How do I move forward without feeling tied to her and partly to blame???

[m1289]

To everyone here I want to thank you for your support but today I hit my limit with my girlfriend and some how I still feel as though I'm as much to blame as she is. Simply because in the beginning of the relationship I felt that something was wrong but I wasn't sure. I knew she smoked pot and on occassion with some friends she would do very little cocaine but she promised she had it under control and she wouldn't let it get out of hand and she promised. Please don't misunderstand, I know known mant people to smoke and do a line or to but never anyone who's been on vic for years and hiding their addiction.

Here's to today's events and for give me for my frustrations.

I really want to thank you for all your support. My girlfriend and I are nolonger together. As you know I had a problem with her lies and they caught up with her today at about 7:30pm. I got off work early and told her I was heading home and I drove by where she gets all her drugs and found her there. She tried to tell me they were for her other friend and when I didn't believe her, she got more upset and told me it didn't matter because I never trusted her and without trust we were never going to make it anyway. The thing that pissed me off most was the fact that she had her youngst 2 children in the car with her. When I told her I was leaving and I was going to the house to pack my things part of me wanted her to follow me home and try to work it out but she stayed there to wait until he arrived. I'm so angry right now you couldn't even imagine my frustration and pain. All I wanted was to be happy with a woman I grew to LOVE. In the beginning when she was saying I love you I told her that I cared very deeply about her and when that turned into LOVE I would gladly sing it if necessary. I shared my feelings and opened up to her and LOVE grew there only to wither away because of SOME DAMN DRUGS!!!!!! Please forgive me I don't mean to yell but I really am mad as HELL!!!! The nerve of her to be upset and call me a Damn stalker because I wanted to know what my girlfriend was doing and She got caught; what type of cr@p is that. Now, besides that; she later text me to tell me she's moving out of the apartment this weekend so what about the rent money I gave her. This is ridiculous and I'm angry very!!!

Please forgive me!!

However if anyone has some suggestions on how I might be able to move on and not feel particially to blame and if she reaches out to me do help her! My trust coin has been completely melted and reshaped anger. I will appreciate any advise.

Thank you!!!!

[random288]

I just sent you a personal message

[wannabefree330]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.  I agree w/the above posts.  Don't feel you are responsible for any of this.  To her, her #1 priority is the drugs.  Even above her children.  Until she recognizes she is an addict, and accepts responsiblity for that, nothing can be done.  You are doing the right thing in moving out and moving on.  She will try to turn the tables and blame it on you, because she cannot accept responsibility for any of it.  Simply tell yourself and her, that this is a consequence of HER choices.  If she calls begging you for help, be strong.  Until she seeks help in getting clean you can't do anything to help her.

[NautyOne]

Addiction is serious baggage.  Get out now......easy for me to say.......but, you sound like a really nice guy, and you don't need this .........With many addicts, this will be a life long struggle of clean time/relaspse........cleantime/relapse.......ugh.  I wont ever get involved with an addict.  When I meet prince charming........he will most definitely be taking a peepee test.  And, it better be clean, or I am gone.

I wish you the best in whatever choice you make.

luv,
Nauty...........

[EmilyPost]

I am sorry for your pain, disappointment and loss. I know it hurts to be betrayed because of drugs.

I had a wise GF who said to me once, over a guy I loved, who was similar to your GF. She said, "You'll never be as important to him as the drugs."

For some reason, by some miracle, it broke the spell. I was able to see, no matter how tragic, that it was true. And for me, it wasn't an acceptable way to live. His Number One Lover/Friend and Family is his Drugs. And it is still that way ... 8 years later. I feel I dodged a bullet.

With addicts, Drugs always take the number one spot.

Trust has to be earned slowly over time, and if she had earned yours truly I am sorry.

If you love her, when she reaches out, tell her she has a drug problem, is an addict and needs help quittiing and then aftercare. But as far as a relationship, she will repeat this again and again until you "get it" or end up with a broken heart.

I feel for you. I've been there. Drug addicts (which its ousnds as if she is will twist the truth to try and make you in the wrong. When confronted wit the truth, they will not accept responsibility, and move to another lie. If they are using and not in Recovery they are incapable of having a true deep love. Beying their drugs.

I am so sorry.

There is nothing to forgive, you are rightfully angry.

I hope you will see, that You as a Human Being were placed under The Drugs in her heart and mind. Until she recovers, it will be the same with all her relationships.

Love and healing,
Emily

[u812]

ive been with my g/f for 10 years and i just recently got clean off oxycontin. im a damn lucky man for her not 2 have left me after all the **** i put her through with my addiction. but the thing is is that we were together before i got addicted so she knew the real me and knew that i truly loved her and i was better than what i was while being a addict. if your g/f was addicted before the 2 of u met than u really dont know the real her. but i can say that when your in a relationship and also r an addict its not that u dont love the other person its just that u have to have the drugs!! im sure she truly cares about u but she has to have the pills. your doing the rite thing by leaving because now u will find out where u stand in her life and tell her u will do whatever u can for her if she wants to get clean if not u cant be with her. i know it hurts but imagine what it will be like later on if things keep going the same way. tuff love is what u have to give her!! good luck brother!!!!