I AM Sick & Tired of My Crack Husband !!!

I have found evidence that my husband of 11.5 years maybe on crack as well as, crystal meth. He is a big liar and at first denied any drug use.

My husband claims that he is not using and attends AA and NA meetings and has a sponsor.  My husband and I have been separated since April 6, 2009.  He is now living with his co-dependent parents.  Who have problems dealing with there only child's substance abuse issues.

Please anyone answer the following questions:

1) I noticed that my husband's back teeth have started falling out or split. Why would his
    teeth fall or split like this?  My husband is only 44 years old.
2) His body weight is constantly up and down. Why?
3) When he calls me I can hear him constantly sniffing his running nose.  Why?
4) I see him from time to time to take care of financial matters. The last time I saw him
    which was two days ago his lips were chap and, I noticed what appeared be a cold sore
    on his bottom lips and both corners of his mouth were dry and cracked. Would drugs
    cause this to happen?
5) My husband blames me for the failure of our marriage.  If feels that I have always put
    Him last in my life.  Why?
6) My husband just informed me today that he has met someone else.  He met this
    woman at an NA meeting.  And now he is not sure if he wants to stay married.  Is this
    another ploy to maintain control over my feelings and emotions?

[catmagnet]

Geez, that's terrible!! I'm so sorry you have to go through this! I can answer a couple of the questions though. My husband is 44 and has beautiful teeth. My friend's hub is only 38 and his teeth are rotten, and I don't believe he is an addict. Some people just inherit bad teeth. Weight fluctuations in a guy are a red flag, along with the fact that he is attending meetings, which is a HUGE red flag! If he isn't using, then why would he be going? BTW, girlfriend/boyfriend relationships don't work out if they meet at na/aa. I think you're gonna have to decide whether or not you feel like dealing with this. 11 1/2 years seems to be a lot to throw away, but may not be worth it if you're not happy. It's never too late to start over. My brother was married 3 times=/ His first marriage lasted 14 years. I hope this helps...cat

[IBKleen]

I see that you asked this question a few days ago but did not receive an answer. I am sorry about that.

The one thing I can say for certain is drug addicts are great at lying and blaming others. Crack addicts are the worst. The mental part of getting off of crack is harder than any other drug.

It sounds like he is using but only he can tell you that. My feeling is that if you think he is...he is.

Blaming you is easy as it takes the burden off of him.

You are not going to fix him until he wants to get fixed so you have to make a decision if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life and is this the man you want to spend it with?

Is my guess that you are 25 correct? If so, you are young and have a lot to look forward to. Even if I am wrong and you are 55, you still have a lot to look forward to and deserve to be treated like a human and a lady.

You have a lot to decide right now. Stick around and talk with the members here. There are many good folks here who can share their experience and give you advise.

Hang in there.

[DeltaRedd1984]

Thanks so much.  My feelings are so conflicted.  All I want to do right now is cry.  But I am going to an Al-Anon meeting tonight.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate feeling like everything is always my fault.  I saw him today and he is not wearing his wedding band.  So I told him I would take mine off as well.  Maybe God will send me the right soul-mate this time.  Like I said, all I want to do is ball up in a corner and cry.

[IBKleen]

It is okay to cry...let it out. You are ALLOWED to feel whatever it is that you are feeling.

Congrats on the Al-Anon meeting. That is such a positive step in the right direction.

I wish you the best and please post anytime. Someone will always be here to help you anyway they can.

[landbray]

Hi,
I also believe that he is using,
I read your post & thinking that you are at your AlAnon meeting. I hope that you fouind some comfort there , especially to see that you are not alone. You sound in such pain. My expernice with a crack head almost caused me my mariage, it was the worse way to live. I' wake up in the middle if the night & find him lurking around the house , all parnoid. ugh, I can't even think about it. If he is using,get strong b/c for some reason this drug really takes hold, I don't understand it. I have 28 yrs drug abuse.I Did crack a couple times,but never liked it. don't understand the hold it has on people,
good luck to you, keep going to those meetings
paaddict

[DeltaRedd1984]

My husband was the same way.  On Mondays which was his payday, he would use until he ran out of money.  He was constantly up all night lurking around the house, opening and closing doors.  He skin and hair lost it gloss and his eyes where dilated and always red.  I could not sleep and I was often afraid to leave my purse out.  If I did not get to his job before he got off of work on Mondays the crack or meth man would end up with all of his money.  This patten of behavior continued until he ran out of money and then he would sit like a log in his recliner I guess thing about what he had done with his money and where he could get his next fix.  If drugs are so fun why do people become so depressed after they use?  I have never tried drugs and I do not drink.  If drugs did me like this I would seek help immediately and follow the program to the letter.  Right now, I am not sure if my marriage will survive.  I am not sure if I want to live with my husband anymore.  I know I do not want him at the house unless he is clean and working a program.  Thank God I do not have any children by him.  My only child just graduated from college.  She living at home with me and helping me to pay the bills.  

[Florida_Guy737]

I'm in my 40s and can remember when I was on the meds; pretty listless and a recliner would do me fine...after all, I did have a bad knee (reason for the meds).  My marriage wasn't going that well either; from my end...I wasn't happy but had enough sense to know it was me and not my wife.  Since I stopped almost 18 months ago, reclaimed my fitness levels, took a less stressful job, started eating right, etc, etc, my marriage is probably stronger now that it has ever been (we've been married almost 24 years).

I guess my point is that it isn't you but he is blaming you because it's the easy way out.  He has quite a few battles ahead....make sure you want to go there.

Take Care,

Guy

[DeltaRedd1984]

Thanks to everyone who has posted here. It has been a tremendous help to me. When the person you love is self destructing before your very eyes, it cause the family great pain. Especially once we discover and accept the fact that we are helpless and can do nothing to assist our loved one with their disease.

Yesterday, all I wanted to do was crawl up in bed and cry my eyes out but instead I attended an Al-Anon meeting yesterday and had myself a good cry with people who could love me and understand my pain.

My husband does not ware his wedding band anymore, at first that ripped my heart out. Out of hurt and angry, I took my wedding bands off too. I realized that this did not feel right to me so I put my rings back on. I have not given up all hope yet, so I will continue to ware my wedding rings.

I have no control over my husband's addiction, I can not cure it and I did not cause it.

I plan to attend an NA meeting tonight because there are no al-anon meetings in my city on Tuesday nights. I will also, continue to pray each day and ask Lord to direct my life and help me through the day. Thanks to al-anon, NA and this support forum, I am making progress one day at a time.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Teeth are definitely part of it - similar to "meth moth" - - - coke is incredibly corrossive.....if ya got some to spare make a solution of water and cocaine hydrochloride...then put a nail in the mixture...........it wont last long at all until it corrodes and vanishes. Are the friends teeth steel, by any chance?

[discretekarma]

If you really want to know, buy a drug test at CVS.  If he ever says he wants to be part of the marriage, he'll have to pass it first.  

[bolleraday]

Tell him you care for him and always will and stay away from him, really give it time see what happens, hes playing you and doesnt sound like he cares if he tells you he has met someone else even if he is trying to make you jealous, he isnt considering your feelings especially after putting up with his behaviour, he sounds really needy, give him some tough love babes and fly away, as the saying goes if you love someone let them fly away, if they come back it is meant to be, it wont be easy, but i speak as a addict myself and i wouldnt treat my loved one like that, sorry babes, i wish you well xxxx

[theformula]

i agree with the drug test. have it ready and make him **** the next time you see him. i am a recovering H addict and unfortunately relapsed recently and am out of the house where i lived with fiancee and daughter.  as angry as it makes me, she is doing the right thing. i dont deserve to be in her or my daughters life until i can prove im clean and can stay clean and i dont believe your husband should be able to come home till he can prove he is sober.  as for the girlfriend in N/A, maybe he does maybe he doesnt, but i promise he is trying to make you jealous and it WONT last. so another question is do you even want him back if he would be with another woman while you were separated. who knows what he could bring home to you.  i know its hard and you want to hold on to the man he was before this, but honestly he may never get better and you need to be prepared for that also. if he wants you back you need to set ground rules, without being overbearing, that he has to follow in order to even begin to get back in your good graces. im walking a tightrope right now trying to get my family back. at the same time i dont believe it means he doesnt love you if he continues to use. he is sick. you could tell him if he uses again theres a 50 percent chance he would die and he would prob still get high. the disease ***** our minds up and we dont think about the consequences. i got really tired of people saying if u loved me or us you would stop. i dont agree with that, some people may feel different but love has nothing to do with it. anyway i guess im rambling  now. i am so sorry for you. i finally realize now that i got put out what i was doing to my family, GF and daughter. this is an uphill battle, it can be done, but got to decide is he worth it.