I could not be more upset wtih myself!

[beentrying2quit]

Well folks...I'm back at square one again.  The past two months has been a real mofo at best.  Major stress at work, stress at home and docs cant seem to find out what is wrong with me.  I had made it 10 days without hydros back in March which is when I began to have all kinds of stomach pain/problems...was not able to eat anything without an upset stomach...I caved in and started taking hydros again..had to have some relief.

I'm able to handle the physical dependency....I just cant seem to get past the mental part.  The job I have is litterally 24/7 and I am constantly on "high allert" as I can get a phone call at anytime of the day and I find that when I take a hydro they calm me down..relax me...that scares me to death.

I'm gonna try again as soon as I get to a point where I can handle the mental withdrawals along with my work load.  My boss actually told me to do something illegal today...something I can go to jail for if I get caught..what the hell does someone say to that?

Thanks for listening...it really helps.  Hopefully you wont see me on the 5'0 clock news tomorrow.

[LONESOME]

Please try to relax and get it together it seems like you are going through a rough time but just try to deal with one thing at a time.
I know life is really hard but just ask God to help you solve the puzzle of you life ok.
Please stay here with us we are good people lol we can listen and try to help you.

[newmanagment]

I read thru all these, and all i can say is from a cocaine addicts view, mental addiction is the real battle. I have no physicall w/d's , but the mental pull of cocaine is one of the worst there is. have you thought about NA, an addiction counselor, or some sort of aftercare? i can also add this, i have been a heavy cocaine addict for 25 years, 5 of those fighting to get and STAY clean, please dont be like me, and still be fightin in 5 years, after the addiction has gotten even worse!! Put the dope down, be done, and think bout some kinda after care, it has helped me tremendously....  best of luck , n keep fighting with all ya got....

[me1414]

Omg, does that sound just like me. Except you are a male. I had a very high stress job, four kids, and the whole wear the pants in the family thing. I started taking pills to deal with the pysical part of my job and then to go home and be super woman at home. 50 hours or more a week was the norm. You know one day I just quit my job. I thought if I got rid of that stress it would be the end of my pills. I quit for about 2 months then bang, started again. I just never delt with the mental, now i am back at square one myself. And god help us, we have to fiqure out why we are living this way. I cant say it will get easier, I cant say it will get better, but I can pray. Pray that God gives us the strentgh to figure this out. Keep posting, its good to hear from people that know that this life is the norm.

[worried878]

Been trying, u r not gonna quit trying i know!....put your seatbelt back on and get back to work on this...move forward again...u went a bit backward but turn it around...u have done too well to not keep trying...keep posting and keep posting here and there even after u quit to help remind u of why u quit...it helps me alot

[confused456]

You said yourself that you are going to try again! THAT is what counts!!! Stay strong.
P.S.....why don't you find a different job, that sucks about the boss!!! Good luck!!!

[realms]

PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it...the only way i could deal with people (clean since may 5th now and keeping my fingers crossed), was to pop 20 or 30 pills before i went anywhere....you have just reached a bump (maybe a boulder) in the road, but you will get over it and start to live for yourself and kick that habit that has us chained to a pill bottle!  you have it in you, you have proven this to yourself once already! you can do it again!!  i swear, everything is make me angry right now! stupid things...i can't imagine the pressure you are going through...sounds like hell, so your frustration is HUGE....first thing i think about, is taking a hand full of pills, but for whatever reason thank god, i haven't yet.....and hopefully never will again......you will find the strength to do this. this is an amazing support group! i am greatful for everyone on this site....they will help you  through it again!    good luck....Lisa

[worried878]

Mental is the hard part ofr me....dont especially care for the physical part either ):...stress is high where i work as well...there was a apoint wwhere i thought i may lose my job trying to stay clean...i decided that if i lost my job then it was meant to be...i can not use just so i can work there...again as of late the stress there has been elevating and i crave the stress release and energy just to keep up...not so much the drug but the energy and stuff...i am going back to my yoga calss(if i have time) tomorrow) as i never have much time as of late....i gotta make time for me and my stress release..gotta make some down time....using is not worth any job to me

[Chi708]

Reading your post sounds alot like myself. Except I've come to term with my addiction. You don't seem to have gotten there yet. You don't seem ready. I can tell you are a strong person and you can do this on your own and that is why you think you can continue to use, because like you said, you can deal w/ the physical.

Here a question for you. How do you plan on dealing with the mental if you continue to go through the physical. Be strong almost works against us i swear and the reason i say that is because we know we can go through the w/drawl and be fine we think we invinsible and the drug doesn't control..

But if you really think about it we are just as weak as everyone else. So what we can deal with w/d but we just cant seem to stop can we. I am on day 9 now and i have quit 3x's since december once for 2 weeks and let me say that everytime i go back it gets worse and worse. The first time i went through w/d by day 5 i was golden... Second time i was good after 7 days now this time it has been 9 days and my legs are weak as he11. Just think about it.. really think about it.. who are we kidding..

[ironman01]

U cannotseparate the mental from the physical because your mind is an organ within your body. Maybe if you keep coming back your name may changes to donequit. dont do anything illegal for sure you will have many more problems besides addiction