How do you I save my son?

[LONESOME]

Well here I go again my son is 17 1/2 yrs old and for the past year he has done nothing but to get in trouble, he has admitted to use pot everyday and that he has "tried" xanax sometimes (snorted) anyways I have kicked him out as we stand right now he has a warrant for his arrest he treats us so bad I mean I "the *****" and my husband "the *******" .
I have giving him so many chances left and right and he comes back home and the same thing hapends again and again, well this weekend he stoled my debit card took 100.00 out made his friend call me saying he was blockbuster and that I had late fees and they were going to charge my account for 100.00 I confronted him and he denied "of course" of him doing anything wrong or taking any money.
Well of course nothing was done I let him stay home and just pretended like he didn't do anything, well he got a job at a fastfood rest. and he started yesterday then today he went to work and at 3pm I got a call from his boss telling me that she cought my son snorting some "white powder" that is what she called it in the back of the store in front of her and 2 other co workers, he didn't see the boss because she was just getting back from the store and he dosen't know what she drives.
Anyways she of course fired him and confronted him and stuff, I'm so glad she called me to tell me but I'm devestated I have done nothing but tho care for him and he is just throwing his life away, he knows I know by now and he has not come by or called me.
I don't know what to do, he dosen't think he has a problem and he does I'm lost I just don't know what to do I have 2  11 year old girls and he is so bad with them and before all this he was like a dad to them.
Sorry guys I guess I just want to talk and get it out of me if not I'm going to just crush down.
Thanks for listening

[cattalina]

His attitude changes and mood swings are definitely from the coke abuse.  At age 17, there is a fine line of where he is considered an adult or a child.  I live in MA, and here family members can go to court and "section" someone to rehab/detox.  There's got to be a way you can do that where you live.  I was the addicted child, and my mother did alot of things I hated her for at the time, but now I know she saved my life on many occasions by doing what she did.  He sounds out of control, and talking to him at this point probably won't do any good.  Tough love is perfectly reasonable in this situation, whether it's turning him in on the warrants or legally forcing him into treatment.  He won't be happy, and I'm sure he'll say nasty things - but it sounds like you're running out of options.  Do what you can to help him, but ultimately he owns his problems, and there may come a point where you  have to worry more about protecting yourself and your daughters.  This is a tough situation, and my heart goes out to you...  Stay strong! PM me if you need anything!!

[LONESOME]

He dosen't want to admit to doing anything he is in big time denial and I just get hurt cause he is very abusive to us he yells and just bad bad, he did the same thing to his boss yesterday and he is only know her for 1 1/2 day he is such a drugy that his boss was telling me that he was telling her that she was a liyer when he still had white powder in his nose then he called her 5 min. later begging her not to tell me and when she said she was telling me he said you are a liyer and bla bla bla , that is how you know he is addicted already is sad but is the true.
Is one of those things Josh if I keep him home then I'm allowing him to keep doing what he is doing I can't lock every single room in my house I already lock my room everyday and I hate doing that cause there my children my girls hate that.

[josh231]

sounds like a story from one of my buddies ok right now iam 19 this might sounds bad but this is my oppinion most teenagers smoke pot and xanx is like one of those things that is  around in highschool just like aderal anyways coming from my point of view i say you shouldnt kick him out because two of my buddies went through somthing like this and the time they were kicked out during summer they ended up goin to jail and ended up geting into harder  drugs

you should have um be completly honest with you and tell you everything you know just talk

parents have to understand no matter what they do they cant do enough to have there kid not do drugs someday chances are they will

[LONESOME]

Thanks my friend I really appreciate it please keep me on your prayers and thoughts I really need it. I so glad my addiction is under control right now if not I don't know what I would do.

[lifesaride]

It wont be easy Galdy, but what is? i wish you the best outcome. You'll get your son back, I just know it.

[LONESOME]

Thanks girl yes you are right I realize that he didn't come home last night cause he know I know what happend at work, anyways I will call the cops or I will turn him in I promise.

Thanks everyone for the replies

Galdy

[Rose703]

I do completely understand where you're coming from and how you feel. I'm sending you a PM. Many ((((HUGS))))

[sadinmichigan]

I am so sorry your having to go through this...first of all as newmangment said..you must stop enabling him...it sounds like he has had plenty of second chances..This world is rough and NOBODY is going to love your son like you do...nobody loves mine like I do...alot of times we, as parents.. just let them get away with this stuff and all the while doing them no favors...they get out in the real world..with real cops, real handcuffs..real consequences and we can't save them...theres sometime NO 2nd chance....My son had to sit in jail for only 3 days..but I will tell you..those 3 days did wonders for him....he was 17, charged as an adult..mommy couldn't just come and get him(oh an d believe me..he was like a little child begging for me)..since your son has a warrant it sounds like he doesn't have much of a choice..even if for a couple days..he can have time to sit there and wonder how he wants to live the rest of his life..feeling that cold steel around your wrists is a real eye opener..I know as a parent this hurts you..but hold him accountable for his actions..encourage him to turn himself in..tough love mama...he will thank you one day..

[LONESOME]

the thing is that he dosen't think he has a problem at all, he says there is nothing wrong with using pot and some times xanax but I know is not sometimes is every day

[LONESOME]

Thanks for your replies is really hard for me but I have no problem not giving him money or even letting him stay, but he always says that he is 17 and that is against the law to kick him out of the house so I don't know what to do

[cathy5841]

so sorry you are having to deal with this.  believe me i know the painof an addicted child.  at 17 you can put him into rehab still.  he is still a minor.  this is something you really should consider since he will be 18 soon.  this maybe your last chance to get him help.  there are underlying issues causing this behavior...he needs to deal with them now.  once he is 18 its outta your hands as far as being able to put him in rehab.  i will pry for both of you.

[wyattw]

im really sorry to hear about your son, my brother went through a similar problem, he was a doctor so you can imagine how much access he had to drugs, but it eventually got to the point where we had an intervention. but for some people they have to hit rock bottom before they truly realise they need help. I really hope things turn out ok, (try not to be so lenient with him, sometimes tough love can be the answer. The best of luck to you.

[broknbck]

well first of all you will have to find him to talk to him. and ask him if he is doing all this stealing and lying because the drugs have a hold on him. is he experiencing withdrawl if he is not high? that you understand withdrawl can be unbearable. and lets find a way to get off of this and get through the withdrawl.   or is he just wanting to get high? and then why? when it is causing so many problems? is he that unsure of himself? does he know exactly what he is getting into?  maybe he should read some of the stories here. it is not the happy ending.

best to you with your son. and i hope you can keep the communication with him going.

[lifesaride]

do you know any cops? take him to the pd and scare the **** outta him, or drag him to an na meeting

[newmanagment]

first of all, ya gotta quit enabling him, no matter his age. he needs to be held accountable for his actions. i find myself not holdin my kids accountable, so in no way should you think im jumpin on ya for that one k?! second, if he has a warrant , and you are lettin him live with u, u can go to jail for aiding and abeting a fugitive. they took my ex in on that one. so if he comes there , turn him in. let him sit in jail for a minute, be suprised how it will change his attitude. when he sees where his path is leading, and that mom ******* and dad ********  are not gonna bail him out ne more, he may decide it is time to change his life. no matter wut ya gotta love him , hes ya son :).. but ya dont have to support his use or life style! best of luck, don be beatin ya self up..