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Notwithstanding some very good points made by our good Doc(as usual)., my reaction to your doctors "dependent VS addicted", is the same as it was when my doctor said it to me........Bullshit. If it doesn't serve as a defense mechanism for him/her covering their ass, i don't know what is. I still remember standing in my docs office having that exact conversation last Aug. 19th(the day of my last pill), and being amazed that my life-long friend/doc. was now trying to "package up"/argue my situation. I kept saying, "It's not your fault that i'm addicted" He cringed every time i said the word addicted, and continually substituted dependent when i said addicted...........
You have a lot of concerns/questions, so i hope i cover some of them.
Switching meds to something longer lasting(and without tylenol) would certainly seem a reasonable possibility, considering the pain you experience and the need to take doses every 4-5 hours.
Although the liver is a surprisingly resilient organ, and one that regenerates itself; exceeding 4 grams of tylenol/ day, day after day, is asking for trouble. And agreed, that although elevated numbers on your bloodwork, may not necessarily indicate damage, it certainly could be heading there. A very good friend of mine(healthy 32 year old male) was recently hit by a virus, that knocked him down, and resulted in his liver and kidneys to stop functioning. He remained on dialysis for 1 week, and slowly regained his liver function and lastly his kidney function. The final consensus(from an entire team of doctors) was that his continual useage of percocet, due to back problems(with up to 6-8 grams of tylenol/day) for years , was "likely" the cause of his organs failing.(not the virus itself) I certainly am no doctor, so i can't argue the specifics; all i know is i saw this great big tube(with 2 or 3 tubes in it) sticking out of the base of his neck, and the most terrified look on his face......i won't forget it!! Please know, i'm not trying to scare you either, I just think it is a lit'l dangerous of your doctor to dismiss the concerns cause the numbers are only a lit'l high.
If nothing else, i wonder if your doc would think it a good idea to pick up some Milk Thistle,
After being at this site for about 9 months, I can pass on that your 12 pills/day for 6 + years could fall into a "normalish" range. OF COURSE, some use less, and some more...........i was up to 20+ percs/day for several years, and continually felt like the biggest/guiltiest piece of **** for doing so. My tolerance just kept building after my first back surgery in '96 until my last one in '02.
Being afraid of the withdrawals(if quitting is what you decide) is something we talk about here all the time. I was scared to death, so i tapered of my meds (over a 2 week period), which was too fast, but i really wanted to try and stop, and had my last pill Aug. 19th. Frequently the fear exceeds the execution, but it is still is a *****. BUT WELL WORTH IT!!!
Yours is a tricky situation, like many; just know we're here for you in whatever capacity you want. There are a great deal of compassionate and supportive people that know what you have been and are going through.
percs
Congratulations on quitting. But I am wondering what you do about your back pain now. Are you able to get up and do normal activities? Quitting will so narrow my world down that I can't even stand to think of it yet.
In regards to your question, the answer is, I don't really know. I have had quite a few days where I felt as if I was peeing thick orange soup (sorry for the visual) but my kidney function has been fine recently. As for my liver, my doctor did blood work last year and asked me if I had been drinking more than usual recently (I told him, yea) he said it was nothing to be alarmed about but that I should slow down a bit (little did he know that I haven't drank a drop in 10 years.)
I probably did some damage...But I am hoping that staying clean will allow my body to heal itself.
Hang in there, blue...whenever you need to talk, we are all here!
All my best! Rob
Second, If I hear you say you are "whining" one more time I AM GOING TO REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND SLAP THE **** OUT OF YOU! You are telling us what you haven't been able to tell others and that is what we are all here for. To share each other's stories and pain. You can lean on us when you can't talk to others.
You've been dealt a real bad hand, blue...But no matter how you feel about it, you CAN'T KICK YOURSELF. You didn't tell the horse to throw you, DID YOU? I know many people that couldn't walk 2 blocks in your shoes, let alone have to live with it daily. If daily pain and incapacity is a 'FREE RIDE' I'll pay my way, thank you!
Lastly, for now. As far as quitting the narcotics. You do that how you feel comfortable. If tapering works for you, DO IT! If you can stand cold turkey, that's fine...But no one said it was the best way. I had to go C/T because I have a tendancy towards abuse...If I was given my "taper" drugs, I'd swallow them in one crack!
You make sure you keep in touch...We are always here.
All my best. Rob
So after 1.5 years of Vic addiction you had a painless detox? That's unusual to say the least. I'd like to know the details of your treatment.
I don't the think the recipe would be especially useful to you at this point. Since you're current treatment is so successful, I think you should stick with it.
Thomas
I have been in the same boat for the last 2 years. I am also quite a bit younger than you, I presume.
I have had my fair share of struggles. Including and not limited to depression, overtaking/running out early, dependence/addiction ect. ect. ect.
I am currently still treating my pain, properly...that is the key. If you are treating your PAIN, and "properly", then you need to continue to seek treatment. If you are not treating it properly, or overtaking to get high, or anything where YOU know you shouldn't be, then it maybe time to look at other options. Although if you don't have those issues and in fact are treating you pain the best you can, have done all possible to take care of that pain, including walking, PT, whatever it takes...then it is like the doc said - something that need to be treated for analgesics - possibly for the long term.
I have finally came to the conclusion that I am doing all I can, and if I am not getting better and I NEED pain meds to control the pain, then I am not to make the situation worse by constantly trying to "heal myself" or stop taking the meds cause I am sick of taking them. Since I have done this, I have taken my meds properly, started working as much as possibly(full time now_ switching back to part time and finishing my masters). I have a hard time in the morning and can't get "moving" for a couple hours, so I wake up at 5 to be ready to go at 8am, when I am done with work it takes me a couple hours to readjust and get moving at home - hence 8pm or so. Sure it hurts and it isn't fun sometimes, although with meds is has made it possible to assume any type of "worthiness". Some people can't even do that much and are in the same position as me, so I am thankful. (believe me, I would much rather quit and go back to not having to do this much, but for me - MENTALLY I am doing a lot better, so I have stuck with it. Where as before, I was much more moodier and less productive, with "mentally" the same amount of pain. For ME this works.
You have to find out what works for you. What is the best for you at this point in your treatment. Don't just up and quit the meds and hope the pain goes away. Sure it works for some, most already KNOW they don't have the pain to contend with.
There is no "easy" answer pertaining to pain, meds, treatment, and options. You have to weigh your PERSONAL beliefs and come "clean" with yourself, where you are at, and if there is something, or anything, that you can do better. If there is, great, if not...that's okay too, continue to seek treatment until you can if that is at all possible.
Nothing worth living for is easy......
I hope you find what you are looking for here...we are all here with different stories, ideas, ways of dealing...yet we are all bonded by the same component...pain,meds and addiction.
Chezz
Your sentiments sound a lot like mine.
My pain doc and my addiction doc both said I'm not an addict. Meantime, I'm racing past 100mcg fentanyl duragesic, supplemented by oxy's, with almost no pain relief, just depression, constipation, sweating, and other w/d symptoms, back chills, etc.
Five days ago, I was allowed to try the switch to Suboxone, and I feel normal for the first time in years. If I was getting pain relief, maybe I'd feel different, but the opiate prescriptions didn't keep up with my tolerance building.
I am starting to enjoy life again. It's a lot of adjusting, and the first couple days are rough. The first day was HORRIBLE. Couldn't even get out of bed. But it gets better and better, so far.
AA's except you don't get violently ill, the pills just don;t work - it;s an opiate blocker - after 7 painless days (slept - knocked out ) of detox i have the implant i could take 12 vicodins and not feel a thing. . . horray for me. . . . there is much more i could tell you, is there some sort of chat type forum available for people like us?
rode w/ C.
I guess my response to 'too blue', came from my own experience, which definately started out in the dependency category.......but it sure as hell ended in the addiction category!!! All i knew at the time however, was that i had gotten myself into quite the predicament, and i didn't give a **** what we were calling "it".
percs
Take Care