High Alert~

[dominosarah]

The recent events on the forum has created much sorrow and feelings of uncertainty for many of us.  Please make sure you are talking to someone about this.  Create a journal or thread, talk with your sponsor, your therapist, hit up a meeting, just dont hold these feelings in.  This is very important.  The tragedy we are all experiencing leaves many doubts.  Our own addictions are on high alert right now.  We can never take this addiction for granted.  We are all in this together and we will all get thru this together.  Bkitty has a prayer chain that spans the globe right now.  Her husband has been kind enough to make a profile and keep us all updated on her.   While we wait on her recovery we have to take care of our own recovery also~much love to you all~sara

[kyle505]

Thanks. A little rusty. I was shaken to the core when I heard about bkitty. Really tested my "plan" and all the stuff I've been preaching. But I'm doing ok. And Sarah starting this thread was brilliant. She knew that we'd need a place to talk about our feelings.

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm so glad you're here posting again, kyle.  :)

[kyle505]

Yeah - my post is a little gloom and doom, but unfortunately that is just how my mind works. And I've adjusted. 15 years is a long time to fight the fight, and I wish that my addict's brain would go in to remission, but being honest with myself, that doesn't happen to me. And knowing/accepting that I will have to be on guard for the rest of my life allows me to plan; to look at situations that may put me in danger (every medicine cabinet is a source, every person that I know who has surgery is a source. Always has been, always will be). bkitty is one of the folks that helped me through my darkest times, who called it when I was going through my all-knowing phase; who supported me when I offered my suggestions to others without a lot of sugar coating. Because of her, I AM enjoying my clean life. Each day I am grateful.
Finally, you are normal...when I first heard about bkitty my head immediately started - is it worth it? Is something like this in your future? If so, why bother?
Talk about triggers! But then, once again, with the help of others on this forum, I realized that it wasn't about me; and I started doing whatever I could to help and support bkitty and her family.  
K

[Fireby29]

Dana, it triggers cravings in me also.  Mainly because it ***** so bad.

I think, for me at least, the most difficult part of being clean is knowing that you can never have a opiate again.  Man, I loved them.  But it is equally apart of knowing that I will want them on some level forever.  That's why for me the roadblocks and protections are so crucial.

I cherish all of you and this forum.  For real.

Bryan

[ImDONENoMore]

Actually, dana, I find your thinking to be quite lucid AND normal.  I know I've experienced the same feelings through this journey.  My main focus now is to enjoy the good days when they come.  That's really all we can do.

[Dane74]

kyle you are always so optimistic even though it sounds so doom and gloom.  For me i like to think of recovery as remission, just like a cancer, once the cancer is gone we enter remission, that doesn't mean its not coming back or that we are necessarily clear, but since there is no longer cancer in the body we are in remission, same with our addictions. For me this is the way i have to put in perceptive, because just the thought of this being like this for the rest of my life is too overwhelming for me.  Unfortunately i have not found joy in clean life, and wishing it will come soon...  My heart just breaks for bitty, this is the first time in my life ever being exposed to this tragedy and i have to admit it is hitting me hard, actually it triggers me...I know i am not normal!!!!

[Ballgame]

Wait what happened?

[kyle505]

As Sarah always says - you've got to keep your guard up, no matter how many days, months, years you have clean. I see "recovery" or staying clean as a life long struggle. At least for me, my head NEVER stops talking to me. Telling my secret, as weaver posted, was the most difficult but most important thing I've ever done. Example - a family member has surgery, I know Vics will be available for me to steal, but I tell my wife about my thoughts and she's there to support me (and watch me like a hawk). I don't expect this to ever end; some situations are easier than others, but I can't kid myself in to thinking that in 5 or 10 or 15 years the addict brain will leave me be. The struggle is balanced by the joy of a clean life. No contest.

[VICourageous]

I wanted to put my 2 cents in again. All my so called friends I have known in my town for many, many years still take pills from the Doctor & off the Streets others still drink everyday! My Hub was gone during this time & my sponsor was at work! In fact mostly all my clean friends from the meetings where gone..I am so Blessed that I have 3 phone numbers from 3 Buds on here..They were the only ones I called because they knew what was going on and We could relate to it together..It did hit me hard and I was a bit scared too! So If you do have some Buds on here get their numbers.I am leaving their numbers up by our phone just in case something awful happens to me!  lol

[ariley13]

Thank you for that Sarah and Weaver. I am very new to this and it is good to be reminded that it's ok to reach out and ask questions. Sometimes I feel like what I'm dealing with is petty compared to what others are experiencing. Like right now, I am having problems with sleep again. Not that big of a deal, but annoying. It's good to know that there are so many great people on here willing to help that have been through it all before.

[weaver71]

Yeah, I've come to realize I will be in early recovery a long time. I figure I'll hit middle recovery at year 3 or so, and like you said, no feeling is petty in addiction. I have a friend in recovery who went on a 5 year relapse after 14 years in recovery. She's got 10 years again, but she stays in the middle of the circle now. She has no memory of deciding to use. We are only as sick as our secrets, we really need each other to share with, please teach out everyone. A lot of us are gone for periods, or slow down on how often they post. Me included. But I will stop what I am doing any time,If it feels important, then it is. I almost died over my secrets and isolation. Don't just post, PM a dozen people, there is always hope. It feels a lot different dealing with tragedy as a sober adult, it hurts. I am a Phoenix, from the ashes I will build a new day. I will laugh and I will cry with a clean heart, purified by the fire. God's voice seems louder on this day, as I weep. I am so sad, and am grateful. My heart is lining up with my reality.

[dominosarah]

The last real intense craving i had was while vacuuming.  I had no clue where it came from but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Nothing is petty when it comes to this addiction.

[weaver71]

You know, I always question if I should post my down times. They come further apart, and I felt like I was taking away from those in detox. This has shown me that what I have been doing is right. I don't care how much time I have, or how petty my needs may seem, I need support for the rest of my life. Thank you everyone, I have seen a lot of death, OD, and general tragedy and crisis. I cannotk afford to ever feel alone or stuck where I am. It's time to build up my strength and be ready no support Bkitty, the way she lifted me up in my first days here. Now she needs me, so I will work to be in the best space I can be in when she returns. I owe her and myself that. Thanks for directing my focus sara, all I can do is follow the advice Bkitty gave me early on, and be the best person I can to pay it forward. I think that's what she would want. God bless you Every One.

[butterbean841]

How sad. It just goes to show we addicts must NEVER become complacent in our recovery...we need a support system, and to develop coping mechanisms for the bad times. I agree with dominosarah regarding gaining a measure of comfort from knowing bkitty has a loving supportive husband and a medical team that will do there utmost to get her strong again.
Once again the support and power of this forum amazes me and i hope we can offer bkitty, her husband and each other the comfort and peace of mind so badly needed during these times. How fragile recovery is.

Loving thoughts for bkitty and family x

[WODAgirl]

I also think it's great she has good support. I'm scared bc I am having a lot of things that are pretty intense going on, and, my fear heightened by this news. I'm just....at a loss....

[dominosarah]

I know you are feeling all of these emotions and it is very confusing.  It is alot to take on all at once.  I am finding some real comfort knowing what a great family bkitty has.  She has a wonderful medical team helping her also.  What is scaring you?

[WODAgirl]

I am feeling so confused. These are the situations that are hard to deal with. I am worried, scared, confused, and upset.

[dominosarah]

  I remember going thru something like this for the first time on here and i had some wise "elders" help me thru.  Just paying it forward~  

[clean_in_ks]

No wonder you are our community leader, dear Sara!!!

Thank you for the counsel and the love.......

Take care of you, too, my iron marshmallow friend!

[overopiates]

ty Sarah.great post.great advice

[FourJays]

Thank you for this Sarah.  This disease knows no bounds and just when you think you are "safe" or at least "on alert with your guard up", it can still come out of nowhere to strike and change things in a matter of seconds. This is a huge wake up call for me and I am sure for all of us.  I am grateful every day for this place and the people here.  We are a family and our strength in numbers is a powerful force sending prayers and good wishes from, literally, all over the world to Bkitty and her husband and family.  Wishing strength for us all.

[EvolverU]

Formulating An Entry This Weekend. Thanks For All This Sarah. I've Received Quite A Few PM's (As I'm Sure Others Have) From The 'Torn & Frayed' Over This Sorrowful Incident. Thanks You For This Post & For All You've Done. (Good Looking Out.)

[ricart70]

Good post Sarah.
We can't send enough positive wishes her way.
Hope for another good update soon.

[VICourageous]

BUMP