Aa
I am an addict
It is who I am. I have been an addict most of my life. I need to change. Not just stop taking narcotics but change! What I do but mostly what I think. I have an addictive personality but it doesn't have to rule my life. I had such a nice day yesterday. Best one in a long time. I spent a few hours in the sun and went out with my wife for dinner. Walked around target of all places but I was ok in my head. Not all the time some moments I was a bit uncomfortable but "ok". Today so far I have slipped back a bit. I guess it's going to be a while longer for me to feel at ease. I know I am tired of feeling this way tired of the fear. This is my second time doing this. The first time seemed so easy compared to this time. Maybe that's why it so hard. So I won't ever forget. Please God protect me and give me peace. I pray you all find yours Bob
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I was once on about 80-100 mg a day of oxy plus Soma for almost 4years prescribed by my doc from back pain from an accident, I quit cold turkey from that in Dec of 2011. Rough rough rough, and it took almost 4 months for me to recover but I was relatively healthy and young at 33years old. This time I tried all other methods to help with colitis pain but gave in to the docs prescription of Norco 10's 4 times daily for roughly 5 and 1/2 months while trying to find solutions. Got tired of Norco and wanted to start taking more so I flushed em thinking it wouldn't be too bad withdrawals. Boy, it was honestly rougher physically than first time but a lot quicker on mental side and not exactly sure why? I consider myself lucky! But as we age, I've heard it's rougher each time! So you will get better Bob! You are trying...and when you do come thru....never forget what your going thru now! Bless you Bob, I hope it speeds up for you!
Hi Debbie. Just wanted to say thank you for your support. I am so tired. This day seemed like a lifetime. I went through every feeling emotion there is today. One minute I am like I am ok I can do this. The next I'm like I can't take one more second of this All I wanted to do was sleep I had to force myself to shower and drive my daughter to soccer practice. I have spent the last 25 years working my *** off to support a family pay for college and a wedding all of it. And the last two years I feel like I'm not worth any of it. If God could let me feel better( like yesterday) I feel like I could get my life back. Right now I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I have got to do better
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Acceptance is the key here. I fought for a lot of years denying my addiction. I wasnt "one" of them. It was so draining. I woke one morning and knew death was knocking and i had to do something. I saw this forum, with all these people and thought this is me, just a different name. I read and read and finally posted. At that moment i knew i was an addict and i was going to do whatever it took to get and stay clean. It wasnt easy as i had abused my body for so long and buried soooooo many demons. I made priority lists, i wrote down my battles and picked the ones that were mine to battle, my sponsor is a tough old girl, just what i needed and still do. She still has me do things that require me to step out of my comfort zone. I surrounded myself with other recovering addicts and got rid of the ones who brought me down. I still have bad days but they are sure better than my using days. Recovery has brought so many blessings into my life, my family, my grandbabies who are the loves of my life, life long friends who have gone thru this journey with me but most of all it has given me back. I now take time to stop and smell the roses~
I am an addict too. On day 6 after a 10 year pain killer addiction. This is my 2nd time of saying NO MORE!! Praying you feel strengthened today. Praying I do too! Its HARD!!!
How you doing today Bob? Is it going better? Keep on going! Hope you having a better day!
Debbie, I responded to your kind note. Did you get it? Not to derail your thread Bob, apologies, just trying to figure this out!
Bob, I don't know if you got my note back to you? Can you please let me know if you did? The old forum seemed easier and I want to respond to another's note? I'm not tech savvy :(
Oops, sorry at the beach. You must be Debbie :) I got your note Bob and was finally able to respond to you.
Bob you are welcome.
You are worth it. You need to be kinder and more gentle on yourself.
You are tired but you accomplished what you needed to do today.
You have worked and provided for your family.
You are a productive husband , father, you have taken care of your family
Bob please re-read each one of your threads and all the encouraging words you have received. All the suggestions that have been given to you.
Please think positively about yourself, your life, your tomorrows.
Bob keep the faith.
Make a list of how you are going to do things differently starting tonight.start to keep a journal, make that gratitude list.
We are here for you Bob.
Praying for you.
You are worth it. You need to be kinder and more gentle on yourself.
You are tired but you accomplished what you needed to do today.
You have worked and provided for your family.
You are a productive husband , father, you have taken care of your family
Bob please re-read each one of your threads and all the encouraging words you have received. All the suggestions that have been given to you.
Please think positively about yourself, your life, your tomorrows.
Bob keep the faith.
Make a list of how you are going to do things differently starting tonight.start to keep a journal, make that gratitude list.
We are here for you Bob.
Praying for you.
Just hang in there Bob. Do not go backwards! I don't know if you were talking to me cause I'm not Debbie. I guess my profile shows female but I'm a male. Not that it even matters. No worries I offer my support your way. Your so worth it and your daughter needs you, I'm sure your her hero! Kudos for taking her to soccer practice, something you accomplished today! Feel good about it! Take care
How you see your future is much more important
Than what has happened in your past. Zig ziglar
Your past does not define you.
It prepares you.
Your past doesn't have to dicate your future.
Your past has not-
Defined you,
Destroyed you, or
Defeated you,
It has only strengthened you.
Than what has happened in your past. Zig ziglar
Your past does not define you.
It prepares you.
Your past doesn't have to dicate your future.
Your past has not-
Defined you,
Destroyed you, or
Defeated you,
It has only strengthened you.
Also Bob, I should mention that I still don't have all my strength back or as sound of mind as I wish, but I'm committed to stay on the sunny side of life. I have too, no choice in my mind. So I don't want to give the impression that I'm "cured" cause I never will be the same as I was before. I will always have my baggage to carry and deal with. But we take these "issues" "addiction" "incidents" and we learn from them. I try take my life one day at a time" because tomorrow is promised to us" and make better choices along this journey called life. I have many things to work on and not taking any kind of opioids for any kind of reason is a work in progress and always will be! I'm just happy I guess to be alive, although there are times I wished I wasn't. My situation is so complicated that like I said before. To explain it all would take weeks. But I'm here to encourage anyone who reads this forum that you are worth it. Continued success!
Hi Bob, dang I hope this turns around for you soon cause I have no doubt it will eventually. I feel your pain, those constant thoughts and worries in your head about will I ever be back to my old normal? I agree with all the advice above...maybe try switch up the routine? Who knows...you never know if you never try, right? Exercise helped me a lot and nutrients for the brain. In fact, I was still feeling physically weak and mentally unstable just a couple weeks ago. I have a couple dear friends who invited me on a king salmon fishing trip in Seattle WA. At first I said no way, then I booked a plane ticket and didn't turn back. We laughed, joked, hugged, caught and ate more salmon those three days that it did wonders for my mind body and spirit. So moral of the story is...sometimes we need to just go for it no matter what. Might not always work but do not be afraid to try! Much prayers your way brother, the worm will turn as they say fishing :)
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Thank you brother. Can I ask what your DOC was and how long you have been clean I don't mean to be noisy I am more asking you if what I am feeling is normal or if you went through this.
A gratitude, grateful, blessing list is a great thing.
Bob I believe some if not much of your fear , anxiety and depression are
Coming from your guilt. Of your wife not knowing. You have to forgive yourself or else things won't change in your head.
If you really feel you can't be honest with her then you need to at least forgive yourself.
But being honest with her might really free you. Most times our spouses know that something isn't right anyway.
Just food for thought.
Keep up with the gym, eating right, the vitamin regiment, maybe change up
Your meetings, go to church, take up a new hobby, reintroduce an old one,
Spend more time with your wife, Polish up your relationship.
We all get into ruts. It could also be the age we are at.
When did you last have a vacation?
Don't be so down or critical of yourself. You stopped using and that my friend is a wonderful thing. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere.
You are doing great Bob. Do some soul searching, dig deep and thing about the things you can do to make yourself feel better and then do them.
Thinking of you and praying for your continued healing and peace.
Bob I believe some if not much of your fear , anxiety and depression are
Coming from your guilt. Of your wife not knowing. You have to forgive yourself or else things won't change in your head.
If you really feel you can't be honest with her then you need to at least forgive yourself.
But being honest with her might really free you. Most times our spouses know that something isn't right anyway.
Just food for thought.
Keep up with the gym, eating right, the vitamin regiment, maybe change up
Your meetings, go to church, take up a new hobby, reintroduce an old one,
Spend more time with your wife, Polish up your relationship.
We all get into ruts. It could also be the age we are at.
When did you last have a vacation?
Don't be so down or critical of yourself. You stopped using and that my friend is a wonderful thing. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere.
You are doing great Bob. Do some soul searching, dig deep and thing about the things you can do to make yourself feel better and then do them.
Thinking of you and praying for your continued healing and peace.
1 Comments
Debbie. Somebody in my home group told me today that I am going through " the normal process". Do you think that's true? I just need to be tougher ? Or more accepting of my disease ?
<3
1 Comments
Everyone is different I never thought I could get clean from heroin but I did, but it took me a long time I relapsed I used when I thought I had a good exscuse but that's all they were exscuses to use. When we do start to detox then our bodies go through the mill. Its all par for the course. When you want to stop you will. I wish you the best of luck in what ever your choice is . Best of luck to ya ....James
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are doing an awesome job! We are our own worst critics so try and relax a bit. I think you are beating yourself up and that is getting in the way of some happiness. It does take time to get our whole system up and working properly again and you are getting there. Dont worry about PAWS. We punished ourselves enough during our active using days. Look around at all you have to be grateful for. I actually wrote my gratitude list down and hung it where i could see it everyday. You will be amazed at all you have. The first one on my list was that i was alive, given a 2nd chance as so many arent that lucky. Take some deep breaths, look around and thank your lucky stars you are here~
COMMUNITY LEADER
It makes complete sense. You are in a rut big time, one day is good, the next bad. Without even realizing we set ourselves up in our head that oh i had a good day today, tomorrow will be bad. It's a cycle and it is hard to change but it will happen. When i cleaned up i had the same thing happen. One of the ladies on here told me i had to change up my routine upon waking up. Instead of grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down i brushed my teeth, made my bed, walked outside etc. It confused my brain and changed my thought process. I still do this sort of thing when i get into a rut. I hope this made a bit of sense!!
1 Comments
Yes it does. Did it take you this long to get well? I feel like I'm not doing good enough. I obsess about my feeling all day. That I will never get any normalcy in my life it will always be paying for my addiction. I can't get over the hump and then some people say paws can last up to 2 years WTF I can't even get 2 days in a row where I can "put this down" and relax a bit. I must be making the worse in myself somehow
COMMUNITY LEADER
How long have you been seeing your therapist? You talk about changing....what changes do you want to see? Time to step out of your comfort zone and make those changes. As long as we sit in the same place there isnt any growth. You know what you want, now take that step!
1 Comments
Sarah I know you have responded to my posts before. I am changing a little bit everyday ( I think ) it's hard to have perspective when after 8 months I am still battling this see saw ride I swear one day I almost feel normal and the next I feel like suicide. No joke! So I know that change will be required if I want lasting sobriety but for now I feel like I am still hanging on for dear life does that make sense?
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