I can't remember most of my childhood!

[katt111886]

I grew up with my husband and he is always telling me thing we done together and i cant remember them there are about 10 memories I have before the age of 13....But when i was younger my mom and dad divorced and my dad is an  alcoholic and came in with a gun trying to kill my mother while me and my sister hid in a closet because he was mad she was leaving him. I didn't talk to him for about 6 years after and now we've been talking for a few years, about 4 now. Ive also been touched in inappropriate ways when i was younger many times but never penetrated, that i remember. How do i make my memories come back to remember what happened to me so bad that i blocked almost my entire childhood out. What would it have been. Could something really bad have happened to me?      How do i remember?

[Fisforfriends]

Listen there are a lot of reasons your mind blocks things out. Some times those things are more benificial to keep hidin from yourself. I was abused when I was younger (physicaly and mentaly not sexualy) but i kno that the constant thinking about it and even so much as getting psycological help did nothing to help me remember some of the things that went on in my childhood. I have come to the conclusion that from the things I remember, that are not very plesent to say the least, maybe the things i cannot are a lot worse and my mind is trying to protect me. If you can live without knowing sometimes it might be better that way.

[kolo13]

Maybe she is in the right forum. How many of us here grew up with alcoholics and addicts and don't remember our childhoods. This certainly rings all kinds of bells with me and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. It's the reason that this forum is my only aftercare. I'm terrified of seeing a counselor who would want me to dredge up currently unavailable memories. Katt, it takes a commitment to serious therapy to get at those blocked memories. It's uncomfortable and difficult. Some would say that it is the only way to get truly mentally healthy. I think I'm willing to settle for screwed up and clean as opposed to a screwed up junkie, but if your willing to go after your memories more power to you.

[kaissy]

I'm going through something very similar right now.  I have confirmation that it did happen, but I can't remember it.  I, too, can count on both hands the memories I have before age 15(ish).  It's a horrible feeling, almost like your life has been stolen from you. . .  I hate it.  Remembering has been hard.  Frustrating.  Depressing.  Because it doesn't happen.  I just can't remember, no matter how much I want to.  I have looked into hypnosis, but after having someone actually tell me that if I couldn't recall any of my own memories he would give me some memories so I could have something, I decided against it.  After that, I found out that was  a pretty common occurrence, so I am glad I decided to stay away from it.  The only thing I can really recommend is to find a good therapist, that has experience working with this sort of thing and that, above all else, you feel you can trust.  I have been assured that my memories will come back to me when I am ready for them, but I feel like I have been ready my whole life.  All there is to do at this point is wait and see, I guess.  
I have heard that EMDR could possibly help.  From what I understand it is more often used to  process memories that you already have, but I recently read something about the use of EMDR to recover traumatic memories as well.  Perhaps that is another avenue to pursue. . .
Good luck, and if you find any success, I would be grateful if you would share!  :)

[fishmeal]

yes I did look up her name on the search above and it came up with no results and they do have a mental health section on this site... she might have clicked on something thought else.

[FLaddict]

Hey there honey.. I am not sure you are in the right forum. This is an addiction forum. Based on what you said I highly recommend a therapist that has a background in abuse. Maybe even hyptnotis may help you recover some of those memories.. Until then if we can help you please let us know.. And keep your head up it takes alot of courage to speak of the things you just posted.

[swirlingcoffee]

I don't know, but if you figure it out, please share.  My sister has shared horrible stories of sexual abuse on both of us from a babysitter, and even hearing it doesn't jog any memory.

[fishmeal]

ummmm are we in the right forum here???