I JUST "CANNOT" GET RIGHT.........

WELL HERE I AM STILLLLLL, WELL ITS BEEN WAY TO LONG THAT IVE BEEN HERE AND STILL HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GET CLEAN AT ALL AN I KNO MOST PEOPLE ARE GONA SAY WELL U MUST NOT WANT IT BAD ENUF, AND MAYB THTS TRUE BUT HONESTLY I HAVE REALLY REALLY WANTED TO BE NORMAL AND QUITE THESE DAMM PILLS FOR SOOOO LONG. WELL ITS BEEN AROUND 8 YRS ON OPIATES AND IM 26 YRS OLD, I STARTED TAKING VICODIN THAN NORCOS/LORTABS/PERCS AND AT MY WORST PART I GOT UP TO ABOUT 60 A DAY THAN WITHIN THE LAST 8/9 MONTHS IVE BEEN SNIFFING/SMOKING OXIES AND ITS BOUT 240MHS-340MGS A DAY GIVE OR TAKE. MY FAMILY HAS BEEN TOLD ABOUT A 1YR AGO AND THEY THINK IVE BEEN CLEAN SINCE THAN AND I CANNOT BEAR TO TELL MY PARENTS AGAIN CUZ ITLL TOTALLY MAKE EM SO UPSET AND HONESTLY I DONT KNO WHAT TO DO NEXT I MEAN IF I TELL THEM I MITE GET KICKED OUT THAN I HAVE KNO IDEA WHAT ILL DO IF THT HAPPPANS OR THERE GONA SEND ME TO REHAB CENTER WHICK I ACTUALLY COULD PROPBALY BE REALLY GOOD FOR ME BUT WITH MY JOB I CANNOT DO IT WITH/OUT PROBABLY GETN FIRED. SO AS U CAN SEE IM IN SUCH A DILLEMMMA I MEAN I WANA QUITE SO BAD AND START MY NORMAL REAL LIFE AND START TO GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK I REALLY REALLY DO WANT TO. I MEAN FOR EXAMPLE FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS IVE BEEN SITTING IN MY HOUSE DOING NOTHN BUT SMOKING AND SNIFFING 80MG OXIES ALL NITE AND DAY IVE BEEN ON A PRETTY GOOD BENDER AND FEEL LIKE IM DOING NOTHN BUT GETN WORSE AN WORSE ON THESE AND HAVE BEEN DOING STUFF THT I WOULD NVR OF WANTED TO DO THE LAST FEW WEEKS WHEN I WAS OUT OF PILLS AND COULDNT GET ANY OXIES I WAS DOING STUFF THAT REALLY REALLY IS A DEAD END AND IS GONA MAKE ME GO DOWN EVEN FASTER. I NEED TO JUST FINALLY GET STRAIGHT BUT IM SOOOOO SCARED AND ALL IN ALL JUST TOTALLY A MESS ABOUT WHAT IVE BEEN DOING. ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEAS OR SECERTS ABOUT STARTN AN STAYN CLEAN OR JUST ANYTHN IN GENERAL IM JUST LONELY AND MESSED UP AND ANY TALK WOULD HELP ME ESP WHILE IM SITTING IN A SECULDED HOUSE BY MYSELF I JUST NEED TO TALK OR LISTEN TO SOMEONE SO IF ANYONE AROUND PLZ JUST GIVE ME SOMETHN EVEN IF ITS YELLING AT ME CUZ I DESERVE THAT AS WELL.

[Skidmore]

Good morning dude I have been cold tukey Detoxing for 7 days I have was taking 30-40 10mm Vikes/percs a day . I was on this crap for 3 years.I finally had enough,I went to an N/a meeting last monday ,and every day of the week It has been a bit tough at times what I have been doing staying conected on this silly site and getting alot of support I am going to an a/a meeting at 6AM and just want tolet you know that you dont have to do this alone.I will pray for you my brother and keep posting God does not make any junk

[Calamity2]

Have you ever gone to a NA meeting ?  Many places have more than one NA meeting to choose from. the forum is great and many people got soberity here. It's possible you need a in person approach.  Go to one today !  Even if you don't get help. You will help others by being there.  Keep up posted.   I'm praying for God to give you a miracle.

[fogmussher]

You need to make a simple choice. You already know what it is. Nobody can do it but you. You may have to continue till you are unable to stand or walk or eat. You may want to wait till your hands draw up like claws and the nerves form a crust like shell ( your brain being the largest nerve) Am I right that your memory suffers already? You may want to keept it up till you have alzhimers at age 30. The choice is yours. How would you like blindness? Is your optic nerve affected yet? Try quitting for 3 days and see?

[dwb2k]

im pretty much in the same boat you are bro...i have 3 kids, a wife and a good job....and i am super addicted to vicoden....i eat about  20   750's a day..eat,,snort..dont matter,...it controls my life...i was reading your post and it sent chills down my arms cause its almost like i wrote that..i cant even begin to get clean..if i go to rehab ill lose my job...plus i cant let pple outside my circle of friends no im a pill head....my old lady no's i am...and she no's its killin me..sometimes i just feel frustrated....im 24 and at this rate...wont even go there i guess....i just need some help.......and hope you can find the strength u need to bro......but your not the only one out there..trust me..i want to be clean it just aint happening....

[sweatinit]

Checkout the health boards. They are really helpful. Also keep posting here. I was inspired to quit and stay quit. day 14 for me today. you guys can jump on board at anytime. I am routing for you!

[gizzy32]

Hey jt. Dude, you have been on this roller coaster ride for way too long now. My best piece of advice to you is inpatient rehab. You have not been able to stay clean on your own and we tried to tell you that before, you need to get some help bud, these drugs are killing you. As long as your keeping this a secret and say you can't go to rehab or some type of help, chances are you will probably stay sick.

Just remember that you don't have to live like this no more, there is help and options out there. Jt, I wanted to quit for years too, I tried on my own only to fail over and over and over. PLEASE, get some help. Go to an N/A meeting and tell them your story and let them help you too. You can do this.

P.S. I am glad you posted and hope this didn't sound mean. Your so young and this can all be fixed, we just want to see you clean and happy. Good luck.

[dominosarah]

Good morning jt......Im not going to yell at you i am just going to give you the facts.  If you dont stop what you are doing this is going to kill you.  You have kept this from your parents as you are worried about getting thrown out, what will that matter when you are no longer here?  You are worried about losing your job, what will it matter when you are no longer here?  When are you going to finally pull up those boot straps and walk into the room and say I am an addict and i need help?  When are you going to put YOU first?  No more excuses jt.  Your addiction is escalating and your body isnt going to put up with much more.  You cant do this by yourself.  You are at a crossroads here.  Make the right choice.  You have it in you to do this.  Dig real deep.  You are so worth it..  Come on jt, your life is on the line here.      sara

[corey411]

Hey Jt, I can feel your frustration in your words. I can also see that you know exactly what you have to do. The things that you are doing are not working and you have to change the way that your going about this or nothing will change with the outcome you have. We are only as sick as our secrets.
You remind me so much of a young girl that we just had on here who could not bring herself to tell her parents until it was almost too late. She used college and the holiday as excuses and tried very hard and very unsuccessfully to stay clean. She detoxed herself many times and always believed she could control it but she couldn't.  She was doing so many oxys to just not be sick that it was killing her. Once she made the decision to tell her family and go to rehab she said it was the biggest relief lifted off of her shoulders. She went to rehab and then decided that she wanted to go to a girls halfway house for xtra treatment. She is finally doing great. You answer alot of your own questions in your post. You need rehab and for your parent's to know. Your life is worth more than your job. I know jobs are not easy to find but you will get another one at some point. Check to see if your company has family or medical leave which will hold your job for 3 months while you recover. Don't keep piling up excuses of why you can't . Eventually things will get so bad they won't matter. Don't let it get that far. This is incredibly hard but you can do it. Use all of the tools available to you to get your life back. I can tell that you want it so badly. Don't give up. Good luck and God bless, Corey

[dominosarah]

Our secrets keep us sick~~~~

[troubleinohio]

JT ive been following your struggles for as long as youve been a member here (we're both long timers here)...listen hon...who gives a shitt if you lose your job at this point? i mean really...Life has plenty of opportunities for many jobs....but you only got ONE life and right now yours is gravely endangered. Like sara said, if youre dead, your job doesnt matter anyways now does it? At this point it doesnt matter right now either. You dont have any kids right? Youve never mentioned having any so I assume you do not . So you have no financial obligations in that respect...so again, I say...who gives a shittt if you lose your job to go into detox/rehab??? It is worth losing your job for...its either that or lose your life. Please, tell your parents...let your secret out...they probably already know anyhow...how could they not notice their son smoking oxy 3 days straight in their home? how could they not see the signs? Please..surrender yourself...ask for help...go to rehab before its too late. I really dont think you have much time left honey, i really dont.

[jt808]

thansk for the encouragement i kno what has to be done i really do actually my mom talked to me earlier about going to rehab to get totally clean see she thinks im on sub and has been on it for while and she wants me to be totally cleqn an i still just sat there and lied to her an said im fine and i dont need to go or i cant go to rehab i wish i oulda just manned up an said yes i need help i neeed rehab cuz at this point im pretty sure that me doing it on my own just wont work i mean lets get real here ive been doing alota pills for 8 yrs and ive been trying to quit for over half the time ive used and has been VERY unseccesful at doing so. so i have a month off in march the whole month of march ill be off so i kno some will say i dont have that long but honestly that pretty much my only choice were it could possibly work with work an everythn else. i have been posting on this site for almost 2 yrs prob a year an a half posting here saying the same stuff but when is enuf going to be enuf im just so sick of this life ive been leading and i need to start the healing its gona take time but i need to get back to myself. so thanks for all ur replys its always good to read ur words.

[dominosarah]

You have to do what is right for you.  When you have had enough you will do something.  We are in your corner rooting you on jt.....keep us posted.     sara

[freedom007]

Telling people is what saved me.  My friends and family supported me and created a sense of accountability that has kept me clean.  Tough love is great love...and you can do this.  Just not alone...which I found out the hard way.  Secrets and lies will only lead to loneliness...and then your journey will make it that much harder.  Trust me...my friends, wife and family thought I quit a year ago...and the lies and dishonestly caused me to use even more to cover up the original relapse.  Now everyone knows...it was tough at first...but it will set you free.  Accepting that I could not do this alone and becoming accountable is ultimately what works for almost every one of us.

I have not felt this good in years...and every day is getting better.

We are here for you...but you need to put in the work.  God helps those, that help themselves...be strong and you can dig yourself out.

[troubleinohio]

gosh i feel like banging my head on the desk right now, Jt...you had the perfect moment to tell your mom everything...and it sounds like she would be so supportive of you to go to rehab and apparently has the means/insurance/money to do so...I really hope you think harder about this and go now. I know no one can force you and you have to be ready. I just really hope you come to that realization before its too late. Please keep us posted. Even if you have nothing new to report...let us know youre' still alive, okay? Will be thinkin of ya

[jt808]

yea im in same boat as u were i told my famikly an friends like a year ago and according to them they think ive been clean since than but actually i only lasted like 10 days clean so its been like another year that ive been lieing and keeping it in from everyone and im getn worse an worse if thts even possible.

[troubleinohio]

and what is it that you are most afraid of Jt? what keeps you from quitting the most? the fear of WD? the fear of losing your job? the fear of disappointing your parents? what is it? I know you have expressed before a fear of how your parents would react if they found out you were using oxy again...but doesnt that pale in comparison to what it would do to them to find their son dead?
Im really not ragging on you or trying to give you a hard time...i just feel like you are SO CLOSE to the brink....of either side.... right now and since you rarely post here anymore, I want to put my thoughts in on this before you disappear again...you have my support..

[jt808]

well im not sure what im afarid of most id say a lil bit of all those u said plus one that may sound really dumb and that is the fact that ive been doing drugs not just pills since i was around 12/13 started with weed  and booze and went to coke for a really long time than pills so i can honestly say as dumb as it sounds im afarid of being sober if that makes any sense i mean ive been using somethn for soooo long that i just dont kno how life or how im gona b or act thngs like that

[jt808]

an as far as them being understanding im sure they will thts not why i dont wana tell em its because i saw how bad it tore tham up like it was there fauklt an they messed me up an watchn em really sucked thts why i keep it a sectret cuz i hate to see em like that esp my mom cuz its not there fault its my fauklt an decesions an i kno if or whn i told em they would be understanding an put my in rehab an if i didnt go id be kincked out the  housewhich is understandable. in a way i wana go to rehab cuz i kno nothn else has worked for me and mayb that will.

[dominosarah]

Parents do get hurt by this sort of thing.  We love our children and hate to see them struggle.  You just said they would be understanding and either you go to rehab or you move out.  That is only fair isnt it?  The more you have to be held accountable for your actions the better it will be.  You are bringing drugs into their home jt, that isnt fair either.  Sit them down and talk to them.  Make a game plan.  You will feel better and so will they.   You cant do this alone.......sara

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Dude -  you have eight years invested in addiction and you think that its hopeless because of that?  I got my first heroin at a place called Phu Bai almost 40 years ago!   I had a pretty decent habit going until 2 years ago when I decided that i didnt want to killl myself with drugs any longer.  What are you afraid of?  The WD's?  I am a Nam Vet and MedHelp wont let me tell you how much stronger than you think that you really are.  When its live or die time virtually everyone choses live.  Time for you to make that choice - - - its all up to you - - but you may get some good advice and tips here on Med Help - - But there are other even better sites that are not censored so much - - - - you can find help on most of them!  Good Luck!!   Fight hard!     PM me any time that you may wish - - -

[jt808]

sarah- yea thst fair i kno tht if i dont go ill be kicked out and i totally understand that im not upset bout that.i wana sit em dwn and talk to em but for some reason i always talk myself outta it or just try an forget bout it.
eagle-yea i kno 8 yrs isnt the end of the world ive been doing drugs in general since i was 12/13 just the pills been since the last 8 yrs like most of us here probably ii have an extremely addictive personality gambling booze pills sht anythn thts bad i have had addiciton or abused in some wqay or another for way to long and its time to actually do somethn about it. also i just pm u lil bit ago whn ever u get a chance.

[troubleinohio]

i understand everything you fear...all of us here do...the thing that stands out to me the most is you say how "tore up" your parents were when they first found out you were using...they're gonna be a lot more than tore up when they have to bury you at 26...27 yrs old, hon...the devastation of losing a child will haunt them the rest of their days and oh, how your mother would cry even harder if she came across this site and read your words and saw just how close you really were to talking to her..to be within that clutching grasp of saving you.....oh...so painful...she would wish more than ANYTHING in the world she could go back in time and be able to change things, to save you before it was too late!!

[Ella789]

JT,  just very curious to know why you didn't let the Sub work for you ??   I am hopeful that everything will work out for you,  you can beat this thing,  get the emotional help that comes from aftercare, reach out to this forum and also to a good Doctor who can benefit you with medications that you may need.  Depression is very common, I went for years wondering what the he!! was wrong with me,  I just didn't know.   Keep posting and never give up because you are so very young and so much of life ahead for you.
Ella

[jt808]

for all ur guys help and words i gota find the rite time to tell my parents tonite isnt good cuz my dads out so ill have to waot for a beter time i will keep all of u all in touch with what happans and how everythn goes from now on. thansk again to all ya

[dominosarah]

Please keep in touch with us........sara

[troubleinohio]

one last thing..i can only suggest maybe write/type up a letter to them- you may find that much easier to do this way. I know I convey everything better by writing. I am not much of a verbal person unless forced to be. It makes me uncomfortable and its just plain hard for me to talk to people versus writing things. I write letters for fricken everything, lol. So I thought I would throw that idea out to you since you seem to have a difficult time bringing up the subject to them..and plus..its just plain scary to tell the two people who love you the most in this world such a hard thing...so maybe you could at least work on writing them a letter soon. Wishing you the best, Jt.  Please keep in touch no matter what.

[jt808]

yea i do usually write letterz  or email cuz like u said i have a hard time bringn this up and actually sayn what i need to say  and express myself correctly, so writting a letter  is a good idea an what i will most l;ikely do even thi my dad always gets mad when i write a letter cuz he says i should just be man enuf or grow up and talk like an adult but its not ur average converstaion so its tuff as u all may alreasdy kno how hard talking to ur loved ones can be. so like i said ill let ya all kno what happans an what i do an will be doing, thanks all

[dominosarah]

If you can express yourself better thru writing then that sounds like a good idea.  My dad was like that too but he just didnt like to read much!!!  Its very hard talking to our loved ones and it is scary as we dont know what the reaction will be but getting all this out in the open will give you a sense of freedom and one more step to finally being in control of you......sara

[jt808]

well i started writing a email havent finished yet or decided whens the best time to give it to them an the closer i get to finishing it the more nervous i get to give it to them.

[troubleinohio]

so glad to hear youre working on the letter! How is coming along? is it done yet? Let us know how you are doing, Jt.

[jt808]

no its not done yet i stopped an havent got back to it since than but i will an im still tryn to thnk bout when s best time and more i thnk bout it theres really never gona b a good time i just gota do it ya kno

[troubleinohio]

you got that right JT...no time is ever gonna seem like a good time to do this. Us addicts will come up with a billion excuses and reasons to delay or entirely put off doing necessary things to get through "just one more day". But the same thing happens every day then and it never gets done..you just gotta get gung-ho and run in screaming like Rambo..(not literally, mind you, LOL). You're so close..i can feel it...

[natalile]

Your in the same kinda place that i'am hunny & i no how you feel, We take different drugs, my vise is heroin & benzos. But i've been a user for 16 going on 17 years now & enough is enough, My fella is a user also but he'z so much stronger than me, he's will power is unreal ( yet were still here ).
I don't have the problem you have when it come to family thinking i'm clean, Apart from my bro as i lost my parents & i was clean @ the time, Well as clean as i could be, Alot of people on the sight don't see me as getting clean coz i use methadone & i'm on 100ml a day, I'm on day 2 of not using eny herion today & it's not been so bad,
I had what i was gonna write to you all in my head & now it's gone blank lol, I just wanted you to no that your not on your own in the way your feeling, All you can do is your best, I aslo want to go into detox but like you due to work it's just not possible, My drugs worker wants me to go into rehab for 12 to 18 month, Thats not even a option for me i have 2 kids & even though i probably do need rehab to help with the way my brain works when it come to addiction, i couldn't bare to be away from my family for that long & i'd also loss my job,
My god i'm totally rambleing i'm so sorry this don't even make sence really. Like i said i just wanted you to no your not on your own
thinkin ov you & hopin you can get through this, if you want to chat just pm me
peace nat xxx

[dbrowneyedgirl]

Don't worry about upsetting your mom by telling her. She'll  be WAY more upset if she gets the call saying her son is dead. He overdosed. Imagine how guilty shed feel that she didnnt help you?? I can't imagine that being a mother nor can I imagine me putting my poor mother thru that. You live in a big city. There must be tons of NA meetings go to one today. While you're there for an hour you won't be using. That's a whole hour without drugs. Ypu can do that. Tell your story while you're there. So many people would love to help you. Its how addicts stay clean be helping others get clean. I wish you the very best. You'll be in my prayers this morning. You know how far these drugs have 'drug' u down. How much depper can u get? Like I said imagine how upset your family would be if you died? Can you picture what that would do to your mother? She wants to help you. You tell her you're ok but you're not. Reach out to someone. Get yer butt to an NA meeting ASAP. Time is ticking and you don't have lot of time to kil.....only yourself.  Praying for you right now

[nuredshuz]

dude.. please just do it just tell them... ask for the help.. they are going to be proud of you for telling and asking more than the dissappointment they will feel... you will more than likely get a better job when you are clean and sober and fresh minded after you get out of rehab.. you have an opportunity for a new better start.. just think of all the positive things telling/asking for help will get you... they can see you are high.. they may not know exactly but as a mom of 4 kids i know your folks can see plain as day you are high all the time... they will be relieved and proud and happy you are coming clean to them and they will be sooo hopefull and happy that you will honestly and willingly go get true help.. you are so young you dont have the obligations that some have.. has been mentioned.. no kids,  no bills (live with parents) now is the time to get the help...you dont have anything to loose... you will be so blessed and happy to go thru the process and learn to stay clean and sober.. if you give 1 year of your life to rehab and a half way house you will have gained the rest of your life to be happy and free... 1 year dude!! look back at the last 8 that have been helll... maybe you had a "fun" first year but as we all know that turns around right quick with a nice bite to the arse! its not fun any more its helll maintaining a habit of pills.. feeling like shitt all the time whether your high or in wd waiting to get some pills.. its a shittt way to live and feel... i so hope you will see thru all the lies your addicted brain is telling you... its not gona be that bad tellin your p's and getting into rehab.. a few weeks of wd and then months worth of new learning skills for a new life!  i hope the best for you and God bless you buddy...

[jt808]

well i just wanted to say thank u to all that have tried to help in any way that they can, and im startn to get nervous but actually lil excited too i was talkn with my cousin whos a user too hes like my side kick but he wants me to quite cuz he knows that im geting way to bad and he just been worried bout me but anywat we were talkn lil bit ago an i was actually telling him i was happy an kinda excited to be fially getn the help that i kno will be able to finally break me of ths dam addiction. as of rite now i have a handful of my pills and im taking em than done and on ward to a new start so im just telling all that have replied to say sum of their thought that u all mean alot and thansk alot its been great having somethn other than my pills to look towards to and that is ive been lookn forward too geting on the computer and reading what u all have been typing to me. i wish all of u the best as well and i will keep those of u who care to kno informed every step of the way. thanks

[bmdad]

It sounds like your parents love you so much. When you told them the first time they helped you get through it. I think if they find out without you telling them they will be more upset. The might understand but parents go above and beyond to help their children. I have two young children and can say I wish they would come to me no matter what once they are older. The love of a child is so hard to explain until you are there. They will stand behind and get you the help you need. You really need some one on one. Have you considered NA? Doing that will get you a sponsor and he will be someon that is there for you every step of the way.
You know what you need to do. And I assure you that you can make it! Dig deep brother. You have it in you. Sometimes we just have to find it.
Best luck to you. I"m here for you if you need anything. You will make it!!
Brian

[dominosarah]

You sound like you have some hope now......Keep me posted on how you are doing      sara

[jt808]

ok well here i am its been a long day i still havent told anyone yet but today i pretty much started to quit i have only had 1, 80 mg oxy compared to 3-5 80,s so im taking sum nyquil tonite an trying to get sum slp and in the am when i wake up ill be starting my new life and my parents well the way they have been acting they kno somethn is up they are usually pretty good at knowing whats up. well i plan on telling them everythn thts going on an taking it from there. ill keey posting an leting yall kno how its is and if its not for a few days its propbably cuz im guessing that im gona be feeling pretty crappy. any Qs or comments  just get em to me, an try to get back ya soon as possible

[dominosarah]

I am really proud of you for doing this.  Stay positive and keep fighing with everything you have.  Lean on us for support as we will be here for you~~~~sara

[10356]

I have been waiting a long time to read this JT !!! I'm so Happy you are going to start tomorrow.. we think we keep our addiction well hidden but those that love us know as we change so very much.. I can not wait to meet the clean jt :) keep us informed ok and remember time keeps moving although it feels like it stopped.. warm hug  lesa

[jt808]

yea its been a while now huh... well i already kinda feel shty i have dropped to almost nothn today i am about to take either nyquil or a valium i have never liked benzos an only takn them one other time but i feel like i need somethn to slp tonite so i can get at leat one decentite slp before i start but anyways im happy to hear from u two. and i havent heard from u lesa in long time, how have u been? and hopefuilay ill fall sleep soon an than ull all b able to finally meet the real jt, an to tell ya the truth im excited to get the real me again evn tho im not sure who ill be but its def gota be beter than the person ive been for while now. so wish me luck im gona need it.

[TurningANewLeaf]

Hi JT, I'm glad that you made the decision to quit.  I would tell your p's tomorrow or even tonight if possible.  You will prob need them to help take care of you.  I have been taking advantage of having my husband around as much as possible.  Take all the time you can off work and forget about all your responsibilies for a bit.  And, just focus on YOU.  Now,  I'm not expert but I'm into day 4 from not using the Fentanyl pain patch.  Not sure if you're heard of it or not.  But, it's the granddaddy of all the pain meds.  It's a patch that delivers a continuous dose of morphine into the body for a 72 hr period.  The w/ds are def extremely tough.  I'm not going to lie.  I am in constant pain and discomfort.  I will pray for you and please pray for me because I'm entering the unknown here..... Take care and congrats!!!  

[worried878]

seems as if i have seen u here before?  like every 6 months when u feel afraid or get too deep in the dark hole addiction digs...but i could be wrong cos unfortunately with turning 50 I have developed CRS..Cant Remember Sh1t!

dont recall u trying aftercare nor changing any behaviors when u post at each panic mode...if nuttin changes then nuttin changes...GTM used to say that and it is the truth....
If this is the same handle//and if not i do apologize///jimmy i think it is???  what can u try different this go around???cos what u have been doing has not worked...are u willing to try anything different this time?

[jt808]

yea u are exactly correct thts u have most def seen me on here every few months for while now and i hope its diierent this timme. im working on few thngs tht i havent done before concerning aftercare so i kno tht isnt all theres alota diff thngs that im gona do tghis time tht i never done before. so no need to apoligize u are dead on.

[momofmm]

I am on day 2 without Hydrocodone.  I have 2 small kids I have to raise and a wonderful husband.  I'm feeling ok I'm just terrified of tonight.  I can't stand not sleeping!!!  My husband knows that I am going through this and he is being as supportive as he can be.  I was taking 20-30 10mg of lortabs a day.  My husband found out what I was doing and he started tapering me.  After all that hard work getting down to nothing I was right back on the same amount after a short stay in the hospital.  He will leave me and take my kids with him if I don't stop this NOW!!  I just looking for some encourgaging words and advice to help me get through this.  Good Luck everybody!  WE CAN DO THIS!!!

[jt808]

hey so hor r ya doing u were able to get sum slp i hope, and yea its tough bout i habe ALOT on the line and need to do this for ur family, esp ur kids so stay strong and keep as positive

[troubleinohio]

so glad to see your update jt! so today is the big day huh? Im so happy for you! Follow through, follow through!!!!

[troubleinohio]

got any updates for us yet today JT? I keep lookin for ya..

[momofmm]

I did get some sleep last night.  It felt great to sleep for 5 hours straight.  Having 2 little ones to take care of I will take what I can get.  I'm on day 3 and feeling ok.  My husband went through this about 2 years ago and he was doing a lot more than I was.  He is very supportive but I found that I need you guys just as much.  I will get through this for me and my family.  Thanks for all the encourgement!

[10356]

Hey JT It sounds like you are getting closer to getting clean.. it is a process but the thing is it is like jumping into a cold pool you just have to dive in and get it over with.. I had been using drugs like you at the same age I'm now in my 50's a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of life lost.. I sure hope you capture the nerve to face your demons as I see this as the only way to get clean. it was hell seeing my counselor but a hell I would walk through again for the pay off is tremendous.. You have such a great personality and many people that love you and you have dreams.. I sure would like to see you capture those dreams.. I'm doing well by the way Thank you for asking.. this last year has been the best since I can remember.. I use to think I would never be happy clean that the only way I could enjoy life was by getting high.. what a fool I was as the only thing it did for me was ruin my health and alienate people.. I look forward when you make the jump.. You are worth the effort and you may be surprised of the feeling of well being that comes with being clean.. when was the last time you had a belly laugh or enjoyed a sunset...  clean girls will be very interested in the great guy you are.. I hope you stop hiding behind the drugs and live life to the max for right now all you are doing is exsisting,, life has so much to offer when we are free of our addiction,, I will say a prayer for you as you already have lost so much behind your addiction.. I'm rooting for you and will support you in any way I can.. hugs for you JT for You are a great guy.. lesa

[jt808]

ok well decided the only way im ever gona be able to do this is geting away and by that i mean rehab i have a month off in march and thts whats gota be done i mean i lasted like 36 hrs untill i got a call and well im sure u all guessed what happaned next but thats done an over i kno no that 110% cannot stay in my area while trying to get beter so i have got no cjoice i have always been so worried about my job and my parents well like alota u have said whats the job good for if im not gona be here to work so i gota worry about myself and do what i kno is the only way as soon as i get dates and info on whn ill be gone an all tht stuff ill type it in here, thanks and im not sure how rehabs go or anythn like that but if im able to use computer ill be on here. thanks

[worried878]

Jimmy...I feel it deep down that u r a grat person....this stuff bothers the dickens out of u or u would not post every few months like u do..u scream for help!  But the only person who can help u is YOU....and I think u realize this
Inpatient rehab will get u some clean time...u will walk out with some clean time Jimmy...thing is this cruddola is for life....we have a virus living in our brain...and for some it is somewhat easy to get rid of///for a while//for others it is not....if u r willing to do the work u need to do then, Jimmy< u can do this....cos u sho want it bad enuf...i can feel this from ur posts//just sumpin is missing in ur plan to get clean for good....and perhaps it is within u
I am gonna vent here a bit!  LOL...Seems as if it is not fair that we r "gifted"   better said   "afflicted"  with this crud called addiction...it suks major fricking hotdogs and I hate the fact that when I feel alone, stressed out, down, or afraid..that abusing comes to my mind as a method of coping with how i feel///just guess sometimes we think it is better not to feel....but the reprocussions of those minutes or hours of escape have a pay off...and we all know what that pay off is///downhill spiral...easy ticket to nowhere

Sorry for venting Jimmy///even tho I do not know u///I almost feel as if i know u dude///please give this all u got...ur addiction is eating u up///dont lose urself to this...hang tight and keep us posted

[jt808]

im fkd up again, never ending freakn cycle. still havent came cleAN  and i just been meesn up as much as usual i kno nothn changes if nothn changes im just so sick an tired of this whole scam that is my life i need to fkn change and change NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SITING IN SPARE ROOM AGAIN BREAKN UP OXIES AND DOING SAME AS I BEEN DOING FOR WAY TOO LONG I DONT EVEN KNO WHY IM ON HERE DONT KNO WHY IM EVER ON HERE ITS SAME THNG ALWAYS I COME ON HERE HAPPY TO START TO QUIT THAN NOTHN NOTHN LIKE ALWAYS IM SERIOUSLY GETN REAL SICK THE SAME OLE CRAP I CANT BELIVE HOW LOW IVE ACTUALLY FREAKN BECOME ITS TO THE POINT WERE I DONT EVEN KNO IF ILL EVER BE ABLE TO CHANGE HONESTLY IVE COME TO THAT REALAZATION THAT IM JUST A LOSER AND ASLONG AS I CONTUINE THIS WHICH I CANT SEEANY DIFFERENT THAN IM GONA BE STUCK HERE FOR EVEN LONGER THAN IVE ALREADFY BEEN STUCK IN MY DEEP DEEP DARK HOLE. NO ONE TO TALK TO OR EVN KNO WTF IM GOING THRU ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS. I DONT EVEN KNO WHAT IM SAYN HERE SORRY FOR WASTING UR ALL  TIME AN MINE AS WELL I REALLY JUST DONT KNO WTF IM GONA DO ANYMORE. I KNO THIS AINT MAKN SENSE MY EYES R HALF OPEN HALF CLOSED THIS POST

[yuck155]

You keep posting because you want help. Your not wasting anyones time, people choose to respond or not. With that said, if posting and reading responses isnt doing anything to help, YOU have to get off your a** and do something. Im only 3 days clean but I can tell you right now the first thing I had to do, quit feeling sorry for myself. Oh poor me...pop a perc...NO. Your doing this to yourself, now you have to help yourself. Or die. Eventually thats what it always comes down to. I wanted a pill SO BAD last night, had myself completely talked into it, or had myself talked out of being an abuser. But I pushed through it, as Im a grown a** woman and noone is going to push through it for me. STOP feeling sorry for yourself, STOP making excuses, STOP beating yourself up and just move on. Just let go. Its as hard as you make it. I really do hope the best for you, stay strong and keep posting. Also I agree that maybe some meetings might help...at least just to get started. Good luck!