High anxiety about tomorrow

[wessie25]

I'm on day 4 of no pills and I feel that I am doing really good. Yesterday I had some cravings but was able to work through them. Tomorrow I go back to work after the long Holiday weekend and I am very nervous about it. I have a "friend" at work who has a butt load of pills and hands them out to me like it's no big deal. I have spoken with her many time about it and she still doesn't get it. She knows everything I have gone through with these pills and it's like she doesn't care. She still offers them to me and talks to me about them. Last week I tried keeping my distance from her and she would always find me. UGH.

This is such a horrible feeling for me that I have to face tomorrow. This is the reason why I have relapsed over and over this year, cause it's right in my face at work. And also if I am craving them, I know there is an endless supply less than 20 feet away and she will give me as many as I want. I have asked her in the past to not give them to me know matter how much I beg, but if I ask for some, she just gives them to me without any begging needed. I do have another friend at work who knows about how I am feeling about tomorrow and she said she will be there for me if I need her throughout the day.

[wessie25]

Thanks! Yeah it's day 5 now and YES I have been craving non-stop since I got to work almost 3 hours ago. So far so good but the cravings won't go away and then I'm starting to debate in my head if it's okay to take some. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night cause I was having so much anxiety about today and now today I feel crappy from no sleep. I wanted to call in sick to work but I didn't.

[gizzy32]

Congrats, your 5 days clean today right? Very proud of you. What a trigger that is having your friend with pills, I would be craving non stop working in that environment even after all my clean time now. If you really want her to stop, you can, trust me. Be a mean ***** and tell her next time she offers you any, you will have to kick her a s s, haha. Don't let her take you back down, you have come to far and positive changes will start happening. Your baby and you is more important than some women that is not a real friend anyway. Her boyfriend hits her? It's a shame, men like that are cowards anyway,I find that disgusting. Focus on you and let us know how you are today. You are doing great!

[worried878]

U know u do what u gotta do

I lied to my dealer//told him I lost my job...and he stopped bugging me...easy


but this may not be as easy..u r in this situation and probably know more than i bout this girl....perhaps even go so far as to say DHR is onto u??? or that ur parents have threatened to call them if u test dirty//and they r determined to find the peeps giving them to u///and u r afraid for her cos u do not want her to lose her kid!   I am bad when it comes to sneakiness///and DHR could also scare her///indirectly cos she will realize she could also get lose her child//no mom wants to lose their child

I know it is silly to have to manuever like this....but we do what we gotta do....just know that whet u do will work against her...and as ur clean time builds up u will feel less threatened...i did not trust my decisions when i was using//then i felt weak for a while after wd so i did not trust my decisions..with time u will become strong and situations like this will not seem so threatening...u will get there and i c where u r coming from...just hold onto ur clean time and white lies dont hurt anyone when it is over sumpin as important as u r   (:

[wessie25]

You are very right that it isn't fun at all anymore and that is exactly the reason why I have stopped.

[wessie25]

I am too scared to make a threat like that to her, she has a very dangerous bf who doesn't care about beating her up and she knows where I live. I have to protect my kid. Sooo I was thinking that if she doesn't stop offering them or letting me know she has them or talking about them, I will tell her that my parents said they will randomly drug test me and if it's postive then they will take my kid from me. I know it's a huge lie but it's actually not far from the truth. After I had my baby, my parents did tell me that if I ever started using drugs again that they would take my baby from me. So I am just hoping that if I have to tell her this that maybe she will care enough to stop. But I don't know cause she has a kid too and this kid doesn't have a very good life.

[worried878]

and like 2much said..ur recovery is worth it..protect it with every inch of ur being..clean time is hard earned..do not let her take it away..and do not let urself give it away...u r too special to go back into active addiction again..it wasnt fun anymore or u would not have made the decision to leave that world

keep posting

[wessie25]

Thank you for all the helpful advise! I do actually have a piece of paper in my purse that has my list of reasons for quitting. I did this while at work last week. I will try out the rubber band and see how that works and I also plan to go talk to my other friend at work when I start feeling cravings come on.

I never thought of it as misery loves company with this girl. I just figured she wanted someone to get high with, never thought of it as a misery thing. She is a miserable person and is always complaining about everything in her life. She also told me last week that she will not stop taking the pills as long as she is with her bf whom she refuses to break up with. Whatever. I can't handle it anymore, listening to all of her excuses about everything. But when I try and keep my distance from her or turn her down when she asks me to go places with her, she throws in my face everything she has done for me, i.e. all the pills. Everything I want to do in my life regarding postive changes like quitting pills and smoking or walking at break, she talks it down and is negative about it. Hmmm I never thought about all this like this and it isn't making me feel good at all.

[2much2soon]

I agree, since you are no longer using or doing anything wrong..I'd tell her "Look, I'm serious about quitting and getting my life back, if you offer me any pills I will go to the boss about what you are doing!" You don't have to actually go to the boss, but maybe that will scare her and make her realize you are DEAD serious about NOT wanting to be offered, pushed, or given pills ANYMORE! And if that doesn't work, you may actually have to go to the boss for your own recovery...

[worried878]

Misery loves company!  She doesnt want to c u leave the illness and get better...she wants u to stay in a dark hole with her..dont do it

If u have told her NO...then she should respect ur wishes...if she does not..there r measures u can take about it...even a threat without doing anything can help

Dont let her drag u down

I was at 100 mgs of hydro for 4 years.  I am a nurse and went back to work day 5..like u i planned a long weekend to stop and it really wasnt all that hard on me physically...the mental part is what u have to have a plan for..I wouldnt even go on a date for a while cos i didnt think i could social;ize without pills..going back to work helped cos i stayed busy and did not think about how i felt..I hit meetings almost daily for a long time..slacked off now but in times of stress i bump them back up/for me exercise and meetings help my fatigue, anxiety and depression..posting here helps too so keep posting

Anyway..i went on a few dates with a guy...low and behold//he had hydros//he was not an addict but had some///I told him I had a headache and he gave me 2 to take home....when it came time to take them I felt awful..somehow the thought taking those 2 5 mg hydros seemed like a death sentence to me..maybe it coulda been cos i know i can not take even 1 pill...I posted here//reminded myself of the pain pills cause//and marched to the bathroom and flushed both of them...it was a relief//swallowing them woulda been a huge stressor and i woulda felt like a loser..caving is a bad feeling

Perhaps write down the reasons u stopped///do it in code since u could take it to work...read it and remind urself everytime u crave to get pills from her...a rubberband on ur wrist can help too...pop it each time u think negative thoughts...the pain is not bad but the brain can actually respond and adjust to the "pop" and realize thinking this tought/will get a POP!  I used this to get over my x husband and also for cravings


if she persists//there r measures u can take...u r not doing anything wrong anymore//remember that....u r in recovery and no longer in active addiction and should not be treated as if u were...I would imagine she does not try and push pills on non-addicts...or her boss??