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I am so sorry
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I am so sorry

Everyone I truly aplologjze from the bottom of my heart for everyone who was worried all night
I relapsed last night and it felt so good but I also realized in that moment, or at least it felt like, I only have one option
Because I cant keep selling my body and killing my soul to keep up this $100 a day addiction that  barely keeps me numb any more
I truly just want out. No more suffering or struggling, just sleep peace forever
I'm also scared, of course the real me still wants to live
But how? I want to use. I want to stop. I can't decide.

******************
I'm desperate
I want to live....
I'm so sorry again everyone thank you for loving me when I cant even love myself
Xoxoxoxo
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16 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
where out  here Tommy and where ready to help you can do this you mad it all the way from thurday it proves you can do it will be here when your ready to give it a go again I will be praying for you we all want to see you succeed good luck and God bless.your friend Mark
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Avatar_m_tn
Im sorry to here about your relapse but realize its all part of recovery. I recently relapsed after 13 months clean and the addiction still just doesn't make sense to me. It is for me the hardest thing I've ever been through and realize that theres millions of others in your spot. If you want to live like you said then you need  to decide that this is it. No matter what quitting will throw you just be prepared both physically and mentally. I know that you can do it because I was able to. And I do not consider myself a strong person sadly. It took a lot of encouragement from the good people of this forum to finally get me clean. I am too quitting again after a 2 week relapse and am on day 3. I am at the worst right now and I feel your pain. I wish it was as easy as me being able to send you suboxone but that is a type of drug that you need to be given and watched by a doctor. There are plenty of clinics that can help you with or without medical insurance and ability to pay. I would do some research in your area and find out who can help you. You are NEVER alone tommy. It may feel like that at times but what can you expect when we lock ourselves in our houses away from society. We are always here for you man. When you are ready join me and lets get clean.  -john
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1454150_tn?1288131498
Is there any way you can get back to the States, sweetheart? You can call me personally and I PROMISE AS GOD AS MY WITNESS that I will get you the help you need! I am on suboxone right now and I believe that it could help you immensly...I live in NY and could come and get you and bring you to my doctor who helps me...PLEASE contact me...Lisa
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you for posting! We are praying.
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1435456_tn?1314678259
Tomi, Thank you for posting. Surely they have suboxone in Japan. It might not be as widely available as it is in the states but they have it in alot of other countries that arent as developed as Japan. You might even be able to get online, which I wouldn't normally advocate, but anything would be better than what you are putting yourself through. If you had anybody there to support you, or even better if you could get back to the states. There is nothing more important than you taking care of you right now. Like gnarly said, you made it 3 days and were only a day or two from being out of WD. I think the main problem is that you are doing it by yourself and you dont feel that you can share with anyone that you are around. You have to treat this as a crisis and do whatever it takes, as if your life depends on it because you are enertaining some dangerous thoughts when you are using. Please consider some different options
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1460021_tn?1327193855
:) you may have relapsed but you didn't do the unthinkable and for you THATS what really counts. You are still here. Still living and breathing and there IS help you can get. You have the support of ALL of us...FEEL the good vibes we are all sending you even though some of us are the other side of the earth.....feel them...because we sure are sending them.

You CAN and WILL get through this. We all will

<3 much love Gracie
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm at a hospital now asking and trying to recieve as much help as possible
Thank you guys for all the good strength to keep
Hope
It's not too late
I'm going to keep trying
Thank you angels and I'm so sorry again for how weak I became last night and for making you worry
Lots of love always xoxo
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617347_tn?1331296681
Tomi... i am so happy reading that you have contacted us... this is addiction a monster that destroys everything if we don't stop..You are at a point that you are saving your life, you are saving your life so forget that you can do it alone, dear. I know that at some moment you said that you didn't want to call your mother cause she thought you were clean... Well, you are sick with this disease, she knows that relapses can happen, please, call her and ask her for a ticket to come back to your country where you have a lot of possibilites like inpatient detox... Forget now about not leaving your boyfriend, please... what it matters here is your life and you can not be shy at what steps are needed in order to save it, be your best friend... Think that right now, you are fighting against yourself and this is not the way, you have to be your best friend and love yourself enough to do what it is needed :) YOU can do it, Tomi !
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1492906_tn?1290186969
I pray to you now Heavenly Father on behalf of us all, and especially for our lost child Tommyco. For undoubtably only you know all needs, and cries of all your children including Tommyco. I pray for you Heavenly Father to please reach down and touch Tommyco in mind, body, and soul. Reach out and reveal your loving, everlasting mercy, light and life. I pray you send her saints, and angels who live in heaven and earth to protect Tommyco from the evil, and darkness that surrounds all of us. I pray you help lead Tommyco safely home within your ever lasting light and reveal her true destiny as a survivor of all evil and a soilder of faith, light, and life. In your precious son Jesus Christ I pray for you now to reach out and touch Tommyco. Open Tommyco's eyes, ears, and heart. Let Tommyco know she is worth surviving. Let Tommyco know there are many who love her whom she knows and knows not, and all want her home safe and whole with the light a ever growing flourishing seed within. Again in your prcious son Jesus Christ I pray for your assistance with Tommyco now and forever. Amen....
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1405544_tn?1331922301
Tomi, I am so glad you took yourself to the hospital. You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I have faith that you will get through this, with help. You are worth it, please don't ever give up on yourself. So many people here in all honesty really and truly care about you, and  want you to be ok. You know I am one of them:)

Little sis, hang on tight, get that help you need. I am so proud of you for not giving up and removing yourself from that corner the drugs have backed you into. You saw another option, you went to the hospital to get help. You have so much hope within you, that hope is what got you to the hospital and didn't allow your mind to talk you into giving up and giving in for good.

I agree with what Laurel said. I think you should call your mom, tell her what's going on.
I have no doubt in my heart she will help you, get you back to the states and into a program. She's your mom, she loves you unconditionally.

Please keep us posted, if you can.

Praying for you my little sister:)
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547913_tn?1317359267
Thank GOD your Alright =o) May GOD Always Love, Protect and Bless You <3 jimi <3
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1283286_tn?1312915566
Hope you found some help Tommy...
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Avatar_m_tn
HI Tommy how you doing?? this has been a ruff 2 weeks for you....I know you want to break free from this but mabe it time to ask for some help im hoping the hospital was able to do something for you...you are in my prayers please post to let us all know your ok
good luck and God bless......Gnarly
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1432897_tn?1322963137
Hi there Tomi,  Glad you came in and shared with us.  There's a lot of people who care about you.  Keep on trying and one day you will get better.  God Bless!!
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617347_tn?1331296681
Tomi, we are here for you whenever you need us ... :) hope things are working out little by little, never lose the faith :)
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Avatar_f_tn
Tomi I see you are not accepting notes or messages---I hope you are ok.
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