How to deal with lonliness after cleaning up

[tamtam326]

I have been clean for 90 some days and Ive had to drop alot of people I know, now it seems like I have noone. Ya its great that Im clean but I have no friends now. I realized that everyone I know was somehow a part of my addiction. I was more outgoing and felt sooo much better about myself when I was using. I thought all those stupid thoughts and insecurities I grew out of and grew up, but now I see it was the drugs that made me happier. I was happier early on on my sobriety but its the lonliness I cant get used to. I have gained some weight now and its like I just dont give a **** about how I look though I hate feeling this way Im just too lazy to do something. I have no modivation anymore. I know I shouldnt say the drugs made me a better person because I know in reality they didnt but at this point I feel like I was mentally happier when I was using. i just need to get off my lazy *** and start making me be a better me but where do you find the motivation when its just you and noone else???

[bandnmom]

It will all come back. This is just part of the process i guess u could say! You have all of us here. I have made some great friends here!

[catmagnet]

Why don't you try to going to a church? They aren't all "stuffy" like some people think. I go to a small country church where people wear blue jeans, dresses, whatever we joke around and have a good time. You don't have to act like a "saint" just because you go, but if you hang out with good people, it will rub off on you!

[enemy48]

Hi there.  You've come a long way.  It's so sad that we don't fel the energeticness.  I hate t too.  

Please anyone.................tell us what to do..

I used my mom's trauma to get where I needed to be, however didn;t feel myself t be normal.

Looking for advice too.

[allaboutmary]

I'm having the same problem. I don't know where to start my life again. So these are some of the things I am considering. Volunteering at the DNC or political party of your choice. This country is a mess and needs volunteers. Also I have heard you can meet some great people at N/A meetings and they do other things also, bowling, bbq's etc.  It could be a place to start.  You could volunteer somewhere else, animal rescue etc...Take a class in something that interests you. Now we just need to get off our a s s es and do it. lol

[VicUser]

Ditto, with the lazy feeling. I work 10 to 12 hrs a day and have almost a 1 hr commute each way. When I get home I plop down on the couch and watch TV. I have no desire to do anything else. Weekends are the same on the couch watching TV. I know that I need to do other things, just have no desire to. I am hoping that spring and warm weather will get my rear motovated.

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

We all go through this...we have to find who the new us is without the drugs. It took me about 9 months to even want to be around old friends. They thought my husband and I had dropped of the earth. My friends don't use and had no idea what was going on.

I just didn't want to be around people for a long time. I felt safe within my family and only my family. I think a lot of it has to do with relying on the pills for every occassion to feel good. Now you have to find that fun side of you again without the pills. It will come back and you will have the joy in your life. You will be able to make new friends it all just takes time. The more you can push yourself to do things the better it will get. But for me social situations were the worst at first. Now we are seeing old friends almost every weekend and having a blast without the pills. I finally feel like the person I was before the pills and the one I was meant to be.

Hang in there if you used for any length of time it is going to take you 6-9 months to find yourself in all of this. It is worth the wait.

[toxictome]

I hav efound many great friends at AA/NA mgs. Go to different mtgs. and find a place you feel comfortable at. There are many great people out there...I have moved many times, and every time that is how I made new friends!

[worried878]

know how u feel...I work like 5 days a week and not lots of energy many days to socialize too much...getting better tho...hang in there

[GoingToMakeIt]

The energy cycle can be speeded up by exercise. As you exercise it gets the endorphin production going again. endorphins raise the energy level and the mood. and yes,  hate it but it does help.

[johnnykelly]

Hello TamTam its good you are ate 90-dayys growth.Those people you declare as being friends,lets se where they will be 1-year from now.What still  doing the same old,same old.You will and have grown and as we grow we move on.That was then,this is now. New people.places and things will occupy your time and life,every now and then you will hear about So and SO. Doing this or that,usually something your glad that you are no longer  inlovved in.REmember your 90- days up the raod,and them,well there still,90 datys behind,OOPS thata 91-days. what your doing is growing.Im 48 and wouldnt want most of my friends of yester year,as most are either in Jails,institutions and death,and the good one are married with job,children and responsibilities.Your doing great replacements will fill your life and positive energy will replace the laxy energy.Goodluck TamTam

[cathy5841]

tam 90 days is an awesome achievement.  have you checked the paws info in the healthpages?  that might really help you.  also the church idea mentioned is a good place to start as wellas the na/aa meetings.  but, as going stated EXERCISE  is the single best thing you can do for you.  besides the fact that it really helps the brain to make endorphins...it is physically beneficial....helps with the wt loss and all those good things.  make yourself do it, none of us want to,. lol  start slow just take a walk, breathe int he fresh air and take in all of Gods beauty, that thas to make you feel better right.  then slow add more exercise daily.  i promise you will come back here and say how tight we were.  now hop to it.
cathy

[TT1979]

I can understand the lonely part. I too have such depressing days where I feel like I have absolutely no one and all I wanna do is lay around and feel sorry for myself. But I know that just praying to the almighty one himself is not gonna fix is so I make myself get off my a** and just do something.....anything! I always end up enjoying myself and realize how happy I can be even doing things I never enjoyed before. Alot of times I end up doing them by myself. Kinda like a little getting to know me again time. I see you are from pigeon forge and we are down there alot in gatlinburg and there seems to be alot to do so get out tamtam and start living and enjoying the new you! Best of Luck to ya!

[lostsoul2]

I am in your boat.  You are not alone.  I left my job, where I had a lot of friends, because everybody was a user of something.  I had to get out or I would die eventually.  Coke, vics, pot, benzos, all together and getting worse.  So I left, and lost all of my friend's #'s.  Now all my old friends I've had all my life have moved in different directions, and they don't really know the extent of my usage.  I am a stay at home dad right now, so my only contact with the outside world is a trip a day to the store.  I spend all my time with young kids, seeing my wife only occassionally because she works a lot as a nurse in a hospital, afternoon shift.  Yes, the lonliness is horrible.  I am in such a huge dpression now, but at least I'm not using.  I keep thinking that I was happier then too.  I guess this is the hard part of recovery.  Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything.  Or anyone on this board.  People here are great.  Good luck.

[worried878]

I guess we have to go back to the reasons we quit....there were lots of them and the main one is it is a go nowhere street....making new friends is part of life but you do have to have the energy to get out and make them.....i dont feel as social as i used to be right now but hardly no one i know uses...and my one friend who did, quit with me...I spotted her at work and we became instant friends...funny how a pill head can spot another in a heartbeat...we traded suppliers, gave each other pills in a pinch, real healthy stuff!  I worried her into quitting with me 6 weeks ago and we are both still clean...I live alone and I know the lonliness...as i dont get out like i used to...i work all day and i am tired in the evenings...been getting out more and more tho,,,having people over for dinner tonight...it gets better and better...

[tamtam326]

Thank you guys sooo much. Reading the responses put tears in my eyes. You guys understand EXACTLY how I feel. You feel like your the only one who is going through and feels this but now I know Im not. I just need to thnk lasy year my life was a sad story writing out the death of me and today Im living and my son is the happiest he has been in a long time. I am happy Im clean and I never want to go back to that ever it scares me to think that I was there somehow I got out.. Thank God man. Once again sorry it took so long to reply back and thanks soo much to everyone who took out of their time to talk to me and try to make me feel better... By the way it worked I do feel better.  Much love to ya.

[cathy5841]

i am so glad you are feeling better.  know you are not alone...we have all been there.  and we do care

[MikeWithFamily]

Hi TamTam, my name is MikeWithFamily, at least thats the name I use on this site...lol. anyway in my opinion, Catmagnet has the most reasonable suggestion involving going to church. You stand the chance to meet some wonderful people, and isn't that who you want to be around with now? I mean, you developed a horrible addiction being around the friends you used to hang with. Think about it...you stand the opportunity to develop positive habits and a healthier lifestyle as a result of "hanging" with a different crowd of people. We typically (naturally) seek to engage with people that has something you need or want. You no longer want drugs? So what is it that you want? If you want to develop a healthier lifestyle and engage in positive behavior, then seek out those groups of people that offer just that. For me, engaging with members of my church is more important to me today, than it ever has been because I need to be involved with a group of people that can give me what I seek...and that is stability, acceptance, understanding, compassion, love...etc.. Going to church is the most underrated activity in our society. Anyway, take some trips to church if you do not go already. Sit in the back if you want. Keep to yourself if you need too....but I warn you, now that you are cleaned up, church may just bcome addicting...lol. Thats one addiction that I don't think anyone would take issue with!
Best of luck TamTam. If you would like to learn more about Jesus Christ and his Love for you, please feel comfortable emailing me, or contacting me. I will be happy to talk with you.
MikeWithFamily