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Hooked on pain killers and need help!
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Hooked on pain killers and need help!

I have been addicted to pain killers since I "discovered" Vicodin after the birth of my son...7 years ago!  I happily discovered that when I took them, instead of knocking me out, they gave me tons of energy and I turned into "Super Mom"...was a cleaning machine!  They also made me very happy and talkative!  I've been on and off of any pain killer I could get my hands on since then.  I've done it all...doctor shopped, used several pharmacies, had unnecessary medical procedures just so I could get pain killers prescribed to me, stolen pills from people and used my husband to get prescriptions (and refills) that I could take.  It used to be a "game" to see how many pills I could get...before they put the new DEA system in place!  I would call other friends that were doing the same thing and we'd "compare notes" on what we did to get prescriptions.  

I've really ramped up my abuse in the past 2 years though...it's spiraled out of control and I really want this to stop.  The pills are literally KILLING ME from the inside out.  They have put a strain on my already delicate marriage, put my job in jeopardy, held me back from opportunities at work, altered the relationships I have with friends and family, distanced myself from my 2 young children...and the list goes on and on.  Why not just stop some people will ask...I'd love to, but not everyone understands what a "mind f*ck" these pills are.  I've "quit" lots of times, but always find myself coming back to them.  In times of stress, I immediately reach for pills.  This past June, I even went as far as to pay $250 just for an appointment with a doctor that was qualified to prescribe Suboxone...and then paid an additional $100 for the Suboxone prescription.  I was clean for about a month and felt great!  My eyes looked like they had life behind them again and I had a lot of energy.  As the summer moved on, I started dealing with a lot more stress and the cravings for an "escape" kicked in and I relapsed...my addiction was back and this time it was worse than ever!   I had left a "door open" to a doctor that didn't understand the extent of my drug abuse and he gladly prescribed me narcotics for my "back pain" that I was having.  He wrote me a prescription for 120 each of 10mg Norco...I thought I had hit the lottery...since I was used to taking 5mg Hydrocodone (which is worthless to me now).

I was SO excited to run across this website yesterday (it popped up when I googled "can't stop taking Oxycodone") and for the first time, I have hope that I can kick this awful habit!  I have decided that the year 2010 is going to be MY year!!  Seriously!  I am determined to get off of these for good in 2010.  I'm tired of my day being consumed by the thought of my pills.  I'm tired of coming up with more lies to tell my doctor.  I'm scared to death of the new and awful side effects I'm experiencing lately...profuse sweating, bloating, depression (even though I take Cymbalta), constipation, missed periods, irratic sleep schedules, shallow breathing, loss of bladder control at times...  I feel ashamed because without the drugs, I am a healthy 39 year old woman and I am taking painkillers that someone with cancer would be taking.  I have a great job and have an incredible opportunity to make a lot of money in 2010...but I have to be on top of my game and the pills are the only thing standing in my way.  My boss has given me my final warning that I really need to get my sh*t together...he knows that I take pain pills, but doesn't realize the severity of my problem...he does see the quality of my work declining when he knows I can do better...so it's just a matter of time before he puts it all together.

I desperately need help from anyone on this site...any ideas to help me get off of the pills...any encouragement...any help will be greatly appreciated!!  Sorry if this is sounding kind of cheesey...it's just nice to finally have other people that truly understand what I'm dealing with and may have some of the same issues...that I'm not alone in this.

Just a little background:  I am currently being prescribed 150 each of 15mg Oxycodone...every 2 weeks.  I have asked my doctor to work with me on some kind of "weaning" schedule, and was sticking to our reduction schedule, but blew it this past 2 weeks...instead of only taking 6 to 7 a day...I'm back up to about 10+ a day.  I take 2 to 3 at a time...and always bite them in half.  I am not a morning person, but my body wakes me up around 4 or 5am to tell me that it's time to take some pills...I wake up drenched in sweat, body aching and have restless leg syndrome.  Going to a treatment facility is not in the cards for me.  I also do not want to be put back on Suboxone...I don't want to trade one addiction for another.  I realize that a weaning schedule is going to take some time to work through...and am willing to do the work to get off of pills all together...I just need to not be so hard on myself and expect to do everything perfectly in the process.  

Please...if you have any advice or opinions about going forward with a life without pain pills, please respond...I'd love to hear what you have to say.  I do have an appointment with my doctor this Friday (12.18.09) at 9:30am to get another prescription...since I will be out of pills by then.  I will be honest with him about the amount of pills that I'm currently taking and see if we can get back on a weaning schedule.  * I have found that using a little plastic weekly medicine thing...with Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, etc. boxes really helps keep me on track when I am serious about weaning myself off of the pills.

Thank you,
Chasingthehigh
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1134665_tn?1343914250
I know how you feel hun. Just last week, I was taking OVER 200 mg of hydrocodones a day!! I barely tapered for 2 or 3 days and just quit because it was getting out of hand!!

Today is day 6 without pills and I feel great!! It took a lot of discipline to quit! I was just real weak for 2 days with diarrhea and some muscle cramping. I took ibuprofen every 4 hours and took a couple hot baths throughout the day and all I had left to deal with was fatigue.

If you can taper at all, it will help immensily. You have come to the right place for support! If you ever need to talk, I'm always here okay.
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Dear chasing, I almost cried when I read your post both for the hope and drive for a better life and for the saddness and reality of where this addiction has brought you to. You have found the right place for support and info. I myself have the same story as you only crystal meth is my MONKEY. I thought that I was broken and beyond hope. I have been in recovery for a year now and have almost five months clean. It sure is a easier way of life for me. Welcome you are wanted here
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