How much longer until I feel like ME again?

[danielle792004]

Hello All-

I'm on day 14 of no Hydrocodone. I have been prescribed it for a little over 2yrs for a degenerative disc in my neck w/mild arthritis in my neck as well. I also get cortisone injections. They help for maybe a week. Toward the end I was at (4) 7.5mgs per day. I also work out regularly and eat very clean. I'm really healthy otherwise. I used them to help me when I worked out for 1 year when I was sore in the morning that was what I took in the morning to kill the soreness and workout all over again. Anyway, after I got tired of just the up and down feeling and the irritability especially when it came to my children and always feeling distracted on them and for a GEMINI such a dry personality and off in my own little world using these for energy. Toward the end when I realized I wasn't only using them for pain , I was using them for energy and to get things done! I dropped down to just breaking them in half and down to 2 a day then one a day and then finally said I'm OVER THIS!!! After reading through what everyone is explaining here I really didn't think I took enough milligrams to experience too much of a hardcore withdrawl but, i will say within the last few weeks I have had LOTS Of NAUSEA and body aches , head aches, abdominal pain, my neck is really killing me. I feel like all that pain that I kept at bay for so long I am NOW feeling. It does NOT make me want to take them again as a matter of fact it's makes me think the complete opposite because if these are all symptoms of quitting I NEVER want to feel this again. Sleeping is an issue as well. Decreased appetite and some depression. I am typically very happy go lucky , outgoing and adventurous. I've been keeping to myself in my room alot because I've felt so sick in so many different ways. I've never been one to be depressed and I just feel like when am I going to feel like living life again. I haven't been working out. I did walk the other day and I went down to the beach and rode bikes with a friend but, the worst part is I have MAJOR anxiety more so when it comes to having to get in my car and go somewhere, especially if my kids are in the car I worry I will get a panic attack and I don't want to scare them if mommy crys or gets scared so , I don't drive very far right now and I always use to drive out of town to visit family. I know I have alot of other stuff on my plate as well like splitting up after being married for 10yrs by my choice and working out and eating pain pills was a good distraction at the time!!! I'm working on transitioning to a different life also so I got alot going on but, for now I"m taking 1mg Xanax in the morning before I can attempt to drive anywhere. This does NOT make me drowsy it just makes me relaxed and not so anxious. and I take one at night to help my "wheels stop spinning/shut my brain down" and go to sleep. I've never been addicted to anything else in my life and I'm lucky because it runs in my family , Hydrocodone is the closest I've ever come to addiction and I knew it was getting to habit forming and knew I needed to stop! I'm taking Alieve for the headaches. Of course it don't have **** on hydrocodone and I use Ice packs. Please tell me someone that the Anxiety will go away soon!??? and It gets better...? I'm so ready to start living again. Sitting in my room feeling sick feels like such a waste of life! Thanks for listening. I've never typed on anything like this before but, I look forward to hearing from someone. Thank you kindly, Danielle

[danielle792004]

Thank you Fireby29 for stopping by and giving me some insight. Your right... I hope to have an advantage as to my healthy lifestyle otherwise... I have to say I had to lay off weights because I don't want anything right at the moment to give me any soreness. It's already tough enough dealing with the headaches and bodyaches and the disc in my neck. However, I do plan on stepping up on the cardio! I hadn't even done cardio in weeks! So, I need to get back with it. I typically even go tanning but, at this point it's the driving thing that gives me anxiety so I haven't been keeping up with my normal routine. I think I found a friend who says she will take me to a Celebrate Recovery Meeting at her church. I'm open to anything that will help me feel better. However, with the Nausea my appetite hasn't been there very much but, I'm hoping to get it back soon. I do drink my protein shake in the morning and at least try to do a non fat greek yogurt at lunch time with maybe a whole wheat tortilla to snack on as well...

[Fireby29]

Hi Danielle,

For my recovery I feel like it has been crucial to have a high quality diet, take a good protein shake with key amino acids and work out everyday.  My pain is SO much improved being 3 months out from my detox.  I relapsed for 10 days about a month ago, but luckily it has not seemed to set me back.  Anyway, you seem like health nut like me so you should start seeing results after about 30 days.  You have to remember also that the pills really mess our Brian's up, they take awhile to heal.  Keep going, your doing great.

Bryan

[danielle792004]

Thank you MadMan for taking the time for me. I just applied some muscle heat rub type stuff on my neck after I took a shower. I feel a little better. I also took 2 Alieve and .5 Xanax. I had an awful bad migraine. I even ate two pieces of toast. So, I'm feeling a little positive. It's rough when You have legitamit pain and you don't want to take Narcotics. But, I will learn to deal with it one day at a time. There must be another type of pain management way of life! I feel like the pain killers are a TRAP. Prolonging the inevitable also, miserable withdrawls. It's nice to talk to people about this. I"m glad you guys are here. I'm praying more than I ever use to and I'm totally with you on getting up and trying to get those endorphins going!!! I guess like I tell people with nutrition and changing their eating habits, baby steps right? Thanks again

[danielle792004]

Lily-

It's great to hear from you! Thank you kindly! I have fought anxiety for a long time off and on so I should of known better that I was flirting with fire on these pills eventually needing to stop them. In retrospect I think I put off stopping them in fear that I knew I didn't take as much as some people but for the simple fact that I took them everyday for 2yrs or probably closer to 3, I'd have to look at my pharmacy record. but, that since I was dependent on them everyday even if it wasn't an extreme amount I figured I would experience some kind of withdrawl symptoms! I just didn't think it would be this bad. I mean I'm sure it could be worse but, I just didn't expect all this. You have no idea how much I miss grocery shopping. I LOVE to cook, especially Clean/Healthy my facebook has probably a 1,000 pictures of food I make and eat. It's like a hobby of mine that has been put on hold because these days I find it hard to eat because of the nausea and anxiety. I need to go the post office and I put it off because that too gives me anxiety at times. If it's not close to my house I ask someone else to drive. I would like to go to a meeting even however, at this point I'm not sure I could get there and STAY there through the entire thing without anxiety. I have to remember our body get's natural butterflies and it's not always a bad thing however, It's hard for me right now because I just am experiencing so much at once. I know that I could take a Xanax probably and go to a meeting but, I don't know if I would be shunned upon if I made it aware I had to Xanax to get there or if it would be morally appropriate to not disclose that information. I wouldn't want to lie. I am totally with you on the maybe kicking it down a notch. For many years I've had Xanax just sitting in my drawer. Or one in my car just incase I got an attack. I knew they were there. I would never abuse them with the exception of when I use to drink for a hangover to ease the anxiety but, other than that I never took them unless I had to! I didn't ever want to gain a tolerance for them because I needed them to work when I had an attack! This is the most frequently I've ever taken Xanax. I want to drop it down to .5 also instead of 1mg. I do NOT want to gain a tolerance or develop another problem at all!!! My mother said she took the xanax for years and was able to get off of them ok but, still everyone is different our bodies are different so I'd rather be safe than sorry! I wills say If I didn't have Xanax going thru this I would have to sit in a hospital somewhere. I feel so bad for dumping that crap in my system for that length of time. Everyday I wake up I hope that it's going to be the day that I feel "Normal" again. The last few days I been getting really BAD headaches and I take 2 Alieve's and use Ice on my neck or head and just lay there. Once in awhile take a bath. I do notice if I take the Xanax when the headache is at an extreme it will help keep me calm. I really want to get out and walk today at least after my husband gets home and can watch the kids or maybe I can pull them in the wagon for a better work out. Their 6 and 8:) However, that's  another thing I fear, If I pick up weights or over exert myself on fitness and get SORE, that's why I use to take them so I don't want to take any chances there so I haven't picked up any weights and thought for now it's BEST for me to just stick to cardio. I'm not doing it to lose weight anymore just to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I really want to go the grocery store and get something to make good for dinner however, I'm nervous about that. I think if I were to wake up and NOT feel any symptoms I would be less anxious and maybe more willing to try the grocery store. but, now as I sit here and my neck hurts, it's makes me too nervous because I don't like to try and go do something when I'm hurting. I'd rather tough it out at home til it goes away. I don't crave the pills AT ALL. As a matter of fact I say to good friends as much as I HATE my anxiety if it weren't for that in itself I'm not sure where I would be because due to anxiety I don't do alot of things that are bad for people like drugs, coffee, soda, diet pills. As I explained above I was surprised I didn't get anxiety with the hydrocodone til toward the end. I'm not sure if it was mental thing because I knew they were prescribed from the doctor or what.... But, I do know that If I tried to pop a vicodin now I would have instant anxiety because I don't like the "upidity" feeling anymore and I know how they make me feel coming out of my body that is all I would think about. So on that note the anxiety is good for me as much as I hate saying that!!! On another note I HATE anxiety! Just to shower these days seems like a chore. It's ridiculous. I'm on day 15 and I really look forward to feeling better and not so many headaches! These are awful! It's like a train reaction, I get a severe headache then it cause me anxiety and then I feel nauseated. I hate it! It's a blessing to hear from you guys!!! Thank you so much for taking the time, I truly plan on paying all this forward as soon as I'm back to better again. I pray more than I ever use to! Hugs, danielle

[TheMadMan]

I KNOW this is a rough road to go down. First, it take shear determination to want to stay away from these drugs and try and understand what these drugs have done to your body and your mind. It takes away the thinking process because the drugs react on the brain to control pain. Focus on how much control these drugs have taken away from your life and then take that focus and turn it into what you want to do about it. It takes a lot of guts to go through this but it can be done. Fear is what worked for me when I looked in the mirror and saw what was happening to my face and body. You have got to keep those endorphins pumping because they will take control of your body sooner or later and help you through the process. Any exercise helps but don't try and overdo it. Keep up with vitamins and hydration and eating. Hopefully you will see an increase in wanting to eat food again. Do what you can in small amounts and your body will do the rest. Yes, it takes time and for me the anxiety was the worse but it did subside. Your body is going to go through a lot of changes. Yes I hit the depression mode but knew it was related to the withdrawal symptoms and for me I had to ride it out and then I woke up the next day and felt better mentally. Try and be patient with what your body is doing. The mind and the body is your strongest medicine right now. It knows what to do when healing is about to happen. It responds back to what it used to be when there are no drugs to take control again. Just remember how much control these drugs took on your body and mind and when you see something change like clear thinking and more energy, you will realize your body is on the mend. I has been over one month since I have been off the Fentanyl patch 50mcg that I had to stop cold turkey and that is one of the strongest drugs that really messes up your body and mind. I had NO IDEA of how much damage this drug did to me until I found digestive problems and pancreatic problems that developed from this drug. I have been to doctor after doctor and they all say the same thing...get off the drugs and your body will heal and it has. I was 108 pounds when I stopped taking this drug and as of today I am now 122lbs with an appetite to want to eat and the energy to prove it. I used to weigh 160lbs! I have degenerative joint/disk disease and I also have a trusting orthopedic surgeon and a pain management team. I had to wait until the pain management team reorganized its staff but I have appointments coming up and they did not recommend the Fentanyl patch for my condition. They can do cortisone shots or nerve blocks which have helped in the past. I just trusted my family doctor who knows my health history and I have known for 25 years and he was just trying to help me with the pain issues. He recommended the fentanyl and morphine for breakthrough pain but when I saw the results of what these drugs was doing to me, my doctor could only say that he was helping with pain issues but my history is out of his expertise. I have read your condition and I have a similar history but mine is also related to the disks in my back. I had a bone graft done on my neck and that helped. I have had 5 operations, had metal in my back and then had complications with the metal 5 years later and had to have the metal removed. I still have some bone spurs developing and some other issues with the bones in my back but trust my orthopedic surgeon for what he has done in the past to help with these problems. I use Voltaren gel for some of the pain issues in my back which help take the pain down at least one notch to at least get a decent nights sleep. Feeling the pain level with this medication helps.
Keep the mind focused on what you have accomplished to this point and recognize your clearer thinking. I was taking diazipam for the anxiety only 1/2 pill (5mg) AS NEEDED and this did help. I have heard so much damage with Xanax, it scares me so please be aware of what this drug mixes with and how dangerous this drug is.
Keep the exercise level up and the endorphins will take over very soon and take back what your body needed for control. The endorphins are a very good power tool to help you body mend and it will so be patient and keep the course going.
You have my support and hope that you will soon get through this and you will. I know I have and I am proud that I have accomplished this much so pay attention to your accomplishments and find things you enjoy doing, you will soon find the energy to enjoy them better. Your not alone in your accomplishments and there is support out there so stay the course and teach the medical community a thing or two about how much control these drugs take away from your life and put yourself back in control. That is one accomplishment to be proud of and the rest is just gravy as you recognize the changes you will soon see.
Best of strength to you and all your accomplishments!

[danielle792004]

I'm not sure where is the best place to comment back here. I'm still learning the ropes around this sit. Thank you SO much for your response. I had been so eager to hear back from someone on here. I'm a pretty open book and not afraid to admit my problems etc. however, I really don't know any others that are trying or have gotten off pills, typically the people I've known have had other drug problems or the one's I knew that take pills still take them! So, on that note I really didn't have any resourceful individuals to talk to or ask for advice. I like that you compare it to a car whenever I am giving advice on nutrition I always say "Think of your body as a vehicle, does it run better on Unleaded Fuel or Premium Fuel" this being and example of what we put in our mouth Saturated Fats or clean "Healthy" food. Your so right. I use to say hydrocodone gave you super energy. If I would have only known what I was setting my body up for! I was actually really surprised that I could even take the hydrocodone as long as I could cause many years ago when I was younger... Well I'm 33. anyhow, when I tried "Meth" for a short time once in awhile when people partied I didn't like it cause it gave me anxiety! Being that the pills gave me energy you would think I would of got anxious, I DID eventually but, not til toward the END. I mean your talking to a girl who hasn't had a soda in years and I CAN'T even drink Coffee cause it gives me anxiety! I haven't drank Coffee in YEARS and when I did I only tried it really, I never was one for the taste. I can relate when you say we forget and slip back to our old ways. I still take a DUI class and I tell the 1st time offenders the same thing. I have 2! One being 7yrs ago and the other a couple yrs ago. I considered myself a "Binge Drinker" , I didn't really drink but, on a Friday or Sat. or if there was a family function or party. Sad as it sounds I got the second one coming back from out of town , I was doing a walk a thon for Multiple Sclerosis and we stopped for lunch and had beers and continued to have beers at my aunts house. Anyway, were I was getting at is I tell the other 1st time offenders that it's easy to forget after awhile as I did and drove again! However, the 2nd time due to More Money and more TIME with Classes etc. It just sticks a little more because of SO much involved in the 2nd one. I had to have a blow device in my car etc. a lawyer. When I drank I also ate PILLS so I was like a wide awake drunk! I would drink til day light and I would be sicker than a dog the next day and I always thought my body is so use to "Premium Fuel" and Fitness otherwise and I just dumped ALOT of **** in it all in ONE night and It HATES me for it!  I would get the WORST anxiety the next day and stay in bed the entire day and sleep until the feeling passed. Furthermore where I'm getting at is I even quit drinking on my own just because I felt it was the safest and healthiest. I would be tempted to take pills or bare another hang over and be too sick to spend the day with my kids. It made me feel like a real P.O.S! So, I don't drink anymore, actually that's what I quit first. I don't get tested or anything I just did it on my own. I've always been told I have such good will power and do such a great job, however, I will say that this Pill thing has been one of the scariest and hardest. I just think if I know people that made it off Meth or other things, I surely can do this! I HOPE. It's nice to know there are people like you guys who can relate. Thank SO MUCH For responding and I look forward to keeping in touch. I do like to blog about things. Typically it's about fitness and nutrition however, these days I've been a bit of a recluse and I'm trying to find my way back.

[waterLilly7]

hey sweetie,
that anxiety is the worst! Don't worry, it goes away, you are about halfway there. it does get a little better until it is gone. I am at day 33 today and the anxiety is nearly gone. I was on a lot more than you were too.

just two weeks ago I couldnt even sit up for very long due to the anxiety let alone drive anywhere, and today I am feeling really great.

stay the course, and keep posting. Please watch the xanax. I was taking .50 mg for anxiety and realized I only need half of a .25 mg to rid the anxiety and not make me tired. Just take the minimum amount that helps.

You are doign great, you have come so far, and you are almost at the light at the end of that tunnel, hang in there, and keep posting,
hugs,
Lily

[Bearclaw2]

You will be just fine. Strange as it seems, you are feeling sick because your body was used to the pills and without them it is re-learning how to funtion naturally again. Using those pills for energy is stealing energy from our future, we have to pay it back. Imagine your body & mind is a car designed to go 50mph. Pills make it go 80mph, fun while it lasts until you have to quit. Now your car has to go 20mph for a while until it catches up and resbuilds it's energy, or pay the bill in other words. You are fortunate to not have cravings for more pills having known the pain they caused, I never did either, but eventually curiosity and a trip down 'memory lane' romanced me back to using lightly occasionally which put me right back down on my knees so be careful about 'romancing pills' in the future. It's easy to think we'll never take them again when we are still sick but that memory fades so keep that in mind. You will heal completely so be patient, it will come. Deprression in normal, sleep problems are normal but they will pass in time. You will live again just like before the pills. Your healthy lifestyle is greatly in your favor and you look pretty young, you will bounce back. Just never go down pill road again...