I TOLD MY WIFE

[hopsing94]

Well last night I told my wife about my appointment on Tuesday. This did not go over very well. I don't know what I was expecting. I'm pretty sure she will be reading this at some point today. I guess my thinking was 1 I wanted to come foward and be proactive about my problem. 2 I owe it to her to hear it from me and not by finding pills somewhere. I'm pretty sure she will be leaving me. I don't want her too but how many times can I expect her to put up with this. I wish I would of listened to some of you better and not been so stupid to think I could do this all on my own. I have made my bed and now I must lye in it. At first I just wanted to get mad and start the whole begging and pleading thing,promising that I will stop. I'm not gonna do that i'm gonna stick with my plan,go to the doctor tuesday,start the counseling and hope and pray one day I can get my life,my wife and my kids back. Time to quit fu...ng around and get my life together. I wish she would come on here and talk with some of you so she could atleast get and understanding what its like battling this ****. I've never battled anything this hard. It sucks.

[cathy5841]

oh, hops i am so sorry.  i do think however, admitting it to your wife was another step in the right direction.  she is hurting now and needs some space and time to process the new info.  be patient with her.  admitting the truth about our addiction is never easy.  i am proud of you for doing that.  you are a wonderful man with a horrible addiction.  i will be praying for you and your wife.  if you need to talk you know where to find me.  if i can help in any way please let me know.  you are gonna do great with the sub.  it is to tell you are sooo ready to get this chapeter of your life closed and closed for good.  when your wife sees you are serious about this, i bet she will forgive you, again.
much love
cathy

[allaboutmary]

I'm so sorry. You really did do the right thing by telling her though. I really hope she sticks this out.  Your really doing the right thing with the suboxone and after care. Did she not know about the pills at all or just didn't know about the relapse ?  I sure hope she comes on and talks with some of us. This addiction is very difficult for others to understand. Hang in there bud. Hugs,   Mary

[Jacqui805]

Wow man, that's tough.  I wish that had gone better for you.  You sound bound and determined to get clean, and I'm so glad that your talk didn't make you wanna give up and not go to that appt.  You're doin' the right thing, and perhaps she'll realize this soon and come around.  It would be nice if she were to come here to listen, talk, whatever...did you suggest this?  I know it may not seem likely that she'd do so, but it's worth just sayin' to her.  Even if she doesn't do it right away, she may thing the better of it and do later.  Give her some time on it, and in the mean time, keep your head on straight and push forth....like you ARE doin'.  It's that second step to gettin' that life turned around my friend...the first was the decision to do it in the first place.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemies, and fall down because of it, $hitloads of times..before we decided enough is enough...Sounds like you've reached that point.  You've got my support John.

[Penelope14]

I think that by telling your wife that you made a huge step in recovery, I hid my addiction from my husband for many years, In fact he just recently found out I,ve been taking methadone for a few years, he was shocked, he couldnt believe the girl he married who he thought was so perfect in many ways, wasnt, & I cant explain why after all these years I finally decided to take responsibility for my actions, but by me putting it all out their, it took some of the pressure off, he still doesnt get it? & thats ok, no one except people that have been their & done it can truly understand it. I understand to well about the stress that drug addiction has on a marriage, mine has been turned upside down, & I dont know if its gonna survive? But I do know that Im gonna make it, with or without him, all I can hope for the best, I have to think about me right now, I always have taken care of everyone elses needs & wants, its time to take my life into my own hands & do whats best for me, everything else will be what its gonna be.  Penelope

[dove3053]

Maybe your wife will come around. The most important  thing I see is that you are making an effort. Stick to you plan it sounds like a good one.

Hang in there,

Dove

[bmc1976]

I honestly do think you did the right thing. She may not realize that now, but hopefully one day she will. Is it possible for you to get her on here? It sounds like you've may have tried before. We know how great of a person you are. I know she does too. She just doesn't understand how difficult addiction really is. I admire you for your strength. Hang in there and everyone will pan out. Best of luck. We are here for you.
Brian

[mimi1313]

I'm so sorry she reacted that way but maybe she just needs to process it. I would give her time. You did the right thing and told her. I'm betting she will just need time to think about it.

[hopsing94]

She has known about the pills for quite a while now. Back on New Years I quit c/t and she told me then that was the last time. She left for a week back then and I did good for awhile but obviously caved in again. The guilt started building and last weekend I broke down when I was putting my daughter to bed and last night I could'nt  hold back the lies anymore and told her about the relapse. I am hoping and praying with some time and my actions she will stay with me. She has'nt left yet but I have the feeling when I come home tonight she will be gone.
I also told her I was back on MedHelp and I want her to come on and ask any and all the questions she can to get some insight on this addiction,anything that might help her understand a little better. So maybe she will.

[liscamdave]

Bud, I am so sorry. I hope you are ok. We are here for you. And hopefully, she will come on here and we can all tell her, one how much we know you are struggling and two that everyone struggles with this. Addiction is hard, and many fail. But we support you. I am sure she does more then anyone....

We love you...

xo,. LIsa

[avisg]

hops,
You did the right thing telling her .That was very brave you .knowing what the outcome could be .You can get threw this we are all here for you .
Avis

[road2recovery]

I also am sorry...But i am not sorry that you were honest with her...That is HUGH!!!
sometimes the monkey on our back turns into a gorrila ( know that is not spelled right.lol)
It just becomes to much to bare, even when we look at our kids..But i think that is when the light they talk about goes off in our heads, and WE truly want our lives back..So that is what you are doing...U have to do that, before you can be the husband she wants and needs...I also hope she can come here and get support for herself..Don't give up hope..I know you are a good man, and i am sure she does too!!!
god bless and good luck
stick to your plan!
r2r

[kimmieb]

you're a good and courageous man....although difficult, you made the right decision and told her the truth....which is awesome....something so hard for us in these situations to do....but you did it....and i have a gut feeling it will turn out for the absolute best for you....and you'll be in my prayers....bless you for doing this....i can see how someone, unless they've walked a mile in our shoes, would have a difficult time wrapping their minds around what this addiction thing really is....unless you've been there, you just can't  really know what it's like, unfortunately....your wife probably just needs time to sort and process and deal and accept and forgive....it will take time...but like i said, i think it will all be for the best and i think she will forgive and want to work with you to HELP you, not do something to hurt your recovery....you have my respect....if you were my  husband, i'd be proud of you....good luck with the coming days.....and i hope to see more posts from you....
blessings to you and your whole family, kim

[GoingToMakeIt]

A major step in the right direction is telling most everyone around you. I am proud of you. There is no doubt that this was the right thing to do. Hiding things give strength to the addiction. Honesty breaks it's power over us. You are going to make it this time!
Way to go!!!!!!

[worried878]

I feel for you....if i could go back and start over...narcotics would not be part of my game plan for sure...i wished i had known about the aftermath...i knew about the physical WDs as I am a nurse...never knew it would take so long to get back on my feet and feel strong again....it has gotten so much better but when things go wrong in my life like this week....i sink a bit....i have to feel the stress and the worry now...but you have a plan...sounds like a good one...perhaps she will reconsider or not leave after all...i hope so

[Rose703]

I'm so sorry that things are so tough on you right now, but I know you did the right thing by being honest with your wife. You have a good plan and I know that you're determined to stick with it. If your wife does leave I believe she will come back when she see's how committed you are to being and staying clean.

[hopsing94]

Thanks you guys for the support. I have talked with my wife today and told her that whatever she does I understand. She told me not to worry about her and the kids and just do what I have to do. Man what a relief. She seems to understand that I really am trying and now I just have to do it. I explained to her what the sub is for,how it works and when i'm on it that even if a take a pill it won't do anything for me. She told me she is glad that i'm going to see a counselor and getting help this time. She also told me what really mad her mad was that I could'nt and didn't come to her and ask for help when I got that first urge to take pills again. Thank you all for the support you really helped me this morning and I wish there was someway to repay you guys. Thank you again--John

[bmc1976]

So happy for you John! I'm sure that was a big relief once she said that. When getting off the pills the less stress the better. I would still try to get her on here and maybe she can help you even more at home by understanding what addiction can do to someone. The more she understands the more she can help. That will just bring your success rate higher and higher. Have a great weekend and keep us updated on the sub appointment!
Brian

[troubleinohio]

I'll be praying everything works out for you buddy. I know you can make it this time too! Lot of people have had such great success with the Sub!

[CadillacJack]

Hopsing;
All my sympathy. I haven't wanted to mention it on this forum, but my wife of 16 years left me while I was trying to cut down, about a week ago. I'm day 5 c/t now, as you know from previous post, and it's a little better, but the w/d comes in waves, every few hours, or quicker. I had a 120ct per month script, and my wife had a 100ct script that she always gave to me. She didn't use herself. I don't think she has any understanding about how this addiction thing is. But, then again, nobody really does except us users. I'm afraid she's gone for good, and I love her, and miss her. The thing is, I couldn't quit while living with her. Everything about the drugs was too easy. Any time I was hurting, she made sure I had some pills. She was trying to be good to me, as she always has been in other arenas of our life. I could never quit with her here. And I may have lost her over abusing. Whatever you do, you know you've got to get clean, first priority. Nobody will be happy forever around you or me until then. Best of luck to you, friend.

[hopsing94]

Jack, i'm impressed with you my friend and you may still get her back once you are clean. I know everybody is different. I quit back on new years. She left and didn't come back til I was clean. She told me then if I ever used again she would leave for good. Here I am again trying to quit. What i'm trying to say is once you get through the physical part of withdrawl there is so much more still to go through. Man please,please,please have a plan for this. Counseling,therapy or something to help you stay clean. I thought once I was clean I would have no problem staying clean with the ultimatum she gave me. It was enough to make me get clean but even with knowing she would leave I was drawn back in. Not just to get your wife back but to save your life. Some people can do it without any help but it is so so hard. Man i was able to quit pot without help and even quit a 8 ball a day habit of coke without help but this stuff is different. I wish you the best and hope and pray things work out. Actions speak louder than words you know that,so never give up hope that things will work out. Keep up the great work and i'll pray for you my friend.

[cathy5841]

hops,  i am so glad.  having your wifes support will make this much easier for you.  you know we are all to help you.
cathy