I got my pain meds refilled.......could not stand the pain.

[Cissy373]

I truly tried but can't deal with this pain I have so I refilled my hydro's and really trying to take them as needed only........so pray for me please.

I sure don't want to go through the WD's again.

Cissy

[daisy699]

I have to be honest you will keep going through the wd as long as you keep caving in to the pain of wd and running and getting you script filled!! we on here can "pray " for you again again & again but until you get honest w/ yourself and face your pain and demons your NEVER going to get off the rollersoaster your on!! It's in your hands now and it sounds to me like you should start praying for yourself to have the desire to run to those pills lifted...Good luck cissy

[Cissy373]

Thank you for your input but I have RSD and there is no cure at this time and the pain is unbearable most days. Research RSD on the net.........and I know I need to get off the pills but mercy I have a life to live and I can't do most anything with this pain.

Cissy

[daisy699]

Is there any way you can get on a non-narcotic?? Are you mentaly addicted or just physically dependant? I still believe that the power of prayer can be amazing!! I figure you are having an issue w/ them seeing your on an addiction website I only wish you the best b/c I no first hand what kind of hell it is to live in addiction and be in pain....

[Cissy373]

Non Narcotic??? Do you mean like Tylenol, if so I might as well just drink water as it does not even touch my pain. I can't take any thing like NSAIDS, due to bleeding from them.........so not sure what other options I have. I am on Neurontin, and that helps some but not enough.

Cissy

[daisy699]

i hope you didn't take me as offensive for me I know until someone made me really look at myself and exaactly why I took the pills ( I also have chronic back pain) and explained that I was hiding behind my pain as an excuse to keep gettin loaded is when I finally held myself accountable and took proper measures to stop... Now that I'm clean I still have pain but not nearly as severe as I made it out to be...I really wish you the best and hope you can find away of managing the pain with out being addicted to pills

[daisy699]

Just read you post and no not tylenol that would be a slap in your face I mean non addictive..lol

[Ga Guy]

The fact is that for people with chronic pain, medications can are sometimes are warranted. However, it's not OK to abuse them. I will be honest, if you're able to control their use, you will be the first addict to do so. You need to find a doctor that understands your addiction and can help you manage the pain without abusing the meds. If not, you're in for the same ride over and over. I suspect you're looking for some type of help here..there was no reason to post otherwise. You would have just started back using without telling anyone. Can you see an addictionologist? They are doctors that specialize in helping people with addictive personalities.

[gizzy32]

There is also a pain management forum here, you might get some great advice from there too. Sorry your in pain:( How many were you taking a day?

[Cissy373]

Not sure what drugs your talking about that will help with the pain thats not addictive.

Cissy

[Cissy373]

I did not take anything you said as offensive as I know everyone on this forum only has my best interest at heart.

I truly don't like taking the pills, but again the pain is so bad at times I want to cry, and let the weather change as well and boy it's even worse then.

Cissy

[Cissy373]

I know without a doubt I am addicted to the pain meds as the amount that use to help my pain doesn't anymore.

I've been to different pain management docs and all they want to do is use me as a guinea pig and stick needles in my spine to try and block the pain, and each time they tell me the risks are I might not walk again. That's scarey..........cause after this last surgery I almost didn't walk.

Cissy

[Ghilly]

First, let me say that there are plenty of people who ARE addicted to opiates who try to justify that addiction by claiming that the meds are necessary to treat pain.  But not everyone who takes opiates falls into this category, some of us really DO have chronic intractable pain and need pain meds to have any kind of quality of life.  Just because you need a higher dosage to control your pain does not mean you are addicted.  As your condition worsens (and RSD does get worse), you will need a higher dosage, it's nothing to be ashamed of as long as you are being honest with yourself and everyone else about your levels of pain.  

I would look into getting into a pain management clinic, though, since using hydrocodone long-term to control chronic, intractable pain such as that associated with RSD will eventually be very bad for your liver because of the large amount of Tylenol in the pills.  You would be a lot better switching either to a time-released med like MS Contin (time-released morphine) or Oxycontin (time-released oxycodone) or, if you don't like the idea of the time-released meds, just have your doctor switch you to pure oxycodone.  That way you can titrate your doses better and not have to worry about overdosing on Tylenol.  

Just the fact that you go through withdrawals when you don't have your meds does NOT mean you are addicted, it means you have become dependent on them, which is something that happens to everyone who takes opiates.  It's unavoidable.  But if you are taking higher dosages to control pain and not because you need a higher dosage to attain a buzz, addiction is not your problem, it's more likely a case of being undermedicated for your condition.

Why not drop by the Pain Management Forum here at MedHelp?  There are lots of people over there who live with chronic intractable pain who would be happy to discuss this with you.  

Ghilly

[worried878]

a chronic pain patient who is also blessed with addiction.when i say blessed i mean it in a bad way/ can be overload..i am a chronic pain patient as well...with a neck fusion..3 discs totally deteriorated so it is bone on bone/but the prior fusion made my condition deteriorate so i will not do another...pain sux

basically it comes down to which problem causes u more pain?? the addictio0n or the condition..for me the emotional pain of addiction was worse..i can do physical pain but losing myself and everything i own to drug addiction was worse..we r all different and we ake our own decisions...no one understands chronic pain unless they have been there..just like no one understands addiction less they have been there///no one is qualified cos they have not walked in ur shoes and felt ur pain..so no one here can judge u

I am assuming u had a problem with addiction or u would not be on this forum...tolerence makes narcotics less to non-effective...in reality will 10 - 20 mgs of a narctoic make u pain free?  it doesnt for me..it can make u not care if u have pain but narcs do not actually relieve pain like ice/heat/stretching/ etc..i get steroid injections every couple of mths and along with chiropractic and anti-inflammatories//muscle relaxers on occasion..i survive..i can not say my pain was worse now than then...cos narcotics r meant for short term use due to the incredible tolerence we build to them and so very quickly

only u know the reasons u quit...can u list them?  there is also a [ain forum here that is not an addict forum..most of them are on narcs..i post there often..it may be a good place for u right now..if ur choice is to stay on narcs then they have lots of info to help u...we all have a choice..and no ones choice is wrong..good luck..and be safe

[worried878]

oh...and when and if u do decide to give the pills up for good..do not have any refills waiting..those pills will sing to u all night long..cos u know they r there///just waiting on u to cave and go get them

[dominosarah]

So if the amount you take doesnt help you anymore why are you taking them??  I know about RSD.......After my last child was born i developed this.  I was put in intensive care and they numbed me from the waist down for 48 hrs.  I knew the risks but i was willing to try anything.  I walked out of intensive care 72 hrs later........sara

[dominosarah]

Oh geez i forgot to say this too......I have never had another symptom relating to RSD since.

[NautyOne]

Cissy,

If you take your meds as prescribed.......and you bedder-cheddar cause you will end up floating in the toilet bowl of life on the things.

If you can control them, then by all means continue to take as prescribed, don't increase your dose and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish you luck, and hope to not see you back here in the same boat, but you are always welcome and deserve to be respected whatever decision you make.  I admire your honesty......

~~hugs~~
nauty............

[LIZZIE LOU]

one thing to know (if you dont already)

at this point, you dont know the difference between the pain caused from the rsd and the pain from your addiction...your neurotransmitters are mucked.  with that being said...i am sure that you are in pain...and it is real.   while addicted to pain pills...your pain is actually magnified...it's your brain trying to convince you that you need more, more, more.  an example:  you are in pain and start opiates...your pain level is a 5.  the more pills you take...the more your brain craves.  so how does your brain convince you to take more...to feed it?  it magnifies your pain.  after continued use...your pain level is NOW at 8...need more pills...brain goes to work...taking more pills and your pain level is now at 10.  it it a vicious cycle.

most ppl here, that have significant clean time, will tell you that once they have some time under their belt...the pain level is GREATLY reduced and they are able to control it by other means.

[Cissy373]

Thanks to all of you for your input and caring and I am grateful I found this forum. I know I have a problem with the pills, and want off them, but at this point not strong enough to stop using them.

I hate the pills, truly I do, and so admire the one's of you that are not using anymore, I want so bad to be there..............but haven't found the will power, strength or whatever to stop them.

I wish I had the guts to stop the refills as that is truly my down fall knowing those refills are always there. I am so scared to stop them completely and winter is worse as the cold just makes the pain so much worse.

Not sure where this *PAIN FORUM* is that worried878 spoke of in her posts.

Cissy

[dominosarah]

Look at the top of the page and you will see Forums......Click on that and go to P and the pain management forum should be the first one on the list.  Click on that and it will take you right to it........

[NautyOne]

I have been and many of us have been exactly where you are.  You won't stop until you are ready.  I didn't know that you wanted off the pills and "hate them"  that is an addict in pain as I was, but until you get to the point of exhaustion.  Chasing, counting, timing your life around them......"enough is enough" and we well all be here for you when you are ready to stop the MADNeSS!!

I wish you well,

luv,
nauty............

[mtgoat911]

this is the first time i have heard about your condition but i did google it, what i found was that people do over come this syndrom (syndrome), that it is kind of like fibro. , that leads me to believe that you can live without narcotics, i read several personal stories where people who have this do not take narcs, i also know from personal experience that you can have pain issues and make it through life without narcotics, i have hep c, fibromyalgia, "chronic" neck pain from running my car into a tree going 130mls per hour, then there is the knee injuries from roller derby both my knees have been split wide open, i also have lower back problems but i have no idea why that happens, my point is in the last five year i have only taken pain meds one time (darvocet) during chemo treatments, i stuck with my na meetings, allowed someone to hold my medication so i could not relaspe, i shared about it openly in meetings, i had a few people consider me toxic and in a relaspe but thats ok, it was only a couple of really new people who have never had to deal with chemo, i truly believe that if you stay clean long enough you will eventually have to take something for injury or illness, once or if this happens there is so much help out there if you just get honest, i have no doubt that you are in real pain, i think you would get alot out of going to an na meeting and reading some na liturature, if you want to i can send you the link, so many people in na started taking pills for chronic pain and need help with what to do in times of illness so its something we address everyday, i wish you well, if i have more time i will do more research on this condition

[NautyOne]

I wish someone can tell me what these alternatives are .....after narc's it was Neurontin or tramadol and then the doc's just look at you with that wonderful blank stare.  I am sorry but, the day the neurontin stops working for me is the biggest fear of my life....Pain causes depression which is not "true depression" so people get thrown on ant-depressants that don't work.  It's sad, and I can't even imagine with all those injuries that you can go without anything or please share what you are doing to control your pain Goat, cause you could make millions........I am not trying to be sarcastic, but I have to know your secret......I have numerous herniated disc's in my neck one 8cm with cord impingement and I couldn't function with it....its still pretty awful without narc's but my whole life has changed.  I use neck brace, tens, inversion table, inflatable cervical collar..its not practical to run to acupuncture three times a week or hypnosis, or massage, it's just not reality......tell me what I need to ask my doctor so I don't get the blank stare cause I am obviously doing something wrong.

I a soo frustrated.......can you tell?......

luv,
Nauty..........

[Cissy373]

Thank you I found the pain forum and will check it out.

Cissy

[Cissy373]

I am ready but so scared to be without the pain meds. I also have degenerate disks in my spine, arthritis in both knees, hip and back, so the RSD is not the only pain I suffer from.

Cold weather makes it worse so I am dreading winter, as I can't take NSAIDS. I am on Neurontin and it helps to some degree but doesn't take all the pain away.

I am on a very limited budget so I can't afford to go to a counselor and I checked to see about NA or AA meetings and truly there are none close to me......we only have one vehicle so I am without a car most of the time..............not making excuses, just speaking the truth.

I did find a phone number in the paper for an AA meeting so I might call them to see if they know where I can get support for this.........as NO one knows other than all of you on this forum that I have a problem with drugs.

I just can't get the nerve to lay this on my husband as hes got so much on his plate this is all he needs one more thing to worry about.

I just keep thinking if I could beat this on my own then I could tell him.

Thank God for all of you.

Cissy

[NautyOne]

It is rough when you don't have someone to help you.  Esp. when its your own husband or family.  I understand and am not going to preach to you because its not my place.  I am here to support you whatever decision you make.  Don't think the majority of don't understand......we were all were you are at some point.  We will be here for you no matter what, please check out the other forum and keep us posted over here.  okay, hun?.....God bless.....

nauty..........

[mtgoat911]

i actually take one excetorin every morning, wish i did not have to but i do
some days i leave the house without it and my neck hurts so bad i am literally in tears
i try to schedule a massage if i go several days with this problem, one my necks starts flaring up i have massive headaches that go on for days
i get them squeezed out, i used to get steriod shots in my neck but i stopped
when i was on pain meds i had more pain, after about 9 months the pain became managable, once tollerance went down completly a motrin or excetorin was enough to take the edge off, i know this sounds impossible but its true, i used to take a mego dose of methadone or morphine for pain now i take otc meds, its so strange for me to even talk about this, because i would laugh at a pain doctor if he prescribed me vicoden
now you have to understand, i loose it on occasion because of these conditions, a few nights ago after 3 days of non-stop pain i was ready to steal my dogs ultram, yes my dog is on ultram, but i made it through by going to meetings
and like i mentioned before i did take pain meds through chemo, i will never leave that out of my story
most of us who come into na have some type of medical problem, some of us started taking drugs after an accident or sufffered for years with some kind of debilitating illness, thats why all this is in the liturature
i have a friend back east who basically had his spine put back together with metal plates when you hug him it sticks out of his shirt, this guy was clean over a year had another surgery, relasped on the meds, came back to na and has been clean ever since
there is no magic formula,
i tried nuerontin but it did not work because of the hep, as far as dealing with that, its a one day at a time thing, somedays i feel great others i am throwing up firey acid, i do the best i can on those days, the funny thing is that my last set of test came back negative for hep c, that doctor thought i was lying to him about having hep, what an arsewhole, so i guess the longer you stay clean the easier it is to handle life, pain or whatever happens
i also go through periods of time when i take aminos, or goto chiropractor, but i have to warn you that a chiro can do alot of damage if they are not gentle, i have been doing this since i was 18, right after the big wreck
the worst thing i have been through was that freaken inerfuron plus ribo tx, all you have to do is google the side effects of that **** and know why, i felt so bad that i had to abort treatment,
i have a couple of journals about pain and illness in recovery, i have found no magic cure in dealing with these problems, atleast not to get rich off of, i did think about writing a book on steps for chronic pain but then came across the steps for fibro one day, everything i do to manage pain is right out of the na liturature "in times of illness" and pages 98 and 99 of the basic text, all this info is available online for free
i do wish i knew more about rsd, i am not sure the pain management forum would be of service in this case, one we become addicted it is not wise to throw out advice about taking pain pills for a legitament condition its better to get that inforamtion from recovering addicts or the liturature i mentioned
ok i am running on and on, sorry i do that all the time

[Cissy373]

Thank you both for replying to my situation. I am on this forum not only cause of the pain, but I KNOW I am addicted to the hydro's, and just somehow need to get strong enough to not refill my meds.

Other than my pain I felt so good after the WD's were over and I got that horrible drug out of my system, now if I could just rewire my brain to not want the pills.

I know my case isn't as bad as some as others have been on stronger narc's than me, and somehow found the strength to get off them, and I praise them for that.

Just pray that I find the courage to share this with my husband as I think that would help me a lot, even though I have this forum of AWESOME people that understands and wants to help I still need a live person to help me get through this.

Ugh here will come those horrid WD's in a few days as I will be out of pills............how I put myself through this every month I have no clue.

Just pray for me........and thanks for being here for me  and listening.

Cissy

[worried878]

And u r back on ur do???  how do u feel about that??? does it make u happy or sad???
You need to be accountable to someone..so telling ur hubby is probably not a bad idea...addicts have no control over their addiction unless they let go..u r not there yet..and that is ok..but u r getting there cos ur addiction bothers u..so u post..that is huge in the world of addiction...admitting it is a problem is sumpin many never do...and u have already done that..u really dont realize how far along u r....it is bugging u..and it will continue to bug u...it wont be any fun anymore..probably isnt fun now..a major nuisance at best at this time..u will let go...give urself some time..u will know when u r done...it will hit u like a ton of bricks in ur brain...u r tired of the cycle...it is so painful yet u continue to do it..but u r so very close to letting go..the refills will have to go...telling the dr u c is a must...only that u dont want narcotics anymore..u dont have to go into a bunch of detail...but cutting off supply will have to be done if u r gonna reach cleandom...keep us posted...

[Cissy373]

Thank you so much as I truly need all of you, I can't do this alone. I am so scared and so sick of this and hate those pills that they control me..........how did I ever allow myself to get in this mess.

My mom was an addict to alcohol and drugs and I watched her thinking why does she keep doing this.........now I  know, she probably wanted to stop but couldn't.

My dad was an alcoholic, and never in a million years would I have thought I would be where I am today and addict of pills. I hate this truly I do, but it still has a hold on me and my heart wants so bad to give them up but my brain says no.

Thank God I found this forum.

Cissy

[julien1428]

Cissy,

I dont usually signup for these forums. I usually just read through the post and absorb people's thoughts on different subjects but I really felt compelled to post this comment to you. I am different from you in that I don't have any chronic pain but I have a strong addiction to opiates. I started using hydrocodone until I was taking 15 to 20 a day. Then, I tried percocet and realized that smaller amounts of oxycodone could make me feel even better than the hydrocodone. The same thing happened with the oxycodone. I needed more and more. Mind you that all this time I was getting my pills off the street. It wasn't long before I experienced my first withdrawal symptoms. I cold turkeyed without much of a problem because I wasn't using for that long. After about a week, I felt much better but then my mind started playing tricks on me, and I thought to myself that wasn't that bad. I can still use. I just need to be more careful not to develop a bad physical dependence. I went back to using percs and tabs. To my surprise, I still needed to the same amount to feel good and my tolerance kept increasing. I did my research and was really careful not to take more than 20 a day max because of the levels of tylenol and its affect on the liver. This went on for a while until I really didn't feel anything from my 20 pills a day. Even the percs. I had to figure something out. I did. I found oxycontin and realized that I could take one pill that packed the punch of more than the 20 pills I was taking and I could take these several times a day snorting them. It was great until I ran out then I got to feel a little more intense of a withdrawal. This time it wasn't so short lived and I really felt like hell. Once again I got through it and once again I decided that I could continue to use. I just needed to be more careful and skip some days in between. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Your brain will convince you that it will be ok to continue using until your in the same situation again. I have gone through withdrawal more times than I can count. Some worse than others. It really depends on how much your daily habit is, how long you have been using, and your method of administration. Fast forward to two years later and I progressed to injecting oxycontin, dilaudid, and heroin if I could find it. Once you reach this level, the withdrawals are indescribable. At the height of my addiction, I was injecting 10 to 15 oxycontin 80s a day, one to two every 2-3 hours. My work started slipping along with my bills and I quickly started to lose everything because my life revolved around scoring, prepping, and using. It is amazing how quickly these drugs can take over your life and become your reason for living. I hope that you don't progress to this point ever. It sounds to me like you are in the early to middle stages of addiction. I want to try and help you with a few things that I learned and then I will tell you how I stopped the viscous cycle. My biggest fear was having my loved ones learn what was going on with me. I would do anything to keep this from happening. This only keeps your addiction going because withdrawals are noticeable. You can't keep getting the flu every couple of weeks without someone wondering whats going on with you. I kept lying about everything until I was caught red handed. I had to move back in with my parents because of financial difficulties. Try explaining that one when you have a masters degree and a high paying job. I had to be very creative. One day after my Mercedes got repossessed, my father was looking for something that he had left in my other car while I was asleep. Instead of finding what he was looking for, he found a spoon and some syringes that I had left in my center console in plain site because I was so high the night before. He woke me up and I had to come clean but I didn't come completely clean. I told them that I was taking drugs but that I was just boiling the pills and drinking the liquid and that I had weaned myself down and had taken my last pill several days ago. It was no big deal. Your loved ones will always want to believe what you say and hope that things are not as bad as they seem. I managed to convince them that I had stopped even though that very day, I found one last check that I had and rushed off to get a pay day loan and immediately bought 500 worth of oxy 20s. This deception went on for a while because I couldn't stand the thought of them knowing how bad things really were. I had had an opportunity to have them help me but missed it because of my pride. My parents had already thought that I had gone through withdrawal so I was back to making sure I got something everyday so that they would not be suspicious of my using anymore. They knew. They had known something was going on with me the whole time. Eventually, all hell came down on me and I was arrested for possession and drug paraphenalia and I had to call my parents to get me out. Thats when I broke and came clean about everything. Mind you, I have already lost my job and just about everything else. Still my father finding out that I was a full fledged IV drug addict was more than I could bare. I never thought that he would understand. He had always detested drugs because his mother died from an overdose. He never expected that this would happen to me. When I made the phone call from the jail, I told my mother what had happened without lying. I explained to her that I had a serious problem and that I needed help. She told me that she had had her suspicions because of blood squirts on the blinds in my bedroom and most of the time my my shoe laces were missing from one shoe in the pair. She is a nurse and she did recognize some of the signs. When I got out of jail, I entered a suboxone program and quit using. Suboxone saved my life and my dignity. My father who I thought would disown me, did everything that he could to help me. They paid for my suboxone treatment which was not cheap. I have always suffered from severe anxiety that I believe now stems from a lack of endorphins in my brain or a deficiency and suboxone fixed this problem and kept me off of drugs. I have been able to slowly pick up the pieces of my life. Your husband will help you if you explain to him what has happened. It can happen to anyone from all walks of life and I will tell you, he probably has his suspicions. We are not as creative as we think.

[julien1428]

Continued from the above post.

By not telling your husband, you are hurting your chances of recovery and most of the people that I know that thought that they could beat the addiction on their own and then tell their loved ones and get to explain that it was a problem but they solved it, don't succeed. You need his help, and if he loves you, he will be glad that you told him no matter what he has on his plate. If I would have known how understanding my father would have been, I would have came clean the first time they questioned me on why my life was falling apart. My parents helped to save my life. I just wish I would have asked for help sooner. I hope that my story helps you in some way. I am sorry that I have written such a long reply. I just thought that it might help to hear my extreme situation. My last piece of advise for you is to explain what is happening to your doctor and maybe you can work with them to figure out an alternative treatment. Suboxone is also a very decent pain killer with little to no buildup of tollerance because it is only a partial agonist. It is an opiate however and you will still have to withdraw from it eventually if you want to be completely drug free. However, if I had the levels of pain which you describe I would probably stay on suboxone indefinetely because it will help your pain while your life doesn't revolve around counting pills and running out early because suboxone has a ceiling effect which prevents users from getting higher by taking more pills. Three pills doesn't do much more than half a pill. It is a very different opiate. While taking suboxone, I have found that it alleviates pain very well. I sprained my arm and it hurt horribly. It hurt so bad that I relapsed and took a very strong shot of dilaudid. However, the next day I just took suboxone, and it provided me with the same amount of pain relief. Well thats the end of my story. I hope that you gain something from it. Most importantly that your husband will want to help you and that there is a solution to your problem. I have been clean now for one year. Even from suboxone. Except for that one relapse which I didn't let ruin my progress. Relapse is part of recovery. You hope it doesn't happen but you deal with it if it does. Let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything else that I can help anyone with. I have an extensive knowledge of both opiates and addiction. Through Christ Jesus anything is possible. He has provided the means to overcome this obstacle in my life through suboxone.

[julien1428]

One more thing that I have found it that you cant rewire your brain not to think about refilling the pills. I still think about opiates everyday. One thing that I have learned to do is try to seperate my new life from my old life and think of opiates as a past experience that ran its course. I had my fun and moved on. This is easier said than done but it is possible. Think about it. You can't continue that kind of lifestyle forever. That road only ends in jail or death. Think about it as a life experience back when your life was different. Give it no place in your current life. Some people like to dwell on the fact that they are an addict. I tend to think that I was addicted to something but that I have overcome it and must be careful not to let it happen again. Addiction is a formidable enemy that must be dealt with. You must train your brain to seperate drugs from you and who you are. No matter how you look at it, it is a day to day thing. I just choose not to dwell on the one day at a time part but I do acknowledge it and realize that all my work can be undone at the drop of a hat. Recognizing your enemy and what his triggers are gives you a way to avoid them. If this means losing every friend that you have, lose them. If they want you to do things that are wrong, then they are not your true friends. Situations are usually the cause of relapses. I have had to seperate myself from everyone that I knew that had anything to do with drugs. Because of this I realized that all relationships need to be evenly balanced. If a friend doesn't bring anything good to table, than I don't need that friend. If a job environment enables my drug use then I need to get rid of the job. Your life is the most important thing. Everything else can be modified. All of this can be done if you lay your worries upon Crist's shoulders. The footprints prayer says it all. If you believe he will carry you through your darkest hours, he will. Good night all.

[Cissy373]

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and it truly sounds like you have been there too. I want to give the pills up so bad, but I am so scared to be without them.........I've went as long as 3 weeks without a pill and bam I get the refill and there I go again.

I am a Christian and truly believe in prayer and I've prayed till I am about prayed out over this and so afraid God is going to give up on me.

I am trying to get the courage to tell my husband and I think once I can get over that hurdle the rest will be easier. I mean I know it won't be easy but at least I won't be living this lie and holding all this guilt inside of me.

Thank you again for your input it truly helped me as does everyone's input.

Cissy

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

I SOOOO agree w/ your comment about your "BODY" setting it's self up for 'THINKING' it NEEDS more pain pills to relieve the pain.... I was in that vicious cycle... and found that after STOPPING the pain meds I found the pain more tolerable... THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT... you are REALLY smart!

NorcoQueenoftheUniverse