HI To all i have been reading all these forums. you all seem so caring and nice . i have been fighting a 9 year battle with my son. he has done every drug you have heard of. his choise now is black tar heroin. he has been in and out of jail, he has a job now and a house a wife and a 7 and 4 year old girls. he cleaned up for a few months about 2 years ago. after his last trip to jail. but slowly he has been going under and his wife uses to, they have sold most of there stuff in the house behind on bills. and the kids are just there i am heart broken i worry they will end up dead i want to take the kids but my husband and i are not able to take on to small kids. the 7 year old tells me everything she hides a watches them they fight and she looks for any where to go stay, my son is a good person but he has let the drugs rule him. he only cares about himself i have tried everything he has been to rehabs net care, and he admits the problem some times. but most times he will say hes clean but i can see he is not. he has went from 260 down to 220 in the past 6 months, bt he eats good. i have thought of leaving my home of 34 years i have thought of taking my life because i dont want him to die before me, i just want him to take care of his kids and let me have peace for awhile. theres so much more but i need advice thanks from broken heart grandma.
Ok....gotcha!! I just reread your message and I understand what you are trying to tell me.. It is 2:40 AM now and I'm too tired to think this moring. I will answer your post in a day or two with some questions. I found out only tonight that the daughter is taking valium at night to sleep(she says) and iburprofen. Alcohol sometimes along with the meds. Thank You for your help.
LEAH
Hi Leah,
I posted it to you as you have a child on drugs and wanted help with that. This cure works for all drugs - not just methadone as the root cause is zinc/mag depletion. If you have any doubts get the person to have a blood test and you will find they have virtualy no zinc/mag in their blood.
I did check out your posting to niccee about methadone...not sure you really meant it or me.....could you have meant it for Lea? Anyway, the information is helpful and can always be passed on to help any person with this problem..Thanks
Hi Leah,
Check out my postings to niccee about methadone witdrawl.
WAY TO GO GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!! You have made the first big step. You confronted him with the truth. Of course he's going to say he can do it on his own. My brother has said it for years.He is such a hard worker. But he gets paid daily so he can get his alcohol and drugs. I love him dearly but I don't buy into any of his lies or fall for his tears. I've seen and heard it since we were kids at home.
If he was addicted when he was living with his kids, there's probley a lot you'll never know. I bet if you asked him though, none of it was his fault.
You done good girl. Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.
I appreciate your kindness about the baby I had that died. It's been 27 years ago but it's the kind of thing that stays with you in life. She was born without joints in her body. If she had lived she would of been in a nursing home unable to do anything for herself. I thank God for taking her home.She was beautiful though.Very red hair. God knows whats best for us even though we can't see it for the pain at times.
God Bless You,
Kerrie (P.S.) Kerrie was the name of my daughter.
Thank you for your post. It's been a crazy 3 days. He did come over tonite, but I still don't know why? He didn't have dinner, he just sat there, he talked alittle, watched tv and left. At first he was a little jumpy and edgy. We got into it just alittle. He stills says his addiction had nothing to do with the problems. That it was me trying to control everything. I told him what I had found thru AL-ANON, that we become unmanageable, because of the insanity of the disease, we become obsessive, compulsive, we become out of control. I told him I felt helpless, that I could not control his addictions, and that when he was abusing, I coudln't take the distance, emotional withdrawal, the lack of affection. I told him it all made me crazy, not the person I really am. I asked him if he was still using methadone, he is, says 10 to 15 mgs. aday. But he doesn't look healthy, no color, alittle heavy. He says he always has headaches. That he's tired all the time, all he does is go to work and home to sleep. Nothing else, he doesn't go out. He says he just wants to get his act together, I wish him all the luck in the world. I asked him if he planned to go to NA meetings, get a sponser,counseling, something. He said no, he has it under control and doesn't need anything, or anyones help. He can do it on his own. Is he just fooling himself here? I don't see him able to do it, he's tried that numberous times. He asked me if I had something for his headaches, I said sure TYLENOL,I told him I nolonger take pills. He saw my patch, and asked me for one, things don't change. I finally realized in my heart and my head. I can't help him, I finally can accept it, and not just say it. It's out of my hands. The scariest thing, is what if he's right, what if the problems were not because of the addiction. That would make him a very mean and emotionally empty creature. I don't think I would love him then. What if he's just really like this now. He got alittle nicer after awhile, just talked, but I actually say him laugh, it's been a long time. When he left, he said he would come by again. What's this about? We can't just co-exsist like this, what does he want from this? I guess it's hard for him to let go too. Everyone forgot his birthday but me. What did he do to his kids, to make them not want to be with, or see him, they care so little for him, what did he do to them? Theres' more to this story than I know, maybe he's always been like this......Love Susan Lea
Thanks for your reply. I was caught by what you asid about the xanex.My daughter has been forgetting a lot of things and remembering things that never happened.
She would tell me one thing and swear she never said it and call me a liar for making it up. Then she would convince herself of things that never happened.
Could this be due to the xanex? This drug is new to me. I'd like anything you can tell me about it. Also about the withdrawel symptoms. I want to pass this on to her.
Thanks again.
Kerrie
Your story reaches the depths of my soul. I will pray for your family... and those innocent babies. As you said you can't make her change... nobody on this earth can make an addict change except themselves... often it simply has to be enough suffering... sometimes this is jail. I NEVER EVER believe people on drugs belong in jail.. it is not treatment, not by any standards. But if the down time gets a person to decide to make changes then to some degree it may be the catalyst for change... then it was worthwhile. I am convinced that the xanax, not the opites, is the bigger problem in terms of her irrational and destructive behavior.... it's one of the worst drugs out there.. it's binds very quickly and very tightly to receptors in the brain... it is also a powerful amnesiac and causes varying degrees of psychosis. This is not a drug that a person can detox from at home... it is a very dangerous withdrawl and can cause seizures and death. I hope you talk to Thomas about some of the effects... she MUST go to detox facility to be tapered correctly... the oxy's are bad enough on their own but with xanax it's like gasoline and matches... I'm afraid.. it gives me chills because I remember how totally irrational my daughter was on that stuff...if she does not come to her senses I am afraid she will end up in the jail again... but honesly, having been there... it was so horribly painful... it was the only place she was slowed down to become abstinent and finally got her brain to work again... sad huh ??? You have many many prayers.
Love, Brighty
Hi Brighty,
I appreciate you answering back. I need all the help I can get with her.
My daughter started out taking the pills for migrains.Then she liked the high and quickly started to misuse them.She is doing marajuana ,xanex,percocet,and afew others I can't spell. But you get the picture. The thing is, she can convince the doctors to give her more and increase the strength.She just went to the doctor last week. A girl that knew her had called the doctor and reported her and she convinced him the girl was lying.He increased her meds and the strength. I told her she had better use them right because she would not be geting anymore from me. I always hide them when I know she's coming over.I don't ever see her except when she wants something though.
She was in jail in May of last year for having drugs without a prescription when they were stopped in Georgia for a broke windshield. The cops could tell they were messed up and searched their car and each person. She had 10 valuim on her and 2 xanex.Her brother-in-law had pot in his suitcase. So they were arrested. She spent a week in jail. She went to court in December and they gave her 3 years probation and an 1800.00 fine. They are suppose to transfer her probation to Tennessee.So far it hasn't been transfered. But she is still doing the pot too. If they do a random drug test on her she will go to jail.She doesn't think they'll do anything.I've tried to tell her they'll send her to Georgia to serve out her probation but she doesn't believe me. I've put it in Gods hands. I can't make her listen.
She too has tried to kill herself. She ran her truck into a tree when she was 5 months pregnant.She has sliced her arms up with a razor. She put her hand through a fish tank when she was mad at her husband. I fear for her life. But I have worried until I am sick. I can't turn it over to God and then take it back. So pray I don't fall back into trying to fix it myself. I know it's out of my power. Thanks to everyone here, I'm trying to be there for her without helping her problem by giving her my pills.I am not able to bail her out of jail if it comes to that. I know it will come to that yet. I'd rather it be that than her life.
Keep me in your prayers friends.
Kerrie
I cannot recall the circumstances from when you first posted not too long ago... if at all possible your married daughter and her children belong together with the husband and daddy of these kids... you are a saint and I'm afraid, soon to be a martyr... I have a couple of years on you and have not had to deal with the serious health problems you have... you need to take care of yourself.. .living with this addiction is like living under Mt. Vesuvius.... it's emotionally volatile, mentally taxing, and your health may not withstand too much more of this. Physically, you really ought not be handling child care under any circumstances... do you have a plan, Kerrie ?? I know one thing... you will not be able to do much about her addiction... she has to do it... if you make it tough on her perhaps she'll handle it. My story is not identical... my daugher started with heroin at 18... she already had, unknown to me, a xanax addiction from rx for her panic and anxiety disorder... this helped spiral her into getting used to getting drugs from other places than the doctors.. and she was apparently snowballing a few of them... it was a 3 year nightmare... she did numerous detox and rehab facitities, got in trouble with the law, went to jail, got out and was still using in her pre-trial intervention program... had been trying to commit suicide.. 7 attempts in 3 years.. yes, mental hospitals too, and finally the judge heard she didn't show up in court because she was on life support... she (the judge) listened to an impassioned plea in open court from her dad and I to please revoke her bail and lock her up because we did not know how else to keep her alive.. she went to jail after a long hospital stay and a mental ward to stabilize her.. she was then mandated to a long term treatment in a primarily mental health treatment program.. after 5 months she "snapped to" so to speak and chose to begin her healing.. She came home last Christmas and is on house arrest for 2 years.. monitor on her ankle... will be followed by probation for another 2 years... she's active in recovery but there have been a few bumps with the behaviors and romanticizing the drug... all part of the journey I'm told.. she did 5 days out patient from Dec. to March.. 3 days thru April and now is down to one day a week and must do for no less than one year.. this is important.. to continue to work on the underlying issues, and staying with a recovery program... it's been very hard, Kerrie.
Your daughter may be comforted to know that at her first rehab she met the high school foot ball coach.. they promised to not tell anyone they saw eachother there. There is a sacredness to the confidentiality in treatment programs ... I have seen the inside of nearly every treatment center from Philadelphia to Florida... she did 9 of them !!! There is nothing to be embarassed over... there are doctors and nurses in treatment as well as people of all races and ages.. all career backgrounds... we met one 73 year old lady who had been widowed 8 months before... she finally decided to quit drinking after reflecting the impact it had on her family for so many years.. that takes courage. I hope your daughter will not deprive herself of at least giving it a try. I will send you healing prayers.
Love, Brighty
It's called something like "Barretts order" "Butler" "Barnet" something like that. I'll find out the name, my brother in law is a circut court judge, 6th district. If you have to, if you really feel she's a danger to herself, or your grandchildren, you can have her put into a 28 day program. State will pay for it, and if she's working, they have to allow her time off, vacation and sick leave can be used, if none without pay and she can't lose her job. They can not ask where she is, where she's going, and for what. She can tell them to stick it! Let me know......Love Susan
Hi Brighty,
I wanted to ask you about your daughter. Mine is 22 also. She'll be 23 in June.
She is addicted to Hydrocodones and Zanex. I'm sure I didn't spell that right. But she also takes percocet and midrin and fiorinol. I know I'm not spelling right but just sound them out.I worry because she takes so much at a time. I've given her all the warnings I have been given from my friends here.
How did your daughter decide to get clean. My daughter says she wants to go to rehab but that it's embarrassing to admit you have a problem and everyone find out. She knows all the family knows she's hooked. I tell her they love her and they will be proud of her for getting help.
I worry about my grandchildren. I take care of the 4 year old a lot. But I'm not physicaly able to take care of the baby. He weighs about 17 pounds and I don't have much strength in my arms because of surgery to remove a large cyst off my spinalcord on my cervical spine area. But when she was here the other day she was very tired. I asked her had she took too many pills and she swore she hadn't. Then her husband called and said she didn't pick him up from work and when he got home she was so out of it she couldn't hear him banging on the door. I had the 4 year old but the baby was with her. I was so upset that I hadn't kept him too. But I can't watch her every second.
If you have any ideas I would love to hear them. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Now to all my friends ,thanks again for being there. I'll write you more later. I'm tired after going to hospital today for scope. Love to all and God Bless.
Kerrie
Cin, Did you have to mention robbie....LOL My speakers are blown in my car. I have to get them fixed, and soon. I miss listening to the radio, it makes the drive much better. LOL
Wiz: you are so full of life, and what an inspiration you are! You are definately a nice addition to this board. You are very supportive.
Love YALL,
Angelica
Wow! Thanks for the kudos :-) People like you and all my friends here are the ones that desrve the pat on the backs.( you ALL know who you are) I couldn't have done it without ya! The best therapy for me is coming back here daily and keeping IN TOUCH. I havent been in touch for many years.....Now i cant's touch enough! LOL
power & Magick 2 U,
God Bless us all,
luv,
Wiz
I too am so glad you decided to stay...we all are able to help to help each other...and you are a valuable asset to his forum...and I do know from what you have told me that you benefit from coming here also...why stop a good thing? we are all in this together...I have to go and pamper myself now,,LOL gotta get my nails done LOL my one luxury besides my foot messager I got from Mother's day LOL ohhh Lala talk about a treat..ain't it funny how our priorites change as we get older LOL it used to be I would die for a little red sports car but now a foot message and a back message is like heaven LOL my foot messager even has tiny bubbles and little rolly thingies on the bottom and heat now, throw in George clooney and Robbie Thomas (angelica and Brighty can relate to each) and man we are ready to roll baby..LOL so after my nails i will come home and hop on and see if we can catch up,,,,,hang in there my friend and like always if you need me you know where I am.....HEY ANGELICA... thanks for the important message e-mail scary huh? I will catch up to you alos later Love all of you guys
So glad you decided to stay !! I have been around here since April 2000 and never have stayed on a forum too long... once for maybe 5 months and that was eons ago. This forum is different.... informative and caring... people who are suffering, have suffered and those in recovery offering hope and concrete advice.. helping others detox... telling them what to expect... been there done that.. and never with arrogance...always with tolerance and compassion. I hope you realize that my daughter too is an addict... she is 22 now and clean 14 months... a milestone after 3 nightmarish years which included institutions and jail... and nearly death numerous times... so if I have to say it over and over for newcomers.. thre is HOPE and HEALING. I have followed here Thomas and his detox from a 30 year opiate addiction.... that is awesome and inspiring... and there is more revealed here. I have heard it before and now know for sure.. addicts in recovery are the light bearers of the world. It bears out over and over again, here on the board and in our personal lives. Keep reading and praying and taking the right actions.... things will change ... it takes time.. it's a process. I wish you health and peace.
Love, Brighty
Dear Angelica,Cindi,Wizard,Dianne,Leah,Brighty,and everyone ,
I tried to recall each name because each one of you have made an impact in my life in one way or another. This week some of you have made the extra effort to write to a woman that had decided to stay off the threads. Because of your words of encouragement I have decided I do need to stay. I need your help more than you can know at times.If you guys can stay around after all you've been through, I can do it too.
Thank you Angelica and Cindi.You probley don't know how much you've helped me.To all of you that have kept me in your prayers I thank you. I am going to need them a lot in the days ahead. I'm going through a lot of testing now and it really gets to me. Some of you may remember I have bad health and chronic pain. Angelica ,I do remember you responding when I first came here.I was taken back by all you've been through and I know your pain is a daily struggle. I appreciated you trying to help me with all your going through. Cindi,I appreciate so much your honesty with me about you and your mom. I know you understand the hard time I have saying no to my daughter but you are helping me do just that. I can find the strength through God and friends like all of you. We can help one another.That's why I came here night after night and why I keep coming back. I guess that's why I let the thing with someone else get to me so bad. But I'll try not to let that happen again.
Please remember me this week and next week in your prayers. My doctors are all out of town and it's difficult for me to go on trips like this even though their anywhere from 30 min. to 2 hours away.
My daughter was so out of it yesterday her husband couldn't get her awake to open the door.She says she hadn't taken too much med but I know better.If any of you have tried the herbal thing when you were getting off the drugs ,would you tell me how and what you used? I'd like to offer her this option to see if she'll try it.
Wizard, I want to tell you how PROUD I am of you for getting off the drugs. Pat yourself on the back. You all deserve it!!!!!!
I will close now.Sorry I write so much but you are my only way of letting it out sometimes.
God Bless and Thank You All,
Kerrie
I was reading your comments about your feelings, and i feel like i can really relate to many things that you two feel.
I grew up in a disfunctional family, and have continued my adult life in many of the same ways that i learned to know as a child.
My children are 1, 5 and 8, and i really appreciate hearing the feelings of addiction as it relates to you as mothers.
Thank you, and i hope i didn't intrude in any way.
I just wanted to thank you both for making me feel 'not so alone'!
Good luck to you both, you are very special women!
Lv Jenny
Re: your 5/10 post, I hope you never leave. Did you know that you have a fellow believer/sister here??? I remember when you first started posting.....I was one of the first to converse w/ you, and we are also chronic painers......LOL Much in common.
We all aggree to disaggree, and as long as our comments are to help, and not to hurt....there is nothing wrong. Our beliefs is what makes us all unique, and different......we all respect that, I would hope. So, don't even think about leaving. I share my beliefs w/ people from time to time, and if we disaggree......we find something else to discuss....LOL
I don't think anyone should refute what you have to say, esp. if it was not directed toward them. Unless it's just good old fashion reciprocation of views/beliefs.....then that should be fine. I believe this is healthy......
Hope you keep coming back!
Love,
Angelica
The comments in this thread to Cindi, Anjelica, Pelle1985, Thomas and JB were intended to be posted in the thread below called "Anyone".... sorry about that... my eyes are having difficulty with all the scrolling !! Hope you will post your respones there instead of here... well... whatever :-))
Love, Maria Seraphina
Most unabashadely, I miss you most of all.
Love, Maria Seraphina
I have just read many of your posts which I missed while I was gone and was distressed to hear of your seizure, but also gratified that you have found an employer who values your incredible and obvious talents, and that you have a wife who has supported you in your illness and recovery... I think you are called to a ministry Thomas...healing is a life time endeavor and you share it so naturally & selflessly. Thank you for your comment about the unraveling of psyche.... I needed some no nonsense wisdom... seems fitting that it came from you !!! Pssssssssssssst... I love you too :-))
Maria Seraphina
You are not missing a beat in your understanding and perceptions!!! ( In case you were having a few self doubts:-)) I was able to recognize myself at least :-)) It's evident those who wish to control cannot do it with you.
Your take on issues is clearly a compassionate treatise... one that is of humility and recovery... a fine example for those who are getting it and worth looking at more closely for those who are not.
I love your posts !!! Those of us who are not addicts are trying to recover also... Lea & Kerri have mentioned this so appropriately ( both here and in different threads)... thank you for always keeping the "recovery chord" alive here for us.
Love, Maria Seraphina