Aa
I can't believe this
I feel so f****** hopeless I have been an addict in some way shape form or fashion for more than half of my life now which is nearly 20 years anyways in 2011 I started to shoot up quit for a little while got back involved... alright hold on I could probably go on for ever let me just get to the point 2015 was a very rough year amongst a whole bunch of other tragedies I overdosed twice and I had to have a long surgery due to a form of pneumonia that had gotten so bad inside of my lungs so I decided that I need to get clean so long story short I left went to Nevada got clean stay gone for 6 months didn't use nothing came back here but a month-and-a-half later back to smoking crack I'm taking Subs almost everyday it's been done it's been about a month-and-a-half two months and I've been taking Subs quite often butt I know I don't want this and I know I don't want to be smoking crack and should I have a job and I'm spending all my money on I'm so f****** tired I'm fed up my eyes are tearing up as I even talk to some to this phone right now can anyone give me any suggestions on how to f****** just beat this s***
Hello & Welcome. I sure hope you stick around for Support.
First, I would like to say that YOU are beating yourself up to much. This Addiction is a Progressive Disease and it can happen for many reason like Tolerance, Genes, Social Anxiety, Depression and the list goes on. Look up Addiction and the Brain and you will see where and why certain drugs change our brain chemistry. The frontal lobe is responsible for our own individual personalities. We read people different when using and they see us different when using.
When we use it is a ME thing, but in order to stay clean it becomes a WE thing. Surrendering this disease to the God of your understanding is one of the first steps toward recovery. It will take Work and many Changes to get going and stay on track. If we do have this disease, it is very important that we do not touch any mind-altering or addicting substances at all, as this will just spark up the disease again.
YOU sound very serious about getting and staying clean. So by doing this we need to have Support around us everywhere. We must groove new (good) habits in our brain. YOU can do this!! The big thing is to stay away from anything that can cause triggers while you are trying to change these behaviors too.
Walk into the rooms of AA/NA and maybe even Church. We need a place where we can unleash or vent out what we have hidden away in our back pockets. Letting it go and working on staying clean will take some working at for sure, but it can be done and it is worth it all the way. Just like Jifmoc said..Action speaks louder then anything else. Forgive yourself and reach out. Go and seek that SUPPORT.
We are here for you all the way.
Vickie
First, I would like to say that YOU are beating yourself up to much. This Addiction is a Progressive Disease and it can happen for many reason like Tolerance, Genes, Social Anxiety, Depression and the list goes on. Look up Addiction and the Brain and you will see where and why certain drugs change our brain chemistry. The frontal lobe is responsible for our own individual personalities. We read people different when using and they see us different when using.
When we use it is a ME thing, but in order to stay clean it becomes a WE thing. Surrendering this disease to the God of your understanding is one of the first steps toward recovery. It will take Work and many Changes to get going and stay on track. If we do have this disease, it is very important that we do not touch any mind-altering or addicting substances at all, as this will just spark up the disease again.
YOU sound very serious about getting and staying clean. So by doing this we need to have Support around us everywhere. We must groove new (good) habits in our brain. YOU can do this!! The big thing is to stay away from anything that can cause triggers while you are trying to change these behaviors too.
Walk into the rooms of AA/NA and maybe even Church. We need a place where we can unleash or vent out what we have hidden away in our back pockets. Letting it go and working on staying clean will take some working at for sure, but it can be done and it is worth it all the way. Just like Jifmoc said..Action speaks louder then anything else. Forgive yourself and reach out. Go and seek that SUPPORT.
We are here for you all the way.
Vickie
Hi, I remember feeling exactly like you do. That's when things change, when you are desperate. I suggest walking into a meeting, AA or NA asap. I tried for sooo long to get clean by myself, like you have done. As you can see, it doesn't work. We need help. Meetings got me out of the hell of addiction. You are full of fear and need lots of support. The only way for us to change is to take action.
Thank you for responding! I seriously do appreciate it because there's really no one else that I can talk to about this situation. I can't go to My immediate family they will be highly upset and basically cut me all the way off! I don't want that to happen at all.. I was finally getting a little bit of a respect.. if you will? Or maybe ill just call it a mutual understanding of sort? And that would be an understanding of the fact that I'm finally stepping up, and basically not hiding behind a needle, or some pills, or a f****** crackpipe!!! And actually dealing with my problems and my emotions which I can honestly say that I have not done since I don't know when? A very long time! And I absolutely know what you mean by the feeling of those chains being broken as I said when I first came back here no I was in a pretty good gotdamn place.. and that's why I am really really disgusted with my behavior, I can't believe that I relapsed! and I kept on relapsing!!! that's the thing you know? like I said I'm to the point now where I'm going to go through some type of withdrawal and im dreading it. And i have to work on top of it...plus im in sales where I have to be personable and happy and sound like I actually care about the cause. But you know what I actually kind of like to challenge myself, and I'm really determined to get back on track! I f***** up I know I f***** up and it's time to get back to being the person that I actually started to like. I realized that when I'm sober I'm liked by other people as well.. it really felt good to be able to have a conversation about something without having dope on my mind... Like how am I going to get this money, or I wonder if I can borrow some money from this person, or what do I have to steal today to make sure I'm not dope sick? Yeah I felt pretty God damn good not having that gorilla on my back!!! F*** the subs f*** that dope all this s*** has done has caused me stress and drained my f****** pockets.. I want that confidence that came with my sobriety back!! No pain no gain no risk no reward. I put myself in this situation I have to get myself out! I'm just happy that I found this little "meeeting" room I guess you could call it? because you know I have heard other people say this as well.. it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that's going through s*** like this? it's good to hear other stories, and I do appreciate all the responses, thank you! and I will keep you guys updated on my progress, good or bad? but it will be good... I wish you all the best. Thanks for the positive vibes too.
There is always hope. Keep the faith. You have to stay away from the people, places and things associated with your use. Even if that means getting a new job. Your life is more important right now than a job.
Get to substance abuse support groups, AA, NA, celebrate recovery. Find a counselor. It's ok to do suboxone for a time but do it through a doctor with required groups and therapy.
There is freedoms from the chains and bondage of addiction.
Do you support from any family?
It sounds as if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get as much support as possible. There is always hope.
Praying for you,
Debbie
Get to substance abuse support groups, AA, NA, celebrate recovery. Find a counselor. It's ok to do suboxone for a time but do it through a doctor with required groups and therapy.
There is freedoms from the chains and bondage of addiction.
Do you support from any family?
It sounds as if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Now you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get as much support as possible. There is always hope.
Praying for you,
Debbie
Yeah I'm getting them off the streets. It's just crazy cuz I was actually starting to feel good and felt like I had a little bit of control butt it's like soon as I came back here or not even cuz I lasted about a month and a half maybe 2 months but then I got a job it was my old job and it's just hard to do being sober which I guess maybe anything is hard to do being sober you know kind of like that's how my mind works I guess but I could do it I just saw I just don't know I need help I need to find a way to control these urges and his Temptations cuz I want to get back to being who I was when I first came back here a few months ago I really felt like I had something going like I thought so much differently and I feel myself drifting off again into thievery, lying, stealing, spending all my money on dope and being a hopeless ******* loser of a person. I swear to God I can't be that f****** guy. I'm just going to quit this Suboxone you know I've probably been doing it for about 2 months now not every day but enough I know I'm going to have to go through something I just hope it ain't that bad god dammit. I am seriously really upset and disgusted with myself literally disgusting I should have a decent pocket full of money right now instead I'm f****** broke because I'm buying f****** suboxone and I'm smoking crack just throwing my money away smoking crack! it's so stupid and it just makes me miserable! it's not even f****** fun! oh my God I cannot drift off to this miserable existence. And just as I was saying that I ccan't drift off into this miserable existence... I realized that I have already...I know that it could be a lot worse but I'm here and I'm scared cause have to deal with this s*** again!! going through these f****** withdrawals I have to go to work I can't take a week off there ain't no f****** way so I have a f****** battle ahead of me and I know it!!!! I'm so f****** mad at myself if anybody has any suggestions as the How I Could Just follow through on what I'm saying I know what I have to do and I know I'm f****** up I know it's not right but I've been through this s*** inside my head many times and I just don't follow through.. I had to go to Nevada to follow through which was probably one of the smartest things I've ever done cuz I was knocking on deaths door and I was way worse than I am now if I ever get that bad again. I won't be pretty. Thanx for reading. Jesus im so sad right now.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome to the forum. There is hope and we are here to help you. Are you getting the subs off the street? When you got back from Nevada did you go back to hanging out with the same people? Staying clean is hard work but so worth it. It requires change in our life and recovery care. Keep talking
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