How can I help my fiance with his pain pill addiction?
Unlike alot of other addicts mentioned, my fiance has never once been violent towards me nor has he ever really been angry with me. In fact he is sometimes overly affectionate and seems very insecure with our relationship even though I love him so much. I have been with him for nearly 4 years now. We started living together after our first year of dating. Prior to us getting together he had always been a pot smoker and told me that he occasionally took pills. But I was able to get him to cut back on smoking- yet now his pill intake seems to have increased.
I feel guilty because I started taking them too and over the years became so dependent on them that I knew I had to stop- so I did. However, my fiance continues to take more and more behind my back to the point where it's affected our finances, his health, and my overall trust and respect for him. He lies to me about all the money he takes from our account. Even though I've been trying to save money for our future (we just both graduated from college) we always end up back to square one- zero dollars. He lies to me about the hundreds of dollars he takes out of the bank account. Our credit card balance keeps going up. I know he is either paying back the people he deals drugs with, or is using them for more drugs.
And is mom is naive and continues to loan him money for what she thinks is for bills! He's constantly dealing pills over the phone and brings home foreign pills he's found on the job or wherever. For example, we were walking in the mall and he saw what looked like a pill on the floor and picked it up. It ended up being a piece of candy but the fact that he bent over to inspect it made me sick to my stomach. He has also nearly emptied my bottle of xanax.
I told him I was fed up and he needed to get help. We cried together for days and agreed he would start by cutting back because he didn't want to lose me. I told him that he had to do it not only for me but for himself.
Yet- I find messages on his phone that tell me is his still buying percs,oxys, or xanax. What can I do to get him to get help? I am so worried about him I can't even sleep at night or concentrate at work.
well, you can't force him to do anything. I know what worked for me is an ultimatum. Get well or get out. My fiance was in dental school and studying his butt off while i was out getting high. Finally I ran out of pills and told him the truth. I was coming off of methadone so my withdrawls lasted a month before I could sleep or enjoy food. I was basically put on lock down with our 3 month old daughter in the house and given no choice but to shape up. It's now been almost a year and a half that i've been clean. Would u be willing to sit down with him and pick a plan? A taper plan or a rehab or cold turkey? Whatever it is he needs to do? Also it might help to get his family involved. I know my family got involved and they saved me. You have to rmember that he's going to tell u anything you want to hear. and he is NOT going to be happy about this. That's why sometimes it's best to say that if he doesn't get help, than your not going to stick around. Because I guarantee u that he'll be back. I'm praying for you. Stay strong and don't give up on him....you'll have to play it to both your advantages. All the best.
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