I am so tired of the YOYO !

Hi all , its me Jimmy . I want to get and stay CLEAN . I have been taking 2 or 3 norcos four or five times a week . Same pattern as last time I was here . I am one of those that started to abuse this drug when I found it kept my anxiety in check ! Problem is that it over time turns on you as I am sure most of you know . I never really needed more then that and never took like 10 or even 20 a day . If you guys just read some of my old post you`ll see my journey since this started in June of 07 . . I am so tired of this yo yo effect . Funny thing is I have never gone above this dose and the physical W/D are not more then 1 or 2 days . But the emotional tool on my body is killing me .  I would really appreciate some support . Thanks so much , Jimmy

[SophieShine]

Hey Jimmy!
I don't know anything about norcos but I sure know about anxiety and emotional roller coaster... You have all my support in your search for freedom and clean time.
xoxoxo. sophie.

[Jimmy1975]

There just a type of vicodin 10/500

[IBKleen]

Just like you, I know how to get clean. Staying clean was always a tough one for me as well.

I found that I needed to get to the core of the issues and I found that through counseling and the fellowships of AA and NA.

I hope you find what works for you!!!!

[CATUF]

I don't actually go to NA, but it's a virtual clone of AA, of which I am a member.  Chapter 4 of NA's Basic Text (How it Works) is worth reading:

HOW IT WORKS

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

1. We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.



This sounds like a big order, and we can't do it all at once. We didn't become addicted in one day, so remember - EASY DOES IT.
There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles. Three of these that are indispensable are honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. With these we are well on our way.

We feel that our approach to the disease of addiction is completely realistic, for the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. We feel that our way is practical, for one addict can best understand and help another addict. We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable, responsible, and productive members of that society.

The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is not to take that first drug. If you are like us you know that one is too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this, for we know that when we use drugs in any form, or substitute one for another, we release our addiction all over again.

Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse. Before we came to N.A., many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover.

These are some of the questions we have asked ourselves: Are we sure we want to stop using? Do we understand that we have no real control over drugs? Do we recognize that in the long run, we didn't use drugs-they used us? Did jails and institutions take over the management of our lives at different times? Do we fully accept the fact that our every attempt to stop using or control our using failed? Do we know that our addiction changed us into something we didn't want to be: dishonest, deceitful, self- willed people at odds with ourselves and our fellow man? Do we really believe that, as drug users, we have failed?

When we were using, reality became so painful that oblivion was preferable. We tried to keep other people from knowing about our pain. We isolated ourselves, and lived in prisons built out of our loneliness. Through this desperation we sought help in Narcotics Anonymous. When we come to Narcotics Anonymous we are physically, mentally, and spiritually bankrupt. We have hurt long enough that we are willing to go to any length to stay clean.

Our only hope is to live by the example of those who have faced our dilemma, and have found a way out. Regardless of who we are, where we came from, or what we have done, we are accepted in Narcotics Anonymous. Our addiction gives us a common ground for understanding one another.

As a result of attending a few meetings, we begin to feel like we finally belong. It is in these meetings that we are introduced to the Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. We learn to work them in the order they are written and to use them on a daily basis. The steps are our solution. They are our survival kit. They are our defense, for addiction is a deadly disease. Our steps are the principles that make our recovery possible.




http://www.recoverydaily.com/chapter4.htm

[IBKleen]

AMEN!

[corey411]

I also was a yo-yo. I probably relapsed a dozen times. What I had to learn was that if I seriously wanted to get clean I had to start listening to what everyone was telling me....Nothing changes if nothing changes. If you don't take different steps and keep doing it the same way....it's not working.
When I came on here over a year ago noone knew about my addiction. Everyone would tell me that I needed to tell my family and ask for support......I said I'd rather die. If I hadn't changed my corse, I might have, I chanced something every time I relapsed. I told my family....relapsed......went to NA for 4 1/2 months everyday.....changed jobs. I have 9 months in a few days. It's working now. If you really want this, it's hard work and you gotta start seeing that it isn't working your way. CHANGE. Good luck to you.  Corey

[boogieman]

hello. as stated above, if you want this to work your chances will be dramatically improved by involving yourself in aa, na or both. maintain an attitude of willingness and gratitude for what you already have, and keep an open mind. the solution is in the steps. take care,  gm

[worried878]

if u r failing..u have to go backtrack..listen to the people here cos most know their stuff..plus read the health pages and anything u can..u r missing a long term plan..u have only the "quitting part" planned where u will ct or whatever..the aftemrath is where the planning comes in..like IBK said..getting clean is easy comapred to staying clean..it takes work..i am also in AA..not NA but found lots of knowledge in every NA meeting i ever attended..none are a waste altho u may have to to several/i went to like 12 in this area/ before i found the group i felt at home at..it was an ladies aa group

think back....post and tell us each thing u think u may have missed..ie didnt do or did not know to do..and anything u can do different this time...jot them down..and we will help u..keep posting

[renn25752009]

just want to say thanks for these post, i so agree. i am only on day 5 jimmy but i also never did anywork. just quit taking and would stay clean for a min. and BAM!! relaspe everytime. never did any changes or aftercare, and trying to do all  i can this time. i realize the mental part is what gets me everytime and is time to figure why i want to numb everything and everyone out. thanks again for these post great information that hit home for me. your all in my prayers.  also jimmy please chat at me whenever, we can get off these things together

[10356]

Hey jimmy.. my name is lesa..I understand the anxiety portion of your post.. For a very long time I felt anxiety about myself and how others perceived me.. It has caused me to literally shut down. not even going to the store.. I felt obvious for my past and who I em.. we may not have the same experience's.. but I had to find a way to overcome this anxiety/fear.. Thanks to a wonderful member of this forum I have found a outlet that not only calmed my anxiety but gave me a desire to explore beyond my boundaries... I have a new confidence in myself that is very liberating.. mine is photography. yours may be different.. the point I think I'm trying to make is sometimes we get stuck in are own heads and we forget that there is more to us then worry.. I'm very pleased that you do not abuse in high quantity but abuse is abuse.. Dig deep and find your passion.. it may exceed your anxiety.. warmly lesa

[soxfan0622]

The defination of ansinity " is doing the same thing but expecting different results"