I AM TRYING TO QUIT OXY ADDICTION AND I NEED HELP PLEASE

[helpneeded012]

Hi all,

I have been addicted to pain killers for 4 years now.  It all started when my wife had our first son and was prescribed loritab 10s for c section recovery.  I had never taken them before and loved the feeling i got when I took it. Then my grandmom needed money so she let me pay for her dr and gave me 90 tab 10 55 tab 7.5 and 90 zanex.  I took those every month for a loong time.  Then 6 months ago my mother died...  I have been taking roxis for the past 6 months everyday.  I couldnt even feel tabs anymore.  I then found a connect and started getting unlimited roxies and I was taking atleast 10 roxi 30mg a day.  I never snorted them or shot up anything i just swallowed them.  To get suboxen will be 500 first visit for 4 days of them which i cant do.  someone sold me 3 of their suboxen.  So basically I have 3 suboxen strips, 19 zanex and a few 7.5 tabs.  I have no money anymore for this habit and i want to quit!  Today i have no roxis except the one this morning and right now im at my office hurting so bad and so depressed.  i want to die i feel like.  i have a wife and 3 year old who have no idea of my addiction.  no one knows and no one can know im going through the detox.  i run a business where i have to travel sometimes so i was thinking about telling my wife i had to leave for work and just locking myself in my office to get through this.  what should i do with the suboxen and zanex///

please respond and help me if you can.  what is the thomas recipe? does it work? is there anyone out there that knows what im going through/  how long is the initial detox going to be before im normal again.  i am so terrified.  pills were my life and made me outgoiign and i could work.  without them im in so muc pain and have no energy to do anything.  i really need help.  just asking brings me to tears.  what can i do//

[ImDONENoMore]

Well, you sure learned a hard lesson here right?  Most of us think we know how to do this, that we can wean and be okay and follow a plan we determine for ourselves.  And most of us figure out that we were wrong.  And that you have to follow what other successful members have done and finally come clean, in every way possible.

It's great that you've returned and you're starting again.  And even better that your wife is on board with you and can support you during this time.  So tell us, what else do you plan to do differently this time?  Because even after you've gotten through the initial detox, well, that's where the real work begins.  Finding aftercare is the most important thing you can do.  Whether it's meetings or therapy.  But you have to try to find out why you were abusing in the first place.  Especially given that you seem to have a good life, a successful career and a supportive wife.  What drove you to abuse in the first place?  We usually need to figure that out beforehand because those reasons will return once you've made it past that initial detox.

Oh and I can NOT stress this enough - you have to remove ALL access to your DOC.  I mean all of it.  No "just in case" numbers, or connections.. none of it.  Believe me, in a vulnerable moment, if it's easy to fall back and pick up again,  you will.  I promise you, you will.

Keep posting - as you already know, there are a lot of great members here with a ton of knowledge and experience who can help you through this.  Remember - you have to get honest with yourself.  You don't like to think of yourself as a junkie - but we are aren't we?  Addicts, I suppose, a nicer word maybe?  But addiction doesn't discriminate - no matter how successful we might be.

[helpneeded012]

Hey everyone,

Well my friends dont hate me but i screwed up!  Yal were right! weining off is not a good idea if your in a volitile situation bc as soon as something erupts you make an excuse to take more.  Heres a story for ya and no one do this or get mad its just something i went through.

So I am on my system and everything is going just fine.  Ive got work caught up, workers on the road, and now I can just take it easy and get better.  I am following the ween system and just have no energy at all it feels like and no motivation.  Then the tsunami of work comes!  I get a list of 96 POs issued to me accross the East Coast from New York to Miami to Denver!!! My next move is to take a trip to Miami first. I am sick as a dog and dont feel like going.  

I go anyways. It wasn't good.  My benz broke down, spent 3 days in hotel stranded until it was fixed.  Got it, drove 4 more hours it broke down again on highway got towed and a loaner car from mercedes this time and needless to say i screwed up and took all i had.  then i go looking.  Dont ever do that ever ever in a 2012 benz lol luckily i had my gun on me bc i almost got robbed until they saw it then i got in a fight with someone and on and on.  Just so happens my girl mom lives there and hooked it up for me.  Now im right back on.  That 6-7 days of hell starts all over now. I got back home after the trip and of course met my man and got right back to biz with them.  

Well by the grace of God my wife approached me and said she knew i was on something and was leaving if i didnt tell her.  she said she has known for a long time and will be here for me if i just tell her.  So I told her and she has been here for me.  Got the thomas recipe ingredients and its been 72 hours so far.  Today I jumped up not feeling too bad at all just still craving but i promised her a drug test every now and again until she belives im off.  u guys were right.  I should of told her all along and could of been done a while ago

[samari]

Although our situation is not exactly the same, we have alot of similarities regarding coping with my mothers death she was my best friend and suddenly died from an aneurism, scarred to tell my man because he has previously threatens to take my 4yr old daughter from me so even going to detox is not an issue for the fact that he can hold it against me in court arrgh! Its alot so I feel u. If u ever need to talk I am here I just started on here yesterday so it's all new to me too, and I just want my life back as well. As I learn things I will share them with u. GOOD LUCK <3

[Sonrissa]

Hi help! I think that whatever your plan or taper schedule is, will be fine! Just work it every day! Stick to it! When times get rough post here! I'm wishing you much success! Behind you all the way! Take care! You can do this!

[helpneeded012]

Thank you for the support.  I have made myself a plan with a taper schedule and i am sticking to it.  I have it all seperated down into individual bags and im leaving the extras at my office so that way all day i only have the ones for that day on me.  My office is 45 min away from home without traffic so i wont be able to drive back down and grab more which will help with the cravings and excuses to take extra.  I am going to do this yal!!  I will get off of these this time!  I feel great today.  I went to the gym for the first time since my last football season at Jacksonville State.  Feels so good.  

Heres my plan.  let me know what you think...  I took my G mom to doctor and got the 75 tab 10s 87 footballs and still have 23 7.5s.  No roxis or anything like that will be bought again.  I set them all up into the little bags.  TAPER SCHEDULE:
7 10s and 4 footballs for 4 days
5 10s and 3 footballs for 5 days
4 10s and 3 footballs for 5 days
3 7.5s and 3 footballs for 3 days
2 7.5s and 2 footballs for 4 days
1 7.5 and 2 footballs for 6 days
1 football a day for 5 days

Then im done.  I started the first one today and so far so good.  I might leave extras is what im planning to do and just flush them if i do.  Everytime i would normally take a few I break it in half and take that. I am training myself back to know what is actual pain u know?  I feel like **** but i feel more like myself.  im not high anymore.  I still really wish i could feel that high but thats just for now.  i will get through this.  Surely me posting my taper schedule isnt an "offense" on this site.  I read about no one being able to give me one but private messages are a great help and thanks to those that cared enough to send one.  I really appreciate it yal and hopefully this will help me get through it.  yal check in on it

[thewaz]

Well said Kyle. And sooooo very true.

[kyle505]

Hello and welcome. I've read the above posts and it looks like you're in good hands. My only comment is - in your original post you said, to summarize, that you have no money and can't get meds so you want to quit. My question is, if you still had cash, would you be on this forum? Don't get me wrong - many of us get and stay clean because our source(s) has run out. My fear for you is, if cash is the only barrier between you and pills, then the odds are against you UNLESS you put the kabosh to all sources.

[thewaz]

First, I am humbled by your compliment Sonrissa.  You know you are my inspiration too.  We are a team in this journey.  Remember the boats (although I still think we should just get a big-a$$ houseboat).  Thank you.

Help: First, no one on here is going to turn their back on you.  This is no easy journey you're about to set forth on.  But it will be the best ride of your life.  Trust in us who are in varied stages of being clean (I'm on day 26).  i told you I'm a secret detoxer too as many of us are on the site. That should say something huge right there.  We are mortally embarrassed about what pills have done to us and how they control us.  Sonrissa is right.  If your wife doesn't already know, she will eventually if you continue down this path.

I would think your past family experiences may offer you an incentive to get clean.  That's a very frightening story and your life appears to have been given many twists and turns.  what you do with those and which path you choose to take is only up to you.  Only you.  You must want this.  Need this like nothing you've ever wanted/needed before. Because as you've experienced the alternative isn't pretty:  death.  Or living a life dead-like.  I'm in sales too.  Marketing and sales. And I write.  You will not believe the changes that have occurred for me professionally since getting clean.  I'm spot-on and have closed two enormous deals in the last 2 weeks that I may otherwise have failed at.

So let's talk about your thoughts of weaning.  Sorry buddy....it doesn't sound like it's going to work.  I've tried 3 times and failed 3 times.  Many of my pals on here will concur. For some it will work but it appears the only way is if you have someone close to you.  REALLY close to you who monitors your intake.  Who holds your pills.  For me, being a secret addict, there was no one.  So when I would taper, I would pound extras and lie to myself about it.

We will hold you strong for this.  You are not alone.  Baby steps.  If you want this badly enough do not fear it.  If you've ever had a really awful bout with the flu, that's what you're going to experience. But if you prepare for Hell Week, as I love to call it, then we can help you ease some of the discomfort.  Isn't a few days of feeling awful worth a fullfilling life and realtionship with your wife and a successful career that you have built?

Flush those pills.  Everyone on here knows that, in my opinion, is the only way you will succeed.  Rid yourself of all sources.  If you can get to them, as you did, you will take them.  Tell the person who called you yesterday to never call again.  Ever.  Or when they do, don't answer.  You're stronger than the pill, right?  Show it.

Here's a post I did about 10 days ago.  It's sort of a 3 phase breakdown of what I went through.  What you will expect.  How to prepare.  Let us be your lifeline. this is MY lifeline and I would never, not ever, be 26 days clean without these wonderful people cheering me on.  Let us do the same for you

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Day-17-Temptation-and-surviving-your-decision-to-be-clean/show/1743152#post_7994103

[minn66]

Hi, I just wanted to say hi, offer support, and welcome you. I'm sorry I didn't see your thread before now. First, yes, the withdrawal symptoms can be a bear. I have to admit that if I had read all the stories before I quit hydrocodone I don't know if I would have. I actually found this site on day 4 when I was trying to make it though work. Anyway, we're all different, so your timetable may be different from someone else's. Please don't let the fear of what may happen hold you back. People do get sick and there is a bug going around, so use that as an excuse. Get as many of the vitamins, minerals and supplements listed in the Thomas recipe as you can. Have lots of Gatorade, Vitamin Water, or Powerade on hand, and of course the Immodium. Go ahead and start taking a good multivitamin, B Complex, and calcium, magnesium and zinc. Get OTC medicines like TheraFlu daytime and nighttime for the aches and pains. I added lemon and honey to mine. Herbal teas are soothing too, Celestial Seasons variety box is excellent because it has Morning Zinger for a gentle boost in the early hours, and Sleepytime which is relaxing before bed. Lots of hot showers or soaks in Epsom salts.

Like the others said, make a plan, pick a date, and go for it. We'll be here to support and help you through.

Best wishes,
Minn

[helpneeded012]

Thanks

[Sonrissa]

P.S.  Listen to the Waz! She is wise beyond her years! If you have time, look up her posts! She is by far the most inspirational person I have ever met! You will find yourself in her posts! It's well worth your time! I think you would be very smart to seek her out!

[Sonrissa]

Help, first of all, we are not allowed to give any sort of tapering schedules here! It's against Med Help rule! Some people are very successful at tapering and maybe those people will weigh in! I tried to taper for a few weeks, but it did not work! I ended up Flushing about a 10 day supply down the toilet and went cold turkey! I was able to get through it by using the old "bad flu" excuse! the worst of the physical lasts about 5-7 days! The other thing is that I do not have any dealers, mine came strictly from a Dr. In order to be successful, you will need to somehow cut off your supply, all of it, from every source! You will have to really want to be clean, above all, or you will never succeed! You must want this more than anything! This is a difficult commitment, but it is so very worth it to be able to get off of this hideous roller coaster! Imagine the money you will save, the stress of running out, your relationship with your wife! She will eventually find out, they always do!! I'm not trying to discourage you from a taper! It has worked for people, it just didn't work for me! Best wishes, and stay with us!

[helpneeded012]

hey guys.  I just clicked reply on one bc that all i could do but i read and appreciate every post.  you have no idea how much this means to me.  its a weird anaology but you guys are like my annomyous angels leading me in the right direction and on the streets the rats are pulling at me to get more.  I am not going to lie to anyone on this thread.  I slipped.  I gave in to the tempation.  I had been off roxis two days and was just taking 2 7.5s at a time 4-5 times a day past two days and it was going great.  I wasn't high off them but I wasn't sick either.  Yesterday I was so happy.  i took my wife out to eat and we laughed and laughed.  i laughed more than i ever had in a long *** time.  i looked around me and felt like myself for a brief moment and said i can do this.  i am going to do this.  it felt great.  at 4pm i told myself i wouldnt take another tab for the day.  i stuck to it by smoking herb when the cravings came in. and it really helped alot.  then this guy text me hey man got roxis 30 for 15 a piece and i caved in.  the entire time doing it i knew i didnt need them i didnt want them i shouldnt do this, yet i still did it... Im sure most of yal have given up on me now and think im not serious.  I am though and i really want to quit this i really do.  its just my situation i have to figure out how to do this secretely.  I have to!!  Telling my wife isnt an option at all.  she will leave me.  she already threatened to.  i dont know what to do but i am so sick of this.  the scariest part is people are saying i will be flat out sick, puking, diareah, and not sleeping for about 2 weeks! like holy **** thats terrifying!!!  is that accurate or did i misunderstand? I know its a long time of getting off these.  i get that.  but how many days roughly is it the flat out super sick, legs hurting, no energy, just flu type dying feel?

You guys might not knw me or my situation.  You do not know how crucial this thread is to me.  Your support makes me feel like im not alone and i can do this.  i tear up thinking that people who actually care about other people are still around.  the world might look down on all of us on here and call us losers bc of our addiction but we all are some of the most kindest, sincere, and real people out here.  I used to judge people like us, addicts.  Now i admit I am an addict.  I am ashamed yes, but I see that together we can help each other and thats a really great thing in my life.  This thread will save my life.

So here friends, heres what i need help on.  I am an addict.  I love the high of pills and feel like i cant even work right and be that go getter salesman shaking hands making deals without them! yet i know i am without them.  i started this company at 19 years old when my wife became pregnant and God blessed me so much no pills involved.  It took off.  I was all over the place selling jobs making money.  Had 16 employees before my son was born.  Then she got the tabs for c section.  when i took one i was king i was live i was hyped up and talking my *** off making sells!!!  that started the addiction.  then i would take one before a meeting so i could be more up, then before i went home so would be talkative with wife and want to play with my son.  then it became as soon as i wake up.. tab tab tab u know? Then i found my mother dead on her couch Oct 22 of last year.  It killed me.  In her toxology it said oxycodone played a part in her death.  I had a connect for them and I went ham.  I said **** it ill take them too but not to kill myself or anything.  it just numbed my pain and made me so much stronger i thought.  

Heres the question.  I have 28 roxi 30s, 23 7.5, 4 zanex, and 8 morphine 30s that i forgot i even had bc they dont do anything.  I already commited before posting on here to my grandmom that friday i would pay the $250 for her dr appt and she gives me 75 tab 10s now and 90 footballs.  if i dont pay her she will flip out on me.  my family is pretty ****** up. this addiction runs in my bloodline.  What would a good taper scehdule be for me to do friends?? I will literally take what yal tell me and seperate them all into little baggies.  I will make sure I leave all the extras at my office so when i leave the office i only have those on me and cant get weak and grab more you know.  my office is 45 min away in atlanta cant just drive there to reup.  Will yal help me with a taper schedule please?

[thewaz]

I want to congratulate you on your thoughts of living a clean life.  I'm on Day 26 and I PROMISE it's much better on this side. We have many similarities.  I'm the VP of a very large company.  You are right. They are everywhere.  Such a sad commentary on our lives.  I shared a story when I was going through W/D week that I was at an executive level social event and the host shared that he was sorry he didn't have enough Vicodin to share with everyone.  I, too, am what we call on this forum, a secret detoxer.  The only people I've shared my addiction with are the non-judgemental, caring people here, my therapist and my doctor.

So the biggest and most important question is, how badly do you want off these devil pills?  When you are completely committed to doing this, and I mean 110%, you will.  Simple as that.  Now what your journey is going to put your through for a while is not simple at all.  It's a very difficult journey with many unexpected twists and turns.  But you sound like a very strong and educated person.  Who is used to twists and turns. In business, how do you deal with an unexpected twist or turn?  As odd as this may seem, the same philosophies hold true for his.

I pounded pills for 9 years.  I thought I was a functioning addict.  I never used the word addict when it came to myself because I never thought I was.  It wasn't until I found this forum that I now use it freely.  Because I am an addict and always will be.

My wonderful friends above have offered up some very valuable advice.  Have a plan.  When you are ready and committed.  Accept that fact you are going to feel like a semi had its way with you for about a week with days 3-5 the worst.  It just is what it is.  As a secret detoxer I told everyone from family to friends to colleagues I had the flu. Really bad flu.  Prepare.  Have all the supplies you need at home.  Most important, get rid of all pills. We're very fond of flush parties here.  If you keep temptation, trust all of us, it will win.  Your mind and body will be weak and it will play tricks on you.  Don't look back or forward. Live in the moment.  For me I made a chart of 120 hours for the first five days and checked those hours off.  Then I started looking at days. One at a time.  Now I'm at day 26.  I've had two intense and very successful business days.  Filled with meetings and clients and staff.  Everyone sees the difference in me.  No one is sure why however there are a lot of smiles around me.  Mostly mine.

Stay here.  We will keep you strong and hold you up when you feel like you're going to fall.  Believe in you.

[Sonrissa]

Hi help! So glad you came back! Do you really think that anyone sets out to become a junkie? I sure as hell didn't! I am like you! Very well educated & such! What do you want to do? We really can help if you want to stop the roller coaster! I am only 13 days off of Roxis and it wasn't easy, but it sure can be done! Stick around! We are not so different from you!

[tomskat]

Hi there and welcome. I just sent you a message so please check your inbox!!

[helpneeded012]

I'm still here. I can't tell my wife though. She found them once and threatened to divorce me and take my son. I told her I quit but we all know how that goes...  Guys my probem is I'm so successful in business that money isn't an issue and of course there are people with them EVERYWHERE. I didn't take any today just some tabs and I felt ok. This is crazy. No offense but I never thought I would be a "junkie" I'm so ashamed and depressed about it. The worst part is someone texted me with 30 for $15 and I've commited to getting them tomorrow at 9am!  I'm so f'ing ashamed yet I still want to get them. I don't know if I can deal with the sickness. I know I can't taper. I'll tell myself ok this is last time buying I'll do x many a day etc but then I get pissed or sad about my mom so I swallow another one and then something else triggers me to do another one. This first step of talking is really helping though. I constantly look on here for comments to know someone is With me through this. I can't do rehab, or therapy or anything like that. I'm trapped. Only way out is keep doing them or find a way to disappear and detox. Today my wife even mentioned when I got home from work "seems like your coming down off Roxi if u are I'm leaving you" and I said nah just sick. Comments are appreciated yal. Truley are. Without your advice and wisdom I will probably end up OD and it's so sad I even say that. Was your typical HS all star in every sport, w tons of friends and girls.  Everyone in my county knows me. And now look at me. Hidden junkie posting my heart away for someone to trigger me an help me stop this. I don't have to quit bc of money or supply I have to bc I want my life back. I want to be me again. I'm tired of these pill dealers and drug buddies. I'm sick of it!  

[Sonrissa]

Hi Help! I hope you are still with us! I thought of a couple more things to help you get started! The first thing is to make a plan! Then write it down! I did this and it really helped me get started! I started writing steps! step 1: Read posts, Step 2 ask questions, Step 3 get all supplies needed for Detox like vitamins, supplements, Gatorade, Immodium, etc... Step 4 set the date! anyway, things like that! Then cross them off as they are accomplished! For me, it helped keep me focussed and somewhat organized! I still make "step" lists everyday! You can get through this if you really want to, and it sounds like you do! We can help!

[Free2agoodhome]

Hope you didnt think you were unique?  

Your story is in some way all of ours.......Start by knowing there is a way up and out.

Plan your detox like you would plan a vacation..cover every base...tailor a plan...whether its taper or cold turkey...time off work (if u can)....good replies already.....read posts..old posts...look at the answers,,,,and when you're ready....were all here to help ya.....why?  because it was freely given to us.....


Free~

[Sonrissa]

Hi Help! First of all, you have Definately come to the right place for help! This is a wonderful site for support and advice! You have taken the first and perhaps biggest step by asking for help! There are so many people here who have been through this and are just like you! Don't be ashamed, it doesn't help! My story is very similar to yours! I was taking 30mg Roxies for recent shoulder surgery! I was not at 10 per day, but around 6-7, still too much! I am around 12 days off of them! It's not easy and I'm not through it yet, but I am much better! The actual physical detox lasts about 5-7 days! For me days 3-4 were the worst of it! It is like having a really bad case of the flu! the Thomas Recipe will help you with vitamins and supplements and such that can help lessen some of the withdrawal symptoms! Check it out, it does help quite a bit! The other thing is to read, read, read the posts on this forum! Lots Of your questions can be answered! Also, keep posting here with any questions or thoughts or concerns you may have! We can help you get through every step of the way!! Consider talking to your wife! It is always better to have support right in front of you! She really may be more understanding than you think! For me, everything is usually Better than you think it will be! There will be others who will be along to give you more information and support! Stay around here, this is the best place for help! The last thing is that this is very doable! Not fun or easy by any means, but if you really want to stop, then you can stop! Please stop beating yourself up! This stuff happens to tons of people! So, take care, start reading, check out the Thomas Recipe, keep posting, and get a plan to quit! We will help you as much we can through every step! Best wishes!!

[Fireby29]

Okay man, relax first.  Read a bunch of these threads and posts, you will find many of us addicts here who have had long love afairs with the opiates.  What you will find is that it is really hard, but you can do this and come out on the other side if you really want this.  First thing I have to give you, advice wise, is to tell your spouse.  You need the support, and you may be surprised at her reaction.  Only you know if you can or not, but if you can, you should tell her.  Can you take a few days off from work?  The Thomas Reciepe does work, but it's no walk in the park.  Tell yourself you are going to have the flu bad, and get your mind right to just feel bad for awhile.  It will be worth it!  Once you get detoxed, you can get busy eating right and exercising, which wil spur that brain getting healed which we really trash with all of that opium.  For me, the Imodium and Gatorade, some aleve and if you cannot eat, a boost shake will get you through detox.  Go get that stuff now and flush whatever else you have, it will give you the mental control over this thing heading into your detox.  Think about some aftercare, but for now focus on your detox.  We will be here checking in on you, you can do this!

And you must cut off all supply, this is why your wife holding you to it is important.  You will get weak, and many of us (I sure did) cannot control ourselves, and making those pills really, really hard to get will get you through those cravings.  

Bryan