so I understand why or what makes us use ahain but you desserve to be free and happy and you will my friend. I'm in your corner rooting for you. Keep up the awesome work you are putting in as its not easy to do. But you got that winning feeling keep your guard up and you will be ok. Best of luck to ya and god blessyou and keep up the good work. you have been through the worst. Like you said get to some meetings and keep busy it takes your mind of the negative thoughts. Your friend ,,,,james
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Avatar m tn
You do continue to amaze me with the fight you are putting up. Congrats on a huge 11 days awesome job your friend ,,,James
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Avatar m tn
Stilltrying...hi there.  Thankyou for your kind words and thoughts, and encouragement. God knows we allllll need it.  You did make me smile..... I do hope things are good for you as well.  Yep...Im hanging in there.  It sure is a slooooowwww process to better health.   Im still just sitting on the fence....not extremely bad...but def. not extremely good either.  Well my birthday will put me right at about 15 days clean from opiods.  I know thats a good thing...Ill just be happy when I really start to feel happy again, enjoying life.  ....but at least Im a lil better than I was.  Ill check back in a lil later.   Everyone try to enjoy your day.
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Avatar m tn
You are most welcome my friend. Encouragement we all need it there is nothing wrong with a lil support. I'm fine apart from my leg but I can deal with that, but thank you for thinking of me. I'm happy that I made you smile. Keep hanging in there I know its a very slow process but time is moving and you are moving with it and that's good. If I'm not on when your birthday comes here,s an early have a happy birthday. You will start to feel better day by day and I think you already know that. Keep fighting the good fight you are winning. I will have a good day thank you. ill look forward to your update. Stay strong my friend, good things come to those that wait talk soon,,,,,,, James
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Avatar m tn
hey girl congrats on day 11 your making it  ...keep pushing the exorcise it is the one thing that releases natural endorphin's in the brain  the next critical step is aftercare   now is the time to start  I  have tryed most  the pastor of my church..  a therapist  a substance abuse counselor  all kept me clean but I still had the old addict behaviors  the obsessing the compulsions the resentments and that nagging desire to use.....N/A has given me my life back  it treats the addict in your head  long after the pills stop your still stuck with it....by going to meetings getting a sponcer and working the 12 steps I have lost the desire to use....something I thought was going to be impossible after 35yrs of using...I hope I dont come off as pushy but here on the forum we have those that use aftercare and stay clean and those that dont and keep coming back over and over again....just know this  there is a life full of joy...dreams...and accomplishments a head of you  today my life is better then I ever thought it could be free from the chains of active addiction so google a N/A meeting near you and go...as always keep posting for support here.....YOU GOT THIS!!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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Avatar m tn
Thankyou ever so much for the birthday wish. I notice I am still getting lil anxiety waves off an on in my stomach....especially when I sit still. Maybe...just maybe by the time I et to 30 days....I will be able to notice a significant change for the better...but I am grateful for this change anyhow...this is much much better than when I was still, using...chasing,,,counting...worrying..hiding.  That truly is insanity.. I got to the point that I was basically taking them to stop the withdrawal symptoms....reality is....I was in withdrawal while I was using as well, because they were not doing what they used to do anyhow....depression had already set in.....I was snapping at everybody...my head was foggy.  I started cutting my doses in halves...which I really didnt feel them anymore anyhow...just steady taking them not to be sick.   Round the clock....I knew my end was coming, I was trying to think and plan a quit date.  The lord did it for me tho......Yep...I ran out...with no means or money to get anymore, & that is when I said...well...guess the time is now....maybe by me being forced into quitting basically,....I feel like this is the last go round for me. I pray with everything in me that this is it.  The last few times I quit...I so called planned the times.  Idk....I just know It is so crazy being an addict..especially to these pills.....because I knew I wanted and needed to quit taking them...every time I dropped one down.  But I couldnt.  I would just tell myself...Ok you will be planning your quit date soon.  That date never came, and I was still getting worst.  God will do what we cant do for ourselves sometimes.  Im grateful he did it for me...& Im far enough in, and have quit enough times....to know...to have made it this far......I dont want to GO BACK....I have came thru **** to get to this point.  I def. dont want to go back to the beginning....I dont think I would even survive it without losing my mind...or a nervous breakdown,,,,or some sorta phychotic break.....Im serious.  I was already questioning my sanity while I was using.  Sooooo the fight continues.  Boy my body feels tired.  but guess Ill go to track and try to walk some.  check back later.
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Avatar m tn
Yes I understand all you are sayig .Gnarly I also agree on everthing you said. Working our recovery is key. wannabefreeagain you will be free again. You know what to exspect you know the highs and lows of getting clean. I'm so proud you are doing it. And running out of pills and not having anybody to help you out was the lord saying enough is enough. I for one am really happy for you. I know its hard but you are doing all the right things by keeping busy. Anything that can take our minds of this horrible feeling. Feelings of dread and despair but we have to go through this to appreciate it when we are clean. We all wish you the best I know you are nowhere near how you would like to feel. But times the greatest healer of all. Keep up the good work you have already put in. And you will day by day feell the benefits of being clean and sober a clear mind and clean will be your best birthday present ever. Just takes hard work and some time to get there but you will get there in the end complete freedom. Keep rocking the free world god bless you as you truly want to be free again. Your friend ,,,,James
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Avatar m tn
wow..  ..it sure is slow here today.
There is very litttle to none communication .  Guess im just used to how active this forum used to be.  Never the less....Im still grateful for this site.  Why do I feel like ill never be right again?   I suppose since my body is feeling a lil better, I just atomatically think so should my brain ???  Well....my brain is not matching the progress physically at all.  To still be down mentally is discouraging.  At the same time....I know I am just going to have to deal with it, because there is no going back for me.  I just pray my emotions of joy return soon.  And yes....I will be attending church tomorrow.  There is where I will start my plan of action for my aftercare.  I am still not in the best shape physically, and def not mentally, Im still just 10-11 days clean.  Maybe physically and mentally, im at the level that I should be ???,  because everyones time table is different. Im hanging on.
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4522800 tn?1470329434
Hi again wannabefreeagain.

Like I mentioned in your last post, the Brain Chems take time to adjust back after the removal of these stims, and everyone is a bit different on the time frame. I know it took me at least 2yrs!
However, I was 56 at the time and had been dipping in and out of recreation drugs for many yrs before my prescribed ones. If we could only take it back right? Ha!! Live & learn!! Anyway, make sure you do all you can to charge back up those brain chems like, good eating, vit/min and exercise. Sun, Exercise and Music get those transmitter & receptors going. Keep yourself re-directed from your thinking too. One day this will be behind you. If we do all the footwork toward our recovery, it does get easier. I found that the first few yrs where the toughest ones. Now almost 4yrs, I still have to work Recovery everyday, but for some reason it seems to be easier and the past of using is falling away. It is hard to describe, but it sure does feel good to be free of this. As long as we never pick up again we will get better and better in time. Keep your chin up and move forward & up, with one baby step at a time. Soon you will be walking bigger steps with a New Smile on your Face, as the Light in your Eyes will shine. Good Luck and Congrats on your time so far.
Bless
Vickie
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