Hydrocodone addiction

[Jo_4451]

Hello. I am new here but really would like some help since I feel so alone. Okay here is my story... I am an average young lady and looking at me you would never know the battle I am always having with myself. I was introduced to loratab 10mg about 5 years ago, from that day on I was hooked. They have completely taken over my life in every which way possible. I have been taken them so long that my tolerance is pretty high and very expensive. I was taken any where from 10 to 25 a day! Anything less than 10 was a bad day. I never got any from doctors just off "the street" and where I'm from they are 5$ or 6$ a piece! So do the math!!! Well I just had enough and I hit Rock bottom. Lost my job, my marriage is crazy bc of all the lies, my twin sister is always asking me what's wrong. It's just time to quit. Well I looked up some info on line and long story short I found out about suboxone. Made an appointment and I started taking them this morning! I have to say that it's a miracle drug. I tried to quit several times cold turkey and that was really hard and I couldn't do it. Well I am Hoping that I can stick with this bc I want to be myself again and want people to love me and not the high me! I'm really scared bc I don't know if I can do this. I am strong but them little blue pills are strong also! Any feed back would be greatly appriciated. Thanks

[carla1982]

Trust me you do not want to be on the subs for months or even a month. Taper down asap so your body will not become dependant on them. They help but it is hard coming off of them. Please be careful. Good luck to you and keep me updated

[Jo_4451]

Carla- hey and thanks for your words. Congraulations on being clean! That's great!  I'm so scared and confused about the suboxone. I don't understand what's the point if I will have the same  withdrawls as I did from getting off of tabs?!  The whole reason I got suboxone is to help me not go through the pain of detox. Not to develop another problem. You said u were on it for a month, well I'm wondering about that bc my doc only gave me a two week supply and no follow up visit? He made it sound like I would be fine after that. I was thinking this is too easy, I mean it almost seems not right for me to abuse my body for 5-6 years and get away with it so easy you know? Well it seems like u know exactly where I am bc we r the sane age and everthing and had the same DOC so any advice u  can give helps. Thanks and best of luck to you

[carla1982]

I just read your post. I did the same thing as you are doing and I am 29 now. I started taking tabs and norcos about 3 years agao bc of a car wreck and I had a script but of course that did not last. I was taking 10 to 20 a day. I was spending my money and getting money from my husband. He also did them but went to something was worse. I helped him get off of what he was on but I also had to help myself. I did the sub strips for around a month and I tried to stop them cold turkey and it gave me the same withdrawls as the tabs. I started taking the tabs again bc I ran out of the subs and could not afford to get more. But I ended up getting off of the tabs and I have been clean for 4 months now. You can do it. I forgot what life was like before pills. I couldn't go long periods of time without them and I never wanted to do anything unless I had them, mnow I can do as I please and not worry about having anything. The subs work great for the wd and it will give you energy and the leg cramps and stuff are not bad at all. I have faith in you. You are young and smart you can do it.

[sparkie825]

Jo, I think you made the right decision by going on Suboxone.   Be sure to check in with your doctor often so that you are comfortable with your dosage and not experiencing any withdrawals at this time.  If you do, you need to communicate that with your MD so they can make an adjustment.  Make sure they know about your headaches and ask a million questions if you need to.

I also found Eminem's Not Afraid to be very inspiring.  The symbolism in the video is very powerful.  First, as he walks down the street, he does not recognize himself in any window reflections.  Then, the lie that is his world crumbles away and he falls into the earth  (hitting rock bottom).  Very powerful indeed.  

"Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there..."

[Jo_4451]

Day 2. God the days are really long. I put myself in a bad position today. I had five pills ( the amount I usually take at one time) in my hands today, I could taste them. I looked at them for a whole hour then finally decided to flush them. So I wasted money pretty much but for some odd reason it felt good to have the strength to say NO! even though I shouldn't of put myself in that position I feel as though I needed to? Is that crazy? I have a bad headache also is that normal? It's day two and I have taken 1 and 1/2 suboxone so far. 1/2 yesterday morning and 1/2 in afternoon and 1/2 this morning and soon will take another 1/2. (8-2mg).

[Slim_Shady]

Glad to see u made through the night Jo. And by the way, I had to delete all of my Vicodine contacts, friend or aquantice, and when they called, I made it very clear that i no longer wanted pills or enablers. I was that committed to a clean recovery. Keep in mind Jo, you are fighting for your life, don't give up.

[eagle101]

It really does change, Jo - - and there really is hope! I was on that roller coaster for years...bouncing back and forth between clean and addiction.... But recently I have noticed a very pleasant change in attitude - - - I listened to "Casey Jones" by the Grateful Dead and only smiled at the thought of some coke..................Life is good today and the pills no longer scream at me from my head!! Its pretty nice and its available for you also. Stay with things.

[Jo_4451]

samesame- good luck and never give up. My thoughts and prayers are with you

[samesame1]

Even for me I sincerely believe there is hope.

I am in same boat as most - facing the detox/withdraws after being thru it many times. I seem to always fall victim to that demon in my head when I am clean. He uses my voice and assures me that one pill will boost me for the day, and the roller coaster starts. The buying, sneaking, lying, knowing that when the ride is over - hell awaits again.

I wish I had previously had your forethought to stop yourself when you caught yourself heading back. I am now done AGAIN and facing the oncoming doom. I know all the symptoms, and fortunately I haven't ever OD'd due to my addiction.

Though, my 1st time coming off them, I didn't eat, sleep or hydrate thru it and ended up having a seizure (was living on 5hr energy). I now know better. Have been reading the forums and have been prepping by buying supplies for my symptoms and even dosing on vitamins before my symptoms start.

At least I know now that someone else is using my voice when considering that 1st pill back into relapse, and I am praying that I recognize that fact when he starts talking. I hope I am as aware, awake and comitted as you were when you realised.

If you slip and realise, the GOD BLESS YOU! Please do your best not to give up on you. I sure won't. I haven't even given up on me yet. :)

I will try to hop on here with comments over the next couple weeks. I get lost in the forums so it may be easier if you decide to note me. I am open to all support and to all needing support.

My personal non-medical opinion, tapering drags it out and makes healing take longer. Subs and other 'replacements' just trade one addiction for another or a crutch - ya still gotta come down. I do NOT advise barbs at all (valium, xanax, etc), as they are addictive and if your relapse there is a HIGH propensity to die.

I have illegally gained a few phenergren to try and knock the edge off the nausea, so I can eat while going thru it. Please pray for me and my health, as I will for you.

[Jo_4451]

Thanks Vicki I really do appriciate any help I can get. I'm in one of those categories in which I could never tell my parents. And even though I'm 28 I still have 3 little sisters and just can't break their hearts. They wouldn't know how to deal with this kind of stuff. It's safe to say that I am the only "mess up" in the immediate family.
Last night was a bit crazy. But not bc of sweats, leg cramps, stomach cramps, and all the other little joys that come with dt (suboxone is really really helpful) just so much going through my head, wondering why I ended up here and shame for the 1000s of dollars I spent on junk instead of spoiling my little niece and nephew, I would always say I was broke. But truth is I was making lots of money and blowing every dime. Just *****. I know I have time to make it up to them but things are different now, I don't know if I every will b in a good financial position again bc of my mistakes.
I just got a call from my "friend" asking if I needed anything. It's so hard to not get some bc I really miss them. And it's also hard to stay away bc I'm jobless right now and can make money by selling some. I know I need to stay away and don't want to put anyone else in my position even though they will get it somewhere else. I will do my very best to ignore the calls and try to stay on the right patch with you strong angels I have helping me through this. Peace and love - me

[vicki595]

Jo-  Addiction is a strong and cunning monster!  I'm glad to read you're seeing a doctor for the Sub.  You should do just fine. Just concentrate on being well and getting recovered. Most of this is really in our heads,anyway. Just one foot in front of the other. Be sure you're getting support in some way. I don't advocate any program in particular. Check out a few things and find what works for you.

Good luck!!

[Jo_4451]

It's now 4:30am and having trouble sleeping but feel okay???!! I just downloaded "not afraid" and you guys are right, it is very good inspiration. I will use it throughout this battle.
I usually spend my mornings trying to get my next fix and blowing every dime I have in my purse... Today I will try my very best to fill that time with something positive like a long walk or visiting family (something I havnt done in a while) day #2 here I come !!!!!!

[Slim_Shady]

"And I just can't keep living this way. So starting today, I'm breaking outta this cage" I cried the 1st time I heard that line. It made me seriously think about the road I was traveling. Wasn't sure when my life took such a horrible wrong turn, but it was definitely time to find directions to get home.

[willPower4me]

I listen to it everyday! It's great inspiration. Love the part about " demons doing jumping jacks". So true. Let's trash those evil demons with gods power and our determination.

[Slim_Shady]

Will, that song truly inspired me. As corny as it sounds, its the God to honest truth. I'm sure if Eminem knew that he'd only lead one person to a better life, then he'd be happy. I'll check on ya tomorrow Jo, be strong.

[willPower4me]

Love eminem song- Not afraid!  everybody take my hand.... Let's walk this road together through the storm.....

[Jo_4451]

That's awesome slim so proud of you. Yeah let's do this together. Keep up the good work. I am watching tv right now because I can't sleep but sure that's normal. Will b back tomorrow

[Slim_Shady]

Jo, you have more support than u think. As u probably know, the next few days are crucial. Please be strong. We gotta regain control of our lives. I'm headed for day 19 myself after going cold turkey, and nobody around me knows that I'm in the middle of the biggest battle of my life. The way I figure, I got my self into this terrible position, I need to get my self out. Let's Walk This Road Together. We can do it.

[Jo_4451]

Thanks slim_shady I am trying. Its 10 pm here and I hope that I can sleep good. There is no doubt that if I do I'm sure I will dream about the pills! I can't wait till I can go a few minutes without thinking about them. Crazy little devils! I appreciate the feed back it really helps because I don't have much support here.

[Slim_Shady]

Hang in there Jo, u can do it.

[Jo_4451]

Thank you so much It really helps knowing Im not alone. It's now been 24 hours since I have had an lt and wow feels good knowing it's been a whole day. Can't even remember the last time that happened. Suboxone is still working well. Just making me nervous you know. I will check out some more info about it. I'm trying really had but there isn't one minute that goes bye that I don't think about them. Anyway thanks again I will pray for you and the very best of luck to you. Keep in touch plz

[2nd_X_Around]

Welcome and Congrats on knowing you have a problem, getting clean for sure is not easy see my nic name. As far as the process there are many ways to go about it for me its been cold turkey for me both times, there are many people on this site that will give you great advise regarding suboxone.  CT was just easier, yes the pains and suffering were a bit@h but knowing it would end was the light I needed. What ever you do make a decision an stick to it.

Good Luck an Be Strong