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Avatar universal

How to help an addict??????

My finance has been stealing my pain med. I take Oxycodone 15mg HCL for chronic back pain. At first I would let him take a few now and then because he has BIG problems with his teeth from previous Meth use (exposed nerves, broken teeth).  But now he is stealing them, lying about it and just last night I found out he is snorting them. I have hid the few I have left and wont be able to get more till almost the end of the month, witch ***** for me because I am in pain with nothing much left because of his addiction. I am tempted to cut him cold turkey and tell him if he touches my pills I am gone. But then I read what the withdrawals can be like and wonder if that is fair. Or do I make him go to a detox center? I dont know what to do. I love him and know what a good person he is and can be. But I am not sure how to deal with his never ending addiction problems. First(and ongoing) it was sex/porn, then meth and coke, Then I told him I would leave if he did not stop, so he went to Alcohol (had to put him in jail for being physical, but been great for over a year as far as the drinking and physical stuff goes, then he starts stealing my pain meds. I have seen messages he has sent asking people for coke and he says it was a joke. Someone else told me he had asked them to find him meth. And now this.,........
What to I do? How do I help him? What should I watch for? Any and all advice welcome.  
22 Responses
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1801781 tn?1461629469
this is a two year old thread!  There is a forum for living with an addict that might be helpful.

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have gone through this with my husband and I actually had to file for divorce. He wants to work things out but has not done anything to make sure this never happens again.  I still love him but I am scared he will hurt me again.  What did you do to make sure you never hurt your loved ones again?
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Avatar universal
http://www.ehow.com/how_2058733_live-drug-addict.html
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Avatar universal
GET OUT ! ! ! !
<----- I'M IN THE SAME SITUATION AND DAILY I want to die bc I cant help him, and he refuses to get help. I sat on top of a tall bridge two nights ago and in the dark it doesnt look like a bad fall.

Get out, if he doesnt want to get better himself THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP HIM.

he stole all of my meds. currently @ work full detox. . . . bc I have rent to pay and a daughter I have to do these things and that ***** could care less. . . .
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Avatar universal
After thinking about what I stated and reading the other posts, do what you think is right. I guess the reason as to why I said leave him is that my ex attended counceling and alanon and tried to work out options, but my addictive behavior got in the way all the time. Just remember you can only take so much, but give some alternatives in supporting your loved one. Sorry if I offended you if I sounded harsh by saying just leave him. That is not always the right solution. Take care and stay in touch on your progress. We need each other.
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Avatar universal
my boyfriend not only steals mine, he demands them.
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Avatar universal
Just wanted to say my addictive (non abusive) behavior ended a 29 year marriage. The bottom line to my addiction or shall I say the end results was (DIVORCE). She had enough of my lies, broken promises, stealing meds from her, stealing from her friends,many rehab centers. My disease was making her sick, and she just got plain tired of it all, and she ended up too being an enabler. She packed up her stuff and hit the road. This was 5 years ago. That scared me so bad, actually my first reaction was to blame her for leaving me. It scared me so bad that I actually WANTED to be clean, so I stayed clean for 20 months. Little did I know I was hanging on tight to the anger of her leaving me and divorce. I completely skipped step 1 admitting that I am an addict and I was wrong. So, I picked myself up and working on recovery. My ex and I talked a while back and I damaged her mental well being (trust factor) so bad, she would never take me back. After all these years I understand, I am no longer angry at her. I had to step up to the plate and admit and make an amends to all of my family (along with grown adult children who left me as well). Being a long term addict and being through what you are going through. The truth hurts and its this. Your man will not get any better as long as you let him back into your life. He has destroyed your trust, the next step sadly, he will destroy your life. My ex was such a wreck when she set up the boundries, and almost died from me stealing her meds. Enough is enough. We must be accountable for our actions, its not our fault, but its our responsibility to recover and move on without sadness or anger. Good luck. This will continue as long as you let him into your life and will not get better. The grass is never greener on the other side. Stay in touch with all of us. This is the best support system around. Talking to addicts that lead down the path of destruction and trying hard to rebuild our lives.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think its a bit unfortunate this has turned into an arguement amongst ourselves rather than trying to help the original poster. We've all had different experiences so its not surprising we have differing opinions.

Surely it would be far better to respect each others views even if we don't agree?
Helpful - 0
1047946 tn?1332608029
I also have to agree with Axl. Granted, you have to look out for yourself and evaluate the whole situation as each one is different. If every loved one left their addicted spouse or significant other, what would happen? It's hard saying but more than likely they would end up in something much deeper or maybe even dead. I'm not saying everyone should stay with a addict, but if they love them enough they need to research and learn the tools necessary to help the best they can. Once they have tried every resource out there or it finally gets to a point where they can not handle it anymore, then it is probably time to leave. I just don't feel anyone should reply and say to run as fast as you can without first knowing more of what is going on and at very least giving some advice that may help. Every addict is not a lost cause and most want help but just don't know how to go about it. Addiction is such a crazy disease. I knew I needed help and didn't even have the courage to ask my wife so I dealt with it on my own. She knew I was going through withdrawals but never knew I was taking more than prescribed for my back and sciatic injury. It's a tough disease and needs to be treated as such. Most people get hooked on pills due to a injury or other health problems. Should everyone just leave them high and dry when they are battling addiction and say cancer for example? No one out there is a lost cause and almost everyone will eventually see the light and make the changes that need to be changed even if it takes in house rehab. Everyone has their own opinion and I respect that. I just think people need to realize that addicts are still human and have a disease that needs to be taken seriously. If they care and have love for that person why would they just run for the border before trying everything to help him/her? There are situations where that might have to be done but I personally think they should give them the ultimatum first and let them know how serious you are about it. I know if my wife just took off and left before even offering help I probably wouldn't care about life and end up in everything very deep. It would also make me question if she really did love me. Luckily, I have a wife that loves me and I know she would be there in a heartbeat if I asked for help. I would also do anything for her and be there for her through thick and thin. If she were in my shoes I would be there for her and help in whatever way I could. Giving up on her would not be a option. We have to remember addiction is a disease and addicts need help just like anyone else with a disease. We are a team and  everyone has their tough times or run of bad luck in one form or another. Unfortunetly mine and others on here is addiction. I just say sit down and talk to him. Get tough if you have to but exaust your resources before just leaving.
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333612 tn?1302883390
Here, here, Dominosarah......you speak the truth
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with you Axl.......I also believe that anyone who lives with an addict also needs to take care of themselves too.  They need to learn the tools so they dont continue to enable the addict.  Self esteem becomes a big factor too.  Understanding addiction is very important when you live with an addict whether they are still using or in recovery.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I dont deny the fact that he needs help...but please consider this very carefully....as a recovering addict...I can tell you that if the poeple I loved walked out on me in a desperate time of need, it would have pushed me deeper and deeper into my abuse and addiction.  

Please....if you love him....be careful.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm sorry about this, but.....

I am so sick of hearing people say "LEAVE HIM/HER!"

You know....every once and a whlie, people will actually see the light before they lose everything that is dear to them, and they will take it upon themselves to change for the better.  Sometimes, people will see the err of thier ways, before they lose everything.  Sometimes, not always, but sometimes they DO change.

I mean- I was doing this sh*t....stealing pain pills from people that needed them....breaking the law to get them...lying, cheating, stealing...blah blah blah.....WE ALL DID IT!  How many of you people changed your evil ways BEFORE you lost everything....before you lost the people that you thought would stick by your side thru ANYTHING you could put them thru.....before you lost someone that promised that they would do anything to help you???  How many of you people changed before any of that stuff happened?  I know I did....and it didn't take losing everything that is holy to me.  It didn't take me losing someone who said they CARED about me!  My point is.....sometimes people do change....and it doesn't take a life changing, forever regretting descision by someone who promised that they would always be there.  Sometimes....poeple change.  Every single person on this forum should know that.  We all did the stuff that this person is doing....and who the hell are we to judge him for it?  Leave him!?!?!?!?  *shakes head*

I'm sorry....I am done now.  

GOD BLESS everyone!  and always forgive!

Love-me!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't know why I am just now seeing this post.....but.....

Holliee....have you ever in your life been addicted to anything????

Judging from your answer to this persons problem, I would say no.  How can you say the things that you say, knowing that an addict will do anything to feed his/her addiction?  That an addict will put his/her DOC before anyone or anything he/she loves?  It doesn't mean that this person doesn't love her....it just means that he is sick, and has an active and dangerous addiction.  It doesn't mean that he doens't care that she is in pain...HE IS SICK.  He needs help...plain and simple.  If anything....his willingness to take HER pain meds (when he KNOWS she NEEDS them) is a huge admission to how serious his problem has gotten.

I'm sorry to jump your sh*t, but damn......if you have ever been an addict, you should know this.  Sorry if this comes off as mean....that's not what I meant to do.

I think this guy has some serious issues that stem deeper than this run with the pills (this time).  He has abused different drugs multiple times throughout his life, and follows the same pattern, despite his DOC.  I think he needs in patient treatment to get to the root cause of this "addictive" behavior.  When and only when he discovers the reasons he chooses to abuse drugs, will he be on a path to successful recovery.
Helpful - 0
1065007 tn?1255540445
ok, forgive me, but i am going to be extremely blunt... LEAVE HIM! almost sounds my life... but -i- was your boyfriend!!!
I didn't go as far as anything but painkillers & muscle relaxers, &thankfully didn't start gettin them off the streets... but my (now ex-b/f) was in your shoes! I didn't care if he had pain, i stole all his pain meds, i pleaded for more, I got angry & threatened all sorts of stuff if he didn't give me some or refill his script! It got to the point where the only thing that mattered was the pills & he was an enabler, so i stayed with him. (right now we are currently separated or whatever but i "left" him so i could deal with my addiction) I couldn't stay around him, cuz i knew i would always plead for them or find them. He hid them all the time all over the place, in the oddest spots, in the ceiling, garage, drawers etc... I ALWAYS found them! he just had root canals yesterday & i had to be strong & refuse to take him or go help him out, cuz he had a new script for pain meds. I know he has them, i have refused to go help him knowing he has them & it helps that he lives now 45minutes from where i am staying, not as easily accessible. And i told him when his pain was over- to flush them, cuz their stronger than what he usually has. And to NEVER tell me he has pain meds, NEVER allow me to see them and NEVER talk about him taking them. (At least during my process of healing, until i can say i'm ok)

But as hard as it might be to hear it, i really think u need to leave him, If it's meant to be, it will be. He needs to get clean of all addictions, it seems that he just keeps trading 1addiction for another & not really ever being clean of anything.

My advice: leave. for good. for now. Tell him that he needs to get help & get rid of his addictions. When he does that, one day maybe u two can re-evaluate a possibility of a relationship. But realize if u do this, it may not be all wonderful & back together in 6months or a year... maybe it will.. maybe u will find each other a few years down the road & he can say "hey, i've been clean of anything for X-years" and then u still need to tread lightly, remember... addicts are great at covering the truth & lieing.

Good luck to you, sorry if it seems harsh, but i am 100% up-front and honest with people with how i feel No sugar-coating... i'm so much like my mom it scares me. lol

Good Luck, it's a rough road, but its gonna be even rougher if u stay with him while he is still addicted. It will never get better until he gets clean totally.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Until he is ready to quit your life will be out of control if you choose to keep living this way.  He is an addict and will stop at nothing to get what he needs.  There seems to be so many issues in your relationship.  I hope you check out some sort of counseling for yourself.  You need to take care of you now.......sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good advice.       He will not quit until he has no other options,   be sure to protect yourself, your belongings and any other things of value.   Addicts have a way of getting to anything if they feel they have to.    Many here do not like Sub or Methadone, but I think there are exceptions for some people.   I wish you and him the best.

Ella
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Its very hard to help save an addict who doesn't want to be saved, won't admit theres a problem. The theft, lying and the serial nature of that are pretty normal sadly but what worries me is the domestic violence. If he is blocked access to the pills and forced to detox do you have any concerns that could reoccur?

However it sounds like he is simply using any drugs he can get his hands on and yours are not likely to be the only source so trying to force him to quit CT is unlikely to work. An addict who doeant want to quit will find a way to cheat, they have to want to sort themselves out not want to sort out some pills...

Whatever you decide to do please consider yourself first however hard that is. Its very easy to get dragged down in situations like this, just because we love someone doesnt mean we should end up going down with them.
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983679 tn?1276833336
you cannot help him at this point. You have to cut him c/t, plenty here have gone through c/t w/ds and they are not going to kill him! protect yourself, i am not saying leave him but protect yourself!!
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198154 tn?1337787265
YOU cannot help him, he has to help himself
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662972 tn?1270166301
HATE THIS FOR YOU I AM NOT BEING MEAN BUT IF I WERE YOU I WOULD RUN AS FAST AS I CAN (I KNOW EASIER SAID THAN DONE) BUT WOW HE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU AND IF HE KNOWS YOU HAVE PAIN AND STILL TAKES THEM WHO HE CARE MORE ABOUT HIS ADDCITION IS ONE DOING ALL TALKING AND WILL GET WORSE OF THIS JUST STARTED IT ONLY BEGINING.
Helpful - 0
452063 tn?1324074916
Sorry you are going through this. For me stealing the pain meds would be enough to convince me he has a problem. Addicts in active addiction do not tell the truth. What would be funny about asking a friend for coke? You know deep down what you are asking us to confirm. Allowing stealing and providing any support in his using is enabling him. If you support him emotionally or financially you are enabling him. You can still love a person who uses but you have to draw the line and set up the boundries. Tough love:o) This is the only way you can help him. He has to want to stop for him....not you. Help him find rock bottom. This is what I did with my son. Best of luck to you hon. I hope everything works out.
Helpful - 0
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