YOU ARE KILLING IT FREEEE!!! SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU MAN! SO DAMN PROUD!
Man I feel f'n GREAT! I am here to tell ya once you hit double digits in days clean (10 and up) life is EVEN BETTER!
Had to go into the office today (I work from home but go to office once or twice a month) and MAN what a GREAT day. FIRST TIME I have ever been to the office CLEAN!!! My mind was sooo clear! People could see a difference in me....asked if I had gotten a lot more sleep lately. Of course I said yes! And I changed my eating habits blah blah blah. Little do they know, I slayed a dragon and am CLEAN.
WHAT A DIFFERENCE!
I absolutely love life right now!
THIS IS EASILY THE BEST THING ANYONE CAN EVER DO FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR FAMILY, LIFE, JOB, ETC ETC.
DO IT TODAY! It is a rough few days but SOOOO WORTH IT! I PROMISE!
After reading the boards here leading up to my decision to kick my habit, then clinging to them during days 2-5 for reassurance that I was doing the right thing, I feel now the responsibility to repay those that helped me through my most dire time of need, by passing it forward and helping others in their time of need. It is my hope that by sharing the new life that awaits, others may decide to take their lives back.
One encouraging thing for me, and something that I am seeing a lot of here, is finding a partner to go through the process with. I may have been able to do it on my own, but it was a different experience with Ready and LeighAnn....each of us cheering one another on....encouraging...sharing our fears....sharing what we lost, why we chose now, what is different this time than the others......just know that there was nothing different about any of us....we were no different than you...you! The one reading this now wondering if you have a problem, or know you do and are afraid to admit it....or afraid to kick it.
I have stated before that the 5 days it took to come out of the fog seemed like the same amount of time I was under the influence....a couple years! But the truth is, you have been high for years....what awaits you on day 6 is worth the pain and suffering experienced.....you will smell things....see things....wonder at Gods creation....laugh at nothing at all....cry with regret....hear a song that makes you smile....look into your childs eyes and see the love and hope that they have in you! Make love to your spouse because you love them and want to experience a connection with them....
You have wasted years in addiction.....surely you can spend a few days in discomfort, that you might experience the joys and new life that await!!! I read posts for months wondering if I could do this....I am only 12 days clean, but so addicted to my new (old) life that I could never go back....make the decision now to post here....ask for a friend...tell us why today is different for you....make a committment....YOU WILL DO THIS!!!! YOU NEED TO DO THIS!!!
Good morning all...Day 7...rough night of sleep...but not that bad. As we all know...the daily and nightly challenges become more bearable the more distance we put between us and the devil!
BIG challenge today...my football watchin, pill poppin buddy is in town...and wants to get together for, guess what?? You got it...football watchin and pill poppin. He already has them...gonna be really hard...but I am not about to give up 7 days for that bs. Pray for me today...Saturdays are always very hard to stay clean. Historically, my REWARD day. The day I say, "great work this week Free..now go out and ruin your life". I get VERY bored, which has always been an issue for me...so I go out and find something to bide the time. I am an adrenaline junky. In highschool that was addressed through Sports and School and a very active like. Then College cam...and I quit sports...and filled my boredom with Booze and Drugs. Gotta build the foundation again...fill my life with natural adrenaline...only way to win this fight.
Anyway, overall very proud, happy and determined today. Please, those who are on days 1,2,3,4,5...KEEP GOING. The posts don't lie...it greats WAY better. Still a challenge...but much more manageable and rewarding.
God bless, good clean living...love you all...keep coming around...post is at 200+, and counting.
Come and play...Free and Friends are waiting at the park door...with gym shoes and the will to just run around and be FREEEE!!
Lata...oh, and Go Blue today!!! Need this one bad.
Hang in there freedom and realize that you already have a reward...you have a new life ahead of you and your self respect back.That is way better than some stupid short term buzz from some stupid little pills.BE STRONGYou have invested time and effort and pain and agony to reach this stage and get to the next stage of healing.i remember when I quit smoking I made up my mind that cigarettes would no longer be a part of my life and was able to hang around smokers and not give in.That was26 years ago.I did not have buddies with pills but had a codeine addiction which I also gave up.When your mind is made up that you want one thing more than the other,you will not cave in.Good luck and have a good weekend with your family,
Ready first let me say this post has got me back on track. You guys are AMAZING.
I quit back in May and let me tell you I have relapsed 5 times and went through fn WD's
6 times in the last 8 months. I need a quit buddy. WHY DO I THINK I CAN CONTROL
IT EVERYTIME I GET A FEW WEEKS UNDER MY BELT.
I AM LIVING A HELL ON EARTH!!!!!!!! At this rate I could just end it all.
My work, relationships, just everything su**s right now
This thread gave me the courage to do it this time
I just remarried and the hardest thing was to tell her of my addiction after the wedding
I am a piece of sh1t!!!!!! She is wonderful like my ex flew her broom to work
She wants me to be healthy and has stuck by me and said let's see what we need to do to fix this. WOW Many would have walked out for keeping secrets/
MR CLEAN you jumped on this bandwagon and have succeeded
For me I have hit rock bottom. Actually I have to look up to even see rock bottom!!!!
I AM CLEAN 1 DAY TODAY. I know how to get clean(done it 6 times)
Need encouragement to stay this way
Remember many posters from May gone now. Hope Ready, LeghAnn, Mr Clean hang around awhile as this thread is the best I have read since May
JUST WAY TO GO ALL YOU GUYS. MY HATS OFF TO THE WHOLE BUNCH
Hi ready, wow, I remarried as well and the ex took the broom. My new wife sticks by my side like you would not believe. She believes in me more than I believe myself. How lucky can we get. I as well was an on again off again addict. But the more she supports me, the more I hate my habit. Its good, and we all need the support. We cannot do it alone. I told her before we were married, many many months, but I have nothing to hide from her. Keep up the good work, and thanks for your words of inspiration..........
Teeshot....it's a funny thing how our minds work...go through hell for 5 days then a few weeks later thinking that you feel good, but hey, you can control yourself this time, right? Maybe just a couple in the afternoon to perk me up?
You must do something different this time Tee....my choice was to seek counseling, make my first post to this board (see the top of this thread...scared as hell)...and continue to read/post as part of my aftercare. Also, to open my Bible daily for encouragement....everytime one of those thoughts creeps into my head, I state outloud why I quit, the names of my wife and children, then run to this board to read/post.
Happily, at day 13 I find that I don't think much about doing the drug, but I do think almost every minute about how wonderful I feel. Even when I feel tired, it's a real tired feeling, not a drug tired kinda feeling....you know what I mean? I have been sleeping very solid each night now, but find that I wake up rested every morning at 5 am! Can't go back to sleep...but I am usually in such a good mood and anxious for the day that I just get up....
Be encouraged by others victories...then relish your own!
Free-A word of caution to you....if you are going to change your playground, you gotta change your playmates! You are vulnerable at this stage, stay away from those who would lure you back in....don't put yourself in a situation where you have to make a decision...run the other way....don't return the phone call....whatever you need to do! Know your triggers and how you intend to deal with them...
Indeed Mr. Clean...sage advice...it would be a shame to ruin 7 days of Freedom...hell, but freedom nonetheless. First day that I am without symptoms...except for the dreaded PAWS. Why the hell do they call it something CUDDLY like PAWS, anyway?? haha.
Teeshot...you can do this my man...spent my first day watching football, sober, in 20 years...and what a treat. Nice to know I will remember it tomorrow and savor the natural high is has given me. Little tired, yes...but clear headed and lovin 7 days completed.
Onto the the Snowman (thought you'd appreciate the golf referrence, Tee). Looking forward to every day more and more...
Love to all...stay strong my fantastically amazing friends!!
Yo Tee...here's one thing you can do. Go to Ready's personal site...he has a song posted by Dishwalla...Angels and Devils. It is amazing and is nothing shot of miraculous in terms of it's ability to keep you going. I literally did not stop listening to it, through my first 5 days. Also...when I get to thinking (bad, right), I listen and it gets me back on track...don't know why, it just does.
Come and play, Tee...we are all finding our way back to the innocent life...the life where the smalls things are the things that matter most and make us feel the best.
I have quit...alcohol, and drugs of many sorts...a hundred times. Always sacrificing my life for the quick fix. Get mad...get better...and listen to the song...it is truly heavenly.
Keep posting...that works miracles too...now go out and beat this stupid insignificant piece of dogsh*t thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Free. Didn't watch football today at all ( very unlike me) but hey I am in day 2 of wd's. Could you just say the song and group you talked about and I will go buy it
I NEED SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT OFTEN. The least little thing sets me off,
but the new wife is ssuch an innocent baby doll just look in her blue eyes for one minute and forget what it was
Went to the gym today(she drove me and waited in the car)
I walked treadmilll (20MINUTES) AND THIS WAS REALLY HARD>
I SAT IN A WHIRLPOOL 30 MINUYES he he
I am going to make that list MR CLEAN. You seem to have it all together
I already have a counsoler appt for 11/30.
I went to many NA meeting threw the h*ll and would be smoke filled with people in forced
because of prison, herion addicts, on methadone and I show up for the noon meeting in a suit.
For 2 weeks people didn't even talk to me. I asked an older(wiser)man to be my sponser and he never even called when I started using and quit going. They looked like panhandlers
There are a few more meetings here but funny that the best meeting I ever went to was at rehab center held once a week but 80% were alcoholics.
DUDE you can learn a lot from an alcoholic as we struggle to find drugs an alcoholic
can buy on every street corner. That takes balls to quit
Unfortunately I started using before the next week
LETS GET SOME OF THAT INSPIRATION GOING AGAIN. READY YOU REALLY GOT SOMETHING GREAT STARTED SO DON'T LOSE THAT FIRE IN YOUR BELLY AND GET BACK ON HERE AND HELP OTHERS.
It will be satisfying to know you can help others beat this devil and help all who participated stay clean by helping others.
I think I go drink a bottle of water and take some vitamins.
THANKS TO ALL teeshot
Good morning my dear friends...and what a wonderful morning it is. My first Football Saturday sober...in 20 years!!! Was tough at times...but I awake this morning with the amazing theatre of athleticism fresh in my mind...can't tell you how long it has been since I have REALLY enjoyed this...my most favorite of hobbies. Yes, kinda dorky...but it is religion for me...always has been.
I am on Day 8...and feeling really good. As you all know, morning and evening are toughest for me...but this morning feels different...already planning constructive activities for the day and looking forward to the accomplishment of doing them with a clear head.
With that...keep fighting my dear companions...you all are on an amazing journey...it may not feel like it at times...but even the pain, is a good thing. Because it is REAL...and the Joy is right around the corner.
Won't be posting as much...but will continue check in....so Shine, Ready, Mr Clean, Tee, LMH, LeighAnn, Strong and all the rest of my peeps...hold your heads high...we are winning this amazing battle...one day atta time.
Readytogetbetter dam I'M GLAD YOUR BACK. I thought you got cured and ran away
Let me say your thread was the most inspiring I have read since last May
Since last may I have relapsed 5 times and went through the HEL of WD"s 6 times.
I must be a slow learner but everytime I get a few weeks clean I think I can control it.
NOT!!!!!!!!!!! never has worked
I am on day 3 now and newly married and swore to my wife I would be clean in time for thanksgiving at her parents and BY GOD IT WILL HAPPEN.
OH, by the way I didn't tell her of my pills untill after the wedding and most women would
have blindfolded me and lit my last cigarette!!!!. She is a sweetheart and says lets do whatever it takes to stop this. That's f'n inspiration!!!!
Ready I have been so low that I have to look up to see rock bottom.
I think my problem is boredom and finding new hobbies to keep my mind off pills
after the sh** has passed.
I have been reading here since May and and off all posts read your really fired my but up to where it's never been in 8 years.
You succeeded by finding quit buddies but your buddies were inspired by your lead
Congrats MAN on dumping the pill friends and curing the other pill friends.
I have been where you are now 5 times I mean pumped and on fire and in a month
I am back in THE DEVILS GRASP so beware he is always lurking.
If you don't post for awhile I will know the DAM DEVIL GOT YOU BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just hope you are around to help me as you have so many others. teeshot
I PLEDGE TO HONOR AND OBEY ALL RULES OF THE SUCCESSFUL POSTERS
IN THIS GROUP SO HELP ME GOD.
Dam I feel like the President now!!!!!!
I never want to go back through that black tunnel again because
THE DAM DEVIL IS WAITING AT THE OTHER END WITH HIS BAG OF FEEL GOOD PILLS.
After going through this WD sh** 6 times I must be a hard headed SOB
And yes an understanding pretty new wife who didn't blow her top when I confessed is not only extra inspiration, but a keeper as they say.
STAY CLEAN ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!
What are you doing for aftercare? staying busy building ships in little bottles?
From someone who's been there done that and didn't get a freakin t-shirt I swear
the time will come in the near future when TEMPTATION rears it's ugly head
What is the battle plan my friend?
I hope stay around here helping others for awhile as you have a gift
Hello to my friends...and WOW...what a day. It is truly amazing what happens as you get closer to double digits in days sober. I CANNOT believe I lived in this cloud for so long...my thoughts are now clear and I am motivated to do things that I haven't had the energy for in so long.
Just a quicky to say hi and keep up the good work, my fellow club members. How great is it to have Thanksgiving as a sober holiday!! Can't wait.
Stay strong my friends...it gets better every day.
So glad to hear you are doing so well, friend. Congrats on how far you have come! First sober Thanksgiving in many years, yay! I have cut down to one a day - is it finally my time to jump? I am battling this demon, the reasons to go through with and the reasons why I'm not ready. Honestly I don't have any reason not to jump now. Already going through the WD's from cutting down severely anyway. I think I am ready... but here is the thing, the last two days I could have started but when I start getting the anxiety I have put it off. Makes me feel like a weak person even though I know damn well I'm not.
I can take a xanax today when that happens I guess?? I am trying to figure out how serious I am about this? It seems like there are ppl here that want to be sober more than I do. I am just being honest and clearing my head here. I do want it but the pain of getting there is scary - especially when I hear about PAWS and the demons ppl are trying to slay far after the WD's.
Thanks for listening. And Tee Shot - you are a brave man! Stay strong!!
Tee.....you are killin' me!!!! I laughed out loud at your pronouncement! That was effing awesome! Interesting that one of the games your "party" brain will play with you is to wisper little things like "you know you failed before" or "you've been clean for awhile, you can handle yourself now" or "how long are you planning on staying clean? not forever!....that's a long time" Heard any of those thoughts Tee?
Recognize that the addictive brain will war with the sober brain. When AB starts his chatter, you need to engage SB by telling AB to shut the eff up....you are in control not AB! Try not to think too far ahead in your sobriety....focus on what you are doing TODAY, how great you feel TODAY!
Sunshine....can you please do yourself a favor and flush the last of your dope down the toilet? I am proud of how far you have come....I could never take the path that you chose....but I think that bodes well for your future. You've put alot of thought, time and planning into your recovery. You have a plan, the only thing you missed was the JOP! (jumping off point-haha) Do you realize if you jump today, by Friday you will be a new women...heck, you might even enjoy Thanksgiving this year! If you had jumped last week, you would be COOKING Thanksgiving this year (just kidding, trying to poke a little fun). You are already so uncomfortable, you might as well slay that darn dragon instead of fighting him.....GO FOR THE KNOCKOUT PUNCH!......You are only testing your will and resolve...if you don't jump, you may weaken to the point of putting it off until after the holidays or some fool notion like that....
Think of it this way....you are feeling crappy everyday for weeks....if you jump, you will only feel crappy for 4 days, then start to enjoy your return to a real person again....one who feels, loves, laughs.....cries. Remember when you appreciated simple things like rain, morning dew, sunsets, walking the dog.....by this weekend they will mean something again! DO IT SSG! I am praying for you...God will not forsake you in this hour...He hears your cry....we hear you....
Keep posting....best to all my friends....
Ready....where do you get the energy? I mean, I'm back to normal, but geez, you should be a motivational speaker! (haha) Great to keep hearing from you my friend....
OMG! I can't tell you how HAPPY I am for all of you this morning. I'm sitting on the front porch (borrowing a signal from someone...lol) and just loving this post up. You are all doing sooooo good.
The first two days of our move was hard. I can't count the times I thought, God if I only had a few pills I could get on top of this. I knew that thought was a LIE! I didn't give in. I knew if I took a few pills, as soon as I would get them in my mouth, I would be thinking about where and when I would get the next. It always happened that way. I never got anything accomplished when I took them. It only numbed reality and made me see it in a different light, but never gave me the motivation to change anything. I hope that makes sense.
I am still clean yall! 2 weeks and 1 day clean. I am moved into my house. Of coarse my garage (2 car) is slam full of boxes and furniture, but I'm ok. I'm not trying to kill myself and get it all done at once. My goal is to now unpack 2 boxes per day. If I want to unpack more, then that's fine, but if I don't, that's ok too. I'm not going to worry my guts out over it.
Hopefully will be getting satellite internet (Hughes) this Friday. I can't beleive it's going to be $70 a month. That rediculous. I'm almost tempted to cancel the installation and just use my neighbors signal, but with my luck...they will figure it out and enable their security. It's freezing out here, but I just had to get on here to see how well you guys were doing.
I'm still not sleeping quiet like I would like. Last night was my second night trying Melatonin. It did help a little, but didn't help at all the night before.
The first day of our move, I cried the whole entire day. Just watching my husband load all of our appliances, furniture and boxes by himself. I did help, but my help was nothing compaired to all he was doing. I felt so sorry for him, and at the same time, so sorry that I had neglected him these past four years. I didn't realize what a jewel I had. Those damn pills blind sighted me. No more though! I now know what I have and am willing to go over and beyond to do what I need to do to keep him and make him realize how much I love him in return.
Gosh, I wish I could hug you all and tell you how proud I am of you. I know how hard it is!!! You guys have really been fighting, and I see you are now enjoying the rewards of being clean. I also laugh sooooooooo much now. My kids are loving it. It seems they are always trying to make me laugh now that they figured out their mom actually knows how to laugh....rofl! Silly I know...but oh so much fun.
Well guys, I am freezing my butt off...I had to read alot to catch up. Freedom...you are rocking it brother.
And for my QTB....get your butt on here. Everyone needs you here, and so do I. (((hugs))). Mr. Clean...I love all of your post and it make me grin just to see your name on here. You two are a great inspiration for me!!! I don't like the thought of loosing touch, so let's do what Freedom said and make this the longest post in quitter history...lol.
Love to you all!!! Freedom and Tee...keep it up!!!
I'll try and get a signal tomorrow morning again...praying it doesn't rain...it's been raining the past few days here.
Have a great day everyone!
I was having a really hard hour for some reason and I stumbled on this thread of posts.. My goodness, thank you to you guys..reading this page over and over about ten times got me through it.. I am fighting an oxy addiction that I am tapering, and I mean tapering fast..so wd's are terrible..gone from 280mg a day of oxy to 90 yesterday and today looks like will be less again..dropping each day even if its only a tiny amount.. LeighAnn55: You sound like your living my story I have never told anybody lol I too have a husband that I am feeling has been left out for the last many years I was suffering this addiction..and I too used too think that the pills gave me energy and I got all this stuff done...LIE BIG FAT LIE...now I look and I havent accomplished much of anything in the years I have been taking these pills..and that included having alot to make up to my hubby for since he stuck it out all these years and let me see on my own that I needed to stop.. he is a firm believer that you have to do this for YOU, nobody else to succeed so he just helped along the way pointing it out till I was ready to realize it myself..hoping since this is more for ME then anybody else I will be able to succeed..only on day 5 of taper that drops drasticly daily and I can already notice when I am thinking about things I am think differently..seeing differently, and feeling differently...COULD I REALLY BE FINALLY COMING OUTTA THE HAZE OF THE LAST TEN YEARS ON PILLS??? God I hope so...You guys rule, without you's and this thread to read I dont know what woudl of happened..I was feeling terrible till I read this...AGAIN, YOU'S RULE AND are soo soo needed by all of us trying to win this battle...so stick around, good things have to come to you people that are doing all this good for us that are trying not too lose!
Right here, LeighAnn...crushing it today...cleaning like a madman..and looking forward to my fist sober T-Giving in 20 years!! Bro-in -Law is coming and will have the devil with him...but he knows my situation and is looking out for me. Will be tough knowing they are in the house though...as I have never let the guilt of stealing stand in my way...uggghhh. BUT...I am not giving my life back...which, by all accounts is 75% back...and if you don't know me, 75% of Free is a pretty BAD Motherf****er.
Hope all is well out there...keep coming around the Play Ground folks...I am hitting the Slides today...standing my baddass up!!
HAPPY DAY BEFORE TURKEY DAY!!!!!
I am starting day 5 and feel a little clear headed but
I AM SO TIRED OF FEELING TIRED
Went for a half walk half run this AM and slammed down 2 bananas
I never experinced RLS ever. Don't know if it was daily bananas or tons of vitamins
Don't you just get sick of the smell of those dam vitamin bottles. Ya know that smell that makes me want to gag if I swallow 4 or 5 at a time.
Going to the wife's parents in the AM and I am going to have fun like it or not
It will probably be good to socialize a bit and on the plus side
A GOOD DAY AND SWEETIE WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME IT WILL ALL
BE WORTH IT
Eat lots of turkey for tryptophan for good sleep. Braged about no RLS but haven't slept longer than 5 hours since Sat
Stay off the sweets and I'll slip off for a walk
I hope everyone has a very enjoyable day with whomever you may be with
Love to all teeshot
To all my friends...and happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. You all are amazing people and I would not be on day 11 without you. So, with that, lift up your glasses of Apple Juice and drink up. Our life is ours...and nothing can take it away.
We should all be very proud. I love you all...have a blessed holiday!!
it to are coming off oxy80mg 2 to 3 a day 2night is my first night of withdrawl im doin okay can i went and got some xanax to help me get through i know your not suppose to substitute one drug 4 another but it wuill help with the w/d
I am an recovering drug "Addict" the drug of choice Roxy's. Im a 23 year old mother of two and a wife, and the only thing i had ever done befor was smoke pot, "whice i hadnt dont in years". But 6 months ago, i was introduced to Roxys. It was offered and i did it, i snorted it up my nose. I had never done anything up my nose. But it felt so good "The High", its amazing...FOR A WHILE..but it starts taking over..slowly. I thought i had the control and i could stop at anytime, but it had control over me, i couldnt think of anything else but getting money to buy drugs..its sad. But i was lucky My husband saw that i needed help..and he plained an intervention. and i went to a rehab. needless to say Im clean 28 days today, and it was really hard the first 2 weeks, but its getting easyer every day. Im not better, ill always think about it, and at time's i really want it, but i no i cant lose myself again to the addict inside. I hope God blesses me enough to stay clean. Im proud of myself so far but it is a day to day struggle. I hope i have helped someone, out there.
Hi guys!!! Hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving!! Great to hear from those who haven't posted in a while :) So, I have chosen my quit date: Dec 9th. Gonna be home for a week then so I can just take care of myself, and by that time I will have all my business taken care of so I won't be stressing on that. To be honest it's going to be difficult not to just freely "enjoy" until then. I have gone back up, WAS down to 1/day. I know I have to taper.. I taper down only to go back up everytime!! That has been my pattern. Mainly, I have so much more motivation with the pills -- that is by far my biggest scare. I just lay around waiting for the sky to fall only too often when I have cut down. My BF knows and is not happy with my current state so he is a big motivator to quit now, and I am going back to some hardcore college classes in January so gotta have my head screwed on straight!! :o) I have to say that I know I am a tough cookie and I can do it. These evil pills are tough too, so we gotta be tougher!! So I will taper as much as I can and then jump dammit! I am telling you all for accountability. I am scared and like a kid "don't wannnnnna" - but this is life and it's time to grow up!!
Thank you Freedom, and Clean for your kind words and inspiration. Can't thank you enough. Great to hear you are staying strong Leigh Ann. Look forward to hearing from you guys soon :) And thank you so much for keeping this thread going!! Love to you all!
Hey everyone! Sorry its been a while snce I checked in! Was out of town for T Giving and have band rehearsal today for an Xmas gig we just booked :)
Wanted to let everyone know I will be checking in more often now the crazy holidays are over and need an update from all my dear friends! I hope everyone is still living the REAL LIFE! Check in with your friend Ready! SOOO great to hear from LeighAnn too! WWOWO thats my GIRL! So lets all take a couple minutes and let me know how you are doing in the club :) Love u guys!!!
Sunshinegal we WILL BE HERE FOR YOU!!!!
Will be back soon after band practice :) Music is going to sound so different now I am playing it "clean"...gonna be COOL! :)
Hope that everyone had a pleasant holiday! Mine was okay (don't care for the inlaws much), but was a fun weekend for the most part...boy did it go by fast! It is difficult for me to post on weekends, so I hope that you all understand.
Today is day 21 for me....3 weeks! It was weird that on days 3-5, I didn't think I would ever use again....day 10 or so, I didn't "feel" like using, but my mind started to tell me that maybe I would be okay now. I could handle just a little bit.....right? Truth is, I can't...none of us can. The urge went away, and I haven't had a strong urge since. That said, I remember many times dreaming of scoring pills while I was using. That all went away the day I quit. The last two nights however, I have had those same dreams...scoring...weird huh?
A word of encouragement......the best that I feel is usually after a workout, walk or some sort of physical activity. I have had bouts of depression the last 2 weeks....some days I don't feel real happy (guess that is PAWS?). This really surprised me, I have never felt like this before. Maybe it is partly because most of my emotions have been masked for so long...not sure.
I know that I have said this many times, but it bears repeating....I didn't think I could do this....it seemed too difficult. Even some days now feel difficult, but when I think about myself then vs. now, there is no comparison. Life isn't always about springing out of bed each morning with a huge smile, but it is about being able to look in the mirror as you brush your teeth and be happy with who you see. For me, there has been nothing so rewarding as looking in the mirror...I don't mean from a vanity perspective....but really looking into your own eyes...your soul....realizing that what you have been through was real, is part of who you are, but your past doesn't have to dictate your future.....
my god Clean that was soooo perfectly said!!! We all go thru those feelings! It isnt easy but staying STRONG is so rewarding! I too have had such dreams but then I look at my kids and realize how important it is what I did and to come this far. NO WAY I am gonna throw it all away for a 15 minute buzz. NO WAY!!!!!
I am so with you Clean. I know exactly what you are talking about. Now that I'm clean, it's like I'm having to relearn to live. I mostly have cravings when I'm bored or tired (no energy). I, too, often think, well...now maybe I could handle it and just use the pills for when I need them, and I wouldn't let myself get back to where I depended on them all the time...but I know it's all a lie.
That's why I keep coming to this board. It helps me to know that I am not alone in having these crazy feelings. I wonder how long it takes for our brain to produce a normal amount of dopamine on it's on. I'm sure it will be a while. I'm trying to stay true to myself, and am not expecting myself to be 100% until at least 6 months clean.
Keep in touch! Stay strong!
3 weeks and 1 day clean
Well, Mr Clean...you have walked right into my Wheel House. Anxiety and Depression is the reason that I starting taking these pills in the first place. My wife always asks me..."what do they make you feel that is so special." My response is simple...it's what they DON'T make me feel that is what makes them so addictive...for me. But as we all know...that eventually leads to no feelings at all...not good.
Feelings...even bad ones are good. It's just normal life. The best part about being clean is that you can fight them and overcome them and feel great in winning the battle. I think we are all realizing that although the week of detox was hell...it is but a small part of the battle. The hardest part will come when we feel great and need to make the right decisions.
Things are good here...going through the ups and downs of life. T-Giving was amazing...as it always is!! Looking forward to Christmas...and actually having money to spoil my kids instead of trying to find excuses to tell my wife of why we have no money.
Stay strong my friends...we will win this together...
oh yeah...and a little advice...the recommendations for vitamins and minerals and amino acids are very hard to manage. I have found that a Protein shake from GNC works wonders and contains all the suggested stuff. Thought i'd pass is along.
Hey Free....good call on the vitamins et al. I went out and spent $60 on stuff from the Thomas recipe....took all the recommended doses for 2 days during detox. I couldn't tell a difference so I abandoned them. I have a multi-vitamin sitting on my sink to remind me to take them, but somehow I overlook those too.
After reading LeighAnn's comment about producing brain chemicals naturally, I wonder if there are supplements that we should be taking to encourage that re-birth? I don't mind taking something (clearly!), but I'm not interested in taking it unnecessarily. That is, will the body heal itself and I just need to be patient, continue working out and allow normal processes to transpire over a period of time? Conversely, could a supplement shorten the healing process? I welcome any thoughts...
It feels good to say "day 22".....no depression today...in many long meetings for work....anyone notice how you can pay attention for long periods of time now without zoning out? I had the most boring 4 hour meeting today, but was able to stay alert and actually participate beyond the first half hour....
While we and so many others have referred to "getting our life back", you can't comprehend all of the things that you are missing, you just know that it isn't the same...when you are sober, so many little things come back to you...one at a time, over time.....it's like it's not all revealed at once, but each day there is something different but yet somehow familiar to you. I always see people walking their dogs in my neighborhood and I used to think, "why would anyone waste time doing that?"....now I think, "what a great way to get out and experience the cool winter air!"...am I making any sense to you? CAN I GET A WITNESS?!?!?! hahahahaha....
Best to my friends.....(hey Ready....how you doin? great to hear from you!)
Hey all...just wanted to make sure that this Post stays current.
I went christmas shopping today...and had money to do it!! What a friggin treat...I loved every second of it. I am so looking forward to seeing my kids faces as they open up their gifts. I of course, have already given them, and myself, the best gift that I could have this year. A sober Dad!!
I hope this finds everyone doing well...drop a line and keep inspiring!!
It's so good to see your posts Mr. Clean and Freedom. I'm glad you two are staying clean. I, too, am still clean. Monday will be 4 weeks for me, and the 9th will be 30 days. I guess I need to research a little on our ability to produce dopamine w/o pills again. I think, don't quote me by any means, that there was something in the Thomas recipe that helped us produce dopamine (l-tyrosine). I'm still taking it w/ B6 every day. I'm not sure if it's helping me, or if it's a placebo effect, cause I was used to having good sensations after taking the Vico's. I know there is a list of foods up in the right hand corner, that supposedly help produce dopamine. I know Wellbutrin (<-spelling?) supposedly helps produces it as well.
Guess what yall. I went to my cvs account online to have my ambien refilled and guess what i saw....omg...i still have a refill left on my hydrocodone. OH MY GOD! It drove me crazy for about the first couple of hours. Then I started to think about all I have come through to get to where I am, and I don't want to do that again....!!!! So, it's still sitting there at the pharmacy. I've went through a million scenarios of why i need them...lol. But, I'm NOT going to get them so don't worry.
If any of you guys figure out when we are supposed to be back to normal, as far as the brain chemistry stuff is concerned, please share.
Where is Ready? Don't make me come to GA...lol!
Love yall!!! <3
Thanksgiving went great and ny wife was tickled pink. HOWEVER a cousin who knew of y car wreck asked how things were going and I said well I just deal with occasional soreness. He reached out and dropped 5 norco's. I just stood there dumbfounded.
YEA I TOOK THEM and got through Thanksgiving and I am here to tell you I quit on
Tuesday da 1st( yea I took the last one Monday when I couls have flushed)
I'm no chemist but I'm thinking 5 pills = 5 days of feeling like crap
I'ts a formula
NA, I m getting over it and deeply regret And vow as a member of tha peeps to sail
CLEAN from here on out.
Another thing I realized was it JUST WASN"T FUN ANYMORE compared to the clear
clean Life I had started
If someone Offers you a few JUST SAY NO or you will be back in the tunnell looking for the light
My HUMBLE apoligies to the group but feeling pretty good today and think by weekend
the OLD TEESHOT will be back in full force
I came across this forum while searching hydrocodone withdrawal, and I think the support here is soooo amazing. I'm quitting Friday, the 18th. Have everything planned out, but I'm soooooo scared. I've never been this scared in my entire life. I've been on them 2 years, with the last 4 months or so having progressed to about 100-120mg of 10/325 daily. Can anyone give me any advice? Sometimes I don't think I can fight this battle. I want to quit terribly...I feel like I'm fighting for my life. They've become my best friend, and my worst enemy. Very few people know....my family has no idea. I feel like I've lost myself-my complete soul-in those little yellow pills.
And yes, you CAN do this! I know exactly how you feel. I was on them for a year, my best friend, worst enemy- the secret I kept that made me feel so ashamed. But it is actually amazing the way your mind and body can heal. You are in there, give yourself the time and chance to do this with the right support- I promise you- YOU CAN BEAT THIS.
How's everyone doing.I have not seen many posts from you guys.I hope no news is good news and you are all getting thru the holidays clean.It was fun reading your posts so full of spirit and positive energy.
Hello everyone...it Free checking in. Things could not be better. I spent Christmas week, sober, for the first time in 20 years. It was tough but SOOOO worth it. I am now back in Chicago and can say I am almost back to normal. Laughing, cracking jokes, being motivated, inspired, active etc. It has been a long road and I messed up a few times but am glad the fight is getting easier. I sleep fine now, have a good amount of natural energy and a general sense of happiness that has been missing for well over 2 years. Things that were lost are coming back...thank God.
Even though this was a lean Christmas by my standards, my family is truly blessed...and this was with husband and Dad functioning at 25% over the past 18 months. I can't wait to see what happens when I am clicking at 100%.
I hope this finds everyone doing well. My only Holiday wish for all you Dear Friends is that you continue to find the strength to fight like hell. For me, the Physical w/d's ended up being easy compared to the mental mind scramble these devils put you through. It is SO hard to feel soul-less day after day. But it will end and you will get your life back.
Keep fighting my friends...see you on the Play Ground....
Wow..so good to hear from you and glad that everything is going ok.The playground has been a little empty lately,but most people are hanging in and progressing well.It is an up and down journey....but so is life up and down..The lack of guilt is probably the best thing and also the clear head.Keep fighting yourself and we will as well.Happy new year to all.
I know that this topic is two years old and I'm sorry to bring it back to the top being so dated. I only wanted to add want can only be called a post script to the subject.
I was a part of this thread for many weeks during one of many attempts at recovery. It was a joyful time, inspirational, transcendent even. Odd that I over-looked what was really the most important post for me...."Make sure you get into aftercare, it's really important!...."
I blew right past that advice as I suppose many of my friends did as well. I saw a psych dr. for about six months and thought that I was cured. I began to use again, though not anything like before. I few days on, a few days off. But still, I'm not in any pain, I would take them for fun....but it's not really fun....the first time was fun....that was the last time it was fun. I am clean again, but attending a local AA meeting (same story, different drug) almost daily. I would encourage those who are considering kicking the habit or are in the withdrawal phase of coming clean to read through some of the journey above, as it was indeed inspirational to many.
But be warned that you will never be cured, you cannot succeed on your own and you will need on-going support. It took me years to even begin to understand that. I pray for each of you today who are living a life of bondage and pray that we all find and KEEP sobriety.
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