How long does it last...

[gem1angel]

Hi all, i have been on a methadone withdrawal now for 2mths and 2 weeks, the problem is i,m not getting any better! i,m still not sleeping at all, still got the feeling of an electrical current running through my legs, i,m tired and weak all the time, and just cant seem to do anything.

This is ruining my life as i live with my dad and he shouts at me alot to get a job etc.

Can anyone let me know how long this will last please?

Thanx

[hippy]

yo, welcome.
you are in the right place for answers, i would suggest
reading as much of this fourm as you can for 1 thing.
try looking into the receipe, it is vitamine that give you back you natraul energy.
start to exersize it will hlep you a lot.
keep posting and asking questions
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mrmichael67]

Could you explain how you detoxed off of the methadone?  Did you just stop and go cold turkey, or did you do a slow taper?

[gem1angel]

i came down from 60mls of methadone to 30mls at 5mls a week and then my doctors put me on subatex for a few months and i came down off them.

[LizzyM]

This is really really hard.  I still get the sweats so bad and weak with no motivation.  I feel like ****.  My husband took me out to dinner last night and then we were off to the movies...as soon as we entered the theatre I vomited.  WHat the hell?  My stomach is still turning and I feel qweezy still.  Nothing seems to be working...day 18 for me and I still feel like ****?  I feel like I'm losing my mind.  The only thing that has changed for the better is my sleep.  Sleeping pretty good at night.  My husband is very supportive and tells me it's part of these withdrawals..just took my temp and I have a low-grade fever. Everytime I go to stand up everything goes blurry and my legs shake and I get real hot.  My body feels like it is burning up..like I just climbed a huge mountain.  Should I contact a Methadone Clinic to see if they could help?  My house is a mess, and I am a clean freak!  This is so hard.  I just want to crawl under my blankets and just stay there.  I want my life back!!  I tried Vitamins but they turn my stomach really bad.  Anyone have some good advice for me??  Is this all in my mind??  Any comments are appreciated.  Thanks

[Starraven]

Honey,
You sound just like me at day 18,  The same day I found this forum because I was so screwed up.  I was still in the bathroom all the time, I vomited without warning ALL the time until about day 25 I think and that was mostly liquids because I hardly ate anything for almost thirty days (toast and crackers that I literally had to force down my throat, my husband had to cook (opened cans of soup is more like it) or order take out because the smell of food made me sick and I lost a total of twenty pounds last month.  Just getting up and moving from one room to the other was a chore..and housework? OMG. Thank goodness I have a big family that was able to help with that. I was a mess.  I would climb in the shower or jacuzzi and just zone out trying to get some relief from every ache and pain.  I wouldn't even blow dry my hair or put make up on.  I looked like a witch for an entire month. LOL  Brushing my teeth even made me vomit. I had it REALLY BAD and you sound like you do too. It wasn't until day thirty that I felt a huge turning point. It was like a calm came over me and I felt SO much better. I was also starting the vitamins (BUT NEVER taken on an empty stomach and Kava kava root that helped with my jitters) During the month not only was I physically sick, but I was petrified of what I don't know.  I watched the news contstantly and wouldn't even let my kids ride their bikes in the neighborhood.  I was panic stricken the entire day and I paced the house alot with NO direction what so ever. When I wasn't watching the news I was watching emergency vets on animal planet and I cried during the entire show. Granted my husband is a vet and I help put sick or hurt animals down. assisted in surgeries, spinal taps, castrations, artificial inseminations of horses  ect... and have seen some of the worst injuries you can imagine in animals and never flinched as I have been hardened over the years to all of this.  and I was crying watching animal planet!!!!!!!!!!  I thought I was nuts!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, for some of us it takes longer.  The first time I came off of lortab it was a five day thing and I was back to normal and happy, but this time was pure hell!  I wanted to get through it on my own. I couldn't go to detox, but I probably should have.  I have a four year old that is still attached to the umbilical cord so to speak and cannot be separated from me for longer than a few hours at a time.  I couldn't do that to her.
We all say it here on the forum, IT WILL GET BETTER! But if you feel you need help, by all means get it!  This past Cold turkey for me was enough for me to learn my lesson and even though I have the pills here at home, I have not relapsed.  Thought about it, but haven't.
Well, I just got back from the farm a little while ago.  I have to check some mail and read all the posts I missed, I felt like I was gone for days! :)  But it was a great, drug free weekend with the family!
Love to all
Suze

[hippy]

i am sorry to hear you are not feelid to good.
try to stay the course it will get better.
some exersize might help.
also you might want to try some slim fast  it is liquid
and has a lot of vitamins that will help, or something
like ensure anther liquid viamine supplemenet.
i presonaly drink the choclate slim fast for the vitamins in it
and it tast good.
another quwstion , are you eating a good breakfast
it helps to get your body and heart rate going.
i eat oatmeal every morning , the   123 breakfast
1cup of oatmeal,  2 cups of water, 3 min in the microwave.
just keep trying things, you are almost out of the woods.
don't go back to any drugs.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!michael ,  keep posting

[puma]

(Starraven),

I know what you are saying. My main momma cat just had another four kitties last night, four beautiful babies. I stayed up and helped her all night like a midwife. I could have gotten a job at what they call GAIN here. Meaning Guam Animals in Need. I used to be a Vet Tech for seven years in Florida. I could not stand the thought of the uthenasia, (killing however). I would rather cut grass in the hot sun than kill mother natures gift of life.

The sick and dying are one thing, but not healthy dogs and cats. I just cannot justify it in my mind anymore like 20-25 years ago. My Main Momma cat just had four little ones at 2:30 am last (night. I know I have to give them up, I cannot take care of fifteen cats!. I have two set for spay next Monday. I was a little late with (Main Momma Alpha). I have males to neuter as well. Two at a time. I must reduce my kitties as I need to cut down sensibly and find homes for the other kittens now 2 1/2 months old. I hate to do it because that Momma cat (Didi), freaks out whenever one of hers is missing temporarily. I guess maybe my lost son may have some influence there. I don't know but I have to try to look at reality.

Enough babbling, I have a lawn estimate to do. Good luck Starraven) I hope I didn't get off on a wierd tanget but I feel weird today. Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan......wildcat

[LizzyM]

Staraven---thanks for the input..I thought I was losing my mind and becoming a hypercondriac til just now when I read your post.  It's good to know that someone else had thses prolonged symtoms and it's not just me or in my mind.  I am not eating too well either.  Just craving chocolate like mad!  Maybe that's adding to my problem.  My twins are basically attached to my hip..especially Justin.  When I'm sleeping in late, my hubby tries to let me rest, but I can always here Justin yelling my name and crawling around looking for me. So, I always come out to spend time with him..usually just to veg on the couch with him.I called the doc's office today and they said that this is NO WAY withdrawals and that I should go to the ER.  ANother thing, when I was at my floow up appointment with the Detox Doc, the nurse took my blood pressure twice and said that it was VERY low 88/48.  I asked her what that means and she siad I dunno...the Doc never brought it up??
Hippee---I am going to try the oatmeal and try to drag my lazy ass to the gym.  I hope that really gets my butt in gear.  Thanks all for the advice.

[koalabear]

I really think you need to see your doctor.  Even though this may be prolonged withdrawal symptoms, it's not safe to carry a low grade fever.  There could be something else going on.

Please just don't chalk all your symptoms up to withdrawals.  It's been too long, and your blood pressure being low is also something that should be checked as well.

Just for peace of mind, would you?

Leah

[chrisby]

I was just wondering when did you start counting your detox after you stoped taking meth or when you stoped taking subutex? I am very interested because I am going th same route. I was on meth for 2 years. At 1 point I was at 50 mgs then went down to 25. Now I am on buprenex (subutex) day 14. I havent started coming down on the buprenex yet but am pretty steady at 3mgs sublinquil.
        Thanks

[gem1angel]

I started counting my detox after i stoped taking subatex, the transfer over was difficult for 3 days as they changed me over from 30mls of meth to 2mgs of subatex but then put the dose up every day until i got to 15mgs and kept me there for a few weeks then started to bring me down at 3mgs a week, and then slower for the last 2 weeks.

Hope your doing ok, take care

[mrmichael67]

E-mail me at ***@****.  I know I can help you.

[Starraven]

Although I did run a low grade fever too, I never had my blood pressure checked and I do think you might want to see if something else is there that isn't withdrawal like the person in the previous post said.  Blood pressure is nothing to take lightly.  Are you drinking enough fluids, you also might be dehydrated.  Let me know how you feel today.  I'm going to email you.
Hugs,
Suze

[Starraven]

Can I have your email address, I would love to email you, seems like we would have alot to talk about.  Mine is ***@**** (note the two nn's)
Hugs,
Suze

[chrisby]

I can't believe they took you all the way up to 15 mgs. You must be haveing pretty good withdrawls from being on that high of a dose. I was at 25 mgs of meth and switched to buprenex 3 mgs and haven't gone up on my dose. I am also taking valiums 3 2 mg tabs  a day which help with the anxiety. Did they give you any clonidine at the end of the buprenex? If not they should have.
             Hope you feel better.
             Keep me updated if you can
             Thanks Chrisby

[taeme]

It is common with dehydration to have an elevated temp., increase fluids.  Second in my opinion a low grade temp, 99-100 as long as it doesn't get above this, isn't cause for worry.  Even thought you feel like your not doing much your body is working over time, and this alone could cause the increased temp.  PS avoid, caffeinated drinks cause you know it cause more dehydration.  If your sick to your stomach, water is the best.  I like gingerale personally, cause its not sweet. Sweet makes me sick.  Even like a pedialyte or something like gatorade would be ideal.  Just a thought.  Hope this helps.

[Starraven]

I just want to say that I am glad that you are here, you give such great advice.  How are you doing with your addiction?  You sound great!
Hugs
Suze

[taeme]

Thanks for the great comment.  I'm surviving.  Anxious, restless, stomach woes.  I'm still working and going to school. Homework is hard thought. I'm managing.  Thanks for asking.  HEART TAEME

[LizzyM]

Thank you for all your comments.  Michael, I will be e-mailin you here shortly.  I still feeling all hot an muggy, thirsty all the time and blood pressure is still very low 90/48   Anybody know wht that means when your blood pressure is so low?  When I stand up everything gets hot and fuzzy and my legs and hands shake.  I feel so down becuase of this

[daydream]

Wow...I think it is an awesome feeling to hear another addict say "I understand exactly what your feeling"....So, I spent the night in jail.  That was horrible since I am an addict, a wife, and a mom. I sat there all night scared to death.  Today I am Going through w/d  from 25 vic es a day.  I have been taking the 25 7.5 vics a day for 5 months. Today I have taken the vitamins and I also have catapres so I guess I shouldn't complain, but I am.  This is horrible!!! I actually got clean once before back in April but obviously, as WE all know, this is a disease that must be treated either through NA or some other supportive org./group long after you are not using.  I wonder how you guys feel about the catapres.  I honest to God don't really feel much better when I do take it, but I am afraid not to.  It makes me really tired, which I already am burning, sweating, vomiting, shakes, aches, blah blah.... we all know. I can't figure out if the catapres actually makes you feel better if you take the regular 4 p.day or if I take less since I get so tired.  Does the tiredness ware off after a few days?  Man, I just need someone who cares because my life just came crashing down around me last night,  We all KNOW we don't want this life anymore, but what in the world do I do???????
Sorry to just ramble away.  I haven't written in months and last night was a big BIG life changer.  Any comments would be appreciated!  Thanks... SunshineDaydream

[helplessfriend]

i have a friend..i know what you guys are thinking, "the i have a friend thing".  Serioulsy, i have a friend who tried methadone for "fun" i guess you would say and he has only taken about 40-50 mg.  He is feeling horrible and irritable.  Very irritable.  I would like to know how long this will last.  His eyes look pathetic and he says he feels like he hasn't slept in days.  Any info will be appreciated.

[sedativist]

It's nice to know that I'm not going crazy.  I have been off of methadone for almost 7 weeks.  Started at 70mg, stayed there for 2 yrs, then started a gradual and SLOW detox.  Took me 2 years to get to 0mg (avg. drop: 1mg/wk) and I'm still rather miserable.  I had a lot of withdrawl symptoms the last year and a half.  I took clonidine the whole time, barely helped, and methocarbomol, for muscle cramps, and other stuff for nausea and stomach cramps.  I am still having horrible sweats/freezing and still have erratic sleep.  I walk 4 miles a day, take vitamins, have no fat, no caffiene, etc.  Nothing helps.  My detox Dr. wants me to be on Naltrexone for 6 mos., but it is horribly aggravating my ulcer.  My mind races all the time.  Is this ever going to end?  Would appreciate any suggestions.  Sorry for the rambling: first time post.  Thanks

[saveyourself]

Read your post, Awesome job 7 weeks, there our thousands of addicts who would cut their arm off to be where your at regardless of how you are feeling. I think you read a little of my insanity from the last two days. Thanks for your support. A little better today, To answer you question on when you will feel better from the meth,  For me I had a heroin habit for two years, but as with all addicts things became unbearable, never enough money, family cutting me loose ect.  So I went and applied at the meth clinic.   I started at 160mgs per day. Hated having to go down and stand in line like a ******* lab rat. A couple of my friends had got clean, I mean these guys were junkies.  I ran into them and they each had a year clean from all drugs through Narcotics Anon.  I was so amazed. WE grew up together. They knew of a treatment facility way up in the mountains, 40 miles from vegas.  I checked it out, they would accept me but I had to have 72 hrs with no drugs including methadone.  By this time I was at 120 mgs a day and smoking crack daily,  I was so sick of going to the clinic and sick of drugs, I went to my parents house for 3 days of hell and went cold turkey at 120mgs, then up to the treatment facility where I kicked using only tylenol.  I did not sleep for 22 days and the pain. I never want to forget it. This was no high class betty ford center either.  At night I would sit under a shower for 7 or 8 hours wanting to die. During the days in fetal position begging for dope or kill me.

I ended up splitting in the third week, tired of the rules and hooked up with my clean partners and went to NA and totally got into the program. I had exactly the symptoms your describing.

My methadone withdrawls took six months to go away.  It was hell, but I used my support network, cut loose all my using friends.  This may sound weird but twice in month 8 and 10 I got withdrawl symtoms out of the blue.  That is why even if I take A ty 3 codiene, my withdralws are so intense.

But I am an addict, I got 7 yrs clean, stop NA, thought I was cured and have played the prescrption game and would pay the price.  Oxycoton withdrawl is the closet to meth WD there is. I am On day 14 clean and I am back in NA. You will start feeling better week by week, DO NOT use percs lora tabs or any opiate at all. It will set you back to week one.  Hang in there and keep in touch. I know some people suport methadone treatment, not me.

Strength and Honor
Greg

[helpless lover]

My roommate/lover had been addicted to heroin for many years.  Just recently got off methadone after several years. Has most of the symptoms mentioned in this forum, headache, sweating, freezing, cramps, can't sleep, moody, irritable, short tempered, talks about suicide, pissed off all the time, the list goes on.  It�s like being around Jekyll and Hyde, unfortunately, mostly Hyde.  Has or still is taking some of the meds mentioned by others.  Until recently we shared a passionate, affectionate, and physical relationship, seemed to end shortly after the last dose of methadone.  Now there seems to be very little interest even in the simplest daily affection.  Will hardly look in my direction, not much eye contact, I can�t remember the last time a smile appeared when we saw each other after being apart for awhile.  Even though I don�t know what they�re going through, I can certainly see they are in a lot of pain.  I keep telling myself this will taper off, and eventually come to an end.  I�m deeply in love, care for this person a lot, want to be there for support, but there�s not much I�m allowed to do.  I�m trying not to lose my patience, but it�s difficult when I feel I�m being treated like I�m the enemy.  I believe deep down it�s not deliberate, and I will just have to ride out this storm.  I hope I can hold on before I fall off, get kicked off, or just simply give up and jump off.  I hold back the tears when we are together, but they do flow when apart.  Wouldn�t mind hearing from anyone on the receiving or giving end of this nightmare.

[sedativist]

Thanks for confirming, I actually thought I was just "manufacturing" the balance of the withdrawl symptoms.  Also, even though it sounds like a given, you are very correct about staying away from all opiates.  Apparently, once your body has had them, the brain recognizes this, and like you said, if ingested at all, the brain, and body immediatly react.  So, that's the harsh reality.  You know, my experiences in life are so weird, I think, because I didn't start my addiction to heroin until AFTER I graduated from college.  I was so lost though, at the time, had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  I just didn't want to grow up, plus I was drinking a lot and living with a cocaine dealer, which I guess makes me one too.  One thing lead to another.  Question:  how did you get through it when each day felt the same, like you weren't getting any better, did you ever start to give up totally?  I'm hanging in there because I don't know what else to do.  I may have mentioned, I don't recommend methadone either, if you have ANY other alternative, do it.  I walked out of inpatient detox twice, because I was doing it for other people and not myself.  As they say, it's an inside job, I just hope my inside can take it.  Thanks for the great comments.  Peace.

[Thomas02]

Don't take your partner's lack of affection personally. When you're withdrawing from opiates, believe me, the last thing you're interested in is sex or physical closeness of any kind. It's just part of the process, and, unfortunately, with methadone, the withdrawal lasts weeks, months, centuries, god knows. I only hear that it takes longer than any other opiate. If you can get him to exercise with you, that will produce endorphins which will help him be more himself again. I wish there was a quick fix to methadone WD, but no such thing yet. Good luck.

Thomas

[saveyourself]

here is my 3am answer, I am so sick fo these sleep patterns. It really doedn't matter when you became an addict.  What matters is what you are doing now, seeking recovery, which is saving your life.  you have chosen a drug that kills people everyday.  First of all, do you have a support group you are meeting with, besides the message board,everyday would be the best for the first 90 days clean?  If not, I suggest NA, get an NA text, go to the meetings, hell just listen if you don't want to share,  It will help.  besides there are some fine looking women there to respectfully admire if you get bored. Go to a couple different meetings and find out where your comfortable.
It seems to me you are trying to  intellectualize your addiction. That is why you HAVE to go GET some Support.  Meetings are only the begining of the recovery progess.  Don't let pride and ego stop you. CAll th local NA hotline for the closet meeting to you or a treatment facility can tell you also.

This is the best cure for your ailments, because your brain is creating this insanity so you will feed the demon.  Start A workout regime, very light at first, and drink gallons of water and gatorade.  No matter what do not pick up, it will get better.

I ran into a dealer  when I was two months clean, now this s o b would never front me even though I spent hundreds with him a week. He was so happy to see me, I was in freak mode and alone,  as he shakes my hand he put two bags of dope in my palm and says its on me.  It had to be God, because I threw the dope down and grabbed by his shoulders and threw him into a parked car head first. Told him I am done. I left and went to this recovery club because I did want to get high.  Made it another day clean.

It is really easy to relapse at the most unexpected times, you can be high before you realize it,whoa I am loaded. Stop trying to do this by yourself, put your ego aside get to a meeting and keep in touch. If your worried about your rep going to an Na meeting,don't.  I own a company and have a high profile job with the major hotels in vegas.  I only once have run into a vp at a meeting I knew, it was awkward for about 2 seconds, we walked up to each other and have been good friends ever since.  HE, nor I went out and told our biz assoc, so and so is addict.
Hang in there and don't let your brain rationalize a set back.
Strength and Honor
Greg

[saveyourself]

I noticed you have not posted for a few days.  Please get back to me.  Post today and we will xchange e mails.  Even if you used, send a post.  I have got to handle a few things today, but I will be looking for your post.  Your a good dude. It is the disease giving you bad information.
Peace
Greg

[sedativist]

Sorry for the delay. Was away from the comuter. Had to do the family gathering for the pre-holiday.  Just a hint, it's dudette.  Hah hah.  Thanks for all the good words.  I did go to NA for the first couple of years, on methadone.  I think it was 5  or 6 times a week.  Got involved in service, ran a group in downtown Seattle.  Guess I'll have to get reaquainted with it.  I do exercise, but I get so obsessed about it.  It's a love/hate relationship as with everything else.  I try to walk 3 or 4 miles a day, usually with ankle and wrist weights.  Irony is, I haven't been able to quit cigarettes.  Cut way back though, from about a pack and a half to 6 or 7 a day.  I know, it's another mountain to climb.  I'm trying to hang on, and I do appreciate the support.  I have some unresolved depression going on too.  Have started therapy, but nothing has really happened there either, maybe it's too soon.  No one knows if I'm depressed/angry because of being clean/sober for the first time in 20 years, or if there is some underlying/genetic cause.  Kind of runs in the family.  You are absolutely right about trying to intellectualize the addiction.  If we could only reason or think our way out, eh?  Yah if it was only a matter of intelligence.

Thanks for the 3 am post.  Keep me posted!  Any advice is welcome.

Peace:  ***@****

[saveyourself]

Glad to hear back from you.  I got to admit a smiled and went red a little bit on my assumption of dude versus dudette.  Thanks for clarifing, it is only recently I am getting my emotoins back.  They have been numbed for so long.

WE addicts are obsessive in all we do.  I have been going on walks every morning and I have gym in my garage, so starting to work out again.  I am still so friggin weak. By 10am I am shot for the rest of the day, I own my own company and took the whole month off to detox. jeez, I might need two months. I went out shopping yesterday and felt like an alien, I was with good friend so he was a major help.

Now, enough about me, how are you feeling?  Are you still opiate free?  You mentioned NA and of your involvement in the past, were you on meth maintanece then? Ar you going now? I hated going back, there are things I like and things I don't like about the program.  But you know what, I had 7 years clean from EVERYTHING because of NA, now I humbly go in , I listen more than I share and come hell or high water I am going to live life without having to depend on opiates or drugs period.

You can do this, if we are going to support each other, honesty is a key without judgement on either side.  I have been where your at, there is a great life after drugs. You will be getting relief from some of your WD symptoms week by week. just do not use anything with an opiate. Keep in touch, I will write you soon. Happy Holidays!!!
Stay Strong,
Greg

[sedativist]

Happy Holidays and peace to you too.  I'm still opiate free, but once in a while I get this overwhelming urge to drink.  It's not just the holidays, it's everything.  So far in the last couple of months, I only gave into that urge once.  I know it's the WRONG track to take, no doubt about it.  I just feel so unempowered sometimes.

So tell me again, after you had 7 yrs, then relapsed?  How long has it been for you now?  I think you are right about getting all the support you can. This site has really been great, of course my parents don't understand the withdraws at all, nor do they really understand addiction.  I just get so hung up about disappointing them all these years.

I'm almost 2 months past my last methadone dose.  I'm not sure but I think, physically, I'm ever so slightly better.  Hard to tell when the days are not much different.  Mentally?????  Take care my friend,  I'll write more later!

[sedativist]

Just to let you know I am on the giving end of all these nasty withdrawl symptoms:  Meaning, I have the identical **** going on that your roommate/lover has.  I fluctuate constantly between wanting to kill myself, or someone else.  I'm pissed off at the world, but then, the next day is fine.  The physical withdrawls are some of the worst, and as a result, I don't want any one around me or to even touch me.  My close friend/partner, who, god bless him, has never touched a drink/drug in his life, is so torn up inside about how I'm feeling, and how helpless he feels that he can't do any thing to make me feel better.  He continues to be a rock of support, no matter how I act.  Like you were saying, there are days when I can't even look at him, or I totally lash out at him for no reason, and start trying to put my fist through a wall.  All he wants to do is comfort me the best he can, and I know he's very patient, and keeps telling himself and me, that this is a temporaty state of affairs.  By god I hope so.  I feel guilty all the time putting him through this hell.  But he chooses to stick around,  but I can see the tears in his eyes when I'm suffering;

I've heard it said over and over,  Things will change!  Take care and hang in there.

[saveyourself]

Hope your Holidays were great.  Ours were wonderful except I am still in friggin WD.  But I faked and made it a great one for the kids and wife.  I will answer your questions, but first a couple for you, what does sedatvist mean or stand for, if it personal, no answer needed. When you were in NA you were on meth maintenace, right? ARe you living with your parents and are they having to witness what your going through.  If so, that has got to be so hard and there is no way they understand.  However, with what your doing, in time, their respect for you will be more than you can imagine.  I know, I had to move in with my parents at 28 yrs old, while I was actively using and then de tox.  They died two years ago, but got to see me get clean,married, gave them their first grand daughters and were my best friends until their deaths.

Now, about my relapse, I had 7 years totally clean, all my friends were in recovery or old friends did not drink or use in front of me.  These were  friends and once I stopped using, they stopped calling.  Nothing more depressing having a recovering addict around when you are high.  It was just as well. 4 of them are dead, the other 2 are doing 10 years in prison.

Okay, back to my relapse,  In those seven years. God guided me into a carrer that paid prettywell, I was a project manager for hilton new projects division.  Now I barely made it out of high school, the guy I worked for really helped me.  He was definitely a mentor. Lay offs came and I went to work for a sub contractor as PM.  Well, he convinced me that I would be good in sales.  It turned out I was and made he and I some very good money.  I was still clean and in NA during this time.  I started my own company in 94, things going well, except I stopped going to meetings, Didn't call my sponser and felt I was cured. Had the house, the cars the wife kid ect.

I began going to busness coktail parties, business related and wathed all these people drink normally.  So, I never had a problem with alchol,lousy buzz in my opinion so I started to drink.  It was cool for 6 months and then I strated drinking every night, I also got into gambling. Since I owned the company I could leave at 10am to go gamble and drink.  I handle business over my cell phone.I had become addicted again, substuted one addition for another.  I sold my company in 98, we had the cotract for the Paris Hotel and I just had to tell people what to do and keep the owner happy.  We opened it successfully.  From that point it was down hill.  I tried gettig sober, clean, gamble free for the next two years.  My marriage was suffering, but my wife and I met in recovery,now her girlfrieds were telling her to leave me.  Her response was that I was not the type of man a woman leaves, He will either hit bottom and recover or die and I get rich.  She really put up with alot.

I was having hangovers that lasted for days. Got a check up and diagnosed with Hepatitus (hepatitis) C.  Went on the most hellish treatment for six months, side effects were horrible and the doc gave me any drug I wanted. I got cured, stopped drinking and was left with the opiate habit, oxys and perc 10s for the last year just to feel normal.

Now ,it will take you all night to read this, I can't believe it's so long.  I am to tired to edit.If you start drinking it may work for awhile, but I promise you two things, one you will eventually become an alkie, two, you will be in a bar and run into an old friend who has a bag of dope he want to share.  If, you have had a drink or two YOU WILL USE!!! My next post won't be a book. I have only had 5 hours sleep in 48 hrs.  Please keep in touch.

[saveyourself]

It is 2 am and I got the first 4 hrs of sleep in  a row in almost 4 weeks. Thank you God!!!
I read my post to you, thats my story. There are A couple things I want to point out.

Your urges to drink are natural, two months off the meth, your really feeling emotions again that we all love to numb out from and that includes you and for however long you were using including meth.  A study was done years ago and was proven that when a young person starts to get high on pot,drugs or alchol their natural emotions maturity level almost stop.  I started getting high at 13 and did so in one form or another until I was 28 yrs old.  I had the emotional level of a 16 year old in alot of areas.  it took awhile and NA,steps and faith in God to grow up.

I suggest you give your self a year clean from everything, then if you choose to drink. well, it is your choice.  You will find out it is very easy to get hooked on alchol.  Looking back, it is the worst drug on the planet and the easiest to get. Somewhere at sometime for me I crossed that invisble line of addiction, where any thing that changes the way I feel I will eventually abuse and blow it.

1-1- 03 I will have a year clean from drinking and gambling.  Concerning the use of opiate and other prescribed drugs for HCV, I have three weeks.  My sponser feels I have a year clean in a few days because I had a legitamate reason to take them.  For me the jury is still out for me, I know I had been using them to not feel and had to use them to feel normal. you know that feeling.  I let you know.  I do know the days ,turn to weeks, weeks turn to months ect.  All I concern myself with is not using for the day.  It is working, I may have lost 7 yrs of clean time, but hey, I still have the wisdom from that time.

For you with two months of the meth, each week will get better, just like you mentioned you had a day you felt a little better.
Just do not pick up a pain pill or opiate of any kind or you will be at week one, I know I am repeating myself only because I had to learn that concept time and time again.  My natural state is to be high, this world is so screwed up and I have lived  alot longer that I thought I would, along with all my responsibility I am constantly in an abnormal state.  It will get better if I do not use and get back humbly in to NA.

Stop trying to do this by your self, stay away from using and drinking friends for at least 3 more months, get your ass back to meetings.  It took me 4 years because of pride and ego, along with I was really addicted again to go back and stay.  Now I realize, one day at a time is a cliche that has alot more meanig than having 7 yrs. Really all we got today is today and thats not guarenteed, just think of the world trade center people, just another day of work for them, turn out it was their last day on the planet.
You can do this, jeez, you got two months behind you, the yucky feelings will pass. Oh yeah, from the thomas recipe, go buy 500mgs of L tyrosine, B-6 vitamins. A multimineral vitamin.

Find the recipe you are past 80% of it s use, the L ty and B 6 are a huge help.
Peace
GREG

[Rex1]

Greg,

I want to say a personal thanks to you for all of your help over the last couple of days.

I have already dialed in a couple of pills anonymous meetings down near where I work.  However, I do find lots and lots of help on this board.

Rex

[sedativist]

Hey dude I can totally relate to what you're saying.  The alcohol is my best friend and my worst emeny.  I'm in the middle of therapy, but am still not being treated for depression.  They keep telling me that I'm not manic and should try anger management technics and breathing exercises.  I just can't do it.  My emotions have totally taken over, I have driven everyone away. so now all I want to do is die.  Oh by the way, the term "sedativist" was coined by my therapist, because he didn't think the word alcoholic was enough to describe me, but rather just that I liked to be sedated.  So it sort of stuck.  Do you think that my inability to stay clean is all about willingness or is it my untreated depression crying out for help.  Won't see the therapist until next week, so until then, I guess I'll make it up as I go along.  Thanks for the good words!  Peace!

[saveyourself]

Tell your therapist to come up with an easier name to spell on a keyboard. Just kidding.  Hey, did you get my e mails from 2am?
I am not a dr. or a therapist, however I have friends who are in both positions, the one thing I know is they seem to have huge egos, which I can accept, cause I have my moments to, with the exception I am working on humbleness. thats for another post.

I know I have depression, parents died 2 years ago, my business loss a ton of money last year, but we are still making it. In my humble opinion the whole ******* world is depressed.  With good reason, middle east,WWW 3 possible, economy,the govt. building prisons at a faster rate than in any other civilized country. Our freedoms are being stripped day by day. My big toe hurts, that makes me depressed. So the what the **** can one do. I concern myself with what I can have a positive influence on.  First and fore most, give myself a pat on the back for getting clean, love my kids, and most importantly be kind and loving to my wife and others.  Which ain't always easy, she grew up in an abusive childhood, and I have paid the price for the sick step father ******* who is in hell now. Plus we are opposite personalities.  

We are also recovering addicts and have a strong spritiual beliefs that with all that is wrong with the world, there are things coming that will make a much better place.  E mail back, I asked you some specifics.
Greg