I Need Support to Quit Cough Syrup- Yup, I'm Serious

[Tutumuch]

I am a 33 year old female with a family, a masters degree, and have all the support in the world. However, I'm not being honest about what I've been doing. A perfect storm landed me in the hospital for alcohol addiction and no rehab would take me bc I didn't fit the profile. I was clean, eager to prove myself to everyone but wasn't identifying as an addict. I think I got mad at everyone for denying me a glass of wine and judging me. I felt like everyone was looking at me instead of themselves. There were positives, being,I got deeper connections with people. I started laughing again. Then I got a cold, two sinus infections in a month- it's been three weeks of daily taking 8-12oz of dxm with gufastiem (I won't pretend I spelled that correctly). I know I should stop now.... I'm on antibiotics and my husband has noticed my slurred speech. But I feel great, I want to do things and everything feels so good. How does a person in their early thirties start drinking cough syrup? Is this really me? I don't want to go to a therapist, or tell my husband or a friend- because I have been soooooooooo judged and I don't want to burden them and I certainly don't want to be put back in the hospital. Getting help isn't as easy as the ads make it, it's an ugly process. Unless your putting a needle in your arm and are committing crimes, insurance won't cover you- I've bounced from clinic to clinic telling my story over and over again and then I would get rejected bc I wasn't messed up enough. Simply wanting help wasn't enough. At least that was my experience. So I still have this sinus infection but 3 weeks of taking this substance is forming a new addiction. Can I just will myself to stop? Will I go through withdrawal? Please, any help is appreciated. Thank you for reading my saga.....

[meegWpaw]

too too ... cough med addiction is just as serious as any other opiate addiction ... just my opinion, though.  I was addicted to many opiates as well as other drugs and i loved my cough medicine.  Sheer will is usually not enough.  I think you will likely go through some kind of withdrawal.  It may be minimal, considering the dose, which I'm guessing is not that much?  I am highly educated as well.  this is often a drawback, not ameliorative, in the addiction world.  It sounds to me like the worst thing you will experience is cravings.  From what you describe, the physical w/ds will not be that bad.  Since you are intuitive and intelligent, you need to self monitor if you can't get professional help.  but i would seek that out if you really want it.  most health care plans have some kind of brief but intensive IOP (intensive outpatient program).  this really helped me.  addiction is not a moral weakness or something to be ashamed of.  opiates are powerful and they control your body and mind ... hence, the term addiction.  it is not something we necessarily choose.  please do not be so self critical and continue to be pro active in seeking recovery and advocating for yourself.  keep posting for support ... kudos to you for recognizing the issue!

Meegan