How do I get my partner to understand what's going on?

[1979]

My boyfriend is having a hard time understanding my addiction. he's looking for some input on how to react when I'm having high anxiety and depression during WD and after. I'm working towards getting help but at the same time if something(drugs) comes along I grab the oppertunity.  I need time and his patience as I work toward the goal of being drug free. He sees me sad and crabby and takes it personally. I've tried, but can't explain what's happening with me. Those damn narcodics sure are evil in a lot of ways!

[Rodster]

The doc here is dead on, you need to get help NOW, not wait around. The longer you put this off the worse the problem will get.
As for your partner I would suggest a program called alanon, its run by A.A. and is geared to helping the families of addicted people, they will help him thru the times ahead.
If that is not your speed, then suggestions here can help, there are alot of mental health clinics that deal with addiction and can help you and your partner.
I think you need to take the first step today, you need help now not soon. Talk to your doctor for suggestions, ask someone who beat it what they did.
Yes it will be a rough couple of weeks but you will survive it.
If you need any help just post here and all of us former pillheads will be glad to help (clean 10 months now)

[Thomas050]

My feedback,
When you say "as I work toward the goal of being drug free" it sounds as if you do not truly fully 100% want to quit yet. That is the first step, you have to completely without a doubt want to. Because it is difficult even after you make that decision, if you have not made that decision, the addiciton will not have much trouble convincing you to use again.
Making the decision and then sticking to it, staying the course so to speak, will be your success. It is common for us addicts to have "going to quit" in the near future, it helps us justify our being on. I can relate to this, please don't get caught up in that as it can go on for many years. It is best to stop now, sooner than later because it only gets more difficult (your body becomes more and more dependent on it) with time.

As for your b/f, he is going to learn about being in a relationship where there is an addiction. Ask for his full support, and if he gives it to you (and he loves you and you love him) don't let him or yourself down, get free of the drugs. Drugs can never be worth more than a person.

Best
T050

[afriend]

The only way you can get him to understand is to come totaly clean with him! You have to share everything with your partner, no matter how much it's going to hurt.  It is not fair to him when he is not included in that part of your life, he would rather be clued in than kept in the dark. If he truely loves you he will try his best to be patient with you.  However you can't expect him to walk on eggshells every time you get upset, you to have to understand this is as painful to him as it is for you and maybe a little more because he is dealing with the unknown.  If you can't talk to him face to face, write it down on paper you'll be surprised how the truth just flows out.  Once again please remember your partner is just as confused as you are, he does'nt know what to do for you if you won't tell  him.  Remember if your partner gets upset it's normal, don't use it as an excuse to get high he has the right be on edge too, this is a big shock to him, he has the right to know the truth!  Remember this is your addiction not his, you can't throw the blame on him every time you don't feel good.  Your partner is there for you so let him help be honest tell him when you feel like using let him help you change your mind. And tell him if you've sliped up he already knows don't keep these secrets from him.

[afriend]

The above comment was not from the REAL afriend, someone is using his password..........

[AmberHunter]

i can understand your ambivalence in committing totally to quitting drugs... but since you are considering it why not go into the "smart recovery" part of this board and print out some of the worksheets and do them, maybe even share them with your partner...

good luck,

amber

[suzieneedshelp]

I used to say every day... OK.. Tomorrow i will stop!  So then i would use tons for one last blast.   WEll i realy believed i would stop.. after all i was competant all my life at setting goals, etc.  WEll guess wut, the next day it was the same ****......................................................... for years!  I continued to believe that each day was my last and wammo...the next day i believed it too ad infinitum.  My disease was so crafty with my mind... i was insane!
In regards to your partner, family. etc.  I was told by many recovering addicts (as i was strugglin with the same issue) that it can taek years for them to really get it once i am clean.  Prolly Only addicts can really understand addiction..but for a few very brilliant others in this world.  Groups such as Al-Anon are exactly for those in our lives to learn about our disease and their role in it, how to cope , etc.
Best hopes for your recovery!
"LOve is all we need."
Suzie

[1979]

I didn't make it quite clear when I said "I'm hoping to get help soon," Let me explain myself PLEASE! In my state we have we have a program called "RULE 25" (maybe some or all have heard of it). It's a program that the state funds (I have NO MEDICAL INSURANCE) to find and get help for the likes of me. It's for
uninsured addicts to get help. (It's usually court ordered.)  I've been blessed enough to have not been in trouble with the law. I got the information from my states Drug Addiction Program.
I spoke to someone from the program and filled out an application and I qualified for help! I will go on June 17th to
be evaluated and "take it from there" as to what to do about me. I waited for a little over a week for an answer form them which is what I ment when I said that I'm hoping to get to get "help soon" In the mean time,(17 days) I'll do what I can to at least maintain myself. Anyways, my boyfriend is still looking for answers as to the understanding of drug addiction. Mainly, "how did this happen? and WHY?. And what can he do to be there for me without being sarcastic?"  He (being VERY strong willed) is just not getting it!But is trying his very best to be patient with me.
I don't want to lose him and have tried my best to let him know what's going on with me. Again, I'm asking for help from those who have been there (and those who still are) to give some input to the mind and thoughts of a chemicaly dependant person. I'm sure I'll be posting again soon.  In the mean time, words of support would be great!  WISH ME LUCK FOLKS!

[Susie B]

Maybe I can put a different slant on this.  I am not an addict, never have been. My husband has fought the demons of Heroin and Methadone before we were married, and now 24yrs later, percocet has been his battle. He's been in pretty deep for the past 18 mos, and we're now on week 3 of CT. I try very hard to understand. I think I am a wee bit more patient than you partner, but I think our thoughts might be along the same line. I hate to see my husband suffer, but part of me gets angry that he let this stuff back in our lives.  I live in dread of returning to the post meth days of years ago. I'm terrified when the phone rings that there's someone who wants to coax him into buying a few more pills.  I'm grateful our 18yr old daughter moved into her own place 6months ago. I don't want her to see her Dad like this. But- I don't think he's aware of any of this, and if he is the haze provents any emotional reaction to my tears of frustration, or occasional rants. (I had a wonderful post from Curt Cobain last week that agreed with that thought.)
As much as your partner loves you, he's probably blaming you for stuff right now without even realizing it. Just like you have to move from stage to stage within the WD cycle, he (and I) have to do the same with ourselves. We can't let ourselves accept this- its just wrong to us, we can't quite put ourselves in your shoes, but stay strong, we'll all get thru this I hope. If you need to rant a bit, feel free, I'd love to "talk". ***@****