How do I make it stick this time?

[JDRMinSD]

Hello-some of you may remember me, I was here late last year, got great help from this site but then got back into the everyday pressure of my life and thought....as hopefully some of you know...."Just one..." which then skyrocketed into WAY too many WAY too fast.  This time I "got caught" at home with them which actually seems like a good thing, so I'm getting support there but does anyone out there know how to "make it stick" this time?  
Thanks~
Wow, I feel REALLY badly right now...on day # 2.5....feel SO badly in EVERY way...how did I get here AGAIN?!?!?!?!?
I feel like such a loser!

[hopsing94]

I don't know how I missed this. It's good to see both of you again. Man I wish I could tell you how to make it stick. Sounds like your doing pretty good this time. The stress and anxiety is what gets me each time. We have to learn how to cope with the stress somehow. Whatever you do don't give up. You two helped me so much before. I loved chating with both of you. Ahhh the good ole days LOL. Hang in there bro. We shall get through this. Man again I'm sorry I missed this.

P.S. get over that loser stuff,your not a loser. Hopsing doesn't hang with losers. Great you have the support at home now. That is awesome, that has helped me tremondously,

[JDRMinSD]

Hi-Sorry for the lapse, I was out of town.  You're right (again), the physical stuff is getting better.  The road trip was the time it all seemed to change.  

I do still feel kind of foggy (although WAY better than before) and the insomnia is never ending...

However, I do feel WAY better and for that I'm grateful.  Now back at work...gonna look for those things that can trigger this and find new ways to handle those times.

Any suggestions???

[Calzy]

Hey JDR, haven't seen you post for a few days and know your on a road trip but hope you doing alright. I know you have a lot of things to straighten out and hope all is going well with the family. You should be feeling a little better by now with the physical part. Drop a note when you can.
Calzy

[JDRMinSD]

Hey buddy-
Thanks, I teared up hearing back from you with those kind words, you're super cool and really helped me last time...I'm really happy to have you on my side again.  I felt SO stupid and filled with self-loathing but that maybe is good....I'm more determined than ever....

It's tough...that's for sure.  I really didn't get how tough it was and fell back so easily into the "just one" moment...and am impressed at how quickly I was back in hell...I gotta get past it.  Can't sleep at ALL, have a TERRIBLE headache, RLS, the works...but I'm pretty f-ing determined right now...and day #4 is better than the previous 2 for SURE.

I need the AfterCare part, I think but yea, out in the open is way better, it feels better to be honest w/ myself and family...that's for sure.

Thx again.  Eveyone....

[Calzy]

Just wanted to say don't beat yourself up over this. You did great the last time you quit at christmas so you know the program well to feel better again. Guilt can really consume us when we have a setback and makes our recovery so much harder than it needs to be. Maybe it's a good thing the cats' out of the bag and will help you stay on guard more after you get thru this physical **** again. I just handle my recovery by knowing that there are a field of land-mines all around and have to watch my step and try not to cut corners. Your a smart guy and know what to do to get back on your feet again, just try and stay in touch with someone you can count on when you feel a struggle coming on. You will be new and improved in no time. Hang in there.
Calzy

[JDRMinSD]

Pen, Worried and all:

Thx for the posts and support.  Pen, I'll be reaching out somewhere, maybe NA, maybe just here but somewhere for sure..."Aftercare" is what I missed before for sure, along with the big honesty part with myself, my family, which is HUGE, told another person last night...not gonna let myself slip this time to the extent that I can help it...and for now that includes leaning on family and soon,,,friends.

Ok, so day #3 flowed into day #4 while I watched...the insomnia is CRAZY bad this time...slept 1.5 hrs but whatever, I finished 2 books!  

I think I'm feeling a little better today, gonna try to work a little if I can...going on a road trip tomorrow nite...a little worried about that but I'm taken it one day at a time....

I'm tired but still here, Day #4!

Thanks again for all the posts and support!

[Penelope14]

I,d recomend NA meetings, I just got home from one & got alot of support & met some really nice people, Im going to one tomarow & the next day, & basically as many as I can get to. Most people who go to na, have a much higher success rate at staying clean versus those who dont. This is just my take on it, others may disagree? Stay on the forum as it has been a god send for me during the times when I couldnt get to a meeting because I was so ill from my detox, now that Im better I know what I have to do to stay clean & not relapse, & thats go to meetings, & reach out to my others who share the same enemy, & that is addiction. Stay on the forum & try a meeting, & I wish you the best!!! Penelope

[worried878]

I am an awful typer...Glad is what i meant..glad u r posting and part of the forum

[worried878]

Flad u r gonna keep posting..it really does help...sounds like u feel better...take care of yourself right now..we live and learn i guess...geez...i am tired of learning stuff the hard way tho!  LOL...

[JDRMinSD]

I thought I'd update since people seemed to like that when I did it before...so went in a hot soak for a LONG time, had some bananas and yogurt, got outside (walked the dog) and I'm completely EXHAUSTED!  But I'm alive and still kickin and I have to say, for the moment...craving-free which feels really good.  

I guess that's something that I notice this time a LOT more (other than feeling like a total loser for relapsing and which I'm really trying to get over, I promise), the insomnia (I feel like I could stay awake for a week and not notice the difference), the RLS (which REALLY does SUCK) and the cravings, which for me, are WAY worse than before....

Thx for reading and for all of your support, this place is great for this "road" we're on...

[JDRMinSD]

Hey...I agree and am going to vow to stay connected on here.  I just found some old friends some of whom are still going great and some of whom are kinda like where I am....so keeping track seems like a good idea and a good part of "AfterCare" which is what I did NOT consider to be as important and I now see it is!
Anyway...thanks

[JDRMinSD]

Thank you all SO much!!!  I really do feel better reading all the nice things you all have to say and the good advice as well.  I will try to feel like a "winner" although that doesn't sound too easy right now...I'll try.  I am not going to keep anything a secret ithis time....I think that was my own personal problem the other 2 times...I thought I was in control....but then one tiny slip and I wasn't.  

I'm being sort of "coerced" into going to a day spa today (the warm soak part sounds really good) and so hopefully that will help me.  

But Thank You to all of you for caring...it really makes a HUGE difference...

[worried878]

Staying connected here is an important part of my aftercare and is a good reminder for me...it keeps me on track,,this time maybe you could keep signing in and posting daily or as much as u can even after you feel strong...NA or AA is great as well...guess we gotta keep it fresh on our minds

[addictedme]

Using the term doc can be risky,,an opiate is an opiate and most people will tell you that if there doc isnt available other kinds will do. As far as triggers go,,what isnt a trigger to an addict ? For me getting up in the morning can be a trigger along with pain,stress,good times,bad times,you name it.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Again, look at the health pages. Make sure you are taking vitamins 2x day, supps and aminos etc (if not on anti-depressants)They help to stabilize many things. Mood energy cravings etc. Stay connected here too. That can be one source of aftercare.

[addictedme]

Just stopping isnt going to keep you from using again. Using a substitute and doing nothing else wont keep you from using again. You need to put as much effort into not using as you put into using,,that only makes sense dont ya think. Keeping secrets isnt going to be very productive either.You may compare it to losing weight,,you can stop eating and lose a few lbs but if you dont change your habits its not going to "stick",,gl and keep posting

[mimi1313]

That's mine too! So I completely understand. I would tell your counselor though. They have to keep it confidential. It may help.

Please don't be so down on yourself. That always makes me so sad to hear someone say they are a loser. You're trying and you can do this. that's what counts.

[MartiniGirl]

You are not a looser and please dont feel that way, but I know that its easy to get into that type of mindframe. Im on my third day of going cold turky without Vicodin and its rough, but just take it one day, even one hour at a time. I've found that reading other peoples post and being on this site has helped encourage me tremendously, more than I thought. Just hang in there and figuere, you've come this far, cause 2.5 days counts for something. Stay strong, its tough, but you can do it!

[worried878]

Good thing you caught it and got back on track...welcome back...sorry for the circumstances but like gtm said...we are addicts and we dont always make the best choicesw when it comes to our DOC...you are a winner as you are gonna put those puppies down and get clean...keep posting

[JDRMinSD]

Oh, and you are right. the trigger is stress...and I thought I had it all under control...then the little bastards snuck up on me when I wasn't looking and BAM~!

[JDRMinSD]

Hi Going to...nice to hear from you again, thanks for your non-judgemental response, you're much nicer to me than I am right now...

Thank you both SO much...I really feel like I am such as bad person right now but you're right and I know it...so thank you, I REALLY appreciate hearing it right now...

I (sadly or good) have a counselor that I see regularly but I've been afraid to tell her b/c of the nature of my job but maybe I have to...it's much better with people at home knowing...I'm thinking about telling my mom tonight....I'm just really SCARED and I remember feeling this way before...so there is a little (VERY little) voice in my head that says it will pass but it's still hard to believe....this is #3 so hopefully "Third time's the charm".  Maybe what I can also do is stay more connected to this site....I meant to but my super stressful job and life got in the way...  :(

[mimi1313]

Hi,

First of you are not a loser. I know the feeling and I felt the same way but we are not losers.  I don't know what you did previuosly but making sure you get aftercare, counseling etc is very important. Also, I know there are people that are on Suboxone that have success. There are also people that are very against it.

You need to find out what triggers you. (it sounds like stress) and find a way to deal with it. You can do this. Day 2.5 is almost over the physical part as you know. But I would look into aftercare, NA, something.

Melissa

[GoingToMakeIt]

Welcome back. you are not a loser, just an addict. Take a look at the Health pages top right. It takes a complete 110% decision to stay clean. You have heard us talk about aftercare (NA,AA,counseling) This is why it is important. It is too easy to start back up! Use this mistake as a learning tool so you won't do it again. Don't be hard on yourself. Realize that these pills are bigger than you.