How did this happen?

[addictedmom37]

I am a 37 yr old mom of 3 wonderful boys. Around a yr ago I started experiencing awful back pain and was given my friends left over month supply of percocet. It really helped alot. Now a year later and no insurance I have been buying pain meds illegally. I have my A.A.S. i Medical Assisting so I know all to well the trouble I wil be in if I was to get caught. I go to church and have really prayed to kick my addiction but right now I feel it is stronger than I am. I want to and have got to STOP!! I cant go to rehab because I have no one to care for my sons while Im gone. What is the best possible way for me to stop? Cold turkey? I never in a million years thought this could or would happen to me..not ever!! How long do the physical and psychological wihdrawl symptoms last? What can I expect?

[Nighthawk61]

I agree that a person needs to talk about their using before doing so. Run it by your sponsor is the way that's suggested, and works for most. Cutting corners on recovery never works. Hope you stick around and get it done. Your boys would love to have you really present, to be sure. As bad as your addiction is now, it only get's worse!!

[jonmom2012]

I can only speak of the things that help me..but when I am ready to quit, I fess up, to my husband, but anyone close to you, that you can talk to and will help you stay accountable.  I think the secret helps you stay in the addiction.  I put my pills in a daily pill holder with the bare minimum to make me feel decent (but not high and def a bit achy) as I taper for 1-2 weeks.
  During that time I really work on getting my mind "right".  I go for walks.  I write in my journal.  I watch and read things that inspire me.  I avoid people that I have done pills with.  

I remind myself over and over that I just have to hold on and that time will pass.  I cant overwhem myself with all the heady feelings I have about my addiction during withdrawls.  I try to be good to myself, cut myself some slack and follow the Thomas recipie. At first I think about them all day, and as the days turn into weeks, its only a couple times a day.  And its more of a fleeting thought, not an intense craving.  After a few months, I go days without even thinking about them.  My head is much more peaceful. The few days that suck dont compare to the days I have spent worrying about running out of pills, the money I spend on them , the lying, the secrecy, the risk of getting caught at work.  

I bet everyone here has experienced wanting to stop and struggeling to do so.  I encourage you to continue to post,,,the worst thing would be to feel as though you have failed and use that as an excuse to quit trying.  If you continue to put energy toward stopping you stand your best shot and making the decision to go for it.  You are no different then the people that have quit, if they can, you can.  I tell myself that, and it helps.

[addictedmom37]

Well I had the best of intentions when I got up this morning but I screwed up!! I popped 4 Tramadol as soon as I got up this a.m. took a shower & hopped in my ride and went to my friends house who had me 5, 5mg hydros waiting on me..I was happier than my sons were Christmas morning. I chewed 1 soon as he gave em to me & had taken another on my way home, not even an hour later. I came home and did all tha normal things I do, cleaning and such before I had to go to work at 4:30. When I got to work my gf had me 2 10 mg Oxys..I took 1 and i still have 1 of them & 1 hydro. Im very disappointed in myself. She & I talked about our addiction at work tonight & I told her about this sight. Having all of yall to talk to is helping me but I know I have let yall down as well as myself..Will I be able to stop? Am I ready to stop? I say I am & feel like I am so why did I screw up this morning?

[Comingclean2012]

Welcome to the site and congrats on admitting that you need to get clean! I am on day 52 clean off Percy's and fentanyl and feel great. Abritt gave you the best info for going cold turkey to help with the symptoms of withdrawal. My symptoms lasted a bit longer than 10 days but that was the fentanyl more than the Percocet ! You can do it if you set yourself up with the tools to be successful! It does feel a lot like the flu on steroids for the first 4 to 5 days but everyone is different so you could have a 3 to 5 days WD or a 10 to 14 day WD like I did. Depends on how much you are taking and how frequently. If your kids are young it might be a good idea to see if someone could come help for a few days until you know how bad you will be feeling. Stay connected to this site and post often! It really helped me and the people here not only have great information but WANT to see you succeed! Good luck and hope to hear from you soon!
Keri

[jonmom2012]

I tapered down from 50mg of oxy a day to 10mg...that was yesterday and I have one 10mg hyrdo for today and thats all she wrote.  Sadly this is not my first go around with adiction or withdrawls.  My first time was straight hyrdos and I was taking about five-six 5mg a day.  In my experience, the physical pain is unpleasent, but the mental/emotional is always worse...the cravings.     I have kept a journal all my life and when I go back and read my entries during withdrawls, by the 3rd morning I am hopeful, feeling better and excited for my future.  

I feel the mistake I have made is to say I will "never" touch them again.  I am going to take it day by day...minute by minute if I have to.  Staying off of them is my number one goal and I am doing it differently this time.  I have been a lurker on this site for 5 years, but I intend on being an active member now.

It is going to be ok.  I really feel like the fear and anxiety of quitting is worse than the actual withdrawls.  Knowing you are not alone and that there are people that truly understand is a comfort.  We are moms, and while they addicted part of our brain really doesnt give a sh*t about that, I know we both know what is right.  What our dream is for our famliy.  And it is not this...it was never supposed to be this.  Take care, and keep posting.

[Back2Me]

Anyone can be addicted. No one is above it. And everyone starts the same way pretty much. I was in your spot about 3 years ago. Doing about the same amount as you, just as pissed off and dumbfounded. 3 years later and dozens of relapses I have now graduated to IV usage and still take pills.  Getting through the detox is just a small part of the battle for most people. I haven't figured out the answer for me yet I'm just saying dont be surprised by anything.

[Missshawn]

Slow down, no more chewing.. Break them in half and spread them in 8-12 hour dose..

[abritt121222]

By the end of a taper I mean when you are done with the taper and go from whatever the dose may be to absolutely no narcotics. We are not allowed to go into a taper plan on this website cause we are not doctors but if you just google it and look for percocet or hydrocodone taper it will explain it to you a lot better than I am allowed to on here

[aheart]

Please keep in touch and let us know your progress. Good for you for seeing through the addiction that your better than that to let pills run your life. We will be rooting for you.

[addictedmom37]

Yall I forgot I have a few Tramadol but I have to take or chew is my prefered method when abusing pain meds,,which is honestly what I am doing..today I have take 3&1/2 7.5 hydros and 1 10 mg hydro..In yall's experience am I going to be n a world of hurt tha next few days?

[addictedmom37]

what do you mean the end of your taper? Please tell me what I need to do..I dont have anything left to take but ive been seeking all day..thats so messed up but its true..I want to stop!!

[addictedmom37]

Thanks ladies..I sure am glad i found this sight. This is something I have been struggling with for a few months now. I would rather walk around hurting than be spending up to 8$ for a dang percocet. I have never been addicted to anything in my life & I sure dont want a felony chage for buying pain meds. I never thought that id be using the term drug seeker to describe myself..ABritt Im writing all of these things down that you suggested I get..

[abritt121222]

10mg or 5mg pills? Either way tho you are real,y not on a high dose so the physical withdrawal shouldn't be to bad or last to long prob around 7-10 days and it will be pretty much like having the flu. I would suggest going ahead to a cvs or Walmart to get a few things to help. Get a good multivitamin, vit B12 and B6 they will help with the fatigue, valerian root will help with the anxiety, magnesium and potassium will help with the restless legs at night and meletonin will help ya get some sleep also at night bout 30 min before bed I would suggest taking two valerian root along with whatever the max strength meletonin is because the valerian root was something that helped me with sleep A LOT and last but not least immodium this is a must cause diarrhea is bad during withdrawal to.  well feel free to send me a prvt message to if ya have any questions or just wanna talk for whatever the reason may be and I will help ya any way I can. Oh yea forgot to Walmart sells a med actually called restless legs ya might wanna get to and all of the stuff if vitamins and herbs and all over the counter

Good Luck and Godspeed
ABritt

[jonmom2012]

Hi
I too am a mom, 32, and am stopping cold turkey this week, I am at the end of my taper.  I planned it this way bc I have Sat-Tue off for New Years.  We could do it together!!!
I will be posting my progress..

[addictedmom37]

usually 10/325 or 7.5/500..honestly its been i will take whatever i can find to buy..

[Missshawn]

My last.. Day 1 I was good.. It's begins after 24 hours. Day 2-3 was unpleasant .. 4 I was weak ,but went out.. Day 5 I was better..taper down half a pill 2-3 days then 1/4 of a pill.. 1st..how many  mg are u taking

[addictedmom37]

it just depends on a day to day basis..sometimes 5 or more..ver expensive habit girl

[abritt121222]

I meant get clean not come clean sorry bout that this darn auto correct on my pad drives me crazy correcting things that don't even need correcting haha

[abritt121222]

Welcome to the forum and congrats on making the decision to come clean. Before I give any advice tho how much were you taking a day?