I am still perplexed

I am the middle of one of the hardest things a human can live through and I cannot for the life of me figure out what my wife wants. When I was at work sometimes I would leave for weeks on end and come home one day then leave again for a month or so working. Now I am home and right now withdrawwing and my wife is all crappy right now saying she don't see me much because I am in my study. I go out spend time with the baby and my thirteen year old as well as her. She is acting like **** and it makes me want to stay in here more becasue I already don't feel like facing anyone right now I am shaven showered and dressed and thats about it. I am not a whole lot to be with right now. I am still obssessing over we all know what and I just want solitude right now. WTF does she want??? Mike

[hopsing94]

Man it always seem to go that way. Whenever I was in withdrawl (withdrawal) I went through the same thing. It's like they know what they are doing. I don't know what to tell ya. I'm sure you would like to just sit there alone with now interuptions at all. Tell her your working or tell her you don't feel good and go to bed. I don't know man but that does suck. Just keep trying Mike. Look at those girls and remember why your doing this. You can make it man you are so so close.

[Mikeinthesouth]

if I were banging dope in my arm she would be crappy too. Cant win for losing.....

[kim715]

She wants her husband back happy ,healthy, and drug free.I know how frustrating it is my husband would act the same way.We have to keep reminding ourselves that they don't truly understand what it really feels like physically and mentally and emotionally as well.Even though people shared with me what w/ds from methodone were like when I first came here,I didn't know the full extent until I experienced that h*** on earth first hand.Maybe you can have a chat with her and explain to her that right now you need that alone time,but that soon she'll be seeing so much of you she'll wish you'de retreat to the study.

[speciality]

tell her it is like having the worse PMS, with no period coming. She will identify!
This may sound like a joke, but people need something they can relate to. This way she knows it isnt her, or the kids. I bet it will work! Good luck

[nuredshuz]

Hi Mike~I dont know u, but I felt compelled to write on this. MOST women and Im sure ur wife dont mean to be a b-otch, we just want to feel loved.  I bet ur wife isnt feeling loved right now cuz she doesnt understand why you are being intraverted and wanting to be alone.  She just loves you and wants to be assured that she is number ONE with you. If you put aside- for just a few minutes- what ur goin thru and go and tell her how much you appreciate and love her and give her a big hug, tell your girls what a wonderful mommy they have while your wife can hear you, spend a few minutes lovin her and letting her be ASSURED she is loved and more importantly the very most important aspect of your life, you will NOT have ANY of the tension u guys have now.  Just give it a try Mike, and I bet u and her feel so much better, then maybe you can share how YOU feel and get some desperately needed support for yourself.  Since you are the man, if you take that lead and give her the love she needs, I bet she will in turn give you the respect you need.  I just bet you'll feel 1000x better.  I wish you the best!!!  Good luck and ~ PEACE!!!  

[missm2]

I totally agree with nuredshuz....

[ladyboop]

As A women, I think the things the other women have told you are dead on.... She WANTS HER HUSBAND BACK. I do not know your story. so If she knows about the drugs, and the w/d's. Let her know it has nothing to do with her. you just need some time.
Good luck with it all...

[hopeful4us]

ditto 100% to what nuredshuz said!!!! When you are away on business she knows you cant be with her..you are working ..you arent there. But now you ARE home but not with her. She doesnt understand why you dont want to be with her and would rather be alone in your den. she is taking it personaly. She needs to be reassured that you love her and she is #1 to you. I promise it will work...Lori

[bobby139]

That is really to bad...I dont understand it, my husband is bitching more at me too. Its like he liked me better when i was stoned....maybe they worry that once we are straight that we might not want them, wich isn't the truth but maybe they do get scared about that...you think that might be? I am searching for a reason myself.
bobby

[sadinmichigan]

I agree with Bobby...My husband wants me to be stoned up on ****..Now that he has his fix he wants to be all happy..yipeeee...You are right..this is the hardest struggle and it sucks..I wish i had some great words of wisdom for you right now..your wife probably just can't understand how physically horrible you feel..let alone your true pain with your back and all..and then the damn mental part that seems to be the hardest to get over..I feel the same way..biotched at no matter what..dang..you hang in there..I know it sucks to be biotched at but you know when you finally get through this...and YOU WILL..you and your family will all be better for it..u know??xo

[bobby139]

I totaly agree with Sad that no one can understand how hard it really is physically and mentaly unless they have been though it themselves. Here i quit all the pills in yet i look at my husband and cant understand why he cant quit his drinking.

[sadinmichigan]

this seems like such a mess doesn't it?  And i need to stop wondering how i got here..and I can totally relate to thinking about you know what....probably because i know they are always around and then stupid me took a few..dumb..some one needs to kick me..Naaaautyyy..where are you???lol  seriously..we need an a$$ kickin;..

Bobby i am so glad your ok honey..you had all of us worried..i hope your feeling better..and nobody can understand what we have to go through..i can barely understand it myself.if i knew then what i know now.....love ya girl..love you too mike..

[bobby139]

Thank You Sad. I feel alittle better... We will all make it!!!!! I have faith in us.

[soreadytodetox]

hey mikeinthesouth thankyou for posting. im truely sorry but i am just so sick right now trowing up strong last hours just wanted to touch in after 2 years of snorting$300-$400 wweekly this cold cold turkey is really starting to hurt badly alot of withdrawl (withdrawal) stuff. ive never wanted 3 percs so bad got to go sheeri

[worried878]

I live alone and enjoyed that during detox///could not have stood any extra stimulation...maybe bring her some flowers before u go in and tell her she is your one and only when u come out...ask her if she wants to join u in the study for ur down time and music..relaxation and no stimulation time...just veg time..she may need it to...tell her u r decompressing

[nikthetrick]

Just reading your question, can I ask does your wife know you are going through withdrawals right now? For the last 10 years I have been daily on my hubbys back to get the hell off vicodin, then subutex and now methadone. I have wanted to walk out on him so many times, I cant count them. Two days ago, he missed his dose of meth and I had to watch him almost die. I was so scared. I thought he was going to die. As a non drug user ( and im not saying im perfect ) I will tell you your wife wants you. The hwole you, healthy, she wants the father to her children. She wants you to be addicted to her and your marriage and your children. She wants you healthy, she wants you to live long, to see your grandchildren. I know this as I want only the same things from my hubby. I have read alot of posts here in the last 48 hours, and I have learnt so  many things. I woudl suggest you make your wife read some of these posts. To read how these people are still detoxing after years, and the hell they go through, adn the stupid reasons they started drugs to the pathetic medical system we have to live with. It has only opened my eyes to the torture my husband must be going through. I am still pissed at him for being stupid and getting addicted, but I know what he will go through and what he has gone through in the last 2 days. I still want to pack his **** and tell him see ya, but I dont want him to suffer alone. Love you wife, be honest with her, let her read these posts, this forum, open her eyes, let her in, and if she can understadn just a little, she migh back the **** off.

[dove3053]

Does your wife know you are in the process of WD's?

I can speak from a women's point of view. Since it sounds like because of your work you were not home much and now that you are home it has changed her routine. People are creatures of habit and when things change we often get flustered. She can also probably sense that your going thru a hard time and maybe at a loss as how to help you.

I would try not to make a big thing of this and it sounds like she is misdirecting her frustrations out on you.

This is new territory for both of you so just hang in there and I think everything will work itself out.

Dove

[Mikeinthesouth]

to all thanks things eased up a bit as the night wore on. To answer your questions she does know that I am withdrawing also knows how long and some of what I have been using since I broke my back. She just plain out right don't understand the process. I love her very much but what blows my mind is shehas seen me unble to walk close to chair bound in the begining she knows the what I have been through with this **** and yet she expects me to kick this habit no problemo. SHe will whine when she has a headache if she is tired if her makeup is not right if her car is dirty you get the picture and I am supposed to drop this easy. I say again I love her with all of my heart and just venting. She is a pretty girl inside and out and strong in her own ways. SHe is a good mother to my daughter as well as her own and the one child we have together and she and I shared the most perfect moment in my life bringing my baby into this earth. Oh well she just can't comprehend it even thought the doctor even told her that withdrawals were like dying but staying alive. Mike

[Jacqui805]

It's a hard thing for "outsiders" to comprehend and empathize with.  Don't know all the why's, but it seems to be the case.  

[mommy52713]

mike i am so sorry you are going through all of this but try and remember why you have chosen to do this and in time things will get better. wishing you the best

[poetrygirl1960]

Well for one thing, you are working............on your sobriety!  I'm glad you worked things out last night.  I think the people around us (family especially) feel more left out and pushed aside when we recovery because we have to put more in to it.  It's a lot more work to recover than to use and the time you put in to it is important.  

here's the but...............

Maybe take a break from your office every couple of hours or something and just spend 20 min. or more with her.  Hug her, tell her you love her, let her know you are doing this not just for yourself but for the two of you.  I think if you softened her up in this way she would actually listen when the doctor tells her what w/d is like, and it would click.  She would understand.

You're great Mike, keep up the good work buddy!

Lisa

[nikthetrick]

this is too mike and all the people that have posted on his situation. I have read every post here and as a wife of a drug addict, i am going to make my husband read all of the above. i really believe that he may make some sense of what i am going through and maybe hearing other woman and men saying what they have, he will understand why i ***** and moan at him. I love him, and everyone including him is right i have no bloody idea and hope i never do what is to withdraw from any drug ( i find it hard to not have coca cola for 1 day-pathetic i know ) but i will test him on your replies, and i hope to have a heart to heart and maybe better both our expectations on this whole terrible situation.........................................mike........................is your wife a member of this forum, and if so what is her name  and if not does she have an email that she could be contacted on, i would like to talk to her. maybe if she has a chance to get everything off her chest to someone who is going through the SAME thing, she may cut you a little slack adn understand it all too....just a thought.......good luck and hope it all gets better

[CadillacJack]

Take it with a grain of salt, Mike. As troubles go, there truly are worse. She could have your problem, while you have to stand, rather helplessly, and watch & wonder. You could have lost someone close to you, and have lived with that guilt & heartache, as well as what is now on your plate. Keep her good points in mind, and try to let her know you care. She has a perspective that is different from you own. Otherwise, you are kicking a$$.

[Mikeinthesouth]

Thanks Jack I realize now she has to watch this and the only way she knows to help is to get me something to get well and she knows I can but don't want it. SHe stood by me two years ago while I mourned my sister exactly as you said bro. Thanks, Mike