How do I live life without drugs?

Hi.. this is my second post.. my first was when I quit opiates!
I'm 20 yrs old and was addicted to opiates.. and harder opiates..for the last 4-5 years sort on and off (light - really heavy - stopped - light - really heavy ect..) and I quit almost cold turkey 2 & 2/3 months ago. (I've found out i also have a history of opiate dependancy in my family.. my grandfather died from opium overdose)

Ever since, i've been excersizing and meditating and getting on pretty ok after the worst of the w/ds, but in the last few weeks after the novelty of being sober and exercising sort of wore off i've felt i've needed SOME sort of drug to just take. I wont ever do opiates again but i've been taking klonopins lately which don't do a whole lot but it seems like just the notion of popping them and being a little dizzy and off makes it worth it again.

I should explain i'm in a college environment where 'all' my friends (including all my room mates and brother) smoke weed (which i quit along with opiates) drink and do party drugs pretty regularly so it's obviously not condusive to a good perspective. But i just get so focused on getting out of reality sometimes that it's either drink a lot or take something like benzos. I don't like getting drunk so i've been taking 4-5 benzos a day now.

But its not like i'm a self loathing miserable person who sees the worst in everything and everyone.. I play music ( 3 instruments..my passion), i do my best to practice meditation to try and be as full of positive energy as possible and see the all the inherent beauty in the present moment. I don't know it just seems like i'm fighting a loosing battle against my desire to just screw it all and drown in pleasure. (BTW believe me i'm really not as selfish as to really do that)

Does anyone have experience as to how someone like me.. someone not particularly happy in their situation (entrenched in a drug-related lifestyle) with an addictive personality can live happily without trashing their mind? Do you think my serotonin levels beyond repair or something?

(and how long it takes to get really addicted to klonopins.. i've been doing about 5 a day over the course of a few hrs.)

Thank you so much..

[AZen]

PS - the benzos amount to about 8-10mg of clonazepam

[avisg]

I suggest you get off the benzos NOW before you end up with a bigger problem then you just got out off .. you need recovery care this is what will help you to learn how to live sober again .remember you lived sober for a long time before you can do it again .also I would get back to th exercise that will make the transition back to normalcy go quicker .
You will get there its just going to take sometime .

[LucyMidnight]

I am so there - and I think others have the same problem. After a few days the novelty wears off or the thought of not being high just takes over.  I too have an addictive personality and this stuff is going to kill me - and you - if we don't try harder.  I was clean for more than 2 weeks and then went right back to where I was, I'm so down with myself.

Do others have a suggestion for after care?  Do people go to N/A?  I'm from a small town, have a prominent professional position and am desperate to keep this my secret.  I see a good therapist but it's not enough for me.  I exercise and try to keep active but it consumes me.

Good Luck!  Keep posting.

[pharma9]

You can get back on the horse and try..not try..but do it again.You really have to want the clean life more than the high.If your mind is really made up you will make it through all the hard stuff.If you feel more comfortable being anonymous keep posting here and we will help you.Glad you are back .

[Charetti]

It has been my experience that when you choose a sober life you have to stay away from your not-so-sober friends.  If they are using socially and not addicted they cant understand what you are going through. I bet they are saying things like "loosen up", "just this once", or "you're not that bad".  Only you know how bad it is and that the terms loosen up is different for them than it is for you.

I would seek out some like minded people, who treat their bodies good and have the same ideals that you have.  They are out there, you just have to look around. Perhaps talk to your college counselors or teachers to find groups to join that dont involve getting high or drunk.  

I know when you are young it is hard to avoid drugs and alcohol but its not impossible, you might have to keep a different time and mind frame.  The straight people wake up earlier and go home at a decent hour. No shame in that, they have just as much fun but without the cover of darkness.

It can be done...I promise.  You have not done irreparable brain damage to yourself but it could take some time to recover.  If there is trauma in your life that started your addiction find someone that can specifically help you work through that.

Good luck

[Beccabeccalynn]

NA is anonymous if you see people at a meeting they are there for the same reason you are. You may find some comfort that you are not alone. I have found that at the meetings I go to and I go to alot of differant ones , that none really cares who's job is what! Only what they are doing to stay sober and what has and has not worked for them.IMO finding reasons not to go to a meeting is simply our addict brains way of keeping a foot hold in our lives. Patient,Cunning,Baffling. The nature of our addiction.
Okay enough of my soap box(well until next time)lol
Becca