How to approach a drug addict

[momslove63]

I have a 26 yrd oold son who lives with me and has overdosed twice. The last time was 5 months ago. He has been in jail twice for drug related charges. His father who he considered his best friend , abused him  also did drugs and passed away last year at the age of 45. My son spirled out of control after that with the help of insurance money from his fathers death. After the second overdose he did agree to go to rehab , but only stayed 7 days. He lived with his cousin for a short while after he got out , but she kicked him out after it was obvious that he relapsed. She was fearful she would find him near death again in her home.
I am not sure if he has ever been clean. He was on suboxone for a couple months after rehab, but decided he need did not need it any more.
His drug of choice was herion, morphine or meth. He has also snorted ritalin and xanax. At the time of overdose he had a mix in his system.
Right now the only thing prescibed to him is neurotin and a sleeping pill. He says the neurotin dosage was not enough so the doc did up it a bit. I know he does not take it right and runs out before a refill.
He drinks, sometimes quite a bit.
The past few  days he has not drank or said much just watches tv , he answers me but does not show much emotion.  He sleeps until about 3 , gets up and I make sure he eats even if he is not hungry. Sometimes he will leave and go for a walk to the store (he says) . Or sometimes he will leave later at night about 1230 and come back an hour later.
Today he received phone calls and right away went outside so I could not hear him, he left shortly after and was so anxious I knew something was going on. I also heard him in the shower before that swearing about something , what I dont know.He still hangs out with some of the crowd he used with and he says they are clean but I do not believe this. I do not allow these people at my home and he knows that is the rule.
I have spoke to him about this but he will not go to rehab or seek counseling or any kind of help. He says it is helping staying at my home, but I dont know. I cant watch this go on day after day, I dont want to kick him out and know I have to approach him again , but there has to be some consequences. I dont know how to do it . Any suggestions?

[prayinghands]

Thank you for sharing your life with strangers. I have a sister who is so highly addicted to percocet. Although she has been an addict for since probably 1982, I have only known about it for maybe a year and a half.

She was a very wealthy and independent woman who ran a business with her 2nd husband. She was very well respected among family and friends and loved to be the host of family events.

All the fancy vacations and luxurious spending habits has come to an end. Little did the family know she was and still is addicted to percocet. Which has consumed her life.

Her story is her husband was always verbally abusive behind closed doors and he had cheated with the secretary, which ultimately resulted in an child outside the marriage. My sister then began a long distant affair  with a man who soon became husband #3. It lasted maybe 6mos.

She has lost everything she and has nothing so show for the millions she once had by an empire she  help build. She now if her fifties and living back at the home we grew up in with my widowed mom. She is so lost it's hard to go visit and see her like this.

She is on disability due to a back injury but the money she gets is spent before she sees it. She has lost so much weight that I'm afraid she will die soon.

My heart is heavy and I'm petrified that we will be burying her and soon after will have to bury my mom, who will die from a broken heart.

I have tried to offer her help but she denies the addiction. Our family has been so very damaged by this that we will never be the close family we once were.

I don't know what to do.

[sudie58]

my mother wouldnt throw my younger brother out, she fed him, kept him for nothing, no charge, she knew he was an addict, he died of an overdose. he was 27.  

[GMcp]

oh man, this is your son? you HAVE to kick him out, he is obviously using, i did the same thing to my mom when i was 20 its so easy to lie about it, because you just dont care, heroin takes you over, next he will be stealing your stuff and selling it for drugs, i am so grateful my parents kicked me out and let me hit rock bottom, if they never did that i dont think i would have ever got clean, the time they let me back was when i told them all the truth, they took me home and wouldnt let me leave the house for any reason what so ever i detoxed there for 9 days then went to a detox then they said i couldn't live there still and i wanted there trust back so bad i did everything to gain it and your son has his true self in there some where im sure that if you kick him out he will at least try to go to detox and get clean, tho he may not, but that is outa your control, so theres nothing you can do anyway except maby try what my mother and father did for me and well that worked! i wish you all the luck in helping him get clean and healthy, the thing is it can be done but its hard has he tried the methadone program? i did mine cold turkey but my ex husband did the program for 2 years and he has been clean from heroin 8 years and methadone 6 years, good luck xo

[KEP0523]

I did want to add that I too thought in the beggining of starting methadone that I could keep all my old druggie friends. VERY WRONG.....I eventually changed my number ereased all my drug contacts...even blocked their numbers just in case. We become so used to the life that drugs create for us that we forget how to function without them. My parents said before I moved in that no drugs were allowed on their property...or any drug use at all. If i did they would call the cops....sounds harsh but I never once brought or used drugs when I moved back home. It was my last chance...if I failed this time I would have nothing left to come back to. He needs you....and not as an enabler....i know easier said then done. And again i'm not trying to be mean or insult you in anyway.  Let me know how he is doing....and if you have any questions I can help you with.

[KEP0523]

I hope I am able to help a little here. I am 27 yrs old am now clean from a heavy opiate addiction. I have an average family. Parents have been married 28yrs I have two younger sisters. I was raised in catholic schools, never had so much as a speeding ticket in my life. I started out with oxycotin on a very recreational basis. Before i knew it i was reaching for it in any occassion. I can not tell you how many times I showed up to my parents high or had to leave because I needed to go get drugs. I soon entered an even worse spiral....i was arrested for the first time....i lost my job....i stoppped paying any of my bills, I worked at a job i don't even want to admit to after I lost mine. I then was arrested again after taking 10 oxy 60's and 10 .50mg xanax's. I had gotten into a fight with my then druggie boyfriend and I don't even remeber taking my rage out on his personal property. I don't remeber getting arrested, being in jail, or even seeing the judge in the a.m. Luckily I wasn't drug tested otherwise i would have been screwed. My parents kept asking what was up, they saw my weight lost (130lbs to about 90lbs), how i stopped paying my bills and was always broke, i stoppped hanging out with any of my family and saw them only on a must basis. I denied I HAD A PROBLEM. IT WASNT ME IT WAS THEM! Well I know as of today have 7 days clean....it's like everything came crashing down on me when I walked into my apartment and realized I had nothing and no one but these damn drugs. I reluctently called my parents and broke down. The other day I walked up to my parents with tears in my eyes saying thank you over and over. I know if I did not remove myself I would not be here. I know it's very hard....my mom would call me crying saying she isn't supposed to bury her children before her and would beg me to get help. I know it might sound tough but everyone has their rock bottom. He isn't getting anywhere by you aiding him. I do not mean this against you in anyway, but from someone around his age I can relate to where he is. He dosen't care anymore...the only thing that matters is that he has drugs to get him through the day and maybe for the next day so he wont feel like ****. I do not know your son so I could be very wrong, but thats what I know I went through. I moved back home after being on my own for 10 yrs. Hard thing to do for a very once indepedent, responsible young woman. I now know the dangers I must face and overcome. I feel that you must stop helping him. My father looked at me crying and said the only time we can help you is when you come to us for help. You then will know your ready to be rid of this life with drugs. It's true.....he dosen't realize what stress and angst this causes you, It's time for him to be uncomfortable with the way his life is. I hope I haven't gone on too long but if you need anything please do not hesitate to ask. I have been where he is and I will never go back. I wish the same for your son....he just hasn't realized it yet. It's never too late.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I know, as a mom,  it is difficult watching your son this way. You say you don't want to kick him out but what good is it doing for him to stay with you? I am trying to be honest with you and trying to get you to understand tough love. While you are trying to protect him, you are actually enabling him. Does he work? Go to school? Does he contribute in any way? You suspect that he is using drugs, am I correct? I cannot say yes or no to that but from what you describe it sounds as if he is doing something---whatever that may be. As long as he has a roof over his head and food in his belly, someone to do his laundry and a warm bed to sleep in, he has no reason to change and there are no consequences for his actions. He cannot continue like this and neither can you mom. You cannot get clean for him. That is something that has to come from inside---from him.

So what exactly is it you would like to do? Set up some rules perhaps? Insist that he work and pay his own way? Talk and let us know what is on your mind.