How to withdraw from long-term hydrocodone use

[Hydrocophobic]

I've been taking hydrocodone for the past five years, and at maximum prescribed levels (1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours - - which, naturally, means 2 every 4 hours) for the past two.  How do I get off this stuff?  Cold turkey?  Phased withdrawal?

[OxyDout]

Your not taking a real high dose, I would try tapering down a bit, but probably only over the next 3-4 weeks, then just stop, the withdrawal shouldn't be awful if you have only been taking the amount you had said you were taking.  A thing to remember is withdrawal is not that bad when you go through it the first time, but if you go through withdrawal over and over, it keeps getting worse. You might want to look at Thomas's recipe as something you  might take when you are off the meds, a lot of people swear by it.  Anyway, I apologize for asking a question on your post, but I once again screwed up, I need help!! I started taking the oxy's again, I need some uplifting posts today guys, I'm STRUGGLING and its not pretty.  I hope all is well with everyone, keep it up!!

P.S - how long have you been taking the hydro for?? it sounds like you could get out somewhat easy if you got out now, and remember, when you find yourself saying, I just want one more pill, it NEVER WORKS THAT WAY!! "just when I think I'm out, they suck me back in"

Withdrawal symptoms: bone aches, chills, cold sweats, restless leg, depression, etc... its not fun, thats why Im telling you to stop while your not that bad.......

GWH

[Hydrocophobic]

Thanks for your input.  I've been taking these for five years now, the last two at or near the maximum prescribed amount (up to twelve tablets a day of 10/325 Norco), and have been told that quitting cold was dangerous (especially for a geezer), but as a substance abuser need to get off as quickly as possible.  This stuff is killing me.

Fortunately, my doctor refused to renew any scrips for Percocet or oxycontin - - I don't like the way hydrocodone makes me feel, but that other stuff . . . if I'd been taking THAT for five years I'd have been dead for the last three.  I've heard that when you're trying to kick that stuff, it kicks back.  Good luck; as I tell my friends raising young children, "It's only the first twenty-five years that are hard; after that, piece of cake."

Later.
H.P. (HydrocoPhobic, not the other H.P. with whom, in my drug-crazed thinking, I am often confused)

[The Dude]

Taper down slowly.  Then eventually quit.  You have to really really want to stop, or you won't.  Good luck.

[NOTATHOME4U]

I have been setting here night after night reading you guys talk about being addicted to these pain meds. I never thought of myself as being addicted to anything. I have never been drunk before and I have never done any drugs untill I had my stomach surgery. I had 65% of it removed because of bleeding ulcers. My doctor put me on percocet then that surgery had complacations and caused much pain and I had to have another surgery. This time the doctor put me on percocets and oxycontin 10mg twice daly and because of complations of this surgery I again have pain that is killing me. It was supposed to help me and that doctor messed me up again! Now I am up to 80mg oxycontin Twice a day and about 6 percocets a day. I have moved and the doctor that my doctor from home told me to go to dose not prescribe these drugs. He insted gave me methdone( I do no have a clue as to what this even is.) 10mg tabs and Im supposed to take them two tabs, 3 times a day.  Like I sead before I never thought of meself as being addicted to anything, but I must face fact that I am feeling a strong urge to go to any doctor that will give me what works. I am scared. I have two kids and a loving wife and I dont want to be addicted to anything but I am and I dont no what to do. Can anyone help me please?

[tiredoflortabs!]

I have a doctor who seems to think all answers come out of a pill bottle. Granted, I have had some relief, but I don't want to be addicted to Lortabs for the rest of my life. I am afraid however of the withdrawal syptoms (symptoms) I will feel when I finally decide to quit. I have gotten myself down to less than is perscribed, but cannot seem to get out of bed unless I know I have one near by. Can anyone explain, in full, what the syptoms (symptoms) are? And, if taking a non-narcotic, such as Ultram for the pain, will help in any way. I take anywhere from one to five Lortabs per day, the higher when I'm working. I know I have somewhat of a grip on it, but quitting scares the daylights out of me. I saw my brother go through withdrawals, and it was not a pretty sight.

[Sadgirl]

I come here to read everyday just to get insight, strength and support.  I want to say I am the voice of experience...I am not experienced in being sober and giving advice, but I am experienced in dealing with withdrawals and the realization that I am an addict.  I never wanted to know ANYTHING about drugs, had a some wine if at a party, I am ashamed to say I looked "down" at addicts and couldn't get it.  Well, all it took was to become ill with TMJ, migranes and back problems, before long, I too kept needing pills to just "feel" normal, never-mind to get a buzz.  The energy I felt and I could just deal with everything...I could deal with work, teenagers, my health, etc.  BUT only if I had my pills, and mind you I took vicoprofen 7.5 as directed only. Even if I felt the pains of withdrawal come over me...I would wait out that 4-hr., because I WAS NOT AN ADDICT, you see.  Six-months later, I had to accept the fact that I cannot stop...that I have a problem...that I cannot function without...and the withdrawals were getting worse..due to my growing tolerance and addiction.  I was going through mini-withdrawals 3 times a day...this was killing me.  So I de-tox this past weekend.  I bought everything from Thomas' receipe...and went to see a therapist, he gave me something for the anxiety.  All I can tell you is that you begin to feel like your muscles are made of rubberbands...my shoulder blades, ankles, thighs are so tight, it feels like I'm gonna break.  I got chills, fever, hot flashes, nausea, the runs all at once.  But the worst part...has to be the damn depression.  Like I have nothing to look forward to..and so tired.  I know that's the addiction talking...I'm on day 5...they say the first 72 hours are the worst...they were for me...if this haze could just lift...I could deal.  It helps to pray...cry and be here.  Its the only thing keeping me sane.  Is it hard?  and scary?  Hell's yeah...but please read the post "LETHARGY 3 WEEKS LATER" what Monti went through...now that is scary...it ONLY GETS WORSE.  Let's go through this together...let's share the pain...and victory..my tag name is Sadgirl...and I'm not ready to change it..well maybe today to hopeful girl...I hope and pray that my pain and experience can let you see you are not alone...that you did nothing wrong...things just got out of hand...but you'll pull through..we have to have faith.  Hang in there...there are such great people here...I've been blessed by Stars, Lanas and Nod...thank you!
Hopeful girl.

[skipper]

sadgirl:
your post above has drawn me out from a vacation from posting
that i started taking last weekend. first of all: 5 days is a
huge step that must have taken amounts of courage you didn't know
you had.

i've been abusing drugs (mostly IV) since 1964. i went the whole
spectrum...speed, barbs, heroin...finally to wind up supporting
my habit for over 10 years breaking into drug stores and clin-
ics. i knew a great deal about drugs (esp. opiates) except how to
get off them. then in the late 70's i finally got caught filling
one of my mid-night Rxs. i was looking at 45 years in the state
reformatory. some how i lucked out and only drew a very light
sentence. after getting clear of that (i used the whole time) i
broke my leg below the knee. i was runnig a piece of heavy con-
struction equipment.you know in all those years of shooting all
the dope i could get my hands on , i never once thought what i would do if i ever needed a pain killer. for the next year while my leg was "rebuilt" i sure had a lot of time to think about it!

i went clean for 17 years. i met a wonderful women who is now my
wife, wound up in a good city to live and work in, had a great
job.....and then an injury from 1970 came back to almost wreck
my life. since spring of 2000 i've had two cervical level spine
surgerys. in the winter of 2001 my surgeon told me "one of the
fussion failed, it has to be redone. i'm taking you off all pain
killers and you have to quit smoking for 60 days."....well i
went to a pawn shop, bought a cheap 20 gage shotgun and a box of
shells....a friend talked me out of it--i got me a 72 hour stay
in the local spin bin and a referal to a pain clinic. shortly
after coming home from the spin bin my wife turned me on to this
site. it has saved my life!!!!

today i take 40mg of oxycontin 3 times a day. taking this ****
the way i'm supposed to is the most difficult task i've ever
faced. the last surgery was successful, except i'm in intractable
pain. every 4-5 weeks i take a vacation from oxy for a week to
10 days. i do this to find out where my pain levels are, as i do
not want to be on oxy for the rest of my life if i don't have to.

today is day 5 for me too. before work i swam a non stop mile. i
did the same yesterday. i know all too well about that "nothing
to look forward or to live for....the only advice i have to of-
fer is get up and get moving. i know from expierence, nothing but
using dope can be accoomplished sitting on your ass.

sadgirl, nothing new happens in the world of drugs - except for
getting off them. i've heard all of the tired old excuses for
using come out of my own mouth!!

5 days is a real good toe-hold, so dig in and make a stand for
yourself! get on the l-tyrosine, zink, magnesium, and manganese.
i was amazed how much of a difference they make!

keep posting and keep an angel on your shoulder!
kip

[Sadgirl]

Kip, Wow!  What a testimony...thank you so much for sharing your pain and for coming out of "vacation", to give ME support...what beautiful people.  It makes me stronger...I only hope someday to repay the blessing.

Hopeful girl.

[bkitts]

I started taking Vicodin last November. 3 per day is my script! I also take klonopin, 2mg per day. The last few weeks I've gone through some medical testing, I seem to have a flu bug/virus for 7 weeks now that won't go away. SO, I started taking more vicodin daily just to get through work. I had an extra bottle from surgery. Anyway, now I'm waking up every morning so nervous I have to take 1mg of klonopin and 2 vicodin just to get out of bed and my 2 girls I raise all alone going! Then the stressful drive through city traffic to a job that is high tech and stressful. I manage an IT deparment! WELL, I wish I had NEVER taken the first narcotic!!! I'm taking them for stress and nerves now, not pain. HELP, what do I do, where do I turn??? I've been in a detox center once which was wonderful cause my insurance and company sent me to the finest in the country!!! I want to cut down slowly. I have 2 daughters to raise, I need to be home. Is there a certain doctor I should be looking for to help with this? I'm taking next week off and going up to my mom's, I'm thinking of toughing it out up there. I don't know, even a month off of work or something. This stuff has taking over my thinking and I'm afraid....

BK

[smokeater]

Hi everyone,
I may be out of place by placing a post here and feel free to put me in my place if I am please!

  I am a recovering addict of almost 11 years.  I was what you would call a teenage addict.  I started very early in life.  From the time I was 8 years old to the time I was 15 years old I spent my life in Rehabs for a year at a time and sometimes more.  I know some of you ask how I had access at that age to the stuff, but I had a broither who was 5 years older than me and since I was always the one in trouble, they never payed attention to what he was in to.  I just want to tell you that it does get better with time.  I can honestly say that I do not have and have not had the urge to drink or pop a pill etc. for years now.  But I still have to keep my guard up at all times.  Becuase they teach you that in AA that once an addict, always an addict.

  I have many medical problems now that require me to take pills such as Lorcet, percocet etc.  and it scares the hell out of me to think of what Im putting in my body.  It makes me physically ill everytime it comes time to take them.  And I dont take them as prescribed either because Im afraid I will get hooked again, so most often I just deal with the pain without them.

  I just wanted to tell all of you who are trying how very proud I am of your willingness to try, and that is does get better, HONEST!  You just have to believe.  I went throught the withdrawls many, many times, but if you canhang through it, it's well worth it.
  Just get God in your life to help see you through it.  "  You can do all things through Christ Who Lives In You"  I sincerely belive that, and you should too.  Good Luck too you all.

Smokeater

[stars]

Praise God!!!!  you have no clue how happy i was to read your post tonight!!!!  (made me cry)..  5 days.... what a huge accomplishment....  and i am so so happy for you...  your thru the hardest part...  just keep going forward because i know that you want to free from your addiction badly...  i have been praying for you so much...  thinking about how you are.  wondering if you are okay...  your post tonight even sounded so much clearer, as hard as it may have been for you to write...  i am so tierd i can hardly keep my eyes open....  wiped down walls all day, burnt out....  i will write more later...  i am so proud of you...  so happy...  you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers....  love..... stars!   :)

[Onthedge]

I just want to let you all know that even though I do not know any of you, I am so very proud of you and hope that you know how important it is to share your stories with others.  I am sitting here alone right now because my husband was arrested yesterday for trying to call in his own prescription for vicodin.  He has had an ongoing problem with pain meds for over two years.  He has resorted to stealing my medication after I had surgery, stealing medication at the hospital where he worked, which resulted in him losing his job and his liscense; and now this.  Through all of this, he has insisted that he has NO problem, and this has been so hard on the rest of us in this family.  Your postings help me to see that we can make it through this, and he CAN make it through this.  I have seen him go through withdrawal, and it is agony for him.  I know that we have a hard road ahead of us, but I know we are not alone.  Each of you stay strong, and know that you have touched me and have made the difference I needed to keep it all going.  Thank you so very much.

Sincerely,
Onthedge

[FinallyLiving]

This is my first post and I wanted to give some hope to anyone that needs it.

Today is 5 days clean from Hydrocodone after a lengthy on and off addiction. This last time of almost 4 years. I feel very lucky that my dosage never exceeded 8, 10's per day. I have had Oc's and I am so glad I decided not to go that route.

But to all who read this. It's so worth going cold turkey, if you can, that is to say if you're not on something hard like OC's. I've been told by many pain and addiction specialist Hydrocodone withdrawals only feel like your dying.

I went to my first NA meeting last night, and I am so glad I did, I would reccommend it to all who seek to get clean. It really helps. And vitamins suppliments, tea, herbal remedies. Those are all great things to try. It has helped me. I realize everyone is different in our addictions. But one thing remains a constant. Our quality of life will improve that first day we put down that bottle forever.

Here's to all of you suffering with me. We can do it. Press on. It's all we have. It's worth it. I can feel it already, even in my fifth day sober.

Prayers. Me.

[Dawnslight]

Happy Easter everyone!  I haven't posted in a while.  Some of you may remember me from a week or so ago.  I was on a 13 year, 20 a day 10/500 Lortab & 3 a day 20mg oxy habit due to chronic back/knee pain.  (Degenerative Joint Disease or Bone on Bone in knees and low back.

Anyway...I planned to stop cold turkey and detox out of my home 11 days ago.  I sent my 13 yr old to my moms and bought the Thomas recipe and prayed.  Thanks to God and this site, I did not touch anything for 7 days.  My plan was to just quit the Lortab, as that's become my "problem & drug of choice for reasons other than just pain".  But at the last minute I decided to stop both meds to see if I could do it and check my pain level.  I went thru hell, but considering the amount I was used too.  It wasn't as unbearable as I thought it would be.  I attribute that to my mindset and God's help.  I was ready to stop.  I knew I was killing myself slowly.  I had quit my casual wine w/dinner alcohol use a year ago in Feb., knowing my liver was in jepordy.    I'm not a medicine person.  I have respect for pills, never got into drugs, and didn't drink to get drunk.  Only enjoyed a glass of red w/a fine steak.  But with a combo of tolorance and an abusive 8 year marriage, I began to get out of control and hide my pain (emotional & physical) w/the lortabs.

I really didn't have back pain after the first 3 days, but my knees felt as if a butcher knife was stabbing the caps over and over and over.  (Had surgery on them 3 times).  Thank God for my moist heating pad.  I didn't sleep for several days, so I took Klonopin every other nite and Ambien on the other nites for the first week.  

I'm underweight, and thought I would be craving food, especially sweets.  Wow, was I wrong!  I gagged on anything I tried to eat, and wound up having to drink Ensure to get calories.  

Finally after day 7, I had to take my prescribed 3 oxy's, as it was shear torture to move across my living room due to the knees and the damp weather here in TX.  I had scheduled 8 days off work, and I do massage/skin care, so I realized that during our rainy season, or when the humidity is high, I would have to take the damm oxy's to allow me to be productive and do my job without moving like an 80 year old woman.

At first, I felt dissapointed in myself for taking them.  But I quickly reminded myself of my three knee surgeries, and diagnosis.  I know I will have pain the rest of my life.  But as long as I can stay off the Lortabs and ONLY take what is allowed (or less) w/the oxy when needed.  I will be in control of me and be a better person as a whole.

I'm tempted and probably will be forever, at night to get into my Lortabs, but I haven't and quickly remind myself of what I've just done for me and my daughter.  I know, if I ever took a lortab, I would go right back into my habit.  It gives me a "high" that is appealing unlike the oxy's.  They simply take the pain away w/out the euphoria.  I think that's why I never abused that drug.

So, today is day 11 w/out my lortab.  I have 110 of them in a stapled pharmacy bag in my kitchen.  They've been there the whole time I detoxed.  I keep them there to test my strength.  I told my daughter about me and the bag.  She's so proud of me for not wanting them.  As is my family.  And that makes this all worth while.  I'm not sure what I'll do with the script I've had, but I plan to tell my pain doc in two weeks, not to fill anymore lortab.

I know this plan isn't for everyone, and some may not agree w/the stapled script in the house.  As God is my witness, they've not been touched.  I'm proud of me.  I look and feel better.  I think clearly again.  Even colors look brighter too me.  And...my one pack a day smoking habit, is cut in half!

I made it thru my personal hell.  I pray the rest of you that are going thru detox now, can do the same.  I keep reading to keep me on my toes.  I know I'm still at risk for relapse.  I also know me, and I don't like to fail.  I'm writing a book on my addiction, and couldn't have finished it if I was still abusing the lortabs.  The book has to have a breakthru, happy ending.    

Just thought I would share.  Sorry for the length.  I hope everyone has a nice Easter.  It's the weekend of new beginnings.  

OH...I go to court next Thurs to get my divorce finalized.  While on the pills, he made me feel I would be nothing w/out him and no one would want me w/my pain issues.  Thank God I now know that it's really only my knees, it's not as painful as the rebound pain I had between dosages was, and I am worth lots.  And I'm healthier (mind & body) than I knew.  Someone out there will realize this and love me in a healthy way.  If not, I have my four cats to grow old with.

I pray we all begin this spring clean, happy and at peace with ourselves. :) Good luck!

[jennyfla]

I'm going through detox real soon.
I'm afraid that i won't be able to get down the vitamins that i would like to take to make the withdrawal symptoms easier.
Plus, when i'm in withdrawal, i can't eat.
My health has suffered through these times of drug-use, my weight is already very low.
I can't afford to loose any pounds.
I know it's going to be hard to get healthy food down.  When i'm hurting, if i can get any food down, it's sweets.
Basically, i'm afraid of getting to weak!
I am past nervous about all of this! :(
Lv Jenny

[Dawnslight]

As I wrote above your posted message, I too am under weight.  5'5 and 108#.  I was able to eat cold cereal because it was sweet.  (Lucky Charms), banannas, white bread balled up into tiny little pieces.  And "Ensure Plus" chocolate flavored high protien/calorie drink helped.  It's made specifically to put weight on.  The potassium is 500mg per drink.  It was my main diet when I had cancer and couldn't eat a thing.  Without the Ensure, I would have withered away.  It comes in three flavors, is rich like a really thick glass of chocolate milk.

I bought tons of sweets for my at home detox, thinking I'd continue to crave them as I have when taking my lortab, but all of a sudden...the desire for them dissapeared.  In fact B-B-Q flavored Fritos were what I nibbled on.  My body needed the salt due to the diarreah while detoxing I think.  I hope that helps.  Try pre-natel vitamins too.  Good luck! :)

[jennyfla]

Thank you Dawnslight!!!
I glad you got through it and those are great ideas.
I know prenats are wonderful!!!
Lv Jenny

[dunit]

I want to welcome all the new members to this special group, I was amazed when I read this thread! As some of you said you read and don't post,I did that for a little while also, the things I have learned here have helped me a lot and the people in this group are truly amazing, sincere,caring and want to help one another--ask and you shall receive--- although we are not doctors, we HAVE experienced it first hand.I know it is hard to "stay on track " when you are taking pills, your mind is blured, but if you want to STOP this is a great place to start. Anyway ----what some of you seem to want to know is what withdrawal is like--and I can only tell you my pesonal expeiences--I took percodan, however I could get it for more than 15 years. I went thru withdrawal over 20 x's (usually because I couldn't get anymore pills.)The first 3 days are real bad,plan to stay home, probobly in bed, have ammodian for the diareah, and if you don't have an addiction problem with barbs, a few Zanax, clonadine,Soma or similar helps a lot. Drink lots of fluid and if you can get a perscription for Darvocet( in all those years I never found them to be addictive) they help A LOT with the aches and pains--if not Ibprophen willhelp some.
You will sweat, sleep a lot at first,poor later on, stomach cramps and diareah, basicly feel real rotten,like the flu.Absolutly no energy, and in a bad mood. After day 3 get out of bed and everyday it will get better untill one day 1,2,3 or 4 weeks later you will wake up singing with the birds and feel great. Tapering down definitly helps, but it's giving that last pill and having no hydro in your body that starts the bad withdrwal stuff. If the depression lasts see your Dr. about getting an SRI like prosac. Now-- staying straight and detoxing from Oxy's is another issue. Keep reading and posting and we will be here when you make that step ( I did for the LAST time 3/8/02). Gosh I can never keep it short, that's just me I guess.
P.s hi Dawnslight, I remember you and also have a 13 year old daughter--& thanks Smokeater we all love to hear from those who have actually done (for more than a month) what we hope to be able to accomplish one day
My thoughts and prayers are with you all

[Ketta]

Onthedge, sorry to hear/read about your situation. I'll pray for you. How did the addiction start with your husband? Did he have surgery? When did he tell you, or did you just find out? A lot of people struggle with telling their family. Maybe he didn't because he thought it wasn't a problem. How did he get caught? Often doctor hoppers wonder how the arrest would happen? Did they catch him on the phone? Maybe you don't want to go over the gory details, but the fear is one good reason to straighten up. I've had my own "run in" and wonder how some folks get in trouble and others don't? I think it's likely a blessing. 2 years is better than 20... again, you're in my prayer. Ketta.

[jennyfla]

Thank you for your post, i really needed to hear that tonight!
I'm going through detox soon, running out of pills without a way of getting more as you can see on my post above.
Thanks again, i need all the help i can get at this point!
Lv Jenny

[bearsmom]

I've sat here for the past 40 minutes reading every heart wrenching word you guys have written...I'm touched...and encouraged.  I'd like to share my "problem" with you, ask for guidence and prayers...

Two years ago, after suffering for 10+ years, I began taking Lortab then the Norco for chronic back pain after totaled 2 cars - (not my fault :).  Anyway like everyone else, in the beginning I stuck to the amount, or less, that was prescribed simply because I was SCARED to death of any kind of medication.  Even the OTC stuff, I wouldn't take it.  It was during one extremely painful day that I decided to double the dose.  Big mistake!  I'm been steady to increase my "dose" for the last year.  Here's what I'm taking now...six to ten 10mg Norco's first thing in the morning.  After I get to work at 8am, I take another handful - the same 6 to 10.  At 1130am, I do the same thing again.  I'm ok now until around 4pm when I dose up again.  I leave work at 5pm and by 630 pm I've taken 6-8 5mg Oxycodone. And I'll do this again around 9pm.  

I've got 3 doctor's giving me scripts for these "drugs" plus a room-mate that shares his!  I KNOW I have a major problem...My questions...Where and how do I even begin to get away from this hell I'm living in?  No body, and I do mean no body has a clue that I take this much medication!  Several of the previous posts have mentioned "Thomas Receipe."  What is this?  The herbs & teas?  The vitamins?  What kind?  And just how long does the withdrawl process last?  What can I expect?  And how do I tell my husband?  I know he'll be supportive of me, he'll do whatever he can to assist me in getting away from this drug.  Then, after I've gotten off of the Norco, what do I do for the pain?  I also have Fibromyalgia.  I don't get the "high" from the Oxycodone that I get from the Norco.  I'm terrified of alerting my doctor to my problem for fear that I won't be sucessful at quiting...

Help Please!
BearsMom

[1fortheroad]

hi - i can relate to your problems as can many, many people here i'm sure.  you have taken the first step - admitting the problem and asking for help.  do you have a doctor you can talk with about this?  everyone i have told about my "secret" has been very supportive - i have even called the pharmacies i have used and asked them to never refill a narcotic medication for me again.  most people will understand the courage it takes to admit something like this...tell your doctor.  if he isn't understanding, look for an addiction specialist.  you could try inpatient detox, altho that did NOT work for me.  there's a place you can look up online cprflorida.com, which specializes in pain and outpatient detox.  tell your husband...mine has been a lifesaver for me.  he has his moments of impatience, but for the most part he has supported me every step of the way.  i don't know a ton about the "recipe", but it involves amino acids (and other stuff)- do a search on this site, and i'm sure you will find some info on it.

good luck to you...you are on your way to recovery - keep posting - this site has helped me in more ways than i can tell you.

[Hinkster]

WoW Dawnslight that was an absolutely super and inspiring post.
You made it it this far I'll be praying along with you so theres
NO relaspe. Happy Easter and good luck in court Thursday. I too
am divorced with two cats that love me very much as I know yours
love you. Springs coming hang in there things have got to get better.
Tom

[addict]

HELLO EVERYONE,

     IT WAS SO NICE TO FIND THIS WEB SITE.  WITHDRAWLS ARE SO FRIGHTNING.  I RAN OUT OF MY 15/325 MG ON FRIDAY MOURNING. SO THE CLEANSING PROCESS HAS BEGUN.  I DIDN'T READ FROM ANYONE THAT FREQUENT UNINATION IS ALSO A PART OF WITHDRAW.  HAS ANYONE EXPERIENCED THIS?  I GO EVERY 5 MIN THE FIRST DAY AND EVERY 15 MIN THE REST OF THE TIME.  IT'S TERRIBLE BECAUSE I CAN'T SLEEP.  WHEN THIS IS OVER I DON'T WANT TO START AGAIN.  I WAS TAKING UP TO 50 PILLS A DAY AT ONE TIME.  I WAS SPENDING ABOUT $1500 A MONTH.  IT'S SOO SICK.  I WAS ALSO WONDERING IF ANYONE HAS TRIED CRANK OR METH WHILE WITHDRAWING.  THESE DRUGS MAKE ME FEEL SO CALM AND RELAXED AND IT TAKES AWAY THE LEG ACHES.  I WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM GETING OFF OF THESE DRUGS BECAUSEI DON'T LIKE THEM.  VIC'S MAKE MY FEEL UP WHICH IS WHAT I LIKE AND SPEED CALMS ME DOWN.  THE SAME PRINCIPAL AS WHEN HYPER KIDS ARE GIVEN RITLIN.  THEN, WHEN THE OPIATES ARE OUT, YOU CAN STOP THE SPEED AND THEN JUST SLEEP FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

[Onthedge]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.  It means alot to know that others think of you even when it is somewhat anonymous.  He started taking percocet and vicodin for his back pain started.  It has since been diagnosed as fractured vertebrae.  I am happy to report that now he is home and has been med-free for 4 days and says that he feels really good.  I think it was difficult for him the first few days, but he denies that it was.  He now seems more eager to change his life and says he "will never take that stuff again"  He is a good man, he just has made some bad choices, and now has to pick up the pieces and move on.  Thanks again for the support.  Keep up the hard work everyone, it IS worth it!

[RaspSwirl]

Hi everyone. I'm new: )  Never posted here before, but I have read alot of posts so far, since finding this board.  I'm really glad to have found it too, it's doing me a world of good to know that there are other people out there that understand what it's like to be addicted.  I feel alone alot of the time.  
   I have made the decision to quit cold turkey. I was taking 2-10 Vicoden a day for about a year and a half.  I'm scared to death though.  I'm not really aquainted with dealing with withdrawal, as this is the first time that I am truly "quitting."  I've decided to try and sleep through the first few days, I came upon some mild non-narcotic tranquilizers that will knock me out.  This is good because it not only calms my (jumpy and achy) nerves, but I also have a hard time sleeping when I don't have Vic's in my system.  Has anyone else tried sleeping through the worst part of withdrawals?
  Also, I am wondering if the length of the withdrawal symptoms depends on the amount of the drug you take.  Since I wasn't taking a whole lot, does that mean it won't last as long or won't be as bad as if I was taking more than I was?  
   I'm trying to see what I'm in store for here...Thanks for any help, and good job and best of luck to all.: )

[jennyfla]

Welcome!
That is a relatively low dose, and yes, your withdrawal will not be as bad.  I stopped a while back, temporarily, when i was using a small amount, and withdrawal wasn't bad at all.
Try to tapper to the lesser amounts, then you should have a good chance at escaping the worst of the withdrawal effects.
Good luck!

[hadenough]

Hi, Ok I have only been on the Hydrocodone for about 8-9 months, I have gone through a few withdraw systems and hate every minute of it, and as soon as I have my script filled I start all over again I am trying to quit but afraid of the feelings I get when I am withdrawing, I have a family and just very busy to "Just Quit" cause I know it's gonna lay me up for about 5 days.  What is the easiest way to quit? cold turkey or slowly taking yourself off? Please help I want to quit so bad!

[1fortheroad]

there is no "easy" way to quit.  finding a dr. to prescribe buprenex will definitely help, but then that is something you have to wean off of.  that is what i am doing right now, and i have never been to the point of taking none and feeling ok - i never tapered it the right way.  this time i am hopeful it will work, and i haven't felt much pain at all.

you can try tapering it, but i never had the willpower to do that.  i read about someone doing it and having his wife hold the pills for him and dole them out accordingly.  whatever way you choose to do it, you will need help and support from others.  when it remains your own dirty little secret, it is so much easier to fail.  when i tried it on my own, i cheated and lied to myself about what i was taking...i'd say, oh a couple more pills won't be too bad...i couldn't stay on schedule.

i'm sure others will have suggestions for you...let us know what you choose to do - good luck!

[jennyfla]

Welcome!
Tappering is always the better way, but it does take some disapline.  Definately if you had someone to keep the pills for you, that would help a lot.  Or else just get down as low as you can, then the wd won't be as bad.  They say staying clean is actually the hardest part, i don't know, i haven't made it there yet.
Whichever way you do it, you will be so much better off.  A life of pills is no live at all.  It's takes constant work just to maintain an addiction, very exhausting.
If you are really ready and ready to change your life, then you will do what is needed to get off, tappering or cold turkey.  
Good luck.
Lv Jenny

[hadenough]

Thanks so much for your inputs, so far this week I have only taken two a day, it has been hard to do, The mornings are the hardest, and I'm beginning to get the shakes, but I'm going to get over this I keep telling myself.  I'll keep you updated. Thanks again.

[Onthedge]

hello all-  I am in real need of words of encouragement.  I am not sure if you remember me, I have only posted two messages.  My husband said he was definitely OFF themedication and swore he would never lie to me again about it.  Well, it turns out that since he got home from being arrested for calling inhis own prescription, he has gone across the state line and found another doctor to write him some more.  Worse thing is tough, that he lies to me and seems to believe himself when he does it.  Even when he is caught high, he denies that he has had any medication and blames me for starting trouble.  He tellsme that he is sooo hurt that I would even accuse him of being dishonest about something he feels so strongly about (staying off Percocet).  He just keeps on lying to me and keeps on using to the point that he is high.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I love him so much, but it really crushes me when he lies, and continues to lie.  PLEASE HELP!

Onthedge

[jennyfla]

I've been on both sides, being an addict myself, and married to an addict, i understand your pain.
The lies are all part of the addiction and the denial too.
Get yourself into a support group, alanon possibly and get real knowledgeable on what addiction is all about because it will only help you understand things so you stop beating yourself up.
You need to concentrate on yourself, that's what alanon is all about, it's for YOU!
When a person is living a life of addiction, you have to understand that the drugs take first priority over anything else in their lives.  They will do anything they have to in order to protect their addiction.  It's not a personal insult towards you, it's only the addiction being so powerful that it controls everything.  Your husband will only stop when he is ready and possibily has lost enough to finally realize that he needs to clean up his life.  It may even take loosing you, but understand there really isn't anything you can do to change his mind.  You can threaten to leave, try tough love (i was never very good with that), but you can't let his addiction take it's toll on you.  I am extremely codependent, i chose to join my husband in the world of addiction rather than fight, i gave in.  Beware because addiction is like a moving tornado, it rips along twisting and spinning grabbing everything along with it in it's path, creating total destruction to everything along the way.
Concentrate on YOU, and don't ever let that tornado grab a hold of you, run before that happens.  
Good luck, and i really do understand your pain!
Lv Jenny

[hydrojet]

jennyfla, It sounds like you have some experience in addic. recovery and relationships? I am trying my best to lay down the hydrocodone and percs. My wife has no clue what fighting an addiction is like. Yes she is fully aware of my condition yet she has never been there before. Her attitude is basically "It's your problem and it I'm not affected by it. I know she is! I see the way she acts and reacts when the issuie is brought up. I don't have a clue where to start in healing our relationship that has been damaged by my addiction. I would say the main issuie is trust. I know it will take time to rebuild what was lost. but where do I find acceptance and hope to stay clean when those arround me whom I love the most do not want to get involved in the recovery process? I don't know if i'm making any sense but maybe someone out there can relate and feel where I'm coming from? I feel so isolated and separated from my family because they see it as "my problem" and they seem to keep me at arms length. Any help!?

[AKA Fool]

Long time troller, first time poster.

Today is my first day with no 10/500 lortabs in several months.  Have been taking 6-7/day along with soma, and zanaflex at night.

Last time I went throught w/d was this same scenerio.  I ran out before my next doctor's appt (I have one scheduled for tomorrow).
Have been taking these drugs for severe back pain--- however, I think I re-injure myself often as I love to ski agressively (cliffs and such).

I can tell you this board is helping me see the light.  I had discovered it during my last w/d.   It was an eye-opener as I didn't really know how bad things are with me.  I hate the idea of not being high- but at the same time, I want my life back--- all of it!

I also abuse alcohol and pot.  Don't know if I have the strength to kick all at once.  Any thoughts on this?

Thanks for any comments.  And, I apologize for the hijacked post.

[1fortheroad]

as an addict, i have to say i've told some lies in the past...many.  denial, as they say, is the biggest part of addiction - to me it's the most dangerous too.  i couldn't start the healing until i broke down, spilled everything and begged for help and support.  i found out i didn't even need to beg - it was there all along, and i just didn't see it.

your husband has to cross that line - he has to admit to his addiction.  i'm not an expert, and i don't mean to come across as a know-it-all.  i'm just sharing the most important part of my "recovery" - it was stopping the lies, and holding nothing back.  maybe he's really afraid of telling all...maybe you could assure him that you will be there for him if he can just come totally clean with you.

[jennyfla]

The advice that i have to give would be to make the first move.
You wife is very much affected, she's basically sticking her head in the ground like an ostrich hoping that she won't see it and it will go away.
You will need to make the move, it's all in your ballpark at this point.  If you are serious about quitting and staying clean, you will earn her trust back, but until then, things will only decline.  You can't wait for her, it doesn't work that way.
After you have started to earn her trust, you both might want to get some counseling on how to mend the rips and tears.
If you want it bad enough, this is very doable!
If you clean up and still she is not willing to work on the relationship and trust you, then maybe there are other things that are affecting your relationship, maybe things that made you take a turn towards trying to self-medicate and numb yourself to begin with.
Drugs are only a way that we use to self-medicate for an underlying problem.  Your first step would be to do a self evaluation of you.  Find out the true reasons why you numb yourself, work from there.
Good luck to you!
Lv Jenny

[hadenough]

Hi all, well I caved, had my script refilled because of my back pain, I think I'm going to make an appt with the Dr. and ask for buprenex, the sad part is, is I was down to two a day then one then none, and I felt crummy but I was able to maintain, now with having that new script, I'm really going to try to do one to two a day or none. Another question I have is. How do these pain killer effect your organs, I've heard it could damage your liver & kidneys if not taken as directed. Anyone know off hand? I think if I read more about the effects of this drug it will help me quit  Please let me know. Have a good day

[1fortheroad]

if you do a search online for hydrocodone and liver damage, you will find a slew of information.  the tylenol or aceteminphen (sp??) is what kills your liver.  if you are taking more than a few hydros or percs a day, you are doing damage.  combined with alcohol, which is also bad for your liver, you can really do some serious damage.  go to a health store and get some milk thistle...it's really good for it.  the liver is one of the only organs that can heal and go back to the way it was before you started using.

[OxyDout]

good call groovy, I actually picked some up at work last night, I work at "flex appeal" which is a supplement store in Watertown, its attached to the Low Fat No Fat restaurant. Its becoming very popular, manny ramirez and some of the other red sox have started to come in.  

GWH

[Hydrocophobic]

Hi, guys!  Back in the land of the living again.  Man, that stuff KILLS you inside!  I was dead and didn't know it.  I started going to N.A., and they helped a lot with the withdrawals.  Since I tapered off (sort of) instead of going "cold turkey" (so what do you call tapering off? Chicken tempura?  Sorry, couldn't help it) it wasn't too bad - - the hard part was getting willing to DO it, despite having a doctor who starts off every o.v. by handing out a 'scrip for more drugs (oxycontin, Perc's, Norco, demerol, etc.).  But I'm clean now, and other than not having slept more than two or three hours a night in about two weeks it hasn't been bad.  But nobody ever died from lack of sleep, so I'm told.  And I'm at peace with myself.

That's probably the worst drug I've ever used because it made me crazier than anything - - even speed or acid.  It sneaks up on you.  The only way out (for me) was getting completely honest with my family, my boss, my friends, my doctor's nurse (Doc himself wasn't much help; he kept saying imbecilic things like "You're an intelligent guy.  I know you won't abuse these."  Right, like you can THINK your way out of addiction.  As people say in another 12-Step program, it's like trying to think your way out of a case of diarrhea.

Don't worry about the w-d's.  They won't kill you if you are otherwise healthy and you work out a withdrawal program with an addiction specialist (NOT my doctor; a great guy, but Dr. Death to an addict).  The addiction, though, WILL kill you, one way or another.  I'm choosing life today.  Even when it sucks (and life really, REALLY sucks sometimes) it beats the hell out of addiction.

God bless all of you.  There IS life after this disease.

Signed,
Hydrocophobia.

[hadenough]

Hi, could someone explain to me what Burenpex (sp?) is and what does it does? I really don't know, but if it helps the way everyone says it does, I'd like to know about it.  Thanks for all your help.

[sailawaysue]

I'd like to know what Bupex (mispelled,i guess) is also.  Will my doc throw me out if I ask him?

To Dawnslight:  Your story was truly inspiring.I'm saying the same thing others have said, but you are amazing.  If you are that strong (110 Vics in a bag . . . I couldn't do it) you are fantastic.  I wish I had half your strength of character.  I got off Vics - tried to save 4 of them in an "emergency first aid kit" we keep in the house, only to raid the kit every day when I got so sad and down I couldn't stand it.  Vicodin does definitely give one a new outlook on life.  Until it wears off, of course.  You are so good.  Good for your family and yourself.  Way to go!!!

God Bless you and your precious family. Maybe God, In His Infinite Wisdom, will give me strength like you have to set my own hurting and confused life back straight up and strong.

S.

[1fortheroad]

"Buprenorphine hydrochloride, sold under the tradename Buprenex® by Rheckitt & Coleman, Ltd., acts as a partial Mu agonist, meaning it has components for analgesia and pain relief but, uniquely, is also a full Kappa antagonist. Because of this property, Buprenex® is outstanding for management of short-term and chronic pain. It is provenly effective for opiate detoxification, with a minimum of commonly associated discomfort. During detoxification, Buprenex® allows comfortable, painless withdrawal, without the fatigue, sweats, tactile sensation complaints ("tingling" or "skin crawling"), aches, seizure risk or confused thought processes common during traditional detoxification procedures. "A greater potential than Methadone to safely and effectively block the actions of opioids, with virtually no withdrawal symptoms."

it really does take away the feelings of withdrawal...i know first hand, because i'm on it right now.

[michaelJCNJbay]

I have been taking OC's for the past 6 months....with no knowl;edge of how addictive it was until recently.  I WANT OFF...Will Buprenex work?

[Want2BHealthy]

Hi...I was reading these posts for some insight and help.  I feel I have come to the right place.  I had an injury almost 3 years ago.  Vicodin was prescribed to me.  Actually...I requested it as I had been "injured" once before and liked it's effects.  I don't care for feeling "out of it".  Vicodin seems to stop the pain (sometimes I just tell myself I have pain to justify taking it...),give me an energy boost, makes me feel calmer and more able to focus.  I noticed that others have reported these effects as well.  My mother died of alcoholism 3 years ago.  She also abused prescription drugs.  I have never been  an alcohol drinker or smoker...and I was NEVER going to get onto RX drugs like my mother...so we always say.  I now find myself desperately wanting to (well..not WANTING to, but knowing I NEED to...)get off vicodin.  I don't want to keep going and end up like my mother. I take 4-6 a day...However...I find myself constantly assessing "how many pills do I have left?"  "Will they refill my RX again??"  I KNOW this is unhealthy thinking.  I NEED SUPPORT!  I am not in a position where I feel safe confiding in my friends.  I have to act "professional and with-it".  I am afraid of being looked down upon and being judged.  Yesterday I was determined not to take Vicodin...I made it until 9:30 PM and said SCREW IT!  I AM GOING TO TAKE MY VICODIN.  I was feeling sick to my stomach, confused, tired and like electric jolts were going through my body.  I was unable to sleep last night.  I have not taken any RX yet today...I hurt all over!  I especially HATE this "electric jolt" feeling that constantly goes through my body.  Have any of you had similar symptoms?  How long does this last?  I am scared.  Addiction runs rampant in my family...my mother, cousins...I know that I am rambling, but I feel I have no where else to turn.  Please...someone...let me know how to do this!  I so desperately WANT2BHEALTY!

[alone and afraid]

I am addicted to hydrocodone 10/500. I take about 14-15 per day. I usually take one and a half every 3 hours sometimes I take almost the full two pills every 3 hours. My problem is nobody knows about my addiction and I could never tell anyone it would cost me my marriage my husband would never understand. I am worried about liver damage and I really want to get off but I am afraid that I may have severe withdrawal like seizures or worse. I really just need someone to talk to that has been through it and understands. I need to know what to expect. I have to detox alone at home I am planning  to play it off like I have the flu or something. does anyone have any advice? Please somebody talk to me. I really need help.

[Want2BHealthy]

I understand your fear as my situation is similar.  It is hard to hide it all the time.  I too am going to do this alone at home.  My maximum is 4-6 a day...sometimes they are 500's...sometimes 750's...Gotta go for fear of being "caught" writing this...I too need a person to talk to and understand.

[rnaddict]

I've been reading for awhile.  I have been suffering with this horrible addiction and have to admit that reading all your posts helped me to realize what a huge problem this is and that I am not the horrible person I feel like I am for being so weak as to be an addict.  The worst of it is; I am not even someone who suffers from pain, I'm a nurse who is supposed to be helping those in pain.  And I STEAL from them!! I take the opiates just because they make me high.  I've become quite good at hiding my problem but i know it won't be hidden forever.  Someone sometime is gonna find out. It has been a year now that I've been on them pretty much all the time. I've been through the withdrawls; I stockpile codiene and clonidine to get me through the withdrawl periods.  But, I always end up back on the Percocets, Lorcets, whatever I can steal, whatever is close by.  I don't want to lose my RN license.  I don't want to die. I want to stop this.  Please help.  I'm an excellent nurse.  Coworkers tell me allthe time how they strive to be like me.  What a joke.  The other day I was talking to my boss about another RN who was fired for stealing drugs, and I found myself unbelievably saying "he was such a good nurse." and my boss said "they usually are."  That was the kicker for me.  I've got to do something.  And for all of you out there kicking the habit and trying to kick the habit.  You know we are all here for each other.  I am so sorry you are suffering.  You can do it.

[rnaddict]

You are definately not alone.  I've hidden my problem, too.  Most of us have.  Withdrawl symptoms are horrible.  You will do almost anything to avoid going through them.  The thing is, once you get through the first three days, although you still feel zapped of energy, somehow (at least for me) the fog has started to lift.  You just have to get through those three horrible days.  I've found that if you can wean yourself that is better.  Low and slow.  Also, substitutes like codiene or hydrocodeine that don't give you the high, help you wean off the 'codones.  There is no easy way of doing it.  You've got to know that once you do it, you will get through it and you will feel better.  You just have to hang in there and we're here for you.

[hippy]

YOU GUYS SHOULD READ ALL THE POST,S ON THIS SITE. AND KEEP POSTING AND ASKING QUESTIONS.
I WAS TAKING 10 TO 15 PERC,S OR VIKS OR HYDRO
IM NOW CLEAN COLD TURKEY FROM THE AD VICE ON THIS SITE.
ALL I HAVE BEEN TAKING AS SUGGESTED IS THE (recipe)
L-TROSINE 500MG 5 TAB'S A DAY THE FIRST WEEK ALONG WITH 2 TABS OF B-6 CAL MAG  MAGNESSE, COPPER ,VIT A, VIT C AND IMODIUM (immodium) WHEN I HAD THE RUNS . PLENTY OF WATER. AND BANNAS FOR LEG CRAMPS WITCH
CONTIAN POTASIUM.
tHIS RECIPE HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER. I
HAVE 15 DAYS CLEAN NOW. WITH OUT A DETOX OR REHAB.
so READ THE POST FROM TOP TO BOTTOM  GOOD LUCK AND KEEP READING AND POSTING. GOOD THINGS ARE HAPPINING HERE. LOT'S OF HOPE
so GO FOR IT

[rowanshyne]

Me too.  I'm not a practicing nurse right now.  Maybe never again.  The politics were driving me out of my mind.
Please feel free to write me:

***@****

WitchyWoman is a wonderful resource.  Hang on.  Been there.  Done that.  Doing it again.

Wren

[Want2BHealthy]

Thanks for taking the time to post a comment to me.  It has been almost 48 hours for me.  I will try the bananas right now, as I AT THIS VERY MOMENT am having leg pains.  Thanks again!

[rnaddict]

Thanks for your kind suggestions.  I have read about the "recipe" and all I need to buy is the L-tyrosine.  I'll give it a try.  I'm on day three now of weaning and woke up today feeling like ****.  I have absolutely no energy and it is a chore just to think how I'll get through the day.  I want to be a normal person; want to look forward to going to dinner and dancing with my fiance.  But, I've been the moodiest person while on these drugs.  I stopped working out, put on 10 pounds and lost all my energy.. just from being an addict.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Can I ever be able to kick it forever?  A neighbor of mine had a husband kill himself because of his narcotic addiction.  I sat and watched and said "what a shame" while taking my Vicodin and getting high.  I feel myself getting closer and closer to knowing how he felt.  Like there was no way out.

[Frenchee]

THERE IS A WAY! HANG IN THERE. I know the feeling.. Looked at someone destroying themselves butI kept taking the Vicodin and getting high. So sad... Finally, I HAD TO STOP. It was OUT OF CONTROL and I had to get my life on track. Trust me, I miss being high and full of energy. I dont know If I will get totally over it. I guess you have to take it one day at a time. I was addicted for over 3 years. I might be better physically but it is a daily challenge mentally... Take care and keep us posted on your recovery.

[rnaddict]

You don't know how much I appreciate all of your support.  I have been hiding my addiction and felt I had no where to turn.  I have been addicted for just under a year, but I know it is cycling out of control.  I can't believe how it takes over your mind.  I read another post about someone going through someone elses bathroom cabinets looking for drugs....I started doing that, too!!  The fact that we will do ANYTHING to get them.  It is so easy to stay off them when they aren't staring me in the face; but if a patient comes in with a huge bottle of Percocet or Vicodin, I can't resist just taking a few of them.  I have to be stronger!! I can't do this anymore!  Again, I am so glad I found this forum. Now at least I am not alone. Thank you again, Frenchee, and let me know if I can help you, too.

[Frenchee]

We must be logged in at the same time. I dont think I could have gotten clean by having some of that stuff in front of me! That would have been too hard. My doc caught me doctor hopping and that was the end of it for me. I had to go through detox on my own. I OD'd on that stuff... Anyway... I still miss it and there is not a day where I dont think about it. I hope it gets better.... : )

[hippy]

if your leg pain continues and get severe
there is a drug you can ask your doctor about
it's neurontin . my father takes it.
you may want to check into it. As a last resort.
Try the vitamins and potasium/bannas/ and the electolites in gatorade, and lots of water,

[rnaddict]

Whew !! I got some prenatal vitamins yesterday b/c they are the best vitamins to take AND some amino acids.  Now, I couldn't find the L-Tyrosine but the amino acids had Tyrosine in them and I am wondering if it makes a difference or not. My pharmacist said it didn't. However, the mgs are a lot less.  All I can say right now is today is day four and I feel alot better.  Almost no w/d symptoms and I actually feel like leaving the house. My head is clear and no more sweating.  I am, however dreading work Monday, b/c I have to be strong.  The hospital I work at actually keeps stock bottles of hycodan cough syrup on the floor I work at and anyone can dip into it without question.  I need some encouragement to be strong.  I haven't felt this good naturally in a long time and I can't screw it up now.  Thanks everyone.

[rowanshyne]

Straight up?  The only way I could resist was to stop working as a nurse.  I loved nursing so much, it just about killed me.  
Don't fool yourself, though, dear, they *will* catch you.  They *will*.  The State Board of Nursing is the most hideous monster you will *ever, ever* run across.  They will NEVER let you go.
They will watch you for the rest of your life, I'm living proof.
I know this is scary, but the honest truth is - get a job in a book store, 7 - 11, *anywhere* 'til you have this taken care of.  Once I was off for a year, I had no trouble working as a nurse, but I *could't* get off when it was staring me in the face every single frickin' day.  Even though I was clean and stayed clean I was fired from two different facilities because drugs were missing and, "You're an addict.  I'm sure you can understand why you're being terminated".  It didn't matter that drugs had been missing before I was employed and they continued to be missing when I was gone. I gave up fighting with "them".
Tell them you have burn out, tell them *anything*.  You can go back when you're clean, if you handle it yourself, but if *they* catch you - your ass belongs to the State Board for the rest of your life.  I'm not exagerating, I'm not playing games. GET OUT NOW.

Wren

[JR.]

Well, let me tell you a short story. I have posted the long version in the past so I won't go into too many details. I too, was a professional. A Law Enforcement officer for 18 years. I lost my career over dihydrocodone(Vicodin, Lortab, Hycodan, Tussionex, Vicoprofen, Tylenol 3&4 you get the picture.) Mine started with multiple knee surgeries and various other surgeries, 27 to be exact. Not counting dentists visits which were numerous as well. I put myself through 6 weeks of rehab, still atend after care and A.A. meetings. By God's grace, I now have a new career, I thankfully still have my family, after much pain and I am 334 days clean after a 12 year heavy vicodin addiction. I was up to taking 8 at a time every three hours. My department confronted me after a pharmacist called DEA on me and they in turn called my department. After a felony investigation for the charge known in my state as DIVERSION (Attempting to obtain a schedule III drug by FRAUD, SUBTERFUGE, DECEPTION or MISREPRESENTATION, basically put "Doctor Hopping") the D.A. in my county refused to accept the case citing my need for help instead of jail. Another intervention by God almighty for which I am eternally grateful. I went to REHAB on my own accord and met several recovering Nurses from things like demerol, fentanyl, and mostly hydrocodone. As was mentioned by rowanshyne, they are and have been under the scrutiny of the State Nursing Board and have a 24 month tracking period that they have to endure not to mention the stigma of being found out to be an addict and this following them wherever they may go in the future as far as nursing goes. My grandmother was a respected Nurse Practitioner at our major hospital here and was a demerol/Codeine addict. I did not know this until My addiction came to the knowledge of my family/Mom. Help is there/here. The W/D's stink but the issue is do you choose life or death? Death is not just the literal meaning, it also encompasses our daily walk in this life. Our self-worth, self-esteem, our family, our jobs. You get the picture.  I will be praying for your physical and spiritual healing. I know where I want to be and where I don't want to ever be again. I am thankful for this forum and all who are here to share. There is a wealth of experience and knowledge to be had and heard here. Thank You for coming here. Please keep us up to date.

In His Love, JR.

[angst]

Another rn addict here.  I did lose my license, because I refused to and could not follow their guidelines for the impaired program.  I liked the wastages of demerol, morphine, and especially dilaudid.  I am now on methadone which leaves me with no craving.  I had a heart attack when they tried to take me off a 22 year of benzo use for very valid problems.  I ought to sue the hell out of them.  The politics was something I hated also.  I was nurse of the year on our oncology floor in 1995 when I was on a bottle of stadol ns a day by prescription.  The DEA never cared about stadol back then.  Thank God for the class action suit.  I never touched drugs until the neurologist got happy and started me on stadol ns.  I do not want to practice nursing right now  anyway.  I can get my license back now if I tried.  Maybe one day, but a change in careers for me now.  I was a damned good nurse.  But it is not worth giving my life for practicing nursing.

[JR.]

I am so sorry that you too, lost your career, and as I understand it, only temporarily. I took issue with the fact that most of my vicodin was given to me by the doctors in the ER. Being a State Trooper and investigating accidents, I had built a rapport with the doctors by always being there for accident victims. The catch is that even though they had me on the seekers list in the ER, even though my record was thoroughly documented with the fact that I was a seeker and the doc's kept a running tab by date and script w/refills as well as when they were refilled, (I saw this in my records with my own eyes) they continued to prescribe the meds. I even had one tell me , after I asked him if he thought that I had a problem, that he would still prescribe them to me and that he thought that I did not have a problem. He was the ER chief and put me on the seekers list before our conversation. Oh, I had many issues with the way that I was handled by the hospital and my department but as I said on a post in the past, "Blessing or Curse?", I now think blessing. 12 years was how long my addiction ran rampant and no doubt in my mind that death was close the way I was loading my liver with acetaminophen. Again, God's intervention is priceless. NOW, I would not change anything. Then, I was extremely hateful over the whole situation. After all, I was exposed. My secret was out. I too, was honored as Trooper of the year last year and the day I was receiving a life saving award for saving a ladies life after a drunk ran her and her boyfriend over in front of me(he was killed instantly), I found out that my own narcotics investigators were investigating me for the felony diversion charge. I did not have a program to go to for police officers. I was a felon in the departments eyes. Well, it's all in the past, however recent. I too still get mad about certain issues of the past year. But I also found that what appeared to be important then is nothing now. I still have my life, I still have my family and a new career. My department would not even discuss the addiction issue with me in the interview after my rights were read to me. It just isn't worth wasting any more of my life dwelling where I don't want to ever be again. I did enough wasting with the vicodin. I will be lifting you up in prayer.

In His Love, JR.

[angst]

There are nurses practicing who are on methadone.  They were sent to the doctor who took care of employees of the hospital.
Due to politics, I never had this choice.  I pray about it, but I still have a grudge over many things that happened to me at my home from home.  
If they become a problem, I skip into the indifference mode.  I had to do that to be in a safe place.  
I have a question.  There is a neighbor who lived next door to us.  When he moved in, he confided in my exhusband that he was afraid he would not be able to make the morgage payments.  Then he was given this job at the lead of the local drug task force.
He used to be just a regular cop.
Now he has an in the group pool, 2 boats, a jetski, a fourwheeler, a RV, and I think they are up to 5 or 6 vehicles.
I know the families, and they did not win the lottery, inherit anything, or have a trust fund.  What do you think about that?

[JR.]

I have had 2 friends/acquaintences(sp?) in my profession in hte past that both went to federal prison after the greed became so evident as to cause attention to be diverted to the lifestyles that were living, on the salary that we made at the time. Multiple houses, cars, money flashing, etc.... I don't say this to cast dispersions regarding the individual that lives next to you. All I know is that when the above mentioned 2 individuals were watched and eventually investigated, one was running a meth lab and the other was hauling drug money related to a big organization. One got 12 years in the federal pen and the other pled to 8. As it is in your profession as well as my former profession, we are held to a higher standard. It does'nt preclude the fact that the industries are still made up of fallible individuals.

As far as the politics go in the profession, I was told that I was the first case of my kind regarding prescription drug addiction, that my department had ever dealt with. I certainly hope that the next person that falls into the same situation as I did, God forbid, does'nt have to endure what I did. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that I am now 336 days clean and life is sweet. It broke me from a 12 year addiction, but I still get mad obver certain aspects when I stop to think about things. Maybe I should'nt. If the dog continues to bite when I walk back into the yard, I need to stop going in there.

I just want you to know that I,we, are here for you. I mean this with all of my heart. There are great folks here that are ready and willing to listen and respond. Look up and know "from whence your help cometh."

In His Love, JR.

[7juneau]

i don't mean to be dramatic (okay, maybe a little bit), but if i can get somebody to swear to me that this WILL come to an end someday, i think i'll be all right.  (it's only day 3, but my desperation level is shocking.)  any advice?  i REALLY want to quit, but i can't live like this forever...

[angst]

i'm not the one you need to talk with right now, but what are you coming off of that has you so sick?  if it is hydrocodone, you will get better, and the first 72 hours are difficult.  you probably have about 72 more of real discomfort.  then you need to get to an NA meeting quick.
i've kicked dilaudid twice without medical help.  the 2nd time, i was shooting at least 16 mg a day.  i couldn't sleep or eat.
after my 3rd relapse, i figured i was going to die like people i knew and kept seeing in the obits every 2 weeks or so.  i finally got back on the methadone.
i do not recommend methadone for another addict.  if you have chronic pain and dependence, that is another issue.
good luck

[JR.]

You never told me what you thought about my last post in response to your question. I hope that all is well with you. I hope that you are coming along OK on the methadone unless you are already through the program. You have a lot to offer the people that come to this post and I am glad that you are here, to make the best of a bad situation so to speak. I appreciate your knowledge, as well as everyone elses on this forum. I will be praying for you, for your  full emotional and spiritual recovery as well. It sounds like you have lots of experience in your past in several areas. Just what we need here. Thank you for the sharing that you have been doing and I hope that you will continue to do. God is certainly not through with you by any stretch of the imagination. Again, thank you for being here. (and all of you guys and gals out there.)

In His Love, JR.

[angst]

I think the only way to cease or find out if he legit buying all these monetary things is to report anonymously to the IRS.  Now, I am not a rat.  I never have been, but lately he wants to interview my nephew.  I cannot imagine who he wants to catch by interviewing Miles, who is 18years old, married with one kid, loves his pit bulls and breeds to live and lives to breed pit bulls.  He best leave my family alone.  If I have to, I will retaliate(sic).  There are not many of us to look after the kids anymore.  His parents do not always us good judgement.  His dad smokes pot as does his mom occasionally.  Since she has seizures, she does not party as much.  There house is the one all the kids come to when they want to drink and smoke cigarettes.  My sis does not allow any drugs on the premisis.
Down south we try to look after our own.  
Thanks for posting.  I need your insight.

[rowanshyne]

Warning:  I just re-read this and it is looong.  It is just a purging of my own pain, and my feelings won't be hurt if you don't read it.
It is *so* good for me to see your posts, what you did, what was done to you.  I need to get over my grudge against my  own State Board of Nursing.
When I was placed on probation by them, I had *already* been clean and sober for 2 1/2 years and had finished 2 years of probation with weekly random urine drops with the county I had been (let myself get)caught calling in my own scripts.  The Board of Nursing didn't even *know*!  I was attending AA two to seven (at least) times a week and when filling out the regular (every three years) form to re-new my license there was a question asking (if I recall correctly) if I'd had any kind of legal run ins for illegal drug use.  I thought I was following the 12 Step tenents by answering truthfully.  My case had even been purged from the court records after I completed my county probation. That question is no longer on the renewal form.  That was the last year before the form was revised <sigh>. Well, that'll teach me to be honest!  (not really. this particular issue just makes me a little pissy.)
Wham!  I was put on 2 years probation (which turned into three and a half, because they didn't "have time" to review my case) with weekly random urines.  They told me flat out they didn't care if I'd already done that for the judicial system even though my probation officer provided them with my records at my request.
When I asked them for referrals for a counselor and told them I was very, very broke (I had to pay for my own *required* drug counselor), my case worker said (yes, this is an exact quote.  I can *still* remember it), "Well, you're dressed well, and you *certainly* don't look underfed, so I can't believe you're financially challenged".
When I had a ruptured disc, I provided them with the test results verifying my injury, my physicians wrote them letters detailing the extent of my injury and my drug therapy (pain medication), my counselor wrote to them and they *still* turned me over to the state Attorney General's office for "non-compliance" when my urines showed Darvocet.
I talked to my case worker on the phone from my bed and read her from my own probation files the paragraph stating, essentially
if I was taking pain medication *as prescribed* by a Dr. who was aware of my addiction problem, it would not be considered to be in violation of my probation.  My case worker actually *screamed* at me, "I don't care what your contract states (my name), you're out of compliance!!!  YOU ARE OUT OF COMPLIANCE!!!"
I had to hire an attorney to keep from getting my license permanently revoked.
After I'd worked for FIVE YEARS after my probation was over, a new job was told (when calling to verify my past employment), " .... she was on probation for drug abuse, you know." (yes, I know that's illegal.  that was a moot point by then)
I was immediately terminated over the phone, turned over to *that* county's police department detectives for investigation of narcotic theft *and* *friggin' reported to the State Board of Nursing for possible drug theft*!!!!!!!!   Just because I had been on probation years before!!  That was their only reason for turning me over to the SS again. They'd been having narcotic theft before I was hired, and they got a scape goat.  They flatly refused a urine or blood test.  For absolutely no reason whatsoever, therefore, my license was suspended for a year and I would have been on another two (yeah, right) years probation if I'd gone back after the suspension.
They couldn't pay me enough to go back into nursing.
I apologize to you all.  I don't think I've ever told that whole part of my history to anyone, and I didn't mean to rant on at you.  This ended (my license was suspended) seven years ago.  I didn't realize I was still carrying *so* much anger about it.

[angst]

I also was a nurse.  I voluntary surrendered my license after the second complaint.  I took a random UDS at work.  It was positive for xanax and morphine.  I was using street dilaudid.
I've been on benzo's for 22 years due to PTSD, borderline d/o, and side effects of asthma meds.  It also helps after I've had my albuterol mdi for a bronchospasm, if I take a xanax sublingual.
The rehabs that the nursing boards insisted I attend were treating me by meeting the board's requirements.  They were not treating me for my needs.  When they took me off xanax on a phenobarb detox, I had an anterior infarct.  They kept the seizures away, but they could not keep my heart from reacting to the lack of any benzo in my system.
There were/are a lot of politics in my losing my license.  I take responsibility for my using.  I was having an affair with a prominant M.D. whose 5th wife was an administrator.  She is scared of me.  The affair lasted 3 years.  He throws me up to her.  She would hear him tell me he loved me over the phone.  At dinners with other medical personnel, he'd bring up my name.  She still calls my house.  I did this two weeks after mother died.  If she had not died, I would not have had an affair to start with.  
I was like you.  When the board sent an investigator to see me, I was honest about my methadone use.
I do not know if I want to try to get my license back at this time.  I am strong and mean toward drugs, but that is such a temptation. I'm trying to change careers.
Thanks for getting it out.  I hope my story will let you know you are not alone.   ava

[hippy]

SOCIETY  really beleives once an addict always an addict, i think that is why so many addicts go to AA instead of NA , it so much easier to tell the public that i had problem and now go to AA.
Where as if you tell them your an addict in NA ,it just is not as socialy accepted as going to AA and recovering there with the problem they deal with.
Being an addict recovering or not we are seen as 3rd class citizins. SO it is best to keep this info to ourselves.
I do not go to AA , but i have told employers that i was a recovering member of aa with years of sobrity, and it was always  was taking well , with never a problem, WE have to admit who wants to take a chance on a x addict. full blown addicts are real bad news in the work place, theives ,liars, ect
being a recovering aa member sounds so much better..and safer to people, and employers.

[angst]

Thanks, they say in the na basic text that the stigma is the last to go.

[jakemo]

I will pray for everyone here. I am new to this post and my question is very trivial compared to the stories I have read here. I have taken 1-2 ultram a day for 1.5 yrs and for the last 3 months, have been taking 2 every 4-6 hours. I know ultram is not a narcotic, but it is addictive. My question is: do you think that I have damaged my liver with this amount of usage? I know I should get my lft's checked but I just want opininons on whether or not this amount has damaged my liver. I do drink a lot of water and take the herbal milk thistle for my liver. Please tell me what you think. Thank you.

[JR.]

Forgive me for rehashing probably old information but due to my new career I have been out of the loop for a while and I was just reading your last post as of Apr. 30th.

Where are you in your recovery now? I still hear the pain in your voice about all of the circumstances surrounding your career/addiction. I can relate. I still feel the pain of losing my career after 18 years. I felt like I was tossed aside as damaged goods after giving what I will now say as too much of my self. This will eventually pass. After I went through the Luby's massacre here in Texas on Oct. 16th, 1991, I was sent to counseling as we all were who were officers at the scene that day and the next couple of days after. The best thing that I got out of that session with the critical incident counselor was that it would all play out like a video tape that eventually unwinds itself to nothing. The pain lessens from day to day and the very fact that I got away from the 12 year vicodin addiction and there is now order in my life with my faith in God, my family and new career has helped me to begin to heal emotionally as well. I am now at 368 days clean and with God's leading I will not go back. I, we are here for you on this forum as you have already found out. Please let me know how I can help.

In His Love, JR>

[pjsbabygirl]

Hi everyone.....I have been reading this forum off and on for about a week. I have been detoxing myself from hydrocodeine..7 or 8 a day,up to 10 every now and then. I was on that amount for a year and a half. I am a 37 year old mother of 2 children. My husband and i are christians....i love my husband with all my heart,he has done back breaking labor all his life so he has a lot of back injuries. We both have past drug problems....we never really wanted to stop taking our loracets,it gave us energy and helped us do all we needed to do....my husbands dad is a millionaire so we are somewhat oppressed by him,we live in ky. so we have cattle,farmland....anyway, keeping up with trying to get ahold of that many pills(not to mention the cost!)got hard..so my husband turned to shooting oxy contins.....before we met he was in rehab 10 times or more,15 d.u.is,lifelong druggy...he was on the needle about a week and told me.....i was appalled,shocked and this was a big wake up call for me..I had the luxury to go almost cold turkey...i cut down to one and a half a day and he started cutting too...talk about hell on earth..but yesterday i made it through a day......up and about most of day....today i see the light....i will stop now,i dont know how much you can write before being told to shut up! lol.....

[pjsbabygirl]

whats up? I posted my story and wanted to become part of this forum but my post isnt there? It seems the last post is a month or so old..what am i doing wrong here?

[Hinkster]

You are not doing anything wrong, you jusy posted at the very
bottom of the forum. Go all the way to the top and post again
where someone will find you and help you. They are all waiting.
Tom

[JR.]

Hey there,

Welcome to the forum. We are glad you found it. You will find that there is a lot of compassion, understanding and experience here that is yours for the taking. Don't ever feel that you have nothing to offer, not that you do but as a little prompt to let you know that your words are valuable and may be healing words to someone else that is looking for answers out there.

Don't let the fact that you and your husband are Christians and you are both addicted drag you down further. Christians are still here on this earth and still subject to the same human frailties as any other human on this earth. Let go and let God. This could mean getting yourself to a rehab., followed by AA/NA meetings and making the definite decision that you want to be clean. I say that last part because it's not going to happen until you do. Your recovery is paramount to all other issues right now and if you stop and think about it, there are no other issues until you do. The rest will just be victims of the addiction. Please continue to post your questions/situations for all of us here to read. We are more than willing to help. I will be lifting you and your husband up in prayer.

In His Love, JR.~

[rowanshyne]

I forgot to answer your question - where I'm at in recovery.  I was clean and sober for 8 or 9 years, did my six week foray into alcoholism, and was clean and sober again for five years.  No problems, no cravings, not thinking about it.  Then I developed degenerative disc disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and a damaged rotator cuff.
Not taking pain meds makes it impossible for me to have any semblance of a life.  
I took my medication as ordered for a long time, then, on a majorly stressful day, I started to abuse.  So here I am a year later was taking 150 mg a day (hydrocodone) I have tapered down to 50 - 70 mg/day, and yesterday my Dr. and I decided to switch over to Darvocet.  I think that's going to york very well - thank you very, very much, Kip.
I still have pain, but I want off the narcotics, at least for a little while.  
This isn't very coherent, I need to go to bed, but I'll be back tomorrow, Yahoo! willing.

Goodnight,
Wren

[rowanshyne]

Well, that is how sleepy I am.  I posted my P.S. to JR, before I posted the original post:I lost my phone line for a while, then couldn't get my browser to work on the is site for several days.

You stuck your finger in the sore spot that I wasn't aware was still there.  I worked so hard to become a nurse.  So hard.  I had set that as my goal when I was eight years old.
I was a good nurse too, and I loved it, oh my Gods how I loved it. I'm sobbing now just remembering it.  Nursing defined me.  I feel so lost without that purpose in my life, I feel so worthless.
I lost it *after* I was clean and sober for years.  They used me as a scape goat and took away my life.  Oh, Gods, I can't tell you the pain of not nursing any more.
I completed my one year suspension many years ago, but I just can't face the hypocrasy of the Board of Nursing to go back in.
I could be earning a decent living now instead of subsisting on charity while I wait for Social Security to make up their minds .....  I'm sorry, JR, you touched the sore spot and I'm crying too hard to type right now.
I've been guarding this area of my heart for so long and the tears and heartbreak have just been waiting for the chink to open.  This pain needs to be dealt with now.
They took away my life.
Thank you for caring, JR.  Thank you very much.
I'll post again when I calm down.  I was doing a good job of sealing off the pain.  I really believed I didn't care anymore.

Wren

[JR.]

I am home now. I generally don't get home but every 2 or 3 weeks. It's the belssing that God gave me in my new career. I did read your last and previous post. Let me spend a little time with my wife and I will talk with you tonight. You hang in there. I hope and pray that I can be a comfort to you as are all of the people on this site.

In His Love, JR.

[rowanshyne]

Thank you.  I'm feeling a little better tonight.  It was just ironic that you asked that question.
Long story - short.  Waiting for disability to be approved, dead broke, really do *need* disability.
I've been playing with the idea of going back to being a nurse for a few months.  A few months of work is really all my body will stand.
I'm beyond desperate for income, but I still get a knot when I think about dealing with the Board again.

Wren

[JR.]

I am truly sorry to hear about the way things are right now. I will keep you on immediate needs prayer list.

You know, there is no shame in facing the board and the profession again. It doesn't have to end with all of the pain. The addiction certainly has it's consequences doesn't it. Been there, done that. I too, am able to pursue a career in Law Enforcement again but the mere fact that the profession is certainly unforgiving pretty much keeps me away. My sights are set before me now. I have a new career. It is truly a blessing in all forms. There is something ahead of you whether it be in nursing or a related field, dealing with people. Have you ever thought about counseling. LCDC's are certainly needed. We can both attest to that fact.

I am sorry that I reopened a wound that was laying in wait. I could see and hear the pain in your post. That is why I asked. I as well as many others on this post can give testimony to that same pain. I believe that this is one of the very last things to leave us as a result of the addiction. It will go. I think alot of it is up to us. The decisions that we make now are more informed and there are no clouds as the fog lifts from the addiction haze. Your life is just beginning, again. It may sound cliche' but it is true. I truly wish that I could take your pain and trash it but I also think that it is part of the healing process. It keeps things in perspective. Again, what you do with it is up to you. Think about some other things that you would like to do. Tell me about them. Maybe we can all brainstorm a little and help in some way. I, we are here for you. Let's first, think about your immediate needs and then maybe we can talk about some short term then long term goals. One step/One day at a time. Talk to me.

In His Love, JR.~

[rowanshyne]

I have developed Degenerative Disc disease and Spinal Arthritis, this makes sitting, or standing for long periods of time undoable.  I can do either in for short amounts of time, but ah, well, as unbelievable as it may sound, I have ADHD.  I've been able to fight my way through for all of my life, but now I have the constant added input of pain, so my concentration is really unreliable.  If I can be put in an office alone with a computer and a job to do, I'm in good shape.  I can do anything.
Unfortunately, every work environment has, by necessity, other people in it.  The other people are I'm able to walk and chew bubble gum at the same time and expect me to be able to, also. <smile>  Everyone really just wants to be nice to me, but I can't be friendly *and* do my job.  I come off looking like a dim wit if I don't do my work and a snob if I do.
I can learn and do anything, I just need to be left alone.
Waiting for disability is about to put me under a bridge in a cardboard box, but I'll go down fighting! lol!

Wren

[angst]

and i thought i had a bad time with the nursing board in Mississippi.  there were politics that played a big part in me surrendering my license.  others at the hospital, where i had my first complaint, were on methadone.  they were sent to the staff's physician who sent them back to work. he said they were fine for work.  i was not given that choice.  i was put on suspension because i was having an affair that lasted 3 years with a prominent doctor.  his 5th wife was an administrator.  she
tried to intimidate me by coming on my floor. calling me at work, saying i'm on my way over there from the other hospital in our system.  she was so angry when she heard him say he loved me.
he also would go to oncology meetings at a nice restaurant that was routine.  after 2 drinks, he always brought up my name just to get a rise out of her.  he is narcistic.  after 3 years with him, i broke it off.  i know i was wrong in having an affair.  my mother had just died, he knew about it.  i was vulnerable.  he was a genious.  it just happened.  i do not regret the time we had together.  i am remorseful to those i hurt.
my second offense happened at a poor,private hospital. on a random UDS, i showed positive for morphine and a prescription drug i've taken in one form or another since i was 14 years old.
i could have gotten a post dated script.  i did not do that.  during facing the music, at 2 rehabs, i had a heart attack when the doctors there were trying to meet licensure requirements.
i think of suing if the statue of limitations has not run out.
i surrendered my license and do not care about getting them back.
i was a good nurse also.  i kept my ACLS current. i was nurse of the year in 1995.  i worked hard.  but the politics and nursing
board can ruin good nurses.
when you are coming off of drugs you need support of family and friends, not locked up in a rehab.  i also like NA.  i am blessed to have 2 NA groups in the same town to choose from or alternate between the two.
i'm sorry for your trouble with those who are "greater than thou"
they will never know the depth of life as we have lived.  they are pencil pushers.   from one addict to another, and from one
good nurse to another,  Ava

[rowanshyne]

Thank you, Angst.  That means a great deal to me.  
I'm trying to find a whole new career.  I *won't* let the State Board dance on me any more.  I'll *never* need money that badly, even if I'm in a cardboard box. (according to my landlady, there's a chance of that, lol!)
Surely, for both of us, there is a low politics job out there.
I wish you well, keep me posted, okay?

Wren

[angst]

i'll keep you posted.  i started my job at the convience store.
i was supposed to work the weekend on midnights, but my boss called.  she spoke to my husband, and she told him for me to take
the weekend off. the person i was to work with has been in some trouble.  she did not want me working with her.  i just want to learn all the aspects of my job. i have been working with the assistant manager.  when i asked how often we change the hotdogs, the asst. mgr. just looked at me. the mgr. was standing
there and said every 4 hours.  i told her that we had not been changing them at all.  she looked like she swallowed a mouse.  it
will get better.  i hope the pay is good.  you will make it.  try
the local library if you have not in the technical services department.  you would be perfect for the job.  i'll post more later.  ava

[2shamed]

Hi J.R.  you're testimonial was very similiar my situation.  I was on quite a bit of pain medication and came forwrd to my employer.  Suprising to me they too filed criminal charges on me for DOCTOR SHOPPING.  The D.A.also did not go with the charges.  However, recently I have been having severe headaches and tried all kinds of meds that did not work except for the vicoprofen. Somedays of the month they are more severe than others and I can take only 2 per day or 5 or 6 depending on how I feel.  I know all too well about the addiction process and the withdrawls.  However, my biggest fear is that, because of what I went through with my employer, is that now they will think this is just another way to feed my addiction and eventually try and terminate me again.  What I don't understand with your situation is WHY the pharmacist called the DEA on you.  Ive never heard of that and wondered what finally tipped them off if you'd been on them for so long. And why pharmacists aren't making these calls on a daily basis or do they follow a protocol now? According to alot of the users in this forum, including myself at one time, have probably made a pharmacist suspicious,or does it vary from state to state ?  Sorry I'm asking you all these ques.  I mainly wondering why no pharmacy's reported me years ago and I could have stopped this problem before I got into trouble.  
   thx everyone in the forum for your help.  You guys hang in there.  From an always recovering addict  : )

[JR.]

Well, back home again for a couple of days. I welcome the questions as it may save someone else.

You see, I was in uniform, on duty on the majority of my visits. In all actuality, the pharmacist, a very sweet lady, was concerned about the amount I was taking. She had called the doctors in the past as had other pharmacist called my doctor(s) bu the only response she got was let us worry about him. She actually saved my life and I thank God for her. Don't get me wrong, it was a seriously hard pill to swallow if you'll excuse the pun but it finally got me help. 12 years of those vics made me someone that noone knew anymore.

As far as protocol goes, they (pharmacists) are required to report trends of constant doctors prescriptions by individuals especially if the scripts are coming from numerous doctors. They look at how long it is taking the person to finish a fill before returning for a refill. They have established standards on how long each script is to last. They look at multiple scripts of different kinds of meds as well. They will tell a doctor if his/her office is calling in a refill, that this person has just been given a script from doctor X so many days ago for the same thing. I went to each of the pharmacists after I finished rehab and asked for their forgiveness for using them in my addiction. They weren't used to that. It was then that they told me that they are daily calling doc's to tell them that their patient is getting to many and is establishing trends of abuse/addiction. The pharmacists told me that for the most part, they do not get much cooperation from doc's in the matter. Well that only leaves the other alternative. Call the DEA, State Narcotics. Mine was a bit different. My own Narcotics Investigators investigated me with the information that DEA provided them. Thankfully, God intervened through the compassion of the assistant D.A. and spared me and my family that horror of going to jail. I WILL NEVER GO BACK. YOU CAN BANK ON THAT ONE.

In His Love, JR.

[hydroaddict]

Well this is hard and confusing for me to do but I have to do it.  I feel so guilty.  About two months ago, I got out of treatment for addiction to benzos, such as Xanax, Ativan, Valium, etc. (I had two grand mal seizures from withdraw) and was committed to changing my life after the month of treatment and NA meetings.  However, about one month later I got my first taste of Lortab and Vicodin.  These gave me the highs "higher" than the benzos ever did.  I am literally in love with these pills.  I have been on and off, but for the last month or so I have been taking about 5 a day.  Now my doctor will not give me anymore and I feel like I am going to die.  Can you really be addicted to these things in one month?  It seems so crazy...I feel so guilty and depressed that I went back to substance abuse and cannot seem to use the "coping skills" taught to me in rehab.  I am only 24 and scared to death that I will be going through this all my life.  I only hope there is someone out there who understands and maybe can give me some advice.

PS Is it normal when you are withdrawing from Vicodin/Lortab to keep throwing up?

[cowboy47]

first time on this site, didnt get the easy way to get off the lortab i was looking for but gt a lot of insight, started in jan. 1992 after going thru 3 cervical surgeries over 18 months, have never been clean for more that 104 days since then, been thru treatment 4 times, one for 60 days out of state, the only thing that i can say for nyself is that as an addict and alcoholic i have not picked up a drink since my last treatment in sepy. 1998, i hated myself and just didnt know how o quit, i have been very blessed in that area the thought of a drink has never crossed my mind since and its been almost 4 years and great, however the good old hydrocodone, lortab,vicoden,oxy,perc. i hate myself again and ive tried to get off and no luck, now i am at the point where i was with the alcohol hating life and living around the almighty pill bottle, most of you will not believe this but at the present time i am taking in excess of 45 10mg lortab aday working different drs. and buting on the street. probably spending around 150.00 aday just to keep moving, have a great job and my wife is in the medical field, but i have no life, i have lost all intrest in everything that i used to lve to do, its killing me and my wife, our four kids and my grandson that all live with us, i want out and would do anything to just wake up and be me again, didnt really mean to write this much just really depressed and needed to vent, glad i found this site, its kind of like being back at a meeting when i was clean for a while, i read about the thomas receipe, and buprenex, going to check them out, if any of you belive in prayer keep me on your list, i rally want to get help, thanks for whoever read or listened to me,

[No2sis]

I am desparate to help my sister. she abuses lortab and she is an epilectic. she gets pills from different docs and buys from friends and takes from other people w/out permission. she does not admit to any of this. She is becoming violent to her husband , mother, sons. she sees little men and hears things. She has lost a termendous amount of weight. She looks like death. I have her 6 year old son with me 3 hours away because she asked me to come get him. she blames all her problems on her seizures and her seizure meds. She does suffer greatly from seizures everyday. how do I help?? Should we admit her for detox? will it work if she is in denial? I feel she is close to something horrible happening to her or a family member. Please advise me . You all sound  like caring people. Help!!!!

[kell737]

Hi there.  I read your post and I wanted to respond.  I'm not sure I'm one to help you in anyway because I have abused lortab as well.   Obviously your sister has a problem (like most of us here, some in the past now)  You need to defintely support her 100%!  If she is being abusive to her family I would for sure get her some kind of treatment.  This is a long road  and she is going to need all the support she can get from everyone around her.  You have to understand, being addicted to a medicine, especially one of that extreme (Lortab) this is going to be very difficult for her.   I'm not to familier with Seizures but I would suggest she let her doctor know whats  going on with the lortab and he can help her.  I know first hand how hard it is to get off drugs.  I'm 3 days clean now and it's been the most tremendous ordeal I've been through.  Your sister needs help and I think it's wonderful that you want to help her.  Stick with it and keep us posted.  Read some of the posts in here, I know they helped me a lot.  I wish you the best of luck and  keep faith in everything and things will get better, just be patience.  God Bless you and your family.  (Keep posting)
~ Kelli

[No2sis]

Thanks for your reply. I am very frustrated with Doctors. As I read the posts, I see where Doctors do not see red flags. Are they purposely looking the other way or are they afraid of law suits? My sisters doctor (neurologist) seems reluctant to get involved with her drug problem.Yet he is concidering brain surgery.Because of his reluctance,my brother-in-law is hesitating to get my sister help. Is it normal for those closest to the abuse to not see the whole picture? I am afraid to send my neiphew back if nothing is done. Should I stay out of this or should I step back. My sister denies being an addict. I am asking   you and other users to help me as I am in a world I do not know. HAve any of you seen or heard things while taking the Lortab?My b-in-law is sweet and caring but non assertive . I think he is afraid to face this head on. I think he wants to ignore this and it will get better. GIve me advice please!!!

[No2sis]

I want to wish you all the luck to stay off drugs. As a nonuser I may not say the right things but as a repersentative of the families of users, I can say thanks for having the courage to try. If you fail, try again. Never stop trying. You are important  to lots of people. For anyone who ever thinks the only way out is suicide IT IS NOT!! You must be a very strong person to take the steps you are taking now. Your family loves you. Im cheering on and Ill say a prayer for you too.( i do not imply that you are thinking suicide but I saw other posts that are. I lost a friend to suicide and I still have not forgiven her. She never gave me the chance to help her.) Good luck onthe next hour and day.

[kell737]

Thank you for your support.  As I said in my other post I am 4 days clean now.  I know that doesnt sound like much but it's a lifetime to me and I'm very proud to say that.  

As far as your sister.... NO DO NOT ever give up on her.  First stage of being an addict is denial.  She needs you right now more than anything.  I agree, Doctors are always worried about lawsuits and not what a patient REALLY needs.  Keep trying and keep searching for a doctor that is willing to work with her, trust me they ARE out there.    

I understand first hand that this a a frustrating and touchy subject but you have to understand that your sister is the person that is most important right now.  If you can get her to admit she needs help that is a HUGE accomplishment.  Took me 3 years to admit it (or realize it) and after that I tried to get help for years.  Make her listen to you no matter what you have to do ...you wont regret it and she will thank you when she gets through this AND SHE WILL  <wink>   .... I am praying for you all as well and always remember that God is on your side no matter what and he will walk you through all this.  

If it wasn't for me believing in him (not to mention) trusting him in the last 4 days I'm not sure how far  or if I would have even started to come clean.    Don't give up and know that if you need anything post to me and I will do everything in my power to help you all out.  It gets harder before it gets easier but the outcome is the best feeling and accomplishment that you will ever in your life imagine as WONDERFUL!  God bless you always
~ kell

[Charliew]

Hey guys. I'm new on here. And just to tell you I'm just a kid. 16 years old. I was prescribed Roxicet about 4 months ago becuase I had surgery on an injured finger. I built up quite a tolerance for them. I was taking up to 15 a day. I was becoming reckless. The script ran out, and I began buying from my friends. I began buying brand name PERCOCET and such. 10 milligrams of it, I was taking up to 6 a day spending roughly $50.

After that i realized that Oxycontin was a much better high. Oxycontin is probably the best feeling I have ever felty, but probably the worst thing that ever happened to me, Getting off them has been hell. I also have started taking Vicodin, thinking they would help me get of the Oxys, but it's really not. I have vowed to stay off Oxys but it's a fight. I have been sober for Oxys going on 2 days, but not Vicodin.
Input anyone?

[GTKLN]

I need some help.After 5 years of sobriety from heroin I relapsed on pain pills. I have a back condition and was perscribed vicodin. That started the whole nightmare. I'm back on heroin and I feel awful. I want to quit but like so many of us I'm afraid of the withdrawal. I'm going broke on drugs, I'm married and living a lie, my husband does not know about my using. I'm so ashamed of myself. Can someone please help. I have read the posts and I really feel for all of you. I noticed that Thomas's recipie is mentioned quite a bit, where can I find it ? I could use any pointers on a "easier" detox. Thanks for any help.

[TryingToLive]

Hello Everyone.  Iam new to this forum, but I have been reading your posts and they all have given me alot of advice and insight.  First of all, let me explain my situation...I have been taking Hydrocodone for about a year and a half(6 pills a day) but before that, I was taking Oxycontin for about six months(40 mg per day)and I hated the way the OC's were making me feel, so a friend of mine(who I dont want in my life ever again)told me to try taking Hydrocodone to get off the OC's, so I did, and well of course I got hooked on the Hydro's.  So basically for a year and a half my "so called friend" has been giving me Hydrocodone(the person had back problems and takes OC, but gets scripts for Hydro. and doesnt need them)and it was easy, if I ran out of pills, I simply picked up the phone and called and got some more.  This has gone on too long now and honestly I dont want this addiction any more than I want a hole in my head.  Well 3 days ago I ran out of the Hydrocodone and I decided to hell with it, Im not going to pick up the phone and ask for more, I didnt want to keep depending on this drug to get me by day to day, so I didnt call the person(or shall I say "supplier")and its been hard, real hard, but Im on my 3rd day of not having the pills and Im still here and kicking.  I havent even thought about picking up the phone and calling the "so called friend/supplier" for any pills and when this person called me a few times, I just ignored the phone call and never picked up.  Iam a mother of 2 children who need me more than I need this pill and thats more important than any pill in the world.  I have been fighting this for 3 days now and Ive had all the usual withdraw symptoms; restless leg, body aches, cold sweats, irritability, stomach pain, etc.  but I think Ive made it through the worst so far.  I know that you do go through a period of depression, I dont feel it yet, I feel like I want a pill, but Im not going to do it, no way, I think Ive come too far.  Iam scared of what Im going to feel like after the withdraw symptoms go away, will I be depressed?  Will I feel like there is nothing to look forward to?  Im hoping that it will all work out for the best.  
My thoughts and prayers are with you all going through this, I think this site can do a great deal of help to all of us, it has certainly helped me to know that I can get through this, even though its tough and a long road to go down.  Take care everyone!

[Rex1]

Welcome and thanks for your comments.

Rex

[teeitup]

I've been on Hydro for around 6 years and due to some medical problems will be to some extent for life.

Since joining this forum I try and look at it like this, take less today than I did yesterday and deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

Also I'm learning to USE the drug not ABUSE IT! Take it when I really need it and not when I'm pissed at the wife, kids or the world.

Please keep posting, this forum is the best therapy I've found. (especialy around 3 or 4 in the morning) You'll learn alot about yourself in the comments from others.

Good luck and be strong!

[percsnomas]

Great job making thru some of the hardest physical withdrawals!!
With respect to depression, are you currently taking the Thomas Recipe; specifically L-Tyrosine and Vit B-6. The entire recipe is posted near the top under a topic about back pain strategies, at C28, by Thomas himself.

This combo has been a life saver for many, including myself; and on Thursday it will be 4 months off percs(at a much heftier dose than yourself), and I feel great!! I'm a father of 2 lit'l ones, and they(as well as their mommy) are thrilled to have their daddy back.
So to answer your question about having anything to look forward to, YES YES YES YOU DO,.......YOUR LIFE without being chained to pills.
Without having to pick up that phone every time the pill bottle stops rattling, or counting how many, and if you have enough to get thru the weekend. And generally not being "numb" from all your senses,and forever chasing that oh so elusive high.
STAY THE COURSE, CAUSE YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT COURSE!!!

[EZDowner]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, today is the first time I have been on this site and I just registered as a member 12-16-02.

I was a teen-age drug user for quite a few years.  Started with pot and hash and by age 15 I was doing Coke and crack.  Of course I quit several times and I finally kicked the coke habit 10 years ago and I quite all drugs, everything alltogether when I met my Wife.  I told her about my past but assured her it would stay there.
I have now been married for almost 8 years, we have two children and I am a successful business executive with a large corporation.  The problem arose when I hurt my back a few years ago.  I was prescribed VicodinES 7.5mg and they helped the pain but they also brought back a lot of "feelings".  I didn't start taking them regularly then but I would take them any chance I could.  My brother-in-law broke his ankle and had to have multiple suguries, I was the one "helping" him out. Taking him to the hospital and getting his presciptions filled.  He woul end up with a few less and no-one would no the difference.
This is very embarrassing because I am a respectable person in a respectable position.  I am also very honest with everyone but no-one knows of my pain killer usage.  It got to the point where I would check the medicine cabinets while using the bathroom just about anywhere I went, "just in case" there were a few pills lying around.
I have had more back problems recently and I got a prescription for Hydocodone 10/325 Norco.  I have been taking them now for over 2 months approx 4-6 per day.  The problem is I take them whether I am in pain or not and I have tried to stop but I get to around 2 days and I feel like I am going to die.  Obviously, I know that I will not die and I need to stay off them for good. What scares me is of course the withdrawl but also what if I do finally stop?  What happenes when I have trouble with the pain in my back.  I am sure it will start all over again.

I do have a question, what are the long term effects of this drug?  I know the liver is an issue with the tylenol but is there anything else?  Also, what is the best way to stop taking them?  Cut back as much as I can for a few weeks and then stop?

Any help would be appreciated....
Thanks

[teeitup]

You've taken the first step! Have you told your wife? Please read all the comments under ever question, you'll find most everyone here are sucessful people.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about, a member named Rex1 put it well when he said it's a well engineered drug. In my 25+ years of getting high it's the only one the I could not control.

You must be honest to yourself and your family if you want to control this. Most everyone has legitimate pain or they would never have taken hydro, as I stated in an earlier comment you must learn to use it and not abuse it.

If possible take some vacation, use some of the methods in this forum whether it be cold turkey or tapering, suck it up and make it happen.

Without this forum I could not being trying as hard as I am. Please keep posting and you will do it!

[Rex1]

Hi and welcome.

Well I too am an executive of sorts. Not a manager of people but an engineer in a high tech industry where you may think addicts are not common. Well guess what?

You may be in the spot I was in, when I stumbled onto this forum and started reading. I had been telling myself I would quit and did, then went back, then quit, and back, etc...

When I found this forum and started reading, the first thought that hit me was "Oh, this is why I can't do it on my own", and then next was "Holy cow, this is going to take a monumental effort - its not going to be easy!"

Well, all I can tell you is get a plan together, tell your wife, come here often, and get ready to rumble, because it will not be easy.

However, once you get past a week or so, then it will a lot easier, though still not pleasant.

We will be here to help, God willing.

Ask us anything, but ask it in the top thread, even if your question doesn't match the subject. That way everyone will see it.

Welcome and i'll pray for you...

Rex

[Rex1]

Hi and welcome.

Well I too am an executive of sorts. Not a manager of people but an engineer in a high tech industry where you may think addicts are not common. Well guess what?

You may be in the spot I was in, when I stumbled onto this forum and started reading. I had been telling myself I would quit and did, then went back, then quit, and back, etc...

When I found this forum and started reading, the first thought that hit me was "Oh, this is why I can't do it on my own", and then next was "Holy cow, this is going to take a monumental effort - its not going to be easy!"

Well, all I can tell you is get a plan together, tell your wife, come here often, and get ready to rumble, because it will not be easy.

However, once you get past a week or so, then it will a lot easier, though still not pleasant.

We will be here to help, God willing.

Ask us anything, but ask it in the top thread, even if your question doesn't match the subject. That way everyone will see it.

Welcome and i'll pray for you...

Rex

[teeitup]

hey man you out there? let us know how you are!

[Rex1]

We haven't forgotten about you, bud.

How's it goin today?

Rex

[Vampy]

Hello everyone. *waves*
I don't even know where to begin... *sigh* So many of your stories have "me" in them.
I was never prescribed Vics... but when I broke a tooth once, someone gave me their scrip, and the rest... as they say, is history. *heavier sigh* Sometimes I take up to 15 11 milligram pills a day. My husband... who doesn't do any other drugs, doesn't drink, or smoke... has gotten hooked as well. We cannot believe this has happened to us. We live for the days that our "connection" gets her scrip filled... We have done no Christmas shopping yet because.. *hangs head in shame* well... you all know why...(they cost us $4 a piece) and we have two kids. My husband keeps saying that he is too smart to have let it get this far...(aren't we all!) It was just a fun way to relax and buzz at first. Now we need them just to feel normal. *sigh* I am supposed to start Nursing school this coming fall. But I dare not do that till I kick this. This has been going on with us since May of 2002. We ran out for four days and we both just wanted to die. He works but I am a stay at home mom... and it's maddening! When we run out this time.. we both agree that we are DONE, and need to go cold turkey and just suffer cause we deserve it. Forget any help from doctors... we have ZERO health insurance. Neither of us has been to a Doctor in over 5 years for anything. I have read this forum off and on since about August.... and only had the guts to post today... and only cause I am on the evil things right now. I hate that I need them. Thank you for reading my rant... any help or advice would mean so much. I think you are all VERY brave, and just reading your words comforts me... But I am soooo very, very scared..... *sigh*

-Vamp

[lifeisbetter]

Hey girl good for you! It takes alot more than you realize to post for the first time. It shows that at some level you are starting to face your addiction. Thats the first step. The rest is up to you. You can end it now or in 5-10 years. It really is your choice.  I never thought I could quit either. I thought life would just suck without my secret little mother's helpers. I have 3 young children and could'nt imagine how I could go through withdrawel and still take care of them. My advice is do it now. Either way you'll have to stop. I promise you as one mom to another you will enjoy life again. You will be motivated to take the kids to games and b-day parties and help with homework all without taking one pill. Just remember life is not supposed to be fun all the time. Being a mom is really hard but since I've been on both sides now I can tell you honestly that I would never want to go back there again. Life is too short to spend it worrying about how when and where you can get more. Do it for yourself and your husband will see that he can do it to. Ask for help, ask whatever power you believe in to help you stop. Last thing is you probably won't get alot of responses down here. You can post at the top and break threads to get input, not many people read down here,and don't take it too personally if not alot of people respond at first. We are all looking for help here and it takes some time to get to know each other. Just reach out like you did today and you'll be amazed at the way your life will turn around. Your kids need their mommy.

[Warren Schmidt]

Hi, This is my first time to post here but I need some help. Over the past four months, since the end of August I have become addicted to Hydrocodeine. I take the ten milligram pills, but the propblem is I take about 22 or 23 a day. Just about every two hours, sometimes, every hour I take three. I have intense back, shoulder, and neck pain. Last week I ran out of my medicine and went through the worst period of feeling I have ever been through. It was for about 22 hours, but still I wanted to die. I really, really, really, want to quit the stuff. My problem, I have to spend Christmas Eve and Day with my family, and it looks like I might run out before then. I had planned to taper off but feel I might not be able to do that now. I talked to a friend and he said Immodium AD was a cure all for most of the withdrawls from Hydrocodeine. Any help anyone could give or suggestions would be greatly appreicated. The only thing I can think of is drinking but I can't do that when I am at my familie's house. Thanks for your interest and I hope someone can help me. Thank You.
PS-Everybody who was able to beat this, I defintly admire you.

[teeitup]

You need to read all the post even if you think the question does not relate to your concern, there are several suggestions on how to handle withdrawals. When you make a comment do it on one of the top question's even it does not directly go with the question, more people will see it. Look for the "Thomas Recipe", I'm not sure what question it's under but everyone who has used it swears by it!

try and start cutting back, read the post and see if tapering or going cold turkey is best for you! Good luck!

Teeitup!

[Kayebabe]

My comment would be, why in Gods name would the doctors give these young people something that will harm them? I will admit this, I live with pain every day of my life, But I dare not to ask my doctor for pain medication. One reason, you ask for pain meds, and really need them, you dont get anything but a look of being a drug addict from the doctor, Second I dont want to be on anything I will have to depend on. I have adult children who buy this oxycotin right off the streets. People are getting rich selling this drug. Why cant the doctors be the one who suffer for this? after all there the ones who to blame for feeding this posion to our kids..I say bann it, and get rid of it..We have other pain medicines that work. I had 4 babies....C-section, and other surgeries..I made it through. My sister past away 2 yrs ago with lung, and brain cancer, she took nothing. I say if you want off the drug you can do anything, if you set your mind to it, and with the help of God.

[FaraBell]

C96 FaraBell
(27-Dec-02)  . Hello To All- First, I just want to say what a terrific site this is. It really allows people with Vicodin addictions to express themselves and allow others in, whereas in "the real world", that can not easily be done. Others who do not struggle with this just don't understand it. People who have an addiction such as this one NEED to talk about it because nobody really likes who they are while they are doing this. Maybe they do in the beginning (remember when it used to be fun once?!) but as they continue on that bumpy road, surely that will change. I mean, who ENJOYS downing 30-40 pills a day or MORE? I certainly didn't. Well, in the beginning, it was great. Here is a pill that allows me to be a Social Superwoman. I can do anything AT ALL....just as long as I have a few extra pills in my pocket. I started taking hydrocodone 7.5 for herniated disks in my lower back. Then, I just damn well enjoyed the way they made me feel. And so I graduated. I moved onto the 10/325mg. That was good for a little while UNTIL I discovered they make 15/325mg. I was taking about 20 a day-7 just to get out of bed and start my day. Finally, when I went to the island of Jamaica and, instead of enjoying the fun and sun, I was worried about my pill supply running out and I could not get out of bed before taking 6 pills to remove the withdrawl symptoms that were there lingering, waiting to attack me within the hour, I finally HAD IT with these "white devils". I got home from Jamaica on a Saturday and I checked into a 7 day inpatient detox on that Monday. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. They had me on a methadone detox which helped me somewhat. I was still sick for the first 3 days but NOTHING compared to what I would have been like had I done it alone at home. I know this from prior attempts on my own. I went into the detox on 11/11/02, got out on 11/19/02 and started outpatient groups 5 days a week on 11/22/02. I am currently in the outpatient group but now I go 3 days a week so that I can work a few days a week as I get to know the "me without pills". I haven't known that side of myself in a loooonnng time. And more importantly, I AM CLEAN and FREE. Because as long as you continue to take these pills, you are never free, never your own person. You make no decisions, the pills decide everything in your life for you. Everything! There are now some days I feel good and others I feel really bad. And it's on those bad days I hear my addiction calling me to it, trying to entice me back in. Those days are some of the hardest I have ever had to deal with. I never thought I would be able to get off of the Vic's in the first place and now here I am, clean for over a month. So, what keeps me from succumbing when those pills scream my name, you ask? Here's my secret: think of the things in your life that you want to happen and think of the things that are really and truly reachable and tangible. Think about the way you want to be towards your family and friends. Think about what you'd like to bring to the table in the relationships in your life. What do you want to offer to them? What would you like to be able to give back to these people? Well, once you stop taking those pills, you will be able to do the things you want to do, be the way you want to be, give back to others what they give to you, and aboveall, you will actually be pleasant to be around. Even-tempered! Imagine that one?! It will not happen overnight, it will happen slowly but SURELY. Hey, you didn't start out popping 20-30+ pills a day, did you? You had to work up to it. And if you committ yourself to this, you will work up to the point you want to be at. And with each passing day, you will feel better and better. Some days might feel like the end of the world, but that's life. THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE when you live it normally, without any mood-altering substances. And although sometimes it sucks, it still feels great...to FEEL again. I will be more than happy to help anyone of you and to answer any questions you may have, whether it's about addiction OR recovery. It all goes hand in hand. And remember, the only way you can successfully quit is if YOU want to do it and YOU-yourself- have had enough of living in hell. You cannot "do it for" your wife, husband, kids, sister, nephew, mother, etc...it is ALL ABOUT YOU!! Thank you for reading about my experience. Remember that every day is a journey...and a gift. Stick around and see what's in store for you!!

[drummerman7032]

Hello I thought this might give people on this sight hope and seeing that I do this everymonth maybe it will help someone and it can work for you . Right now I haven't taken my vicoprofen 7.5/200 6 a day for my heiniated dics in my back for 3 dAYS. Each month I have a presciption for 180 tablets . The last week like clockwork I take the last five days and flush them down the tiolet . Reason why I do this is my mom will give them to me when she see me in pain and so will my friends . I Buy one bottle of advil and take the maximun prescipbed dose possable . It does not take away the pain but it limits it . I started doing this 6 months ago after being in my doctors office and seeing this one woman shaking in such a bad need for pills that see was asking people in the office if they had any . It scared the Sh** out of me .


   Let me give you my back ground on how I had to start taking this medication . I was hit by a cop running a stop sign . I dealed with the pain for three years without any presciption medication finally I gave in . I need a operation but it is to risky at my age and the location it is in . I am ewaiting on a new fda prosedure to be passed and then I an getting the surgery .


   Now you may ask if I am going out of my mind now after taken 6 7/5/200 vicopropfen for 24 to 25 days and not taking anything . To be honest I am not feeling myself . I am a little depressed and tired . and I have pain . But when ever I think of how I feel . I think of how pissedd off I would be at myself going back to the doctor early and the embarrassment it would be explaining I need meds early and that one woman who was shaking in my docs office . Now what do I use to get me thur this well I take advil of course and viavirin it's a over the counter stay awake aid in the morning but the night I am beat and fall asleep not every night but when I don't I stay up and think trhat one day it will be all over and I will be able to not think about meds . And believe it or not by the fifth day I have energy and when I am suppose to go back to the doctor for a refill the only reason why I do it is because the advil will not work any more . But I think because i never constantly stay on it I have been able to deal . I will tell the truth the five days I don't look foward to but it helps each month to keep me from getting addicted .


P.s sorry about my pucntuation and spelling I was never really good at typing .







P.s.s what is this thomasa recipe I am interested in it maybe it will help me even more . And remember someone watching all of us and looking out for us it doesn't hurt to know there is a hugher power that won't give us more then we can handle . Next time someone on here has "that feeeling if you know what I mean "think you could be worse off

[teeitup]

good post. scroll through the other questions the Thomas recipe is in several of them, I can't remember which one. Also post your comments under one of the top questions even if it doesn't directly relate, more people will see it and everyone cuts in that way. good luck!

teeitup!

[cyptonite]

First off my nickname is spelled wrong.Supposed to be cryptonite becauce I tried everything else and it kept saying that name was taken and I said I bet even cryptonite is taken and it probably would have been if I had spelled it correctly. I just wanted to tell someone ,ANYONE, that cared that I have cut the hydro's down a little every day .Went from 10--10mgs a day down to  2 and sometimes 3 a day. So tomorrow is a new day and a new year and I am going to go completely cold turkey. Hopefully it won't be so bad after tapering off. I have got to quit, this is totally destroying my life. I have lost one marriage ,have a wonderful husband now but I am so afraid that I am going to lose him too. We are filing bankruptcy now and I blame most of that on me because even though he says it isn't my fault I know better.I had my pills when there wasn't food in the house , when the house payment needed paid. It didn't matter to me as long as I had my fix.But the saddest part is that they don;'t even make me feel good anymore, they just get me thru another guilt filled day. Sorry this is so long but it just feels to good to get this out in the open to someone.Any advice would be appreciated.......

[Rex1]

Welcome to the club.

Tommorrow is a new year, and will be my 37th day detoxed off of Hydros - everyday is better than the last - you can do it.

Do you have any legitimate pain?

Rex

[summer12]

I am a 42 year old disabled female who has been taking narcotics for pain for 8 years now. I actually started taking drugs when I was 13 years old and was able to clean up my life for over 6 years and then was in a car wreck which ended up putting me on disablity because of back problems. Since then I have used everything from Oxycontin to the Durgesic patch, I am now taking 60 mg of methadone a day and have been for almost 9 months now. The problem is that it is no longer working as it should so I end up taking to many during the first week or so of a new refill and then end up suffering because of it the last two weeks  before I can get more.I am also finding that I am now taking them for other reasons besides pain, I now take them  before being in the public, or before I can even take care of my 12 year old child, or even before my husband comes home from work. Because of taking to many I now have to tell lies to other friends and talk them out of anything they have, like Vicodin and Demerol which I just did yesterday. I am sure you all understand it is like a circle for me. My days are wrapped around when the next dosage is. I do nothing except stay home, take them and wait for the next appointment. It is almost like I am constantly thinking about when I can take something else. I have had to detox before a couple of years ago from Oxycontin after taking it for a year, only because the doctor I had at the time left because of emergency family problems and I ended up with no one to write the refills. It was the worst thing I had ever experienced, and I ended up in the hospital with heart problems after a week or so. I was unable to even get out of my bed for days and unable to even sip water. All the symptoms I have read on here were exactly what it was like, so of course I am scared to death to just stop completly and have to go through all that again. I now have a new doctor and I will be seeing him on the 10th of next month, he is suppose to uncrease my Methadone so I will not be using it to much...but the truth is I don't want to go that route either..I would like to get off but I feel like it is so hopeless for me. A big part of me is glad he is increasing it then another part of me knows that within 6 months I will be taking it the wrong way also. My question is how does one get off of Methadone, when it is usually used for addiction anyway? And when you have such an addictive personality as I do, how will ever be "strong" enough to actually not take anything? I have days that I vision myself just walking off somewhere with a gun and ending it all to get out of this mess I am in, but I don't want to die either. I just don't want to live like this anymore. I have took things for so many years that I really don't even know who the hell I am anymore, if I ever did. Is there actually hope for people like me who came out of the 70's with a drug induced haze only to find themselves  over 40 and still doing it? After 25 years of abuse how in the world can anyone "Clean" up? I imagine I must feel as someone does stepping out of prison after half their life was locked away. I don't know if I can take that step, I do believe in God and I do pray but I am beginning to wonder if there is anyway or anything that can help me.

summer12

[djjohn]

hi everyone i am an addict. ive been addicted to painkillers since the age of 21. im 36 now. my drug of choice was hydrocodone 10/500. i took about 20 a day, then i graduated to oxycontin 40mg which i liked even better. its been 4 days so far and im still alive from detoxing. the depression is terrible. im taking a blood preassure med called catapress and it helps a little. i also take xanax for a severe panic disorder for which ill probably be on for years to come, by the way im sure the xanax helps too. all i can say to any of you who want to quit is to do it one day at a time and put some kind of trust in a higher power. also DONT DO IT ALONE!!! i can offer a little advice to you, for some reason when i feel really bad i drink a vanilla slim fast and it really helps. good luck to all of you tring to detox and remember that you are not alone, im doing it too. good luck to you all.

[sharonver]

Welcome to our forum:

Summer- I know what you are going through, I;'m sure most of us do.  Somedays it seems hopeless, but its not! Where theres' a will theres' a way!  Detoxing from methadone is not easy to do. It is one of the hardest meds to detox from. I know I have tried. You should probably try to find an addictionologist, he will help you with a detox plan and pain management if needed. Coming here to this forum is the first step... We will all be there for you...

djjohn- Hey, whats this about drinking a vanilla slimfast?  When you said not feeling well did you mean withdrawals?  Curious on why this shake would help, my guess is all of the vitamins etc. that are in it.  I may try it someday! Thanks for the tip...

Sharon

[hopefulheart4]

I just wanted to tell everyone how much I appreciate your comments of pain, addiction and recovery.  I am in the addiction phase right now, have been for about 4yrs at least haven't gone a day without something usually vico 7.5's or what ever I can get my hands on.  I Dr. hop, and am very fearful of being cought.  I have had two back surgery's with now avail, I was just dropped by my pcp, and as of Feb 3rd will start with a new one, I have decided to be totally up front with this Dr. and ask what help he is able to help with in dealing with my pain management.  I wear a fentonal patch also 50mcg's it holds back the withdrawls, but still have breakthrough pain.  I am also going to ask to be refered to a pain clinic.  I want so badly to stop all the med's but still have the pain.  I want to be able to feel that I am getting adiquite pain relief so I don't feel the need to run to Dr. to Dr. filling scripts.  This has gone on too long.  I am so tired of all the lies and deceipt.  My marriage has suffered greatly, he knows about the addiction, I don't have much of a support system here.  I am so afraid of the withdrawls... I take up to but not limited to 30 a day sometimes less, but not usually... I need help,I'm so scared.  The pharmacy's around here sometimes wont fill for me due to too many Dr.'s  I read on a post about DIVERSION... That really frightens me.. I know I need inpatient.. I just need to muster up the courage... God Bless you all!

[g.g.]

Post up higher no one comes down this far.Weve all been where your at but the good news is you can do it!! You took the first step by posting on this forum. Just keep posting but up on the top so people will respond faster. you will get alot of help here. Take care                    g.g.

[mesrep]

it seems so hard to do it...

I've been on hydrocodone for only 1 month taking no more then 3 a day at 5-10mg each. I no longer have pain and I want to stop any ideas on this?

[mcmcmc]

This is my first post here. I've been taking Hydrocodone, among other things (percocet, oxyC, marijuana etc...) for many years. The Hydrocodone is my "favorite" or drug of choice. At worst, over the last 12 years, I've taken 140mgs a day and at best about 40-50mgs a day. I've attempted to quit several times. It's been my experience that the physical withdrawal, though painful, isn't nearly as bad or long lasting as the psychological withdrawal from this drug. In the past, when I've found the strength to attempt to quit, I've spent about 2 weeks in physical pain, and SEVERAL MONTHS in SEVERE psychological distress. This is, I believe, the main reason I can't quit. If it were just a question of 2 or 3 days of physical withdrawal, I wouldn't even be an addict. It's not simple, psychiatric drugs seem to make my symptoms much worse. I wonder if anyone has had similar experiences?

MC

[hyjack]

Please post this at the top of the forum.  You are posting on old topics that hardly anyone sees.

You will get a much greater response if you do that.

[livinhell]

Well i would like to reply to everyone. first let me tell you about myself. first i am a christian and have been for about 10 years. second i am 24 yr old male i have one child and one on the way. i suffered from a motorcycle accident in 1997 resulting in a cronic back injury. i was put on hydrocodone 10/500 one every 4 hours thats 120 a month. i know alot of you said that you tried to keep the recomended dosage but like me you exceeded that. i was up to about 12 - 15 a day sometimes more. it turned into alot more than just dealing the hand i was delt. there wasnt a time that went buy that i didnt have 3-4 in my pocket. Until one day i woke up and i hated the feeling. 1997 till 2003 was along time and it wasnt easy so ill tell you what i did. i tried several times quitting and failed because my mind wasnt really set. i thought it was but it wasnt. untill one day i looked over at my little girl and thought i would love to be around and watch her grow up , although i knew that if i didnt quit i wasnt going to see much and i didnt want to see her grow up and me being on a pill high.i tried everything to quit. one night i put all my faith in god and asked him to help me with the withdrawels. the next day i woke up i didnt suffer from dirreha (as before when i dehydrated thanksgiving and spent 2 days in er.) im not saying it was a cake walk by no means and yes i had asked him before to help me but i guess thats why it says he works in mysterous ways. but this time was different. i knew when i woke the next morning he was by my side. i suffered severe back pain in other places that never hurt before. day 2 i suffered leg pain and knee and still had cronic back pain. day 3 was the worst  so dont let anyone tell you it gets better as the days progress. although it does get better before long you will never know you even took the little devils. it all depends on how bad you want it and how strong emotionally and physcially the person is. i have read these foroums and i agree with 99% of it so read up on it but for me it took strong will power that i didnthave from previous attemps of quitting. when you get that then you can consider your self a true warrior. and remember no man has fought a battle untill he has fought the battle of hydrocodone. :) my prayers are with each and everyone of you i know that you all have the strenght to get through this. btw i didnt wing myself off of them the last time i was taking 8 the last day and quit cold turkey so it can be done just watch your blood pressure and pray. my blood pressure went to 195/108 one time but i didnt worrie i just continued to do without my withdrawels lasted about 2 weeks getting alot better after the first week . so in conclusion ...... 1. pray and believe 2. drink lots of fluids ( gatorade = glucose the samething iv's have in them) 3.take vitamens 4. DONT FALL BACKWARDS AND TAKE JUST ONE B/C THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ONE !! LOL....  now im off to battle my skoal addiction should'nt be hard since what i just did.    goodluck to you all and im praying

[livinhell]

Well i would like to reply to everyone. first let me tell you about myself. first i am a christian and have been for about 10 years. second i am 24 yr old male i have one child and one on the way. i suffered from a motorcycle accident in 1997 resulting in a cronic back injury. i was put on hydrocodone 10/500 one every 4 hours thats 120 a month. i know alot of you said that you tried to keep the recomended dosage but like me you exceeded that. i was up to about 12 - 15 a day sometimes more. it turned into alot more than just dealing the hand i was delt. there wasnt a time that went buy that i didnt have 3-4 in my pocket. Until one day i woke up and i hated the feeling. 1997 till 2003 was along time and it wasnt easy so ill tell you what i did. i tried several times quitting and failed because my mind wasnt really set. i thought it was but it wasnt. untill one day i looked over at my little girl and thought i would love to be around and watch her grow up , although i knew that if i didnt quit i wasnt going to see much and i didnt want to see her grow up and me being on a pill high.i tried everything to quit. one night i put all my faith in god and asked him to help me with the withdrawels. the next day i woke up i didnt suffer from dirreha (as before when i dehydrated thanksgiving and spent 2 days in er.) im not saying it was a cake walk by no means and yes i had asked him before to help me but i guess thats why it says he works in mysterous ways. but this time was different. i knew when i woke the next morning he was by my side. i suffered severe back pain in other places that never hurt before. day 2 i suffered leg pain and knee and still had cronic back pain. day 3 was the worst  so dont let anyone tell you it gets better as the days progress. although it does get better before long you will never know you even took the little devils. it all depends on how bad you want it and how strong emotionally and physcially the person is. i have read these foroums and i agree with 99% of it so read up on it but for me it took strong will power that i didnthave from previous attemps of quitting. when you get that then you can consider your self a true warrior. and remember no man has fought a battle untill he has fought the battle of hydrocodone. :)

[zeros_vision]

is anyone immune to these horriable physical / emotional addictions?....
i had back surgery on july,3rd of 07....(fusion)
since then i've taken moderate doses (compaired to most who post here) of 10/500 daily, 2,-3, sometimes 4 tabs a day....
mater of fact before the back surg. i was prescribed 120 loritab 10/500 per month...
this went on for 2, maybe 3 years.....i now take around 70 per month, for last 7 years....
i've went without for 4 days, it was AWFULL!!!!!!!!.....
(i gave in after 4 days)

i have a good reason also for NOT wanting to be addicted to this junk....(as we all do)....
people i'm a Christian, i sing in a Christian quartet....
i really do love the LORD, i DO NOT want to be so dependant on this poison....

Fact is; i have a severe cervical problem too, involving C-3,C-4, C-5.....
TWICE i have denied cervical disc fusion surgery.....i would drink my coffee threw a straw, move about much like a robot.......
what did people do with the same problems i have now 100 years ago??????....
how do you deal with this?????....

i want to serve GOD to the best of my ability, but i feel i'm a failure because of my addiction.....
i also take 800mg of neurontin 3x day....PLUS 800mg moltrins, PLUS zanaflex.....
on and on and on......
i want off this junk, but i'm also scared that i couldnt cope with the pain if i were off....
is there anything, anyone may have to suggest for me?.....

[tjn50]

hello  
zeros_vision,
can identify, more later, sending prayers your way.  and to every body who has posted previously.  broke arm,last week.  more later. tjn50

[texasbull]

Hello everyone, my name is james, i ma from houston texas, i have a very bad addiction to lortab 10/500, vicodin, norco, whatever of these i can get my hands on, i take about 12 10mg lortabs a day, 5 at once when i wake up just to kill the withdraws, i want to stop, ive been on these for 6yrs, i get this gagging thing if i dont pop these when i first wake up, can someone help me????

[elaine12]

I too was hooked on painpills..I would get a scipt and at first 1 2 a day..then before I knew it up to 12 a day..I notied AT FIRST my depression seem to lift...so I was totally convinced I needed these pills just to function throught the day...BUT i will say they turn on you...makes the depression and feeling like **** worse..I wasnt even catching a buzz anymore and I was up to 12 a day...plus my depression was getting worse...I realized it was the pills..they definelty play games with you..I didnt feel I could get in shower without one, go to grocery store, work, ect...Unless I had some in my system..that is a LIE FROM HELL...I have 3 refills left..and dont want to fill them..been abusing these things for years..but like i said, i noticed my depression got way worse on themm..i finally see them for what they are..nastyl little white pills that try to control you...you have to realize its a mental game...

[mr.lucky66]

why do people bring these old posts back? There are of ton of other hyro posts (half of the post here are about hydro) that are recent.

[nafe]

look guys i been on the **** for a long time 2 i know exactly how u feel , ashamed, worthless, humiliated, and desperate, ive been 6 days clean, this is my 6th time in the las 10 yrs 2 do it, and i been tryin.All i can say is the withdrawl is terrible, but seek medical advice, i find that the physiological symptoms are more bareable each time you go through it cos u know when and where 2 expect what.I got a prescription of 5 mg diazapem and that kept me sane throughout this entire mess, this **** has ruined my life up 2 this point and if i can help anyone of you by saying this than im glad 2 do so, just seek medical advice and get counciling because addiction is both psychological and physiological and you need those support systems to keep your mind in check, hopefully you guys can do it my heart goes out 2 you all cos i know exactly what your going through you cant even plan to go away 2 far otherwise you cant get what you need 2 cope.The first and hardest step is admitting to both yourself and those around you you have a problem, the rest falls into line if ya want it to from there, hopefully i can keep this up and be free b4 its 2 late.Good luck

[sharles]

i have been on pain meds for about 5 months. i dont want to take anymore but my neck is so bad and lower back. i am on 3 and half days with them i feel ok but but neck is killling me and my doctor never called me back on friday. i need help for pain in my neck

[discouragedmom]

hi, i have just entered this forum as dicouragedmom as i have a young adult daughter that has been stealing my vicodan which i am given for fibromyalgia. the story began w/ my own drug use over 20 yrs ago when first diagnosed. i started w/ methadone, found out that was used to treat heroin addiction, as well as chronic pain, and went off cold turkey. now that was not fun....severe body aches worse than even the pain from fibro, nausea, the runs, headaches where i thought my head would simply blow off...etc. now i take vicodan w/ a muscle relaxer in the am just too get moving but over the years have rarely ever taken the prescribed dosages as i am terrified too become dependant on anything again. i have had to take two at a time before but not on any kind of regular basis...i do not see how anyone could manage to take up too 100 a day? how is this possible?

i have too say that this forum is quite enlightening as i had no idea how many people were prescribed vicodan. i personally have never had too take so many pills to help my pain but often times i work through the pain with stretching, bike riding, walking the dogs, or whatever...but never a handful of pain killers!

i have hidden my meds all over my home and still the pills are taken from me...what should i do?
discouragedmom

[Lisa034]

Your post is inspiring but you are posting on an old thread.  Go to the top and click on the button that says "Post a Question" so others may also be inspired by your story


Thanks
Lisa
Jacksonville,Fl