How do I fix me

[Arodrigue]

I'm abusing aderall and alcohol .
I need aderall to get up in the morning and function and I take about 60-90 mg a day. I also drink a bottle of vodka a day , plus Ativan and lexapro.
I don't know how to quit, and since I've hidden it well I'm scared to tell anyone.
My behavior is out of controll, I know I have a problem.

[weaver71]

So what did you think of the meeting, do you have a doctor appointment yet? I so relate to your confusion, so I wanted to check in. Keep us posted.

[atthebeach]

There is always hope, as long as you have breathe.
Hun you need support from those closest to you, your husband,
Family, friends, doctors.
You will need help getting off all these meds. The alcohol also needs to be
Tapered down. Alcohol withdrawal is dangerous.
Please make an appt today with your doctor and be completely honest.
Someone will have to dispense the meds to you daily.
Set up some counseling.
Praying for peace and healing,
Debbie

[lulu747]

Woah honey I feel your pain.  First of all just know there is no SHAME in this.  Addiction is a non-discriminatory disease and affects the best of us.  I would start with your doctor- come clean and ask for help.  You need to be medically tapered off these meds.  While your doing this get into some counselling.  I would say that in 90% of situations like this there is some trauma or unresolved grief being covered up.  We can't handle the FEELINGS so we try to numb them out so we can deal with life.  This does not make us weak or bad, it makes us human.  If you have a genetic disposition to addiction which it sounds like you do, then we can't stop and the disease gains a force of it's own and escalates until we hit rock bottom, ask for help, or we die.  I second Weaver with the CBT therapy.  It worked for me, along with EMDR.  Recovery is a life long process and I know it seems overwhelming right now but just know that you CAN do it.  You are worth it.  Your life is worth it.  You cannot cold turkey alcohol.  It is very dangerous.  You need to seek support asap okay?  You need medical supervision.  No one does this alone and no one has to.
Big kudos to you for taking this first step towards getting your life back.
Sending support...
Lu

[Arodrigue]

After about 15-20 min. I could not controll my limbs .i couldn't even get up on bed. My mind was working, but my body did not have an ounce of strength. I was paralyzed. Now I constantly pick, pick ,pick on my nails and cuticles. Breathing has become a problem , also my nasal cavities  are raw and my hands shake constantly.

[Arodrigue]

I think if I climb over the hill, there will be the land of Mordor. I am really worried about my liver, because of the excessive drinking on all tees pills. I have been for a while, but even that couldn't stop me from doing this.
One night I was really messed up , I forgot that I had already taken my 6 sleep aids, and threw in 6 more on top of just finishing off a bottle of vodka and taken 3 ativans

[VICourageous]

OH! Hun you are on a very dangerous cocktail mix here. I am telling you that I am 58 and used alot of drugs and drank since I was 14..NO I am not proud of it at all, but many factors play here in Addiction.
When I finally could not walk away was in the 90s with the other opiates..I just played the game and got the Methadone prescribed..THEN I started to buy Adderral from the streets..Those 2 right there where like my Crank days in the 70-80s..Then I took a Benzo at night to come down..I was going to DIE and I knew it..These things are NOT to be mixed. PLUS do not let any body tell you do not get damaged from Adderral or even not have a w/d..BS. These 3 drugs messed my Brain Chem up and also what Havoc it did on my Nervous system and all other Hormones that are involved. PLEASE Seek some help..Go to a Addiction Dr or Treatment or Anything other then..I know you are scared and so was I..I ran scared for 10 more years..There is help and I sure will Pray you seek it now before it is to late..Plus the older you get the harder it is to go through a Detox. Let alone ALL them Years of tearing your Brain & Body up..STUDY all you can about this Disease of Addiction in a more Scientific way..this will not cure you, but it will give you some insite. I am going to be Praying hard for YOU..WE are here for you all the way..The grass will be greener on the other side if you just take that hike up that Hill and Look and Seek.
Bless

[Arodrigue]

Thank you for you comment. My teeth are just bad from neglect, and the fact that I drink coke with my vodka.
No mouthwash or whitener can fix this .
Smoker? You betcha. About a pack a day.
As for looking inward, that's when I get scared the most ,
so much darkness in there. The light has gone out...

[Arodrigue]

No, not upset at all. I'm actually very grateful that so many people has bothered with me. Thank you.

[grifsplif]

As far as your teeth are concerned, and please don't take this as mean but the adderall is highly unlikely to be the cause.  Meth addicts who smoke adulterated meth using burnt crackpipes get messed up teeth but a regular person with ADD who taked adderal or vyvanse or dex whatever is a ok as long as they just practice simple oral hygiene.  They sell some stuff what is it Fixodent, and some strong mouthwashes and teeth whiteners that might help.  Diet is the most important aspect here.  Smoker?  Hell on teeth after time.  Try incorporating Kefir into your daily diet, 12 oz.  It is a super pro biotic and is very good for oral and digestive health.    Your not the only one who takes meds everyday, don't beat yourself up so much on that.  Drinking so much?  Ya, cut that **** out man.  Alcohol stops being fun at a certain point, and I'm sure you know what I mean.  AA is basically a group function that helps people maintain soberiety but ever long time sober person, and most kind, loving, successful people in the world knows that awakening to the reality of God (please forgot any notion of a gray bearded "human"!!!), or, however one wants to put it - - the miracle of cells, of tides, of space, of life... grasping hold of that one limitless truth and developing a gratitude for existence, a realization of your incredible luck, will possibly KEEP you truly sober.  It is far from uncommon for people with 20+ years of AA soberiety "go back out."  Seeking that one thing which is cosmic and unexplainable and shocking in its malevolent kindness, its great pendulum swinging ying yang, which it itself cannot control...the very movement to and fro the importance, never still, never one sided, but always rocking, swaying.  Life, the thing which hates stillness but loves meditation, life, the goddam thing we all love to hate but love all the same.  Look inward, angel.  Only you can fix you, and that isn't nearly as hard as it sounds ;).

[msdelight]

I'm sorry I didn't get your gender right, I hope I didn't upset you with my comment but if you need courage and motivation there it is. I am always here if you need to talk or vent. All the best.

[Arodrigue]

And I do not have ADHD .

[Arodrigue]

It started with a case of the " baby blues", that got me on lexapro.
As I stay at home mom with three kids, I became an introvert , any social interaction scared the **** out of me, enter Ativan.
I had a few months with severe depression even on lexapro, couldn't get out of bed, just showering was a huge task. My sister in-law gave me a few addys, I loved it and there begins the end.

[Arodrigue]

That would be motherless children

[msdelight]

Hi and welcome. You are so young and you are so caught up it is understandable how lost you feel. There is really nothing to fear except the damage you are doing to your body and the fact that someday soon if things don't change there will be three more fatherless children in the world. You brought them into this world and you at least owe them a shot at a live and healthy dad. Be strong and see this reality through their eyes. Keep your courage up and it will keep you up.

[Arodrigue]

I guess what I'm asking is ; How do you quit something , when the thought of it scares you more than OD'ing?
My dad was a raging alcoholic, and the same goes for a lot of my family members, just different addictions. I've heard it can run in your genes to be more  vulnerable to addiction in any form..
I don't have the self confidence or  a strong  enough mind ..
I wish they could put me in an induced coma until my body got normal again,but then there is the mental state to deal with.
My teeth are  incredibly decayed, I guess from aderall  and  me just not giving a damn.. I feel used up.

[Arodrigue]

All my prescriptions are from the same doctor.
I just walked in and told him I had ADHD and he started me on 20 mg.
I was already on lexapro and Ativan then.
Now my nerves are shot and I start the day off with
30 mg adderoll , 1 mg Ativan , and 20 mg lexapro.
I wash it down with vodka and coke. And that's the beginning of my day
I've been doing this for almost 3 years and some days I don't take the aderall so I can eat, but I always end up way short before next refill.
Then I get vyvance from my neighbor .
To sleep I take 6-7 simply sleep OTC.
I'm 35 married with 3 children.

[OpenMind24hours]

Asking for help is the first step, and that's what you've done. It's a good start.

It's all doable but in my humble opinion I don't think you can up and quit everything all at once. You need medical help with the Ativan and lexapro. When you tell your prescriber/doctor you want to try life without those two drugs, you'll be able to tell her/him that you've been using aderall also. It's a true commitment to stop by telling a doctor. The doctor has a legal obligation to keep your records private. Nobody else needs to know until you feel comfortable about telling your secrets.  It's also a positive step to improve your life. It's not shameful at all to be addicted providing you're taking positive steps to do something about it. If your doctor is prescribing everything above then great. If one of the drugs or all of them come from the street then you'll need to cut that source. Lose the dealer's number out of your cell and block it. Again...commitment. You'll still need medical help, for sure. That's a real tough combination.

I think a doctor will put you on a taper schedule and arrange the 3 drugs in a certain order to where remaining on one might help you taper the others. You have a long road ahead of you but you can do this. I tapered Ambien over 4 months and Elavil over 3 months by plugging away at it every day. My doctor helped me out. He gave me 5mg Ambien to cut when the time came to go down from 10mg.

As for the alcohol, you can't really cut that source. That takes changing your thinking completely to stay away from it once you quit. The entire disease of addiction is much bigger than the drugs we take. They are just a symptom of the disease.  You might consider aftercare once you quit using it. I go to NA and AA. But first things first.

[weaver71]

Congrats on realizing you are out of control, that took me awhile. I am a firm believer in having a plan. I need more info to help you form a plan. Are any of those meds prescribed? How long have you been on all those meds and how much? Have you tried to taper down on these drugs? Who do you know that could be local support? Do you actually believe that you are hiding it as good as you think you are? What kind of advice are you looking for?

Welcome to the hood.