Hi im new here....iv hit rock bottom and time to change

[Missylkg]

Hi everyone

This is my first time here and im not sure where to start. First of all i,ve become addicted to my pain meds...opiates...i,ve now lost my job, my mind, i,ve isolated myself, im in debt up to my eyes and no one around me knows the extent of how deep in i really am. I,m broken, feel so ashamed, feel everyday is like wading thru mud, im not sleeping, i don't trust myself anymore...i know this can't go on or i,ll end up homeless, in an institute or dead...

I looked up to the sky the other day and asked for forgiveness and help...couldn't think of anything else to do....since then i,ve had a few good things happen that have given me a glimmer of hope. I,ve drawn up a plan with headers....debt managment, how to get back into employment, restoring social networks, addiction management....i,m due to be evicted on mon but i,ve now see a lawyer who is trying to intervene and stop it going ahead....this has been the wake up call i,ve needed to get my head out the sand, look at myself honestly and begin to take the steps to get my life back on track....

I don't have a specific question as such...i just need to reach out and admit to someone what is going on and what i,m planning on doing about it....

My doctors surgery opens at 8 this morning and i,m going to call for an emergency appointment to discuss getting off the meds....i,ve done opiate wd several times before and feeling as low as i do just now i can't see how i,ll get thru the rls and insomnia....the positive is i know what its like to come out the other side.....i clocked up 4 months clean time last year then ended up in the addiction cycle again following major surgery and the post op pain killers triggered it all for me...So hello and thank you in advance....i will return later...p.s i,m new to forums in general so feel free to keep right on rules and etiquette x

[Missylkg]

Hiya

Thank you for getting in touch!

Thank you for being honest about your journey....

I don't know much about sub but i say that anyone who manages to reduce and keep faith in reducing more and getting better is someone i hold in high regard and aspire to. I wish you the very best...first of all i want to congratulate you on your achievements, applaud your insight and thank you for your kindness in reaching out and showing understanding to others....Take care and sending hugs Lx

[Kresaera]

Hi Missy, welcome to our little home. I know exactly how you feel (and so does everyone else here) and will talk you through it the best we can.

I shot up heroin for a few years and can relate to the RLS bit. That is one of the worst symptoms in my opinion. Insomnia is rough too, especially if you have to be active in early morning. Have you tried benedryl for sleep? Valerian root and melatonin can help also.

I did the suboxone program. When I decided to get clean, I had a 6 week old baby and absolutely could not do w/d and take care of her. I started out at 16mg per day and I'm now at 8. I still have a long way to go, but subs saved my life.

I was going to say something else but it left me (brain cells are scarce lol). I'm usually on in the middle of the night as I usually can't sleep when I'm supposed to :-P good luck and good job on your taper!

I remember! I too got evicted. I'm currently living in my mother in law's basement. Rock bottom is the solid foundation on which you build the rest of your life.

[Missylkg]

Hiya Bkitty

Thank you for your response :) I have just found out about clonidine so that is something i will be asking about when i see the doc...

I have managed to cut right down and i,m mildly withdrawing just now nothing i cant manage.....im keeping a thought in my head that a fellow addict told me....she said imagine withdrawal pains are like labour pain- every moment takes you closer to where you need to be.....i,ve not slept a wink but i,m staying strong....take care and thanks Lx

[Bkitty]

Hi and Welcome!! You have got a great plan in place! Surrendering to this disease and God released me from all this. Once I realized I was outta control,,I placed all my faith in God's hand and prayed for guidance. I cant tell what an impact that has made,,as you have already seen.

Yes,,sometime they can give Parkinsons meds for restless legs,,we use Sinemet a lot in our hospice patients for restless legs and leg cramps as well as hydroxychloraquin,,requip or neurontin. We use those a lot as comfort medications. I dont know if those are available in England? Your doctor can help decide the best meds. Sometimes they also can prescibe clonidine to help withdrawals as well,,its for BP normally but off labled uses are detox from opiates. I agree,,dont go the sub/meth route. Some members will taper as well. Im glad you have set up NA and aftercare. I wish you all the best!! ((hugs))Bkitty

[Missylkg]

Thank you to everyone who has got in touch....i,m so humbled that people i don't know have taken the time to show kindness and support....thank you from the bottom of my heart....

Here is mu update
I have got the eviction postponed...so not going to be kicked out my home on monday....was unable get drs appointment today(fully booked) but i,ll be on that again first thing monday morning....ive listened to the points mad about switching from one to another....i absolutely do not want to go the sub/meth route....the only medication i,m looking to investigate is something to reduce the restless legs....i ended up with horrendous friction burns all over my body the last time from constantly moving....ive read that medication used in Parkinsons treatment affecting dopamine has been used for this....anyone got any info they could share.....

i,m prepared for the insomnia and from my own experience nothing safely deals with this....i od'd twice trying to tackle this- once on tricycs, the other on benzos swallowed a weeks worth in one hour trying to knock myself out, ended up in hospital both times after worried friends gained access to my home, i,d been lying on the floor for 24 hrs by that point....guardian angel gave me second, third, million chances....also drank a bottle of gin trying to knock myself out all that resulted in was being steaming and still agitated and sick as h*ll the following day....a lesson learnt....if i can try and reduce the rls i,m ready to tackle the other stuff head on now....

It is my plan to stay here, read posts, try and build bridges with people and listen to others experiences....i,m not too good at getting out the house just now so going to meetings in person is a goal but in the mean time i,m working NA online....

Thank you once again....its appreciated more than i can write x

[minn66]

Just wanted to offer encouragement, support, and welcome you. I tell you, this forum has helped me cope and make it through some really difficult times. Everyone understands what you are going through and if you reach out, will hold your hand each step of the way.

It is good that you are getting a plan together. You are being proactive. Some people have good, understanding doctors that will help them. To give you some hope, mine is one of them. I was nervous about talking to mine but she was a great help. Just be open and honest. Remember, that doctor is employed by you, so if you don't feel comfortable or treats you disrespectfully, find another one.

I hope you stick around and keep posting.

Take care and God bless,

Minn

[Addicted2long]

Welcome glad your here. I think your making a great choice talking to your doctor about stopping. Be aware he may not agree with you fully but be stern about your decision and.follow through no matter what. It is time to get your life back. You may feel different tomorrow than how you did today when you wrote this. Read it over again and again. This is someone who is asking for God's help and forgiveness. It is there for the taking my friend. As far out as you may feel or seem there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Use the resources here to help you plan your recovery. There are many great people here and your so not alone. We all struggle day to day and you've just got to pick yourself back up and make a stand. Agaib welcome to the forum I look forward to hearing from you soon. Take care!

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome ......we see a lot of broken people so your not alone but you have come to a place to find help like Sara said this ant your first rodeo so you know what to expect look to the lower right of this page and look up the thomas recipe pick up the stuff suggested
that and a case of gatoraid we can walk you threw the prosess dont let your doctor put you on sub or methadone its just switching addictions weather you taper off or go C/T  we will be here to support you ther is life after active addiction you can live in recovery but it takes work let us know when you want to start good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[atthebeach]

Hello. Addiction is a progressive disease. It tends to let you think you are in control.in reality you have lost control and it now rules over you.
I hope and pray that you will take the necessary steps to help break the cycle of addiction.it is bondage. It is a battle and you have to fight with all you have in you to survive. Your right there is no happy ending to this,jail,homeless or dead. You have it in you to fight the demon of your soul. Muster up all the courage and strength you can find at this point. Ask the LORD to help you,push forward.your very life depends on it.
Keep the faith.
Sending hope,support,encouragement,hugs and many prayers
Debbie

[Missylkg]

Thank you for responding...what a relief....I,ve joined this site and also NA...addiction is a long standing problem for me and i am a flown blown addict....what i,ve not being able to face is how out of control i,ve become. I,m just about to call my dr....i know what to expect and i,m getting everything set up as best i can....i want to stop...i,m beat, i,m spending my days hiding in bed only venturing out to ensure adequate supplies, fags and diet coke.....what a life i,ve chosen....i can't go on like this....i,ve lost my self respect and i,ve felt helpless to change anything but that eviction notice has scared the life out of me and i know my choices now are limited....either continue hammering drugs, blocking everything out and seeing it out.....or fighting back....i don't want to die or get sicker i,m so scared that i,m too far gone this time....i,m praying for a little bit of energy and courage to take these first few steps and my prayers have been answered....i,m desperate and need to stop...thank you mentioning about busy times.....i reckon i,ll be putting in a few hours eve during the night....i,ll keep in touch thank you again

[dominosarah]

hi and welcome to the forum.  You will find a ton of support here.  It sounds like this isnt your first rodeo and you are making some positive steps to change your life.  Are you going to include any type of recovery care?  Keep posting here, it is quiet at night so keep checking back as mornings are busy here.  We are glad you found us~~~sara