I cant do it :(

[YoungNLove]

Im not strong enough.. Im coming off subutex, took my last crumb on friday and I didnt sleep a wink last night.  Hot sweats, cold sweats, cant get comfortable, feels like my insides are being torn out, anxious, and so much more.  That was the most miserable night of my life! And for what I was taking, how much I was taking I shouldnt be going through this a year later!  I tried coming off sub with my vicodin prescription (5mg/500mg 90 for 30 days) but that was a fail cause I felt sub withdrawal every 2 hours so now THATS almost gone and I would almost rather die than go through sub withdrawal for 3+ months.  I have a job im literally FIGHTING for right now, I cant afford to be off my game at this job and feeling like this.  I think im going to have to go back to the dr I hate so much for keeping me on this for a year.  Im proud of myself cause I had 1 8mg pill left almost 2 weeks ago and made it last 9+ days by cutting it from the *mg into 2 4mg pieces, then cut those 4mg pieces into 2mgs and those 2mgs into crumbs.  And I felt ok.. It was just enough to make it tolerable and so I could function but this, just cutting it off cold turkey after being on 4mg for the last year is just unbearable.  I know there are others who went from so much more and quit cold turkey but I just cant do it.  Im already so ashamed and scared to be going through this still and now withdrawal is the icing on the cake.  And to be going through that, being just as miserable today as I was yesterday.. FOR 3+ MONTHS.  I cant even grasp.  I feel like im loosing my mind to look back at July and think of going through wd the entire time.  Everyone says "oh theres a light at the end of the tunnel" ...its just hard to see that as the end, or the train...

So I guess heres are my question..
Is it possible to go back on subutex just to get me through wd and be tapered off from my dr until.. and in her words.. "you will feel 0 withdrawals"
Trust me, I have not been more sick of anything in my life.  I think I could survive off crumbs until I can push myself with days inbetween.  I want off.  And now that ive discovered something that keeps me pain free 12 hours thats non narcodic/doesnt knock me out (Diclofenac sodium 75mg, Voltoren) I have no need, no desire to go back on Vicodin, im just so sick of this, I WANT OUT!

one more question..
Am I nutts?
I dont know if im loosing my mind or overreacting.. but this is hell at its finest.

Im just scared.. and trying to make it easier than months and months of wd.  any feedback is welcome.. chew me up if you want lol but im just a 23 year old girl confused, scared and "wanting to get home"

[mr.lucky66]

Going back on sub in any form will make it worse. This is what happenes to some people when they go on sub and there isn't really a drug answer to this problem only time. This is why I don't like sub long term and especilly for vicodin users. I hope you feel better soon.

[keekee57]

Regardless if you taper from sub, there will some withdrawal. But its not really a horrible withdrawal like oxys did to me. I was only placed on subs for 3 month with a taper. Experienced mostly body aches and slight diarhhea. It lasted for about a quick 2 weeks, and when I was going through therapy at the time, my councelor strongly suggested to take in as much vitamin C as you can, as your body can only absorb so much and the rest escapes your body in certain ways and you cannot OD on vitamin C. I was on oxys for 5 years and up to 420mg a day, and you want to talk about withdrawal. Man, I just about died or if not close to it. But the withdrawals from subs are not as scary not unless you have abused it by banging it or snorting it, if so tell the doc then to keep you on, otherwise, slow down take a deep breath, take a hot bath, or shower, go for a walk, stay on this site and learn. You have a long life ahead of you, please hang in there....

[refusingbondage]

Hi there.  No, your not nuts.  Sub withdrawal can be hell on earth for sure.  But I want to tell you that you CAN do it.  I know how hard it is - Ive done it and like you, I really thought I was dying.. But I wsnt.  And your not !  First thing you have to do is stop panicking.  Sub withdrawal is long, but you are NOT going to feel as sick as you do today for months.... your symptoms will improve greatly (not go away all together but improve a LOT) after the first week or two. You should begin your upswing around 10-12 days.. After the first week or two, you WILL start slowing feeling better.  The first 10-12 are the worst.. Yes, sub can be a months long withdrwawal - but its not acute for months.. it just takes a while to feel completely well..  You just have to bite the bullet and do it.  I know its scary but Its not gonna kill you!  Talk to your sub doctor, tell him you need some help coming off the suboxne.  He can probably rx you a few things that can help. ..

The worst thing you can do is panic right now. It wont help and a LOT of this is mental.  Put it in your mind that you are determined to get through this.  Your body will endure, but you have ot be strong enough mentally to do this.  I know you can do it.

Best of luck - !

[YoungNLove]

Do you think I tapered too fast?  Maybe thats what ive done wrong.  For the past year ive been taking between 4mg and 2mg a day and just this last week i was taking 1mg a day and it was tolerable.  I felt normal.  Then freaked out and quit cold turkey and now im feelin it :( unfortunatly ive switched from one to another, taking vicodin to deal with the withdrawals.  vicious cycle :( but wd from vicodin was so much easier and didnt last 3 months. it was more like 3 days.  still kicking myself in the a-ss for not researching this in 2008.

[whitie]

dr until.. and in her words.. "you will feel 0 withdrawals"

that is an absurd and wrecklessly incompetent statement from your DR.

well now that you know the truth, the only way to get free from the chains of opioid addiction is to deal with the wd's, otherwise spend the rest of your life addicted.

like refusing so well stated.

you wont die,people have done it and you can do it if you set your mind on the right course

[gnarly_1]

hey....well your not alone in withdrawals ive been in withdrawals for 8 weeks tapering
off methadone ...I took my last dose 8 days ago and am still feeling the side effects
of a 6 1/2 yr habit all i can tell you is it does get better day by day today is better
than yesterday and even though it seams impossible you will make it threw it
you just have to be "ok with not being ok" for a wile..ive never been on sub b/4
but i spent 10+ yr on the pills b/4 the methadone so im walking off a long habit
it has seamed absolutely impossible at times to me so i can relate to your every word
but please trust the advise and go thew the withdrawals once and for all and just
get it over with your so young and have your whole life ahead of you this will only
be a bad memory some day ...there are many here that have done what we are trying to do ..you can do this it just takes some time for all to get better ..good luck Gnarly    

[dominosarah]

Repeat after me here......I CAN do this.            sara

[leeisgettingclean]

Sara is right.....YOU CAN DO THIS....we all have, its part of the fight!!!

[Cassie415]

I agree with above, you have to think you can do this and change your thinking. I don't think the wd's will last three months, but whatever the length is, in the long run it is not that much time when you think that you've got almost your whole life ahead of you. You mentioned that you have work and can't afford to feel like this everyday. I know how hard it is, but there will always be reasons why "now" is not the good time to stop but the longer you put it off the harder it will be and reasons why "now is not a good time" will always be there. I understand and sympathize how hard it is to try to stop while keeping everything in your life somewhat maintained. I am in college right now and stopping oxycontin and trying to keep my grades/life together.  I've just been telling people i've been sick and they believe it because it is flu season and I swear everyone knows someone that is sick lol. I hope you try to do this, I think you can do it.

[Evacrednow]

I went through the same thing over the summer.  I was taking LOTS of vicodin for a year and then went to suboxone to help me get clean.  I was on sub for between one and two months, and by the end I was surviving on crumbs (even just one crumb every other day)--but when I stopped, the suboxone withdrawal was awful.  The anxiety is paralyzing--it's drawn out, consuming, and debilitating.  And the insomnia and the restless legs, and the racing, pounding heart.  I thought it would never end.    I was so anxious and so depressed, that I actually checked myself into a psych ward for three days (that was on day 8 of no suboxone), but by the time I checked out (day 11 or 12) I felt much better, could sleep a bit during the night, and plus, at the hospital, the docs gave me meds to help with my racing heart rate--which at rest, was chronically 125 during suboxone withdrawals and I had high blood pressure (I was 27 then).

About once a week for the next couple weeks, I saw my drs. to help get me off the heart meds (I only needed them for about two weeks).  

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've been there--it's freakin' awful.  Really, really awful.  But, you can get help and when I say help, I don't mean getting back on sub.  Talk to you dr. about getting a beta blocker for your racing heart and taking anxiety medication for the next couple weeks.  The withdrawals will end, and soon you will be on the 'other side.'  It's better over here on the other side--I was so scared during withdrawals that sobriety wouldn't be better--that I would never be happy again, but those worries were just that--worrries.  It's really, really better on the sober side.

[Evacrednow]

P.S.  I noticed you said that you started taking vicodin to help with the withdrawal from the subutex, and all I have to say is that will just proloooong the inevitable.  You cannot quit opiates without withdrawal--and plus, if you even could--how easy would it be to start using again?  The pain of withdrawal is what usually scares away my opiate cravings--that and how I almost ruined a very meticulously and hard won life in just a few months...

Really, if I got off opiates (and man I love those evil things) you can, too.  Like I just said in my longer post, it's really better over here on the opiate-free side.  So much better.  It gets better every day.  Stick with it.

[emwave]

I'm sure you can get off Sub -- but you may be coming off to fast.  It really scares me when people start cutting up 8mg tabs into crumbs.  If you can't function and need to take more sub, get the 2 mg tabs.  If is almost impossible the accurately cut up most pills beyong quarters.  This goes for any medication -- there's no way you can accurately divide a pill into 8ths or 16ths (or whatever).  Obviously, in some cases, this type of division can be dangerous.  In your case, it's not dangerous, but you really can't taper properly by cutting up 8mg tabs into crumbs.  The drug companies have certain standards they have to follow and generally the active ingredient only has to be accurate up to the score marks on the tablet.  So you may very well have taken some "crumbs" that had little to no bup in them.
You have absolutely no reason to be ashamed.  You need to work and if you need to drop to a lower dosage to taper properly, that's what you need to do.  Very few people can go ct, so give yourself a break.  I understand just wanting to get off of opiates as fast as possible.  But a reasonable taper will make it less painful.  Make sure you look into the amino acid protocol in the health pages -- you should start that before you stop any opiate, anyway.  Be as prepared as possible.  Again, I absolutely understand just wanting to walk away from opiates.  But sadly, it isn't always possible. *Little* things like WORK tend to get in the way and you may have to taper a little more before stopping completely.  Just don't beat yourself up about it -- do what you have to do.  And keep in mind that everyone is different.  Just because some people taper and have horrible wd's doesn't mean you will.  I know people who have tapered off of both methadone and sub and had little problem at the end.  I can't promise you anything -- but you need to do what is right for you.  I can promise you that there will always be people here to help you through the tough times.