I am stuck in hell

[colinsplace66]

I am new to these forums but found myself gravitating to them as I am really hurting and needed advice. I stated going to a pain management clinic about 9 months ago after having sergury and having pain as a result. Honestly, I could deal with the pain. I liked the way the Percocet made me feel and convinced my doctor to refer me to a pain clinic. The pain clinic gave me 2 scripts. 1 for 30mg Morphine extended release 2 times a day and 1 for 15mg Oxycodone 5 times a day. I have been going through the Oxy in just over 2 weeks and then use the Morphine to hopefully get me throgh the next 2 weeks till I can fill my scripts again and then it starts all over again. 3 times, I have run out a few days before I could fill my scripts. 3 times I went through the worst pysicle and mental hell I have ever experienced. I am tired of thinking about this all the time and counting my pills. I have a good job and I have missed several days over this when sick. I am married and half 2 great young kids. My wife does not know I am doing this. She works in the helth care industry and knows my addictive personality and would be very mad if she knew what I was doing. When I run out and get sick she thinks I just have the flu. I want off this stuff so bad. I have put my job and my marridge and my life on the line here and it has to stop. I am ashamed of myself and find myself crying about it all the time. I am overly emotional for some reason. I started doing research online and was terified to find out how difficult it is to get off this stuff. I had no idea. I cannot got to detox. My wife would lose it. I dont think I would be able to keep my job either. I have to get off them on my own. I have another appointment with my pain doctor in a week and I am going to tell him that I want to get off these pills and hope he will help me rather than just cut me off. I cannot trust myself with the pills. I have a gal I work with that is very nice and says she had the same problem with her husband and she was able to take control of his meds and gradially ween him off of them. He is clean now. I gave her my pills. She is going to despence them to me and bring me down off them slowly. My question is, am I doing the right thing? Will this work? What do I do when I am out? Should I ask the doctor for something to take at that point to help ween me off further? I appreciate any help I can get. I don't really have a support system.

[ImDONENoMore]

Oh my goodness unbelievable!!  What a relief this must be for you collins.  Another example of why it's so important to get checked out by the Dr.

It can only get better from here.  Good luck to you collins.  I hope your life becomes a happy one.  :)

[ricart70]

great to hear that you are doing better colin.I hope you continue to keep that monitored .It may go back up as you get some more clean time.Glad you are doing better!!

[colinsplace66]

I went to the doctor last week and explained the issues I was having. She had my blood checked out. The results explained everything. The normal Testostrone of a man my age 45 is supposed to be 1150 on average. Mine was 50. I had no male hormone in me. This causes depression, loss of energy, motivation, drive, everything I was going through. Opiates and my age are the reason it was so low. I was given a Testostrone shot and will be giving them to myself from now on. I think anyone who has gone through this hell should get their hormones checked out as it has made a tremendous difference in my life. I feel like I have waken up. I'm back to normal. I can deal with my problems now. I have my drive back. I am so glad I got this checked out.

[ImDONENoMore]

collins I can not tell you the relief I initially felt when I saw that you came back and posted again.  And I can not tell you the sadness I felt immediately thereafter after reading your words.

Please colins what are you waiting for?  Find a professional therapist to talk to now.  Today.  Pick up the phone right now and find someone and make that appt.  All of this can change with that one simple step.  Do it.  Please?

[theaddict]

glad you at least commented back to all of us who've been worried sick all night and morning and afternoon. glad you're here again with us.

what's up with the police? you poor thing.

everything is going to et better with time, this i promise you. right now, it may feel as though you're at the end of your rope amongst other mixed emotions. but just look at the number of comments from last night to this very moment from people who love and care for you, wanting to help.

[10356]

Hi Colinsplace.. I have not commented either on this thread but the depth of your pain compels me to do so.. Please listen to what these good folks are saying. You woke this morning Thank the Good Spirits.. I have never told this to anyone before. when my kids were young I was in a very dark place I was drinking whiskey taking anything I could get my hands on My hubby was having a affair I had never received treatment for my childhood I was one screwed up girl. I had put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger the safety was off but it never fired. I did not have the courage to do that again. I believe I was saved for a reason. It was not my time to check out. I never did get the help I needed and continued to drink and use had a bad accident that was My fault I was drunk and crushed my foot.. this lead me on another dark journey This time I did not have a gun to try to kill myself I had drugs. I almost did with a OD. I finally ran out of the strength to continue.. I gave, I surrendered.. It did not happen over night but it started when I started therapy. It was there I learned although slowly that I'm Worth saving.. Just as you are. My life is so different now. I'm so different. Of all the things you and your family have lost. The most Valuable is you.. You are not replaceable.. I looked at your pic of you outdoors You looked Happy.. Material things can be replaced ya know You can not. I will send a Prayer that you seek some help with this and that you do what needs to be done to get you back.. sending you a very warm hug.. lesa