How in the world did you all

[justwanttobeclean]

get thru this?????I tried CT yesterday off of percs and somas and barely lasted 16 hrs if that long..The Depression was frightening!!! every second seemed like an hour...I don't think I can do this..I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel..My husband is out of a job..he starts a new one in 10 days..but I won't have insurance for 6 months. I was hoping to be clean by the time he goes back to work because I have yo take care of the kids..right now I don't have to until the 18th..so that means I have to go CT...but NOTHING helps..Nothing distracts me...I feel worse than crap every second of the day whether I'm resting or doing an activity...Has anyone else felt that what..I need brutal honesty..How long will the worst of the worse last? Please tell me straight.

I was given meds for an accident I was in..For years I took them as prescribed...then, my marriage started going to hell..fighting all the time between my husband and my kids..they are his step kids..so bad that I would freak out and have a full blown panic attack..That's when I discovered taking 1 more, than 2 more than finally my allotted amount for the whole day in one sitting...I've been on these 6 or 7 years...never had a problem until a couple years ago..I was always careful not to take more than what was prescribed during the day..but I'd take most of it at one sitting just to feel normal. Now..I just want off...as I don't know if I'm able to take them as prescribed anymore since I crossed that line. I have always been depressed, but don't now if the medicine is making me more depressed or coming off it is..I need help..I need hope..I don't know how you all who got clean did it...

[dominosarah]

You are not a failure or weak.  We only fail when we quit trying.  You have a goal to get off the pain meds, that is a great goal.  Tomorrow you will start that goal.  You will get your life back and the rewards will be endless~~sara

[justwanttobeclean]

I was on the phone with my Pain Center..on hold for 20 minutes listening to some taped person..All I could here was him saying.You don't have to b ein pain...Start Living now! Do these people have any clue that even if you take them as prescribed..as I did for years..You still become addicted? It was the first laugh (ironic one, but a laugh..I've had in a very long time....I don't know if I can cold CT because of my major depression and anxiety issues..I made it till about 10am and I was running around the house, screaming, crying, feeling like I was going to jump out of a window..I hate that I'm weak and can't CT.Sheesh I was in the Army and went thru some  some pretty hard things..you'd think this would be a cake walk..I feel like a total failure and hate myself..When I see my PC Dr. tomorrow I will have him put me on a taper plan..At least it's going on day 3 of being off the Fentanyl..But that only helped the pain..didn't do anything to make me feel good like the Percs....Thanks all for reading..If anyone has experienced any of what I described  I would love to hear from you..if not..an encouraring word.

And to that taped message about getting my life back? I'll get it back when I'm completely off these things!!!!

[justwanttobeclean]

Thank you all...I guess if I didn't suffer from major depression and anxiety I wouldn't be so scared that I'd lose my mind..I HATE this,,don't even feel well enough to type or read..Thank you sincerely from the bottom of  my heart.

[Pricogirl83]

Hi honey.. I read through your posts. It's nice to have your husband help out with the kids because it is much easier that way. I have a six year old daughter and she is a handful and I want to be CLEAN for her, but then I WANT to have energy for her too... I know being CLEAN is the best way. I think the best way is without being on the opiates at all because it seems to just drag it out when you taper, don't ya think? For me it would be too hard. Hang in there! It is a long road but so worht it in the end!!!! It will be nice to look back at this and see clearly and not thinking about pills all the time!!! Im here ANYTIME!!!

[bama88]

How are ya doing. I just reread your post. I feel your pain literally. You were so kind to share it with me...lol. this is a hard road were on. I didn't sleep much. I went back into the toilet mode. Oxycodone is a very very hard drug to come off of. I'm trying cold turkey I'm starting day three. I want to throw in the towel and taper. I really should have tapered. I'm on oxy 40's. But I read posts where people just quit. And then when I feel like.giving up.I reread the success stories again. I know we can do this and when we make it thru a week we will be glad. Just remember baby steps. Baby steps lead to big steps. Remember the saying you hott crawl before you walk then run?  You have the power and remember no pain no.gain.

[bama88]

How are ya doing. I just reread your post. I feel your pain literally. You were so kind to share it with me...lol. this is a hard road were on. I didn't sleep much. I went back into the toilet mode. Oxycodone is a very very hard drug to come off of. I'm trying cold turkey I'm starting day three. I want to throw in the towel and taper. I really should have tapered. I'm on oxy 40's. But I read posts where people just quit. And then when I feel like.giving up.I reread the success stories again. I know we can do this and when we make it thru a week we will be glad. Just remember baby steps. Baby steps lead to big steps. Remember the saying you hott crawl before you walk then run?  You have the power and remember no pain no.gain.

[LeaAnn807]

Hey, I just read your whole thread.  See the thing about tapering???  When you DO stop, it doesn't mean that you won't feel like crap!  There are some drugs that have to be tapered.  You are on some of them.  BUT.....put those aside.  What you wan to stop is the percocet first.  Opiate tapering can be done.  Some people have done it.  But they come on here everyday complaining of the same exact symptoms as those who are writing about cold turkey.  Insomnia, chills, sweats, bathroom stuff, etc.  It's really up to you.  IMO......It drags it out.  You can be basically over the worst part in 3/5 days.  About 72 hours is the worst...like I'm gonna kill everyone who talks to me???  Yeah, that's over in about 3 days!!! : )  

IF you decide CT is the way, you have to get rid of every pill you have that's an opiate.  There's no other way.  They will scream at you to take them if you don't!!!!!!

Good luck!!  Congrats on doin this!

[justwanttobeclean]

Thank you bkitty...I just don't know what to do ..I see my Dr, tomorrow so was thinking of asking hi,m.

I know that feeling never returns..I just take them now so I at least feel normal..I wish some of you lived nearby..it would help to have someone around..DH doesn't understand..

Oh, I forgot to mention I was also on the Fentanyl Patcg..2 12.5's switched eveyr 2 days..I took the last of two days ago..they really took the pain away...but if I'm going to do this..I'm going to do it right.I thought the other meds I was on would help smooth the transition..but I have the chills, agitation and the ever-luvin trips to the bathroom.

Thanks, BKitty so much..I feel you are a true kind-hearted spirit..just like the rest who have responded to my post..

Oh, get this..my DH suggessted I drink my way theu all mu withdrawal days!..I know he means well, and I think he suggested be cause I will not drink on pills...I don't drink anyway...but he though it would help..Going to be hard today..I feel the pain and welcome it..It truly lets me know I'm alive and not a Zonbie...Thanks all..I'll need you lots todat.p

[Bkitty]

~Yes lots of others have had a successful tapering schedule!,,Im on day 12 c/t off perks and the physical symptoms have left. Its mental now. I got rid of all the pills (with the help of my cat) and that has helped trememdously! Yes the chills are normal and so is the insomnia. Dont be suprised if bathroom trips increase and you feel weak and shaky as the hours go by. Its a bumpy ride. You can do this! FIGHT hard and fight thru this with all you got and remind yourself of the hell you were in with the pills. You will never ever get that good high back ever. Even with taking more. stay close here today and post as often as you need to there are amazing people here to help support and carry you thru this.~Bkitty

[justwanttobeclean]

I'm at 15 hours or so..Someone is right..can't have the pills in the house..not even if someone hides them..I have the chills..Don't know if that is normal...I'm on Zoloft and seroquel just to keep me tranquli...Doesn't work..I'm also on Ambien and klonopin....Just makes me tired but not sleepy and still uncomfortable as all heck..I see the PM Dr. and I'm wondering if I should have me put on a tapering schedule..but if I'm still gonna feel like heck when I jump..what's the point? Anyone ever have a successful tapering?

[Ann2497]

Are you tapering?  Where are you in quitting this?

[gnarly_1]

HI  been reading you thread and it sunds lie you ready to give it up .it no way to live it will just get progressively worst with time...the first thing you need to do is put on a good attitude YOU CAN DO THIS IT just take some resolve and perseverance its really no worst then a bad case of the flue and last about as long you will need to stay hydrated pick up a case of gatoraid and keep one in your hand to sip on all day this is truly a battle on or lost in ones own mind it is 1/3 physical 2/3 mental so be ready to fight it out on both fronts get comfortable with the saying....''you just got to be ok without being ok'' a hot soak goes along way in relieving the symptoms keep posting here on the forum for support we can help get you threw this remeber no pain no gain this wont kill you it may make you wish you where dead but if you in fairly good health you will be fine good luck and God bless ,,,,,Gnarly  

[bama88]

I just went through my first day sober. It was so hard. I feel and understand your pain. I was going to taper this month. But when I got my pills I over did it on the first couple of days. You know that conversation if you've been here with me.... I ll not take as many tomorrow routine. Anyways I got mad at myself and threw them all away yesterday. Today was first true day of h***. But I made it through it. We all.got to understand we didn't put ourselves in this mess in a week. It took some of us years to get here and it will take time Adjusting to no pills. Anytime spend clean is good time. Our minds and bodies will thank us. Try to tell yourself its time to get healthy and no pain no gain. Lol. I ll pray for all of us to beat this evil drug.

[Bkitty]

Stay close here tonight and keep posting. It does get better.

[justwanttobeclean]

Thanks...I'm on Zoloft and my Dr added Seroquel to help tranquilize me...Not working...Even with the ambien. I have zero motivation to do anything..My husband has been taking care of the kids..I'm just afraid I'm going to lose it mentally..I read a lot here about the physical symptoms...but not so much about the mental ones...Anyone here in mental anguish?

And you've been such a big help...Thank you..It's going to be a long, bumpy night.

[Bkitty]

This is going to sound really stupid,,,I picture in my head these Perks sitting on horses and I have sword and I am chopping them off one by one,,every time a thought pops in my head about the pills i picture this. I know it sounds dumb,,but this is a mind game. Ok,,i feel really dumb now posting that but I sense/feel your desperation sweetie.

[Bkitty]

Are you being treated for your depression?? That is gonna be key,,if you look at my profile and look at my journal logs day 2-4 I FELT THE SAME AS YOU. I was sure I was going to die and I didnt care if I woke up. I have long hair too and in the beginning it was hard to bathe. YOU have to take a first step at one point,,its hard,,sooo hard I know. Once I took a shower I did feel better. My motivation is still low even at day 10,,my moods are more even. you are going to make it,,what are you taking for the depression?

[justwanttobeclean]

If I knew it would last (the most painful part) that many days and I'd start to have hope...YES... But I suffer from a major depressive disorder...and I have the feeling it might send me over the edge...Yes, I want to stop...And if anyone here can relate to my situation I would love to hear from them....I don't even drink..so I don't know how this happened to me..I guess it doesn't matter..I just need to be told that it does get better..I will feel normal, I will enjoy life without the pills and that others are going thru the same mental anguish...I can handle the physical part..that doesn't scare me...The mental anguish does I just hope I can be better by the 28 when my husband goes back to work.

Also..is it normal not to want to do anything..I haven't showered in almost a week..I have super long hair that's a pain to wash and I don't even know how long it's been..I just know I'm not motivated and can't sum up the energy to wash it. ...Maybe I should just cut it all off...I'm going all over the place now...I just need encouragement and hope...I just don't feel like doing anything...is that normal?

[Kendraerika]

I don't know your medical history, nor am I a doctor. I cannot recommend tapering or c/t, it us also against forum rules for the resins started above. That being said, I can only tell you of my experience, and the decision has to be yours (and/or a medical professuonal). I tapered, for my unborn baby at 9wks pregnant went c/t from 2 vik or 6-8 tylenol 3 a day. Frowned on my vicodin supply. Vicidin 7.5, equal to 5 mg perk or oxycodone. My personal experience, the wd were less, but drug it through tapering. Once I quit, wd went.full blown, but I at least had a time, 5 days and I will be better to hope for. Tapering, well it seemed to never end.The first 48 were hell, add on the pregnancy and the flu my daughter and I got, I wanted to sleep for days so I didn't have to feel it. I functioned, I took care of my daughter. I did not leave the house for 2 weeks, my daughter was not neglected, but I did the bare minimum, and even that was hard. But, u did it. I feel great, though I still fight cravings. I went back to work today, the first time w/o pills, and I survived! The hell was worth it. I am free. I am me. I am a mom, and a wife, a friend a sister, a daughter. Im no longer a shell. I experience real joy, real excitement, real love. Are you willing to trade 5, 7, 9 days of wd for the rest if your life back? You kno the answer.

[justwanttobeclean]

I know what you mean..My pain was bad and some says I could not move...But I've had 8 children, several natural births (only because they came out way too fast there was no time for an epidural or pain killers...I think if anyone is on these long enough they are going to haave withdrawals...I wish there was a pain killer they could give you that didn'y make you feel euphoric..or even calm..My Dr. is talking surgery...but I'd rather take the pain..physical pain doesn't bother me..and I have lots of it..It's the Emotional pain and mental anguish that scare the heck out of me..I would take physical pain onver that any day...I'm also a natural bodybuilder..no drugs...so I'm used to physical pain...But since that car accident I can barely do the one thing I love..and that helps...the most.

I'still have some pain meds left..I'm scared if I flush them my emotional state will take a turn for the worse...So the question is to taper or not..Any advice or sharing of experience, with eith method..would be very helpful and greatly appreciated. Thanks all for responding.

[Kendraerika]

I started out innocently enough as well. I'm an addict, so I tried being careful. I took them as prescribed. I was in do much pain, and the dr only gave me t3's. It is HER FAULT I'M IN PAIN! after 3 hours of pushing, it was past time for a c section. When my daughters heartbeat dropped so much, I gave it my all and out she came. My hip was severely distorted and 2 inches out of place. Nothing was done, snd the ligaments tightened holding my hips like that. The top and bottom of my right hip off by 2 inches. I was so mad that my doctor did nothing, even after my mri. I finally went out and got my own pain meds. Still, I took them as they would have been prescribed, every 4 to six hours. Right up until I quit. Because I sm pregnant. I was ready to quit, needed to quit. Would schedual everything around when my ould would kick in, instead if around my daughter. I put her snd my husband through hell on my constant up and downs of pills kicking in and wearing off.  Would I have.chose a different path knowing what I do now? No. not with my pain, not with my addiction history. I have to learn from my mistakes. Will I every go back? I sure hope not, and to prevent that is a life time commitment.
I live being sober, pregnancy loosened my lugaments and hip back in place, or better anyways, tho there is irreversable damage. Pain lets me know I'm alive, and on pain pills, I did not live. I EXISTED.

[justwanttobeclean]

If not for my car accident I never would be on these..I never took a pain pill in my life..Heck..I didn't even take Tylenol or aspirin..I wonder if the person who hit me in the car crash could be held accountable for this. My life was good before the pain killers..Now I'm addicted..How could I not be? Why don't the Dr's tell you that up front..Probably because he thought I'd need them for life..But still, I should have been informed of what could have happened then let it be my choice.

[justwanttobeclean]

Thank you I needed to hear that!!!

[Kendraerika]

I am 16 days clean. (and 11 wks pregnant). I had to taper because of the baby, and yes, it just drug it out. Finally I just took the plunge. I could not take anything to help the wd bc if baby. It took 6 tries. Once I got past 24 hours, I never looked back. Its HARD, and you count the hours, even the minutes at times, but each minute, each hour is a victory over these poisonous pills. Another minute closer to freedom. oh, I need to add that I also have a 2 year old that I had to take care of by myself while her daddy was at work. I know you can do it. Its possible. Take this time your husband is home as a blessing, make your day one a new beginning.   It is mind over matter. Do what you have to do to struggle through each day & the blessings will follow. Good luck, and keep posting!