How do you stop loving an addict?

[Icka]

You would think after everything he stole from me and his kids, after all the time he ran out chasing dope and leaving us alone, all the lies he told, all the hurtful things he has said, all the promises he has broken, all the times he held me in his arms and made me believe that everything was going to get better and then turned around and stuck another F**king needle in his arm that I would not want anything to do with him. But I can't help but be in love with the man I once knew. PLease help me he is ruining my life and I don't know how to stop it!

[dominosarah]

All the reasons you listed above is the reason you need to go to Alanon or a counselor of some sort.  The addicts family gets the sh!t end of all of this.  You have to take care of yourself now and get your mind in a better place.  You dont have to self destruct with him.  They will help you.........and so will we.      sara

[gizzy32]

I read your other post and I am so sorry your going through this, but you need to help yourself first. He is taking you down with him and nobody here can tell you to leave him until he gets better, only you can make that decision, but I think it's the right one. How far along are you in your pregnancy? I really do suggest checking out the alanon link i sent you and see if you can find any in your area. Is there any way you can talk to a counsellor about this, it's a lot for you to hold in. He will continue to ruin your life until he gets clean and help. Don't give up your hope and please talk to someone about what your going through.

[LateAugust]

I agree with Gizzy  Al-Anon is a good support,   it took me a few different meetings to find my "home place" where I feel most comfortable.  And I need that group to keep my sanity,  altho it seems to be slipping lately :)    I also see a councelor for "unbiased" support that I can let it all out,  because we "protect" our addicts as we dont want others to judge or strongly dislike them for the horrible things they have done to those that love them the most.

The addict I love is my daughter, and as a mother is it my basic instinct to protect her.  It is also my decision of how much of her addiction I can deal with, because it is hell.  I can't imagine tolerating this from anyone else,  I'm sorry, but I would have been gone a long time ago if she were not my child.    I have made the decision to fight for my daughter's life   and it has cost me some very important relationships,  when it reaches the point you cant do it anymore, or you are accepting his addiction at the expense of your children, you will know it is time to end the nonsense.......  but there is not one person that can tell you to do that  unless it is the decision you have made.  

    I will tell you that I would NEVER (my daughter has no children,  and she is my last living child) let my daughter,  and this is based on her addiction  behaviour, would ever leave a child or baby in her care....    She is not a mean person, no viloence, she was a very tender and loving soul with a huge heart...... as an addict, she is not the person she was before using....and I would not let her care for a child.....   But if you were to meet her,  you would think she was a great young woman.....they are so good at manipulation.     You have not only your own life but those of your children to think of when making the decision of how much more addictive behaviour you can accept.   But only you will know when you have reached your limit.  Again I wish only the best for you and your family.    

[road2recovery]

ALL., very good advice.(glad to hear from you august) ....You can't help who you love..But you can help yourself to understand, and love yourself..Which is hard to do when your life is consumed with helping an addict...
good luck and take the advice from all post above
god bless, and i pray things work out!!
r2r

[corey411]

Hon, Although the person you love is still in their somewhere, the drugs are and will continue to control him until HE sees this as a problem and wants help. As an addict, I can tell you it's really tough to get clean even when you want to. He will lie and manipulate and steal for drugs because he needs them to just feel human. It doesn't mean he quit loving you and your children. Addiction numbs our capacity to feel love or any good emotions. Secretly we feel alone, ashaimed and pathetic.

As a mother of a son who was addicted to heroin, I can tell you that I know how hard it is to love an addict. You do have to learn how to work this. There is a fine line between supporting and loving an addict and enabeling them to continue to think that it's OK to keep using. It helped when I understood that it was OK to love my son and tell him that I didn't believe him when I knew he was lying(which is all of the time for an addict). I was able to maintain a loving relationship with him even when I threw him out and p1ssed him off telling him I didn't believe him. He is 4 years clean next month and still says he doubts if he would have ever decided to get clean if I had not had him arrested. He was dying right in front of me and I knew this was the only thing to do to save him. I pray every night that he continues to stay clean. I will also keep you and your husband and children in my thoughts and prayers.You will learn what to do if you follow your instincts. Don't let him convince you that things are the way he wants them to be when you get that feeling in your gut that tells you that you already know whats going on. Feel free to PM me anytime you just want to talk. GBU, Corey