How?Why?

My husband has been doing coaine for 3-5ys spent alot of money. I don't trust him to go to the store or to come home from work. He checked into rehab for 45 days and the day after he came home took off again.How can he got for 1-2wks with out doing cocaine and not stop all together? Is he truely sorry every time he says he is? Does he really feel that his family is that important and he doesn't want to loose them? I know I can't imagine my life without him, but I don't want to look back in another long year and be in the same place. Week after week is full of promises that I think he truely believes, but I don't. is there a prescription out there to help you get off this stuff?

[C5 to C7 pain]

Do u have children?

[FLaddict]

i posted to you below... This is not the husband you married you are dealing with... You have to separate the man you love from the addict.. The addict is making the bad choices.. The addict is lying and taking off for days.. Your husband is being controlled by a disease.. As long as he is an addict he will lie. steal and cheat to get drugs.. His addiction does not care about his family.. I am sure the man does.. but the addiction tells him he needs drugs..not people..
IF he will go he needs a rehab for a least a month.. and then intensive after care... with counseling and drug tests randomly..and often..
I am being blunt with you and I hope that is ok... I can hear your pain in your words.. You need to take care of yourself.. and if there is children involve especially them..
Welcome to the site.. You should look for Naranon meetings in your area.. they are a nationwide group for loved ones of addicts.. you could meet people in your shoes and get some help and guidance.

[FLaddict]

Can you go to a family members house?? Or even a womens shelter?? Some of them depending on where you live are quite nice and can offer help.. I go do haircuts sometimes at one here for kinda charity work..
Or... You could throw him out... I know that sounds really mean to put it that way but.. asking him to leave is not out of the question to keep yourself and your younger children safe.. Right now.. You main priority is yourself and your kids... take care of that... make sure you are safe and as stable as possible..

[desperate0503]

I have 3 children at home from a previous marriage 12,13,17 he had been part of there lives for 9 years. They are often wondering where he is and why he is gone. The oldest one knows what is going on and confronts him about it quite often. I am not in a position to leave and have no where to go, I am on waiting list for public housing, but proably make to much money. I thought once he knew that I was going in that direction he would try to stop, but hasn't.

[desperate0503]

i have throwed him out before, he climbs threw windows(breaks). I packed his stuff and he left for 4 days. I was miserable, and he came back. I don't want to live with out him I just want him to stop. I don't even know how to live without him. From a person who doesn't drink this often tempts me, just to sleep at night, I don't feel unsafe at home I just want hime here. When he is useing he stays gone, he has never brought anything into the house. Or is that a yet question? It would be much easier if I thought he was cheating on me, although I still don't know where I would go, I thin I would be stronger.

[desperate0503]

How can a person go for so many days not using, I feel it is a choice he makes. If he were truely addicted, wouldn't he be useing everyday? Honestly I don't know much about this, have never tried it and don't plan on it. I work at a local hospital, and sadly there is not alot of options for addicts in our area especially males. The only meetings i see are for NA and AA . How would I explain being there th people I am likely to see often as patients at work. Could this affect my job, if they knew my husband was an addict?

[C5 to C7 pain]

Desperate-  I am so sorry u r going thru so much pain.  I can't imagine the heartache...but until YOU resolve not to put up with it anymore, it is going to be a part of your life.  I don't know the laws in your state, but if u file for a separation in some states, you can stay in the house and he has to leave.  But u have to be resolved that you will no longer tolerate his addiction...and u need to protect your kids hearts from the ongoing saga.   You can't change his behavior, you can only change how you respond to it.  If you make an Ultimatutm...then you must follow through.

All my best

[FLaddict]

It would not affect your job.. that is discrimination... You could go to a open NA meeing... closed meetings are for "addicts only" and open meetings are more welcome to people like yourself.. but I bet there is some kind of support group in your town for people in your shoes.. I am originally from a small town in Pennsylvania and there was a Heroin Support group that my grandmother attended when I was in trouble with that in my "younger days"
I think you need some kind of intervention... bring over anyone who loves him.. friends family.. and confront him.. in fact you should go to the site for the tv show "Intervention" they have some good info there that could help you.. the show is on A&E channel.. Its on Fridays at 10pm est.. but they have a site with info about this sort of thing.. and suggestions..
You are gonna have to do something you can't live like this... it will make you physically ill with worry. You need to be strong for your kids.. Do lots of research online.. set some boundries with him and stick to them.. Keep posting here for supprt.. We are happy to give it if we can..

XOXO
Stephanie
Day 43